I have not been on here much. September 9th I restarted methadone I have had NO other drugs at all. I'm only on 66mg and holding I could go up but, I feel okay enough on 66mg... years ago I was on 130mg. I have not drank at all sience the begining of October. I had a bit of a mental breakdown a few weeks ago got put on celexa for depression been on it maybe 5-6 weeks i'm still depressed. So between working going to the methadone clinic everyday and this depression I'm worn out. I would LOVE to say everything is so much better now that i'm off heroin but, i'm not there yet. I have a methadone group today i've been going to group every week not getting real benifits from it. I'm in a bad spot. I had high hopes that methadone would make everything okay that was a bit of wishful thinking. Years ago on methadone I did have a huge turn around I felt blessed to be off heroin. I was so thankful to have methadone the first time i went on it. This time i'm so down on myself I think i'm tired of the endless cycle of addiction. Been fighting with some drug or another off/on for like 20 years!. THANKFULLY I'm not having any urge to use so that is a real blessing.
Hi Babes,
My girl I'm sorry. You're like in limbo land or something.
At least you haven't drank or have a need to use. Ya got group, huh? Hey, that's a positive.
O.K. here's a thing the therapist asked me. "What's your passion?" Supposedly that I guess gives ya a way to look forward or toward? I don't know?
You're intelligent, you read, you're curious. I just think you've been through it. Just up and been through it for so da*n long. You're spent.
You know I wish I had the answer.
You still on that quest of finding out more of the afterlife? My grandmom just died. I'll ask her. Oh I can't. She's cremated and well it all didn't go down too good. My mom was in the hospital when it happened. My Uncle gave three different stories. I think the true one was she fell and had to go back to a rehab. She told me she was never going back to a rehab.
Life. Death. I messaged my brother I'm sick of this BS all this life/death crap. Seriously what is it all about?
If not for having to care for my mom, keep Tres laughing and worrying about my kid I'd as soon not be here. Wah Wah Wah I know.
My girl I'm sorry. You're like in limbo land or something.
At least you haven't drank or have a need to use. Ya got group, huh? Hey, that's a positive.
O.K. here's a thing the therapist asked me. "What's your passion?" Supposedly that I guess gives ya a way to look forward or toward? I don't know?
You're intelligent, you read, you're curious. I just think you've been through it. Just up and been through it for so da*n long. You're spent.
You know I wish I had the answer.
You still on that quest of finding out more of the afterlife? My grandmom just died. I'll ask her. Oh I can't. She's cremated and well it all didn't go down too good. My mom was in the hospital when it happened. My Uncle gave three different stories. I think the true one was she fell and had to go back to a rehab. She told me she was never going back to a rehab.
Life. Death. I messaged my brother I'm sick of this BS all this life/death crap. Seriously what is it all about?
If not for having to care for my mom, keep Tres laughing and worrying about my kid I'd as soon not be here. Wah Wah Wah I know.
Hey Herogirl, sorry to hear you're in a bad place, but glad to hear you're not using cause of it. Keep posting, or sharing at your meetings, it'll pass. I hope you get something from your methadone group in the near future. There's nothing worse than feeling crap when you get clean,it makes you question is it all worth it...then the thoughts of using start...I thought everything would be hunky dorey when i got clean. I thought drugs were my problem, but i'm the problem, drugs were my solution.....
I can only speak for myself, and although there are times when i can't stand going to groups/meetings,but i know they are one of the main reasons for me being clean today.
Keep the faith Herogirl....Take care x
I can only speak for myself, and although there are times when i can't stand going to groups/meetings,but i know they are one of the main reasons for me being clean today.
Keep the faith Herogirl....Take care x
thanks you two!. Bryn: yeah i'm still on the afterlife quest. I'm learned some very neat things but, at the core i'm still lost about God, religion, death, and the afterlife. I'm sorry from your reply it's clear your not doing good either. Not that i can fix anything but, if you want to get things out of your head vent a little you know how to contact me.
Dee4Life: You are spot on I keep thinking drugs were the problem why do I still have so many problems. I thought I was not craving the same night I wrote this I had a dream I was sitting at a table across from A guy he was breaking down this huge chunk of heroin I was asking if he had any clean works "needle" so my mind still wants it.
FROM BAD TO WORSE!!!! yesterday coming home from the methadone clinic it was dark and fogy 6:30 in the morning. I was on the highway doing 60-65 in the dark ice fog. No one was behind me only one car in front of me. The car in front of me slowes down ALL AT ONCE comes to almost a crawl. I was about to hit him So i jerked my car into the other lane. I was trying to break at the same time the road was icy it was cold out I lost control of my car on the highway my car did a total U turn I was facing the wrong way. I almost hit the car in front of me again while my car was out of control. I ended up hitting a concrete wall at about 50 miles per hour My side air bag went off my arm and my ribs are sore and bruised the inpact from the air bag knocked me out. When I came to the seat belt was on my face my face is bruised. the back of my car was into the wall. My door was against the wall I could not get out. All in all i'm just scared and very sore but, I had no major injury. My car is not driveable and I did not have full coverage insurence so I cant get my car fixed. I cried all day I have NO car now and my body is beat up!. I was so freaked out NEVER been so scared in my life!!! the person who CAUSED me to crash never stoped never called for help they left me ALONE on the highway in the DARK cold trapped in my car knocked out.
Dee4Life: You are spot on I keep thinking drugs were the problem why do I still have so many problems. I thought I was not craving the same night I wrote this I had a dream I was sitting at a table across from A guy he was breaking down this huge chunk of heroin I was asking if he had any clean works "needle" so my mind still wants it.
FROM BAD TO WORSE!!!! yesterday coming home from the methadone clinic it was dark and fogy 6:30 in the morning. I was on the highway doing 60-65 in the dark ice fog. No one was behind me only one car in front of me. The car in front of me slowes down ALL AT ONCE comes to almost a crawl. I was about to hit him So i jerked my car into the other lane. I was trying to break at the same time the road was icy it was cold out I lost control of my car on the highway my car did a total U turn I was facing the wrong way. I almost hit the car in front of me again while my car was out of control. I ended up hitting a concrete wall at about 50 miles per hour My side air bag went off my arm and my ribs are sore and bruised the inpact from the air bag knocked me out. When I came to the seat belt was on my face my face is bruised. the back of my car was into the wall. My door was against the wall I could not get out. All in all i'm just scared and very sore but, I had no major injury. My car is not driveable and I did not have full coverage insurence so I cant get my car fixed. I cried all day I have NO car now and my body is beat up!. I was so freaked out NEVER been so scared in my life!!! the person who CAUSED me to crash never stoped never called for help they left me ALONE on the highway in the DARK cold trapped in my car knocked out.
Just found this out!
Well all that afterlife stuff and look what happens! Not your time, Sister.
Babes I am so glad you were spared anything horrific to your body and brain. Hitting a wall at 50 and you're busted up, but not laying in a morgue or hospital bed. That's a miracle. Somebody was with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who?
Sorry about your car. How ya gonna get to the clinic? Da*n a*s just left? I loathe people.
Again, glad you are safe. You have no idea how many things went through my head when I saw that.
Well all that afterlife stuff and look what happens! Not your time, Sister.
Babes I am so glad you were spared anything horrific to your body and brain. Hitting a wall at 50 and you're busted up, but not laying in a morgue or hospital bed. That's a miracle. Somebody was with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who?
Sorry about your car. How ya gonna get to the clinic? Da*n a*s just left? I loathe people.
Again, glad you are safe. You have no idea how many things went through my head when I saw that.
That gets to me the most that the guy who CAUSED my accident never stopped ...yes I could have been killed or badly hurt and it was dark it was at least 10 mins before another car drove by but, from the highway in the dark no one would have known I was in the car that was smashed up against the wall. Awsome I walked away with a sore side and arm and a bruise on my face from the seat belt. Had I not had on my seat belt and had a air bag I think I would have hit my head on the windsheild. I have a dear friend who gave me some cash to get through the holidays and get my car fixed. I told friend I would pay it all back at tax time when I get my tax return, friend said no it's just a gift but, I told friend I will mail them a check in Febuary. I am so greatful I don't have to stress on getting Christmas together and fixing my car I can do both now!. I drove my car to the clinic today I had a little work done on my car it is on the road now but, it still needs the whole front bumper replaced it's about half gone. It is AMAZING that mechanically it is 100% fine it was all body damage the car looks ugly now drives just fine.
Thank God you're alive, ZG...there's an angel on your shoulder...listen to it whispering in your ear...
Love ~ M&M
Love ~ M&M
im sorry you are having such a tough time
WOW ZERO!!as it was said,you do have someone looking out for you,that alone can make a persons will stronger to keep going.Brynda,you sound like your in a really bad place.If you wanna chat in private,im at zaineist@yahoo.com.give me a good venting.it doesnt solve much but it sure does help.
Zero,just keep trucking babe.my thoughts are with you
zaine
Zero,just keep trucking babe.my thoughts are with you
zaine
Ugly car that drives?
That's my speed, Sister. Hope ya had a good Thanksgiving with the kids and love.
That's my speed, Sister. Hope ya had a good Thanksgiving with the kids and love.
