Double wammy. My Son and Daughter are cocaine users. I just found it out a few days ago. I suspected my son was (a few weeks back, and really didn't know how to approach the situation, unitl now), but never thought my daughter was. I have been on the phone trying to get help for them and because both my husband and I work and we are not "Wards of the State" my children probably will not be able to go through any rehab because we simply cannot afford it. We have discussed getting rid of the non-essentials such as cable, roadrunner, phone etc, eating noodles and butter if we have to, but cutting back on the non-essential wouldn't give us enough money for one day of equinox for one of my kids. Both my husband and I are committed to helping them out emotionally (financially if we could), we are here all the time for them, and they know that, and I will stay up endlessly when they need a "Fix" or help going through anxiety or any other ailment that this addiction brings on and help them through it. I am determined to get my kids off drugs, I just wish there were programs out there to help the people who work for a living but can't afford 200.00 dollars a day to help their own. I have a friend that is on welfare, her son is a user, this will be his third time going through rehab.... and walla,,,, have no fear,,,, my welfare tax that I pay every damn week is putting her son through rehab once again at absolutely no cost to her because she has medicaid, while my kids are denied because I can't afford it. I know they are my children and they are my responsiblity and most would say, its my fault they way they turned out and who knows if that's true, (I dont think so, we have always been a pretty normal, close family) but that's not the issue right now,,, the issue is getting help for my kids and I financially cannot do that because the government taxes the heck out of low to middle income families because millions on welfare depend on us, and when it comes time for our own families, were helpless. I guess by reading this some may say I'm angry and I'm taking it out on politics, Yes I am angry, and yes I'm taking some part of it out on politics, because my kids want help and I can't give them what the government gives the rich or poor. If your rich you get breaks and if you don't have jobs you get even more. Heck, I should quit my job, get a divorce and go on welfare. That seems to be the way to go in New York State.......... It may come to that, because my kids are more important right now than my pride.
Thanks for letting me vent, also, this board is going to be a daily source of information and help (as well as the 6 books I got today at the library) as I give my all to my kids and get them off cocaine. I welcome any messages from anyone, and I am ready for critisism also. I just need to talk with people that have gone through this whether it be an individual that has abused or a family member that has been there for someone.
Hi,
I too have a son that is an addict. This is an older post so I don't know if you are still responding to this board, post, etc. I agree with the politics, but what are we to do? Our country is set up for the rich to get richer and there is practically no middle class anymore. There seems to be the "haves and the have nots" and because of that many people can't get good, heath care, recovery care,and ,many sick people can't get prescriptons they need to live. These are the ills of our flawed society.
] One thing I don't agree with it: You can't get your children off of drugs. I've gone that route and it is useless. Until such time that THEY decide that their lives are out of control, nothing you do will help. You can quote me on that. The drugs numb the mind to help them cope with whatever they can't cope with.
It's also a social problem, you do it because I think it's cool, so I will do it.
Bingo, peer acceptance. I believe that is what happened to my son years ago and he had the "addictive gene" already there and it didn't take him long to realize that pills, pot, whatever.. made him feel good and it's better than facing a crappy reality that you have built up being on drugs.. so you continue on until something happens, maybe God answers the prayers of a praying mother , father, grandmother, wife, husband, who knows.., or maybe they get sick and tired of being sick and tired and they decide that what they are doing is not working any more. Bingo: an awakening of sorts. That is why so many people are here today posting on this board. Nobody made them do it, they needed to for THEMSELVES.
Anyway, there is a way out of this mess. I just know for me that I have to take care of ME.. first and let the chips fall. I've tried being a rescuer all my life and it kept me from looking at myself and set me up for co dependency. It starts in childhood and the seeds are planted with addiction,abuse, neglect codependency, chronic illness, and God knows whatever else.. and we sometimes water the seeds and they grow big plants, or big problems with
I too have a son that is an addict. This is an older post so I don't know if you are still responding to this board, post, etc. I agree with the politics, but what are we to do? Our country is set up for the rich to get richer and there is practically no middle class anymore. There seems to be the "haves and the have nots" and because of that many people can't get good, heath care, recovery care,and ,many sick people can't get prescriptons they need to live. These are the ills of our flawed society.
] One thing I don't agree with it: You can't get your children off of drugs. I've gone that route and it is useless. Until such time that THEY decide that their lives are out of control, nothing you do will help. You can quote me on that. The drugs numb the mind to help them cope with whatever they can't cope with.
It's also a social problem, you do it because I think it's cool, so I will do it.
Bingo, peer acceptance. I believe that is what happened to my son years ago and he had the "addictive gene" already there and it didn't take him long to realize that pills, pot, whatever.. made him feel good and it's better than facing a crappy reality that you have built up being on drugs.. so you continue on until something happens, maybe God answers the prayers of a praying mother , father, grandmother, wife, husband, who knows.., or maybe they get sick and tired of being sick and tired and they decide that what they are doing is not working any more. Bingo: an awakening of sorts. That is why so many people are here today posting on this board. Nobody made them do it, they needed to for THEMSELVES.
Anyway, there is a way out of this mess. I just know for me that I have to take care of ME.. first and let the chips fall. I've tried being a rescuer all my life and it kept me from looking at myself and set me up for co dependency. It starts in childhood and the seeds are planted with addiction,abuse, neglect codependency, chronic illness, and God knows whatever else.. and we sometimes water the seeds and they grow big plants, or big problems with
continue: a lot of really awful stuff happening to people that we love. We don't want it to happen, it just does. .Drugs make people very selfish and sometimes mean, cruel and downright hateful. The underlying anger, resentment, fear, depression coupled with the drug problem makes one feel helpless, hopeless and hopefully in need of help. Sometimes that only comes when they have used up everybody they can and their resources have been taken away.
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox. I hope your children get help.
My best to you,
Judy
Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox. I hope your children get help.
My best to you,
Judy
mom stressed out,
God I know your pain. I have had addiction ravage my family also. I lost my younger sister at age 26 over cocaine and alcohol. She was trying to get clean when she wrecked her car and died in 1990 at 26. My son also had a coke problem, I talked til I was speechless and same as u no help because of income. When will someone wake up and realize this is a major problem for lower to middle income families as my own. Well after months of trying I told my son u don't live here anymore. He moved out that night, hardest of my life, but by the grace of God we are best friends again, and we laugh because I give him rides to work ofter or home from work. He says yea mom I don't do coke anymore because I have to pay rent and utilities. Not the best answer by any means but that is how my son kicked, was because he had too to survive. I thank God everyday for this remarkable child. I kick myself every hour for what I did.
So pls stand by your kids and help where u can. But we somtime enable not realizing we are. He knew he could access money by a lost atm card, 7,000 dollars later I put him out. I died that day. My point is that you will find a way to help your kids. Some lessons are hard to learn like in my sons case. But do all u can, I pray together ya'll can fix this at home. But I wanted u 2 know my heart goes out to you, but don't ever blame yourself. It is a addiction, and I have my share too with scrips.
I am trying to move forward, but I have to quit kicking myself so much because I did my best. Good Luck to you, and your kids, I will pray for u. Give yourself a break though, u deserve it. Too another mother who cares, God Bless.
Kyra
God I know your pain. I have had addiction ravage my family also. I lost my younger sister at age 26 over cocaine and alcohol. She was trying to get clean when she wrecked her car and died in 1990 at 26. My son also had a coke problem, I talked til I was speechless and same as u no help because of income. When will someone wake up and realize this is a major problem for lower to middle income families as my own. Well after months of trying I told my son u don't live here anymore. He moved out that night, hardest of my life, but by the grace of God we are best friends again, and we laugh because I give him rides to work ofter or home from work. He says yea mom I don't do coke anymore because I have to pay rent and utilities. Not the best answer by any means but that is how my son kicked, was because he had too to survive. I thank God everyday for this remarkable child. I kick myself every hour for what I did.
So pls stand by your kids and help where u can. But we somtime enable not realizing we are. He knew he could access money by a lost atm card, 7,000 dollars later I put him out. I died that day. My point is that you will find a way to help your kids. Some lessons are hard to learn like in my sons case. But do all u can, I pray together ya'll can fix this at home. But I wanted u 2 know my heart goes out to you, but don't ever blame yourself. It is a addiction, and I have my share too with scrips.
I am trying to move forward, but I have to quit kicking myself so much because I did my best. Good Luck to you, and your kids, I will pray for u. Give yourself a break though, u deserve it. Too another mother who cares, God Bless.
Kyra
Kyra,
I have a son who is old enough to be kicked out as well. He uses on a daily basis. Sometimes he doesn't come home and I worry about him 24/7. He has told me about sleeping in empty appartments or even once he slept in a small dog house. I thought about telling him that he is on his own, but I am afraid he will end up under a bridge or something even worse. Do you have any suggestions?
AMothersLuv
I have a son who is old enough to be kicked out as well. He uses on a daily basis. Sometimes he doesn't come home and I worry about him 24/7. He has told me about sleeping in empty appartments or even once he slept in a small dog house. I thought about telling him that he is on his own, but I am afraid he will end up under a bridge or something even worse. Do you have any suggestions?
AMothersLuv
I can relate to what you are going through. Your life is like an emotional rollercoaster. I read this on an alanon web site and copied it. I hope it will help.
Judy
To The Parents of a cocaine Addict
The problem of drug addiction is often thought of as one that concerns wives, husbands and close friends of compulsive drug abusers. Too seldom does anyone consider the plight of the confused and sorrowing parents.
Yet for them there is a special anguish, a helplessness, that makes their problem even more difficult. When a cocaine using husband or wife neglects and abuses a family, help is readily available through numerous public and private agencies.
But what can be done to enlighten and console the mother who suddenly realizes that her child is in the grip of a desperate compulsion? That this compulsion, like any other illness, has taken control of her child's life? What can she do, she asks herself, to bring her child back to health and happiness?
The relationship of a parent to a child is a deep emotional tie. It is they who brought the little one into the world, watched its faltering first steps, loved and guided it through the growing years, prayed and hoped for its happiness and success. The child is part of their lives.
Now that he is an adult, they no longer have the right to control him. But habit patterns die hard; a parent's impulse is to try to direct him as though he were still a child. Although he "runs back to mother" when he's in trouble, any attempt to control him simply will not work. He defies her authority; ignores her pleas and reproaches. Often the father's love and pride hampers recovery through his too-great permissiveness. The parents forgive, make excuses for him -- and hope against hope that what they are doing will help.
The parents may be defensive about his drug abuse, feeling they must share his guilt. This expresses itself in the heart-cry: "What did I do wrong? How could I have prevented this? I must somehow be at fault or he wouldn't be this way!"
If this has happened to you, try to realize, accept the fact that your child is sick. Doctors, social workers, clergymen and others who make a lifework of helping drug abusers, recognize addiction as an illness, as real as diabetes or tuberculosis.
If the cocaine addicted son or daughter lives at home, you may have been upset by the daily experience of living with unsettling behavior. Your child may have been exhibiting hyperactivity, chronic nasal congestion, irritability, mood swings, sleepless nights and severe depression. If the cocaine use has become extreme, you may be noticing rapid weight loss, chronic lack of energy or motivation, suspiciousness or paranoia, shedding of clothes (due to raised body temperature), and general neglect of personal hygiene. You listen and wait anxiously all night for the sound of the key in the door, you pay off increasingly high phone bills, and worry about the vast expenditures of money. You fear the ring of the telephone that may mean disaster or tragedy.
If he is married and has a family, you are concerned about how his drug use might be affecting his wife and children. You may make personal sacrifices so his family won't be deprived of necessities, taking on his responsibilities, such as bills, rent payments, debts. Some parents even go so far as to blame the spouse of the addict for the drug problem. No matter what their home situation is, the wife or husband cannot be blamed. The drug abuser uses cocaine because he is sick.
You can help only by facing up to these facts: he cannot control his drug abuse; you cannot force him to stop taking drugs by nagging, scolding, kindness or unkindness. You will need to realize and admit that you have no more right to criticize, admonish or demand sobriety of this adult than if he were a stranger. You can help him best if you can persuade yourself to Let Go -- and Let God.
You are not letting go and letting God if you repeatedly get him out of trouble. You are not letting go if you take responsibility for the problems his using creates. You are not letting go if you make excuses for him. This is difficult, even painful, for a parent to face. A parent, for example, whose grown son or daughter lives at home without paying rent and spends his money on cocaine instead, is enabling that child to continue using cocaine as long as he continues to let him live at home rent-free. This parent might have to start insisting on rent from the child, and if he refuses, ask him to leave. You'd be amazed at how many problem cocaine users will come to terms with their drug use when their enablers learn to say no. "But it's my own flesh and blood," the mother wails, "how can I let him down? Who will take care of him if I don't?"
The responsibility is not yours; no one is responsible. Don't be ashamed of him; don't protest when his wife or close friends seek help from a social agency or even the police. Severe cocaine abuse can induce violent behavior. Protection is sometimes called for. Avoid getting involved with late night phone calls or knocks on the door. Be loving, be gentle, show your concern to the addict, but don't protect him from the consequences of his drug abuse. Exposing the problem often brings about a crisis that makes the addict, himself, want to seek help. If his home life is threatened he may take the first step toward sobriety.
What you think of as your duty, your "tender, loving care" only puts off the day of reckoning. Your love for him must be strong enough to let him work out his own salvation. He is, remember, God's child as well as yours.
You can help him by being ready to suggest resources such as Cocaine Anonymous, local drug rehabilitation centers or a well-informed doctor -- but only at the right moment. That moment comes when he is really desperate about his drug use, when he admits he cannot control it and that he needs help; when he asks.
If and when he accepts CA, be content. CA can do for him what no mother, father, wife or child can do; the people in CA understand his problem because it is theirs, too. Don't try to share his struggle toward sobriety; let go. Don't mourn if he fails, once, twice or even more often. His friends and sponsors in CA know how to help him.
You can show real concern and compassion for your child by detaching yourself from his problem. This is real love. A permissive, indulgent attitude, even with the kindest of motives, does not help; it hurts. Strangely enough, the addict often seems to know instinctively that you are not helping by indulging him. When at last he is forced, by his own unendurable suffering, to cut himself free from the disease of drug addiction, he will be grateful to you for having helped him find the strength to take the first step.
Don't put off the bright day when he can again build himself a life of purpose and achievement which he so desperately needs.
And meanwhile, to sustain your courage and find your own peace of mind, go to your nearest Co-anon Family Groups, attend the meetings, share your experience with others who will understand because they live with the same kind of problems. You will find help there, and courage, strength and hope.
Judy
To The Parents of a cocaine Addict
The problem of drug addiction is often thought of as one that concerns wives, husbands and close friends of compulsive drug abusers. Too seldom does anyone consider the plight of the confused and sorrowing parents.
Yet for them there is a special anguish, a helplessness, that makes their problem even more difficult. When a cocaine using husband or wife neglects and abuses a family, help is readily available through numerous public and private agencies.
But what can be done to enlighten and console the mother who suddenly realizes that her child is in the grip of a desperate compulsion? That this compulsion, like any other illness, has taken control of her child's life? What can she do, she asks herself, to bring her child back to health and happiness?
The relationship of a parent to a child is a deep emotional tie. It is they who brought the little one into the world, watched its faltering first steps, loved and guided it through the growing years, prayed and hoped for its happiness and success. The child is part of their lives.
Now that he is an adult, they no longer have the right to control him. But habit patterns die hard; a parent's impulse is to try to direct him as though he were still a child. Although he "runs back to mother" when he's in trouble, any attempt to control him simply will not work. He defies her authority; ignores her pleas and reproaches. Often the father's love and pride hampers recovery through his too-great permissiveness. The parents forgive, make excuses for him -- and hope against hope that what they are doing will help.
The parents may be defensive about his drug abuse, feeling they must share his guilt. This expresses itself in the heart-cry: "What did I do wrong? How could I have prevented this? I must somehow be at fault or he wouldn't be this way!"
If this has happened to you, try to realize, accept the fact that your child is sick. Doctors, social workers, clergymen and others who make a lifework of helping drug abusers, recognize addiction as an illness, as real as diabetes or tuberculosis.
If the cocaine addicted son or daughter lives at home, you may have been upset by the daily experience of living with unsettling behavior. Your child may have been exhibiting hyperactivity, chronic nasal congestion, irritability, mood swings, sleepless nights and severe depression. If the cocaine use has become extreme, you may be noticing rapid weight loss, chronic lack of energy or motivation, suspiciousness or paranoia, shedding of clothes (due to raised body temperature), and general neglect of personal hygiene. You listen and wait anxiously all night for the sound of the key in the door, you pay off increasingly high phone bills, and worry about the vast expenditures of money. You fear the ring of the telephone that may mean disaster or tragedy.
If he is married and has a family, you are concerned about how his drug use might be affecting his wife and children. You may make personal sacrifices so his family won't be deprived of necessities, taking on his responsibilities, such as bills, rent payments, debts. Some parents even go so far as to blame the spouse of the addict for the drug problem. No matter what their home situation is, the wife or husband cannot be blamed. The drug abuser uses cocaine because he is sick.
You can help only by facing up to these facts: he cannot control his drug abuse; you cannot force him to stop taking drugs by nagging, scolding, kindness or unkindness. You will need to realize and admit that you have no more right to criticize, admonish or demand sobriety of this adult than if he were a stranger. You can help him best if you can persuade yourself to Let Go -- and Let God.
You are not letting go and letting God if you repeatedly get him out of trouble. You are not letting go if you take responsibility for the problems his using creates. You are not letting go if you make excuses for him. This is difficult, even painful, for a parent to face. A parent, for example, whose grown son or daughter lives at home without paying rent and spends his money on cocaine instead, is enabling that child to continue using cocaine as long as he continues to let him live at home rent-free. This parent might have to start insisting on rent from the child, and if he refuses, ask him to leave. You'd be amazed at how many problem cocaine users will come to terms with their drug use when their enablers learn to say no. "But it's my own flesh and blood," the mother wails, "how can I let him down? Who will take care of him if I don't?"
The responsibility is not yours; no one is responsible. Don't be ashamed of him; don't protest when his wife or close friends seek help from a social agency or even the police. Severe cocaine abuse can induce violent behavior. Protection is sometimes called for. Avoid getting involved with late night phone calls or knocks on the door. Be loving, be gentle, show your concern to the addict, but don't protect him from the consequences of his drug abuse. Exposing the problem often brings about a crisis that makes the addict, himself, want to seek help. If his home life is threatened he may take the first step toward sobriety.
What you think of as your duty, your "tender, loving care" only puts off the day of reckoning. Your love for him must be strong enough to let him work out his own salvation. He is, remember, God's child as well as yours.
You can help him by being ready to suggest resources such as Cocaine Anonymous, local drug rehabilitation centers or a well-informed doctor -- but only at the right moment. That moment comes when he is really desperate about his drug use, when he admits he cannot control it and that he needs help; when he asks.
If and when he accepts CA, be content. CA can do for him what no mother, father, wife or child can do; the people in CA understand his problem because it is theirs, too. Don't try to share his struggle toward sobriety; let go. Don't mourn if he fails, once, twice or even more often. His friends and sponsors in CA know how to help him.
You can show real concern and compassion for your child by detaching yourself from his problem. This is real love. A permissive, indulgent attitude, even with the kindest of motives, does not help; it hurts. Strangely enough, the addict often seems to know instinctively that you are not helping by indulging him. When at last he is forced, by his own unendurable suffering, to cut himself free from the disease of drug addiction, he will be grateful to you for having helped him find the strength to take the first step.
Don't put off the bright day when he can again build himself a life of purpose and achievement which he so desperately needs.
And meanwhile, to sustain your courage and find your own peace of mind, go to your nearest Co-anon Family Groups, attend the meetings, share your experience with others who will understand because they live with the same kind of problems. You will find help there, and courage, strength and hope.
mom streesed out,
I just wanted to let you know, sucking the life from our welfare system goes down in Kansas City too, not just New York! I so agree with the politics you mentioned and have been struggling with similar problems with my daughter in trying her get her insurance. Luckily she is only 4 so its not like the tourture you must be going through, but all the same that system is scerwing us both. I am a hard working middle income SINGLE mother, only 24 years old. Ihave never recieved any welfare, foodstamps, money or any assistance to date. Because i make around $200 more a month than is allowed for medicade coverage my beautifull daughter with terrible asthma has no medical coverage, because i just cant afford it. Its either lights or insurance, food or insurance..its just not fair. If i quite my job she would have insuance and i could stay home all day with her, with welfare, section 8, education assistance, daycare assistance, foodstamps, that large tax refund i would probably come off better a month than i do now! Dont you agree they should make welfare reciepants take drug tests, i think if the fail assistance shoudl be taken away untill they regularly pass....im not supporting these people to be using drugs all day!!! At least i pay for my own stuff! It seems to just get better and better for the welfare community-its a tempting offer though! What everr happened to the 4 year limit plan..was that just Clinton ?
I just wanted to let you know, sucking the life from our welfare system goes down in Kansas City too, not just New York! I so agree with the politics you mentioned and have been struggling with similar problems with my daughter in trying her get her insurance. Luckily she is only 4 so its not like the tourture you must be going through, but all the same that system is scerwing us both. I am a hard working middle income SINGLE mother, only 24 years old. Ihave never recieved any welfare, foodstamps, money or any assistance to date. Because i make around $200 more a month than is allowed for medicade coverage my beautifull daughter with terrible asthma has no medical coverage, because i just cant afford it. Its either lights or insurance, food or insurance..its just not fair. If i quite my job she would have insuance and i could stay home all day with her, with welfare, section 8, education assistance, daycare assistance, foodstamps, that large tax refund i would probably come off better a month than i do now! Dont you agree they should make welfare reciepants take drug tests, i think if the fail assistance shoudl be taken away untill they regularly pass....im not supporting these people to be using drugs all day!!! At least i pay for my own stuff! It seems to just get better and better for the welfare community-its a tempting offer though! What everr happened to the 4 year limit plan..was that just Clinton ?
The Clinton plan doesn't work here either. My son whom I had to kick out of my home after many attempts to correct things was very angry with me. Now he is again my best friend. But he has a job with no insurance or financial aid for food, home or any number of other things.
I am sorry u cant' get help for your daughter, but I am proud of someone who is trying to stay out of the system, while every paycheck donating to the system.U r alot younger than me but show a charcater of determination. Hopefully the goverment will one day realize that others need help too. Not just the ones standing n the welfare line. I once heard a women say she deserves to stay at home and raise her children while the goverment picks up her tab. She now has 3 kids and still sucking the system dry.I choose to keep helping our self when the easy way out would be to quit and say hey i need to stay home and you have to pay me for it.
I will pray u find some help for your daughter. I know it is a hard decision to make do I take her to the doctor or pay the utilities. Remember God takes care of those who take care of themselves. And God's grace you surely deserve.
Proud of you, Kyra
I am sorry u cant' get help for your daughter, but I am proud of someone who is trying to stay out of the system, while every paycheck donating to the system.U r alot younger than me but show a charcater of determination. Hopefully the goverment will one day realize that others need help too. Not just the ones standing n the welfare line. I once heard a women say she deserves to stay at home and raise her children while the goverment picks up her tab. She now has 3 kids and still sucking the system dry.I choose to keep helping our self when the easy way out would be to quit and say hey i need to stay home and you have to pay me for it.
I will pray u find some help for your daughter. I know it is a hard decision to make do I take her to the doctor or pay the utilities. Remember God takes care of those who take care of themselves. And God's grace you surely deserve.
Proud of you, Kyra
A mothers luv,
I know the thought is a terrible reality especially if they choose to still do the drugs instead of helping themselves. But I wasn't helping except to upset my self and see no results. So it was a very hard bridge to cross. But a chance I had to take. Trust me your son has friends that do the drugs and some who don't. They need some kind of wake up call to know you will not use my home as your safety haven while spending all he made on the drugs. I am and always was there for him even when he wasn't speaking to me. I knew I was the worst mom n the world.
U can only help support him/her for so long. I now take my son food I have made for us especially if it is something I know he enjoyed. But he knows mom doesn't hand out cash anymore, I will help you pay for neccisties (sp) but I will pay them not give him the cash to do it. I worry he will spend it on drugs instead of what it is intended for.
Do what u have to do. God will help the weak then u can help him when he is helping himself. Please know that what he tells u is not always true. Drugs are an excellent liar, to keep us n fear of making a more. Give him the choice of changing or let him deal with the problem alone for a while, still knowing u r there for him. It hurts but sometime the drugs are hurting more than the will to survive.
Good luck to u. But b good to yourself and know u r there for him,but not willing to support the habit, only to support him by going to the grocery and seeing he has groceries, the necicites to life. He will even though it is a hard lesson to learn.
Hope you can find the strength to help yourself then u can help him. Please let me know how you r doing. I will be here to listen and offer support. And know I am not saying it is easy.
Kyra
I know the thought is a terrible reality especially if they choose to still do the drugs instead of helping themselves. But I wasn't helping except to upset my self and see no results. So it was a very hard bridge to cross. But a chance I had to take. Trust me your son has friends that do the drugs and some who don't. They need some kind of wake up call to know you will not use my home as your safety haven while spending all he made on the drugs. I am and always was there for him even when he wasn't speaking to me. I knew I was the worst mom n the world.
U can only help support him/her for so long. I now take my son food I have made for us especially if it is something I know he enjoyed. But he knows mom doesn't hand out cash anymore, I will help you pay for neccisties (sp) but I will pay them not give him the cash to do it. I worry he will spend it on drugs instead of what it is intended for.
Do what u have to do. God will help the weak then u can help him when he is helping himself. Please know that what he tells u is not always true. Drugs are an excellent liar, to keep us n fear of making a more. Give him the choice of changing or let him deal with the problem alone for a while, still knowing u r there for him. It hurts but sometime the drugs are hurting more than the will to survive.
Good luck to u. But b good to yourself and know u r there for him,but not willing to support the habit, only to support him by going to the grocery and seeing he has groceries, the necicites to life. He will even though it is a hard lesson to learn.
Hope you can find the strength to help yourself then u can help him. Please let me know how you r doing. I will be here to listen and offer support. And know I am not saying it is easy.
Kyra
Hopeing to hear from u and how it is going. Can e-mail if u want JTRCHEAD@BellSouth.net. God Bless
Let me know how things r.
Careing and wanting to hear from ul
Tina(kyra)
Let me know how things r.
Careing and wanting to hear from ul
Tina(kyra)
