Hello strangers!!!
I haven't been online since Nov.27th, literally. I'm in Canada so if anybody knows this company you may understand but, up until last week I had Sympatico internet and they suck. So long story short.....I'm off of them and back with aol.
So, how's it been with everyone?
Now I have a question that I would love honest answers, thoughts, and opinions on. I want to know if I'm over reacting.
Last Thursday evening my hubby handed me his paycheck with 2 tickets. I asked him what the tickets were for and he said his works' xmas party, for that saturday night. (So, he gives me the tickets on the 30th for a party that's on the 2nd) I forget what I said to him but he said, "Oh I thought I told you about it.".......ummmm, no you did not. So he leaves me one day to find a sitter, knowing damn-right well I did not have one. His parents were going out of town that weekend, along with his brother and wife. His sister had something to do that night with her kids so she was no help and the only other person I would have asked was out of town for the weekend as well. So, it was decided that he would go and I would stay home with the girls. So, he left here at 5:30pm on saturday. Lets not forget to mention that he took both tickets with him and when I asked him why he was taking both he said, "Well maybe they can get someone else to come and use it." Before he left I said, "So what are you going to tell them for why I'm not there?" He says, "I'll just tell them that the baby of the girl who was going to babysit is sick." I was pissed. The truth was I knew nothing of this whole event until 1 day before and now he was going to lie about why I wasn't there. So, he left here at 5:30pm. Dinner was for 6pm and the comedy show was to start at 8pm. We went last year and we were home by 11pm. I expected him to come home early, if for nothing else, because I wasn't able to go. At almost 1am he comes in....SNOT-SLINGING DRUNK!!!! I was pissed. 7 hrs later, drunker than a skunk and no vehicle. I yelled at him, kicked out of my bed and I have not spoken to him since. He smelled of alcohol so bad that the smell was making me sick to my stomach. The next morning I made him go back to the casino (he had to walk) and get my jeep, then I made him watch the girls while it took me over 2 hours to grocery shop and after that he had to go out and look for the dog. Who he let out without a runner and she ran away.
I think what pisses me off more than anything is that the last 2 times we have gotten a sitter so we could go out, we always dropped the girls off at his parents, had made the plans to go out but went and got take-out, came home and he did things around the house while I did whatever to occupy myself.
I'm not that pissed about it, anymore. I just don't care. Also, it hurts to think that he and I make plans to do something and he'd rather sit at home or do things around the house but given the chance to have fun with me not there and jumping on it hurts too......Did that make sense? Did I also mention that I was the only wife not there? Every single person who works with him and all their wives were there.......minus me.
I have to admit, however, I'm glad that I was not there to witness him getting drunk because watching him get drunk or being drunk embarresses me.
I'm not a drinker but, is this a normal reaction or am I just being stupid about it all?
Meghan
No Hun I dont think your being stupid.I think HES a big time jerk.I could say alot but it wouldnt be so nice but GOODNESS can you say CREEP???
It wasnt fair to you & Ill be honest I would be 2xs as mad if it was me.
Drinker or not your his wife & YOU should & deserve some dang fun in your life.
Your good to him(mostly)an awesome mom & its not right.
You can be the best mom in the world but your still a woman ya know?
How easy it is for us to lose ourselves in the motherhood role & forget we are so much more than just moms & wifes!!!!
It wasnt fair to you & Ill be honest I would be 2xs as mad if it was me.
Drinker or not your his wife & YOU should & deserve some dang fun in your life.
Your good to him(mostly)an awesome mom & its not right.
You can be the best mom in the world but your still a woman ya know?
How easy it is for us to lose ourselves in the motherhood role & forget we are so much more than just moms & wifes!!!!
Good to see you back Meghan. Yeah, I would be pissed too...I guess I'm lucky that my hubby doesn't drink, or socialize...he's an at home guy...I used to think he was such an old fart, but now that I'm no longer "out there" I'm grateful.
Ya know Janet I must agree...Its nice to have a homebody.
Its so funny for the last 2-3 weeks Mikey & I have butted heads but when I needed him man hes been my Sweet country boy all over again.
Megahan what can you say to this man of your to send him a much needed WAKE UP CALL????
Its so funny for the last 2-3 weeks Mikey & I have butted heads but when I needed him man hes been my Sweet country boy all over again.
Megahan what can you say to this man of your to send him a much needed WAKE UP CALL????
Do you trust him????
Think about it, makes lots of this a mute point if you do. Makes this worse if he has given you reason not to.
Coming home at one am, yeah over-reacting to me getting angry. As you knew he was going to a party and most I have been to carry over the fun elsewhere, especially Christmas parties. It looks normal to me but do you trust him?
Leaving you home, well again do you trust him. Trust that what he said that he thought he told you was true.
In the end everything comes down to if you trust him and that his motives and intentions are pure.
If you don't well then you need to find out why for YOU, not him and go from there.....
This him getting falling down drunk, that normal for him? And really in the end it doesn't matter as he drank, end of point, got trashed. And never ever is it a reflection upon you. Unless you make it be one.
So do you trust him....
Your answer I really believe lies in that.....
And did you talk to him, cause that is where you should be with this, talking to him.....
Love,
Tina
Think about it, makes lots of this a mute point if you do. Makes this worse if he has given you reason not to.
Coming home at one am, yeah over-reacting to me getting angry. As you knew he was going to a party and most I have been to carry over the fun elsewhere, especially Christmas parties. It looks normal to me but do you trust him?
Leaving you home, well again do you trust him. Trust that what he said that he thought he told you was true.
In the end everything comes down to if you trust him and that his motives and intentions are pure.
If you don't well then you need to find out why for YOU, not him and go from there.....
This him getting falling down drunk, that normal for him? And really in the end it doesn't matter as he drank, end of point, got trashed. And never ever is it a reflection upon you. Unless you make it be one.
So do you trust him....
Your answer I really believe lies in that.....
And did you talk to him, cause that is where you should be with this, talking to him.....
Love,
Tina
Meghan,
Sometimes men can be insensitive. They don't even think about sitter's or plans ahead of time. I am not defending him but it happens. I am sorry your feelings were hurt. Tomorrow will be a week since this happened, I hope you two can make up now and move on. You could plan a special night out for just you or the both of you to make up for it. There is nothing you can do to change what happened.
So how have you been? How's the girls? Are you still working? Are the girls looking forward to Christmas?
Rae
Sometimes men can be insensitive. They don't even think about sitter's or plans ahead of time. I am not defending him but it happens. I am sorry your feelings were hurt. Tomorrow will be a week since this happened, I hope you two can make up now and move on. You could plan a special night out for just you or the both of you to make up for it. There is nothing you can do to change what happened.
So how have you been? How's the girls? Are you still working? Are the girls looking forward to Christmas?
Rae
I have to say that I'm not real pissed about it, anymore. I just feel like I've reached a point where I just don't care. He's not a drinker. He's not a social person. He doesn't go out.....often. For the past 4 years that he's worked for his company I have always known about the parties months in advance. He knew what a good time I had last year (it was the same thing this year) and I had told him, a while back, that if it was the same idea I wanted to go again. We never go to his work parties. Last year was the first one we ever went to. I just feel that the way it turned out this year, the way it all went....that he did it on purpose. We have had plans, just him and I, many times to go out, to go away. To do things just the 2 of us and at the very last minute he changes the plans. Literally we will have just dropped the girls' off and then, as we are pulling out of the drive-way, change his mind. I'm not asking for the world but darn it, I deserve to go out and have a good time too!!! I was ok with the way saturday night ended. It was my idea for him to go without me. Although he never once said that he wasn't going to go but, when he came in falling-over drunk....that's when I got pissed. I never would have doen that to him. Common courtesy for me would be, go to the dinner, watch the show, have a drink or two and then come home. With him, although, he's not much of a drinker anymore, he just does not know how to stop at one. The odd time he does drink, it's not a beer or two...it's the whole darn case!!!! While he was out having a good time I was scrubbing hardwood floors for 2 hours. He came in at 1am and got mud and slush all over the house. He thought the whole thing was funny. I was standing in the kitchen watching him trying to get his boots off without falling headfirst down the stairs and he was laughing at me!! Laughing because I had sat up till he got home. Laughing at me because he left his cell phone home so I had no idea how to get ahold of him.
He knows he was wrong and I'm not going around being a b**** to him. I just not going out of my way to be nice to him. I feel that he owes me an apology for the whole situation but I'll never get it. If the tables were turned, I never would have gone unless he was with me.
Anyway, on to bigger and better things....I'm not working anymore, out of the house. I did start babysitting a 15 month old little girl 5 days a week. Full time. I'm also looking into a 4 month old boy and his 2 yr old sister, part-time, 3 days a week. I never thought I could enjoy babysitting. I hated doing it when Iwas a teenager but, at least I get to be home with my girls'. I get to get then off the bus. I'm getting things doen around my house and I'm getting paid to do something that I'm pretty darn good at 8-)
I'm getting excited for christmas to get here. I have all my shopping done for them. This year we're buying for the girls only. Nothing for each other. Nothing for either family. My family is totally cool with that but, Steve's family (his mother mostly) doesn't take to kindly to it but, I'm not going to spend money I don't have. I'm not going to buy gifts that will only end up in a box in the basement. He's even decided that we're not going to buy for his 20 yr old daughter this year. We have not seen or heard from her since March, I do believe it was. We have Kendall's 4th b-day a week from today. It's a school day for her so I'll get the things for her to have a party at school. We don't do parties right now for them yet, at home. I want to wait until they're a bit older so they can enjoy them and help plan them. Besides, right now I'm being jealous!!! As far as I'm concerned until they're older it's a day for just us, as a family. I did all the hard work to make that day happen....lol.
Well, Mackenzie (the baby I watch) is stirring, so I must get her as she will want to eat!! You know whats funny about having 2 girls with the same name in our house?........We say it once and they all 3 come running!!!!!!!
He knows he was wrong and I'm not going around being a b**** to him. I just not going out of my way to be nice to him. I feel that he owes me an apology for the whole situation but I'll never get it. If the tables were turned, I never would have gone unless he was with me.
Anyway, on to bigger and better things....I'm not working anymore, out of the house. I did start babysitting a 15 month old little girl 5 days a week. Full time. I'm also looking into a 4 month old boy and his 2 yr old sister, part-time, 3 days a week. I never thought I could enjoy babysitting. I hated doing it when Iwas a teenager but, at least I get to be home with my girls'. I get to get then off the bus. I'm getting things doen around my house and I'm getting paid to do something that I'm pretty darn good at 8-)
I'm getting excited for christmas to get here. I have all my shopping done for them. This year we're buying for the girls only. Nothing for each other. Nothing for either family. My family is totally cool with that but, Steve's family (his mother mostly) doesn't take to kindly to it but, I'm not going to spend money I don't have. I'm not going to buy gifts that will only end up in a box in the basement. He's even decided that we're not going to buy for his 20 yr old daughter this year. We have not seen or heard from her since March, I do believe it was. We have Kendall's 4th b-day a week from today. It's a school day for her so I'll get the things for her to have a party at school. We don't do parties right now for them yet, at home. I want to wait until they're a bit older so they can enjoy them and help plan them. Besides, right now I'm being jealous!!! As far as I'm concerned until they're older it's a day for just us, as a family. I did all the hard work to make that day happen....lol.
Well, Mackenzie (the baby I watch) is stirring, so I must get her as she will want to eat!! You know whats funny about having 2 girls with the same name in our house?........We say it once and they all 3 come running!!!!!!!
HI
I HAVE MISSED YOU AND GLAD YOU ARE BACK, IF YOUR HUSBAND IS A TRUST WORTHY MAN, I WOULD
BE ANGRY BUT EVENTUALLY I WOULD GET OVER IT. IT WAS INCONSIDERATE TO YOU NO DOUBT AT ALL ABOUT THAT, YOU DESERVED A NIGHT OUT AND HE SHOULD OF NOT GONE WITHOUT YOU. NOW IN MY MARRIAGE, DIFFERENT STORY, I AM MARRIED TO THE MOST INCONSIDERATE, CRUEL MAN THAT WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM, EXPRESS ANYTHING THATS BOTHERING ME, REFUSES TO LIFT A FINGER AROUND THE HOUSE AS I WORK 3 JOBS,HAVE 2 SONS, AND OF COURSE MY WONDERFUL ANIMALS THAT CALM ME AND GIVE ME THE UNCONDTIONAL LOVE I CRAVE. DOESNT DO ANY YARD WORK OR GARBAGE NEEDLESS TO SAY I AM MARRIED TO A VERY CRUEL MAN AND I AM SLOWLY TAKING BABY STEPS TO LEAVE HIM AS I AM WORKING ON GETTING MY FINANCIAL INDEPENDANCE BACK. SO I COULD SEE MY HUSBAND DOING TO ME WHAT YOURS DID TO YOU, HE HAS DONE IT A MILLION TIMES AND I COULD WRITE A BOOK, BUT IN YOUR CASE I DONT FEEL AS IF YOUR HUSBAND IS A CRUEL MAN LIKE MINE IS AND HE MESSED UP AND HE NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU, I KNOW YOU WERE HURT BELIEVE ME I HAVE FELT YOUR PAIN MANY TIMES, I HOPE YOU BOTH CAN MOVE ON PAST THIS EXPERIENCE AND ENJOY A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY ENJOYING YOUR GIRLS AND THE BIRTH OF CHRIST. JULIE K-9 LOVER
I HAVE MISSED YOU AND GLAD YOU ARE BACK, IF YOUR HUSBAND IS A TRUST WORTHY MAN, I WOULD
BE ANGRY BUT EVENTUALLY I WOULD GET OVER IT. IT WAS INCONSIDERATE TO YOU NO DOUBT AT ALL ABOUT THAT, YOU DESERVED A NIGHT OUT AND HE SHOULD OF NOT GONE WITHOUT YOU. NOW IN MY MARRIAGE, DIFFERENT STORY, I AM MARRIED TO THE MOST INCONSIDERATE, CRUEL MAN THAT WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIM, EXPRESS ANYTHING THATS BOTHERING ME, REFUSES TO LIFT A FINGER AROUND THE HOUSE AS I WORK 3 JOBS,HAVE 2 SONS, AND OF COURSE MY WONDERFUL ANIMALS THAT CALM ME AND GIVE ME THE UNCONDTIONAL LOVE I CRAVE. DOESNT DO ANY YARD WORK OR GARBAGE NEEDLESS TO SAY I AM MARRIED TO A VERY CRUEL MAN AND I AM SLOWLY TAKING BABY STEPS TO LEAVE HIM AS I AM WORKING ON GETTING MY FINANCIAL INDEPENDANCE BACK. SO I COULD SEE MY HUSBAND DOING TO ME WHAT YOURS DID TO YOU, HE HAS DONE IT A MILLION TIMES AND I COULD WRITE A BOOK, BUT IN YOUR CASE I DONT FEEL AS IF YOUR HUSBAND IS A CRUEL MAN LIKE MINE IS AND HE MESSED UP AND HE NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU, I KNOW YOU WERE HURT BELIEVE ME I HAVE FELT YOUR PAIN MANY TIMES, I HOPE YOU BOTH CAN MOVE ON PAST THIS EXPERIENCE AND ENJOY A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY ENJOYING YOUR GIRLS AND THE BIRTH OF CHRIST. JULIE K-9 LOVER
Hi Meghan...it's nice to see you back.
My first reaction is that why would he need both tickets? Do you think he has a girlfriend?
Men just aren't very smart sometimes.
As far as the alcohol, I'd be pissed too. That smell is so gross.
Take care
Cowgirl
My first reaction is that why would he need both tickets? Do you think he has a girlfriend?
Men just aren't very smart sometimes.
As far as the alcohol, I'd be pissed too. That smell is so gross.
Take care
Cowgirl
K9, Cowgirl-
I'm soooooooooooo happy to be back online!! I have to admit that he's not cruel at all!! Couldn't be, even if he tried to be. Well, ok. He could be but not to me. I'm sure I am over reacting but I feel that he was completely wrong here and he should apolgize to me.
Him have a girlfriend? That's funny. If you only knew what it took for him to ask me out 9 yrs ago.....lol. I totally, completely trust him in that aspect. Besides, he talks in his sleep. He can't get away with anything. Over abd above the fact that he just can'ttell a lie well enough to get away with it.
Oh my god!!! That alcohol smell is awful!! I went downstairs to pee and the bathroom reaked (sp) of it. The whole house. My bedroom smelled like a bar because although I had kicked him out of bed he ended up coming up there anyway.
I'm not budging. He has to apologize to me. I always give in. Not this time.
Meghan
I'm soooooooooooo happy to be back online!! I have to admit that he's not cruel at all!! Couldn't be, even if he tried to be. Well, ok. He could be but not to me. I'm sure I am over reacting but I feel that he was completely wrong here and he should apolgize to me.
Him have a girlfriend? That's funny. If you only knew what it took for him to ask me out 9 yrs ago.....lol. I totally, completely trust him in that aspect. Besides, he talks in his sleep. He can't get away with anything. Over abd above the fact that he just can'ttell a lie well enough to get away with it.
Oh my god!!! That alcohol smell is awful!! I went downstairs to pee and the bathroom reaked (sp) of it. The whole house. My bedroom smelled like a bar because although I had kicked him out of bed he ended up coming up there anyway.
I'm not budging. He has to apologize to me. I always give in. Not this time.
Meghan
Just remember to take care of you Meghan. Being in recovery is tough enough without having to deal with other people's crap. Especially our spouses. Stick to your guns. It's not ok to put up with bad behavior and he has to know that. You deserve that. Take care.
Meghan- from a guys viewpoint, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It of course was wrong for him to come home that late and that drunk but it looks like it might be the first time? You know how it is..a bunch of work friends..3-4 cocktails..then 5 or 6..then it's like "I got to go" and they hassle him about it..he stays for one more..then two..then three..he should apologize to you though and don't be suprised if he does.
My own experience, during my first marriage, my wife wouldn't go ANYWHERE..I mean ANYWHERE..even the store, for chhrist sake..it was 24/7 in the house..so I went to a lot of Christmas parties (and other things) alone..she was always invited and I begged her to go, but nope..it wasn't happening and it was a big part of ending our marriage. It was like jail. I believe me..I'm not some huge party animal (by then, anywayy)
During my second marriage, my wife always went and I always took her. Personally, if she couldn't go for lack of babysitter, I would of stayed home, or at the very worst, gone, stayed an hour or so and then left..there is nothing worse than sitting there at something like a Christmas party without your spouse when all the others are there..it's friggin BORING...B-O-R-I-N-G...half the fun was seeing her get dressed up and going out..it's not like I wanted to hang with my boss or anything..but then again, we went out a lot..3-4 times a week..until our daughter was born 6 years after we got together.
My own experience, during my first marriage, my wife wouldn't go ANYWHERE..I mean ANYWHERE..even the store, for chhrist sake..it was 24/7 in the house..so I went to a lot of Christmas parties (and other things) alone..she was always invited and I begged her to go, but nope..it wasn't happening and it was a big part of ending our marriage. It was like jail. I believe me..I'm not some huge party animal (by then, anywayy)
During my second marriage, my wife always went and I always took her. Personally, if she couldn't go for lack of babysitter, I would of stayed home, or at the very worst, gone, stayed an hour or so and then left..there is nothing worse than sitting there at something like a Christmas party without your spouse when all the others are there..it's friggin BORING...B-O-R-I-N-G...half the fun was seeing her get dressed up and going out..it's not like I wanted to hang with my boss or anything..but then again, we went out a lot..3-4 times a week..until our daughter was born 6 years after we got together.
This is a hard one, I totally hear and feel you on this, we lost a few bowling friends becuz my kids were coming over for the week end ( their dad and I shared custody), a bunch of the gang wanted us to go and have dinner and drinks, well I had said I would not make it since the boys were coming over, and Bri decided he would stay home also, even though I told him to go. Sure didn't go over well let me tell ya, some people can be such jerks, so even after 7 years, some still don't talk w/ us...but whatever..he made the choose not me.
But on the other hand, my hun has had to put up w/ my BS many many times, I'd tell him I was going over to a friends for a drink and a hottub, then called him at 3 & 4 am to come and get me cuz I could not drive...he was bent, but got over it that next day, now if it were me, I would be feeling like you..not happy.
Sorry you are going thru this.
Krazi/Traci
But on the other hand, my hun has had to put up w/ my BS many many times, I'd tell him I was going over to a friends for a drink and a hottub, then called him at 3 & 4 am to come and get me cuz I could not drive...he was bent, but got over it that next day, now if it were me, I would be feeling like you..not happy.
Sorry you are going thru this.
Krazi/Traci
I agree with Tina: if you trust him, try to forgive him for his mistake of not planning far enough ahead (made worse by then having a good time without you); if you don't trust him, then this incident isn't really the issue that needs discussing. Good luck.
I think it was inconsiderate for him to not give you enough notice to find a sitter. Beyond that, I can't see what was so wrong with what he did. Since you trust him and he usually isn't out late getting drunk, cheating and alcohol problems are not the issue. Since this type of behavior is not a common event, it might be best to write it off as poor communication.
He didn't communicate the plans to you. You didn't mention that you communicated to him a time to be home and that you expected him to not drink, or to drink in moderation, or that there were any limitations if he went to the party alone. Maybe you did, but if not how would he know what your expectations were?
More than anything, this seems like a chapter out of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Especially if he really believed that he did in fact tell you about the party in advance.
I can see how your feelings were hurt though. He's out having all the fun while you are stuck at home, never even had the option. My husband is very absent minded about communicating plans to me. Plans change, he doesn't tell me. I once attended an event dressed semi-formal, only to find out that everyone had decided to go casual-dressy. I felt like an absolute idiot wearing a cocktail dress when the other girls had capris on. I wanted to kill him at the time, but he didn't do it intentionally, and I've learned to ask a lot of questions in advance. That's just one example, and totally different from your situation, but it just boiled down to poor communication.
Tell him you need all social events marked on a calender as soon as he is aware of the event. That way there is no debate about who did or didn't say or hear what.
Good to see you back online.
He didn't communicate the plans to you. You didn't mention that you communicated to him a time to be home and that you expected him to not drink, or to drink in moderation, or that there were any limitations if he went to the party alone. Maybe you did, but if not how would he know what your expectations were?
More than anything, this seems like a chapter out of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Especially if he really believed that he did in fact tell you about the party in advance.
I can see how your feelings were hurt though. He's out having all the fun while you are stuck at home, never even had the option. My husband is very absent minded about communicating plans to me. Plans change, he doesn't tell me. I once attended an event dressed semi-formal, only to find out that everyone had decided to go casual-dressy. I felt like an absolute idiot wearing a cocktail dress when the other girls had capris on. I wanted to kill him at the time, but he didn't do it intentionally, and I've learned to ask a lot of questions in advance. That's just one example, and totally different from your situation, but it just boiled down to poor communication.
Tell him you need all social events marked on a calender as soon as he is aware of the event. That way there is no debate about who did or didn't say or hear what.
Good to see you back online.
