My 22 year old son is currently in a Florida treatment center for heroin, we live in NJ. This is his 4th time in a facility, the last time he was out was a year ago. He was living at home and doing well(we thought).He had a good job and everything seemed to finally be going good until he called me at work and told me he will be leaving for another trip to a treatment center.
As you can imagine, my wife and I were devastated that he was using again. Then we started to piece thing together and realized that this wasn't sudden, but going on for quite some time.
Our dilemma that we are having is whether or not to send him air fair once he has completed treatment. We don't want him to be homeless, but we know if he comes home it could eventually lead to the same old same old. We are heartbroken and torn.
Hi Justadad,
Thank you for sharing your pain. I remember when my son was being released from juvenile hall, yet again, and his Probation officer called to let me know they were releasing him and, it was at that point, that I could look back over the last 4+ years and see the same cycle that "we" all had been living in, that S. would get out, come home, be clean, pick up & use again, get in trouble and wind up back in juvenile hall. It was an insane cycle that when I was caught up in it, I couldn't see it. So, when the PO officer was talking to me, it was right then that I saw it. I told him that I loved my son, more than words could say, and that if he released him to come home, that the same thing was going to happen, that S. didn't have a shot of staying clean and out of trouble because the cycle would continue to play out. Nothing changes if nothing changes so at that moment, I loved my son enough to tell the PO officer he no longer could come home, that they would have to find alternate place for him to live, that my husband and my other children had a right to live a life with some peace & calm in it. Steven was 16yrs old at that point.
They moved him to a group home and he learned a lot there about life & responsibilities but he didn't stay clean or out of trouble. His cycle is still continuing, 10 years later but I can tell you, that I'm not longer a participant in the cycle. He knows how much I love him, how much his Dad loves him and he also knows, deep to his core, the only one that can help him is himself and that starts with a willingness to do whatever needs to be done to stay clean & reach out to a HP to lead the way.
My suggestion would be to not make things too comfortable for your son. If he's getting out of a rehab, then he should know the deal. There's AA & NA all over the world, there are transitional homes and halfway houses available. There's many resources but he needs to want this more than anything if it's going to stick. I say this from a recovering alcoholics viewpoint. It wasn't until I was done and was willing to do whatever was necessary to stay clean & sober was I finally free from the insanity.
Find a local Alanon meeting and go. There are many people going through very similar situations as you and your wife and that's where I began to find healing for myself while watching my son lost in the cycle of addiction.
Keep coming back~ You're among friends here that have been where you are and to let you know, there is hope.
((Hugs))
Stacey
Thank you for sharing your pain. I remember when my son was being released from juvenile hall, yet again, and his Probation officer called to let me know they were releasing him and, it was at that point, that I could look back over the last 4+ years and see the same cycle that "we" all had been living in, that S. would get out, come home, be clean, pick up & use again, get in trouble and wind up back in juvenile hall. It was an insane cycle that when I was caught up in it, I couldn't see it. So, when the PO officer was talking to me, it was right then that I saw it. I told him that I loved my son, more than words could say, and that if he released him to come home, that the same thing was going to happen, that S. didn't have a shot of staying clean and out of trouble because the cycle would continue to play out. Nothing changes if nothing changes so at that moment, I loved my son enough to tell the PO officer he no longer could come home, that they would have to find alternate place for him to live, that my husband and my other children had a right to live a life with some peace & calm in it. Steven was 16yrs old at that point.
They moved him to a group home and he learned a lot there about life & responsibilities but he didn't stay clean or out of trouble. His cycle is still continuing, 10 years later but I can tell you, that I'm not longer a participant in the cycle. He knows how much I love him, how much his Dad loves him and he also knows, deep to his core, the only one that can help him is himself and that starts with a willingness to do whatever needs to be done to stay clean & reach out to a HP to lead the way.
My suggestion would be to not make things too comfortable for your son. If he's getting out of a rehab, then he should know the deal. There's AA & NA all over the world, there are transitional homes and halfway houses available. There's many resources but he needs to want this more than anything if it's going to stick. I say this from a recovering alcoholics viewpoint. It wasn't until I was done and was willing to do whatever was necessary to stay clean & sober was I finally free from the insanity.
Find a local Alanon meeting and go. There are many people going through very similar situations as you and your wife and that's where I began to find healing for myself while watching my son lost in the cycle of addiction.
Keep coming back~ You're among friends here that have been where you are and to let you know, there is hope.
((Hugs))
Stacey
Thanks Stacey, my wife and I are going to our first NAR-ANON meeting this Saturday. Our son called last night from rehab and we kind of laid it out to him, he seemed somewhat receptive to not coming home, but we will see. Thank you again for the encouraging words.
That's really great to hear & I pray you hear something at the meeting that will help you both and keep you coming back for that help.
I would love to hear how the meeting goes. You both will be in my prayers.
I would love to hear how the meeting goes. You both will be in my prayers.
My wife and I attended our first NAR ANON meeting this weekend.I knew going to the meeting I would be surrounded by people with the same exact situations that we had. But I was surprised how I felt just being able to share with strangers and their feedback. It at least made me more accepting of some decisions that I had made regarding my son. I highly recommend attending for any parents who have not gone yet.
