I am new to this.....Three years ago I should have know my son went to 3 urgent care centers and an ER all in one day trying to get his pills. When the er said no he pulled out all his IV's had a tantrum and I kicked him out of the house. Two days later I let him come home....
He was out on his own this past year lost a job, his car, most of his friends and once again moved home. The stealing started, watching him so high he was burning his own clothes while smoking so out of it most times but managing to get to work. two weeks ago we did an intervention, it went as I thought it would. He claims no problems he is taking Oxy that his dr. prescribes. One look in his room filled with burned tin foil, half eaten food, dirty laundry, vomit on the floor and balloons told me otherwise. We offered rehab he chose his drugs.
The whole family has cut ties and he was told he is not welcome here anymore. To make matters worse, he has a sister who is cognitively challenged, (MR) non verbal and she idolizes her brother. She is angry and sad and doesn't understand that he is ill. I have cleaned out the room, stayed busy painting and packing up his stuff but man this is hard.
Each day I pray I will get the call that he is willing to go to rehab, and I pray I don't get the call that he has OD.ed or is in jail.
What have others mom done to just get through each day?
new mom
good question. I have been fighting it for years and finally threw in the towel. I can't cope with the lies/ stealing begging for money.
I had to cut ties. I found support with another mom who lost two sons to heroin and I don't know how each day she manages to go to work or even get out of bed.
I wish there was a simple answer to moving on with your life gosh knows I haven't found it.
I bury the deep hurt inside and get on my knees and beg god to help him find his way back. But my son has the devil riding his shoulder and nothing or no one is getting to him.
I just put my son's things in a storage unit as we got tired of picking them up from last place he got toss out of. He put my other son in danger as he was unwilling carrying his drugs within the filthy clothes.
I wish you the best this is a great forum it might not make the pain go away but it's good just to let your feelings out and getting support
keep coming back here.
good question. I have been fighting it for years and finally threw in the towel. I can't cope with the lies/ stealing begging for money.
I had to cut ties. I found support with another mom who lost two sons to heroin and I don't know how each day she manages to go to work or even get out of bed.
I wish there was a simple answer to moving on with your life gosh knows I haven't found it.
I bury the deep hurt inside and get on my knees and beg god to help him find his way back. But my son has the devil riding his shoulder and nothing or no one is getting to him.
I just put my son's things in a storage unit as we got tired of picking them up from last place he got toss out of. He put my other son in danger as he was unwilling carrying his drugs within the filthy clothes.
I wish you the best this is a great forum it might not make the pain go away but it's good just to let your feelings out and getting support
keep coming back here.
Thanks for the words of support. So far I am staying strong and I guess from reading here he is early into with no jail yet. Although I did report his stealing from us and from his sister.
It is just a killer trying to deal with my daughter on top of this and not knowing what words to help her.
It is just a killer trying to deal with my daughter on top of this and not knowing what words to help her.
How do you cope?
I suggest finding a family support program such as Al Anon and NAR Anon. There are many of us, some near you, who have found a better way to live after having our lives ruined by someone else's addiction.
There are many life-lessons that take time to sink in. Take it a day at a time, and focus on the next indicated step. You will learn that you are powerless over someone else's addiction. You will learn to love with detachment. This is a sampling of what you will learn in Al Anon.
This, in turn, will ensure you are as healthy as possible in your relationship with you son. Enabling is a killer, and is very easy to slip into. Most addicts have a real low "bottom", so please don't try to take this upon yourself.
There are real good people on this message board. Good luck. Message back if you'd like.
I suggest finding a family support program such as Al Anon and NAR Anon. There are many of us, some near you, who have found a better way to live after having our lives ruined by someone else's addiction.
There are many life-lessons that take time to sink in. Take it a day at a time, and focus on the next indicated step. You will learn that you are powerless over someone else's addiction. You will learn to love with detachment. This is a sampling of what you will learn in Al Anon.
This, in turn, will ensure you are as healthy as possible in your relationship with you son. Enabling is a killer, and is very easy to slip into. Most addicts have a real low "bottom", so please don't try to take this upon yourself.
There are real good people on this message board. Good luck. Message back if you'd like.
new mom,
It's going to be tough on you. Believe me after 20 years of it I've been there done that and still had a small hope somehow I would reach him.
Your son /my son doesn't care about no one just where his next fix is coming from.
My son almost lost his arm 7 weeks ago due to shooting up more than heroin, new drug now called flakka.
He has disappeared and his arm is still open from shoulder to wrist. does this stop him NO!! He is on a binge again because he isn't getting drugs from the hospital.
I blocked his phone on Tuesday by Wednesday he was out using again (if he even stop for the 2 weeks he been out of hospital) . My fault absolutely not. Now he can blame me this time for his downfall that I don't care or love him. Further from the truth so I keep coming back here to this forum to confirm to myself that it's just not me, other mothers are doing the same thing and feeling the same way.
Don't get me wrong I am hurting deep inside. I have nightmares, his 30 yr younger brother is dreading the day the police come to his house to let him know he is dead.
He was living with him after attempted suicide last year. He thought he could help his older brother where I wasn't getting anywhere.
One year on nothing change, no job no home no friends nor family.
The world according to my son it's not his fault nothing ever works out for him.
It was putting a strain on my husband , my conversation was all about my son, and nothing else. He is not the father but supported me in anything that had to do with him.
But he has put his foot down as it starting to affect me and my other son. Physically and mentally.
He has me keep saying only person that can help your son is himself. If he chooses not to take the path to recovery than it's on him not you. It's not your fault he took that first pill.
Time for us he said, we gave him chances, rehab, home and job/bailed him out of jail. Did it work ? Not a chance as always it was his choice not to admit he as an addict and seek the help he needed instead he continue to use and abuse his family.
Be strong new mom and look to your daughter and family.
It's going to be tough on you. Believe me after 20 years of it I've been there done that and still had a small hope somehow I would reach him.
Your son /my son doesn't care about no one just where his next fix is coming from.
My son almost lost his arm 7 weeks ago due to shooting up more than heroin, new drug now called flakka.
He has disappeared and his arm is still open from shoulder to wrist. does this stop him NO!! He is on a binge again because he isn't getting drugs from the hospital.
I blocked his phone on Tuesday by Wednesday he was out using again (if he even stop for the 2 weeks he been out of hospital) . My fault absolutely not. Now he can blame me this time for his downfall that I don't care or love him. Further from the truth so I keep coming back here to this forum to confirm to myself that it's just not me, other mothers are doing the same thing and feeling the same way.
Don't get me wrong I am hurting deep inside. I have nightmares, his 30 yr younger brother is dreading the day the police come to his house to let him know he is dead.
He was living with him after attempted suicide last year. He thought he could help his older brother where I wasn't getting anywhere.
One year on nothing change, no job no home no friends nor family.
The world according to my son it's not his fault nothing ever works out for him.
It was putting a strain on my husband , my conversation was all about my son, and nothing else. He is not the father but supported me in anything that had to do with him.
But he has put his foot down as it starting to affect me and my other son. Physically and mentally.
He has me keep saying only person that can help your son is himself. If he chooses not to take the path to recovery than it's on him not you. It's not your fault he took that first pill.
Time for us he said, we gave him chances, rehab, home and job/bailed him out of jail. Did it work ? Not a chance as always it was his choice not to admit he as an addict and seek the help he needed instead he continue to use and abuse his family.
Be strong new mom and look to your daughter and family.
well, my son came to pick up some of his stuff. (of course after I cleaned the pig pen filled with trash food ect. of his room) It has been two weeks from when we kicked him out. I had it all in the basement in trash bags, didn't wash the clothes this time none of that just bagged up anything that wasn't trash. He looked thin and pale but tried to be upbeat with his step dad and I and gave his sister a hug. We let him go throw his stuff take what he needed and his #1 concern was where his knife and pipe were. When I told him most likely the trash he was pissed but just left with the clothes.
I guess my question here is I could barely look at him let alone talk to him I was so angry that he refuses help. I know I probably shouldn't have been so closed off, and not let him see that I was so mad, but I just couldn't. I gave him a hug goodbye and told him I am still here to support recovery. Now I am beside myself that I didn't tell him I love him, or at least take in interest while he was here. Is this normal?
I guess my question here is I could barely look at him let alone talk to him I was so angry that he refuses help. I know I probably shouldn't have been so closed off, and not let him see that I was so mad, but I just couldn't. I gave him a hug goodbye and told him I am still here to support recovery. Now I am beside myself that I didn't tell him I love him, or at least take in interest while he was here. Is this normal?
