Hello there..not sure where to start..but I really need someone to talk to about this....I have been dating & recently engaged to the most wonderful,caring,& loveing man I could ever ask for ...problem is...he is addicted to heroin & I have never been around this kind of addiction before...it scares the hell outta me !!!He says he has stopped and I truly with all my aching heart wanna believe him and give him the benefit of the doubt...but my gut is eating me alive!!!And it is telling me yeah he is using..yeah he is high right now and he is lying to me..this is noway to be...I feel sick about it..I don't wanna lose him...but he needs to get better but he tells me he has stopped..?Not sure what to believe anymore..?I really wanna get him better and be with him....but how when he is obvoiusly not being truthful?
Hi, js
Welcome to our board. I'm glad you found it like I did when I was desperate over my son's addiction to heroin. My son is a very good looking young man with above average intelligence and he's very thoughtful and caring (when not using). While he was using, it was like looking at an empty shell of my son.
One of the first lessons we all have to learn in dealing with a loved one who is an addict is...."YOU didn't cause it, YOU can't control it, YOU can't cure it, and YOU can't love him/her enough to make him/her stop using. They won't stop until they are good and ready and there will always be the possibility of a relapse. Silly me...I thought when he finally agreed to go to rehab that the nightmare was over. When he relapsed, I was devastated again. I posted on here and was told that for a heroin addict to quit and stay sober for the rest of their lives is pretty unrealistic. I definitely didn't want to hear that but sadly my son has relapsed/slipped about 3 times now (that I know of). He has never gotten as bad as the first time (yet) but he has still relapsed; and I don't think I've ever gotten as obsessive about his addiction as I did the first time....so we're both moving in the right direction....taking one day at a time.
The board has been on the quiet side lately. I thought it was due to the holidays, but it doesn't seem to have picked up much yet. I'm sure someone else will be along shortly. You also might want to try posting this on the Families/Partners of Addicts forum as well. There are a LOT of caring and wise people on both forums so you can't lose.
Please keep posting on this board and keep reading and learning from the people who have been or are going through what you are...and what your boyfriend is. It will help a lot. You might also want to consider going to meetings (alanon/naranon). Many people have been helped by them. We had a lot going on at the beginning of my son's addiction (wedding preparations for my daughter and arrival of my other daughter's first child who lived with us) so I didn't get to go to as many meetings as I would have liked to and I never got a sponsor which I think would have helped me, but the times I did go I was welcomed by caring and supportive people who understood what I was going through.
What signs do you see that make you think he is still using? Sometimes our insecurities can drive us crazy but sometimes our gut feeling is right. Let's hope and pray he isn't.
God bless!
Susan
Welcome to our board. I'm glad you found it like I did when I was desperate over my son's addiction to heroin. My son is a very good looking young man with above average intelligence and he's very thoughtful and caring (when not using). While he was using, it was like looking at an empty shell of my son.
One of the first lessons we all have to learn in dealing with a loved one who is an addict is...."YOU didn't cause it, YOU can't control it, YOU can't cure it, and YOU can't love him/her enough to make him/her stop using. They won't stop until they are good and ready and there will always be the possibility of a relapse. Silly me...I thought when he finally agreed to go to rehab that the nightmare was over. When he relapsed, I was devastated again. I posted on here and was told that for a heroin addict to quit and stay sober for the rest of their lives is pretty unrealistic. I definitely didn't want to hear that but sadly my son has relapsed/slipped about 3 times now (that I know of). He has never gotten as bad as the first time (yet) but he has still relapsed; and I don't think I've ever gotten as obsessive about his addiction as I did the first time....so we're both moving in the right direction....taking one day at a time.
The board has been on the quiet side lately. I thought it was due to the holidays, but it doesn't seem to have picked up much yet. I'm sure someone else will be along shortly. You also might want to try posting this on the Families/Partners of Addicts forum as well. There are a LOT of caring and wise people on both forums so you can't lose.
Please keep posting on this board and keep reading and learning from the people who have been or are going through what you are...and what your boyfriend is. It will help a lot. You might also want to consider going to meetings (alanon/naranon). Many people have been helped by them. We had a lot going on at the beginning of my son's addiction (wedding preparations for my daughter and arrival of my other daughter's first child who lived with us) so I didn't get to go to as many meetings as I would have liked to and I never got a sponsor which I think would have helped me, but the times I did go I was welcomed by caring and supportive people who understood what I was going through.
What signs do you see that make you think he is still using? Sometimes our insecurities can drive us crazy but sometimes our gut feeling is right. Let's hope and pray he isn't.
God bless!
Susan
Welcome Js74;
Definetly a question for the Family board. Tis true our little heroin section has been on the quiet side recently...many of us working now; some of us with kids; and some of us have had some rough times with having family and friends pass on...so; its been a bit quieter than usual here....as for your question...well...Im a heroin addict...recovering one I guess you would say...ive been clean 8 months...in heroin time, thats like a million years for us...im truly sorrry your man is unfortunate enough to have the disease of addiction...doesnt really matter what his choice of drug is...if he cant keep himself from using; then he's an addict...and its something that isnt just going to cure itself and be done with...its an everyday thing, and its something he's got to work at, and be vigilant with...cant let down his guard, ever....anwyas, lets see, before you drive yourself crazy with all of this, i would recommend you go over to the family section and begin to read there...lots and lots of info...and the people there are wonderful and will have excellent advice for you...the facts about if he is using or not; well, ya, i can tell what to look for...is he sleepy a lot ?...like sometimes falling asleep even talking to you ?...then he's nodding...does he wear long sleeves ?, never rolls them up ?...then he is probably injecting...hiding tracks, (needle marks), and it doesnt have to be his arms, can be, his feet, neck, anywhere a major vein is, look for burn marks on the counter, spoons with burn marks, or bent spoons, look at his pupils, if their really really small, pin eyes, then he's probably high, pupils wont change in the light either, is he waking up with a runny nose ?, sweating alot ?, ansty, cant sit still...then he's in need of a fix, needs to get high....heroin users get very sick if they do not have their drugs every so many hours.....if he's smoking it, look for foil, ciggerette lighters, burns; ....i dont know...i was a functioning junkie myself...my partner of 18 years really didnt notice much either at first....when she found out i was using though, she pretty much always could tell...is his voice different sometimes ?...like with a catch in it ?...there are really many ways to tell if he is using...BUT...i dont think thats where you need to be...it wont stop him, and it will only make you crazy...my partner learned that early on...she stopped asking if i was high...she knew anyways...she also knew that only I could decide to be clean; and that i wasnt going to get clean for her, or for anyone else, i could only do it for myself...she helped me find a doctor though that got me eventually on methadone...thing is...loving an addict doesnt fix us...doesnt stop us...its really something we have to do alone...i still struggle with it...my partner is smart enough now to leave that to me though...if i need help, i will ask her...but she knows that its pretty much only up to me...you can support your addict, but you cant make him clean, nor can you love him enough to make him get help if he doesnt want it...rehab will do nothing if its not something he wants for himself...i wouldnt recommend you sticking with this guy if he is someone you just met...its a horribly, wicked hard struggle....anyways...welcome, and your most definetly in the right place...many many wise and wonderful people here that can help...forgive the spelling today, im a bit off this morning...YAWN...tired and glad its the weekend..take care and i hope all goes well for you...please stick around and come back often...
Constantine
Definetly a question for the Family board. Tis true our little heroin section has been on the quiet side recently...many of us working now; some of us with kids; and some of us have had some rough times with having family and friends pass on...so; its been a bit quieter than usual here....as for your question...well...Im a heroin addict...recovering one I guess you would say...ive been clean 8 months...in heroin time, thats like a million years for us...im truly sorrry your man is unfortunate enough to have the disease of addiction...doesnt really matter what his choice of drug is...if he cant keep himself from using; then he's an addict...and its something that isnt just going to cure itself and be done with...its an everyday thing, and its something he's got to work at, and be vigilant with...cant let down his guard, ever....anwyas, lets see, before you drive yourself crazy with all of this, i would recommend you go over to the family section and begin to read there...lots and lots of info...and the people there are wonderful and will have excellent advice for you...the facts about if he is using or not; well, ya, i can tell what to look for...is he sleepy a lot ?...like sometimes falling asleep even talking to you ?...then he's nodding...does he wear long sleeves ?, never rolls them up ?...then he is probably injecting...hiding tracks, (needle marks), and it doesnt have to be his arms, can be, his feet, neck, anywhere a major vein is, look for burn marks on the counter, spoons with burn marks, or bent spoons, look at his pupils, if their really really small, pin eyes, then he's probably high, pupils wont change in the light either, is he waking up with a runny nose ?, sweating alot ?, ansty, cant sit still...then he's in need of a fix, needs to get high....heroin users get very sick if they do not have their drugs every so many hours.....if he's smoking it, look for foil, ciggerette lighters, burns; ....i dont know...i was a functioning junkie myself...my partner of 18 years really didnt notice much either at first....when she found out i was using though, she pretty much always could tell...is his voice different sometimes ?...like with a catch in it ?...there are really many ways to tell if he is using...BUT...i dont think thats where you need to be...it wont stop him, and it will only make you crazy...my partner learned that early on...she stopped asking if i was high...she knew anyways...she also knew that only I could decide to be clean; and that i wasnt going to get clean for her, or for anyone else, i could only do it for myself...she helped me find a doctor though that got me eventually on methadone...thing is...loving an addict doesnt fix us...doesnt stop us...its really something we have to do alone...i still struggle with it...my partner is smart enough now to leave that to me though...if i need help, i will ask her...but she knows that its pretty much only up to me...you can support your addict, but you cant make him clean, nor can you love him enough to make him get help if he doesnt want it...rehab will do nothing if its not something he wants for himself...i wouldnt recommend you sticking with this guy if he is someone you just met...its a horribly, wicked hard struggle....anyways...welcome, and your most definetly in the right place...many many wise and wonderful people here that can help...forgive the spelling today, im a bit off this morning...YAWN...tired and glad its the weekend..take care and i hope all goes well for you...please stick around and come back often...
Constantine
Heroin, heard that word and all hell broke loose in my head.It has been such a long time since I first heard it, playing out my fears over and over for much to long after
Now heroin gets no power, as it should be
I tell this to everyone, although I am sure it makes no sense.You already have all the answers you need, they are inside of you somewhere, and the second you make the decision to look at life through your heart and your eyes, with your feelings first and foremost then everything will start to make sense.
We get so caught up, the consequence of death the worst so fearful, at time so angry, frustrated that we lose sight of the most important things.
The difference between using and not is so easy to seenow whether one choose to believe in what they see that is a whole another story.the lies most complain about all that they always lie, as we lie to ourselves which is far worse
Con wrote all those signs to whether he isBut somewhere along the line whether he is using or not needs to not be important anymore. We can not live our lives riding a rollercoaster based always on what they are or arent doing, how they are or arent actingwe cant allow ourselves to be so reactive to them losing precious time
The most fear on the death of, and what always snapped me out of that was that their wasnt going to be a damn guarantee of how much time I had left.And even if do live to older then dirt stage I know it still wouldnt be enough time to satisfy me need to feel and see and learn about all that is important to me.
What do you want, need .
How does he fit into your life
And why does he need to get betterwho was that for is it you needing him to, because that isnt a good place to be in your head, needing him to be anything but what he choose to be in the moment. Sure this might not make sense as well.
So what to do, keep things simple, work on you, not on what you can do to fix him, as we cant fix or work on anyone but ourselves and that has a real profound impact on our lives and everything around us.mostly because our view changed to a more healthier one and things look exactly as they should. There isnt this constant wondering of what is really going onthis constant being trapped in the what ifs all based on them
Never dismiss your self as you are worth your time
Take good care of yourself,
Love,
Tina
Now heroin gets no power, as it should be
I tell this to everyone, although I am sure it makes no sense.You already have all the answers you need, they are inside of you somewhere, and the second you make the decision to look at life through your heart and your eyes, with your feelings first and foremost then everything will start to make sense.
We get so caught up, the consequence of death the worst so fearful, at time so angry, frustrated that we lose sight of the most important things.
The difference between using and not is so easy to seenow whether one choose to believe in what they see that is a whole another story.the lies most complain about all that they always lie, as we lie to ourselves which is far worse
Con wrote all those signs to whether he isBut somewhere along the line whether he is using or not needs to not be important anymore. We can not live our lives riding a rollercoaster based always on what they are or arent doing, how they are or arent actingwe cant allow ourselves to be so reactive to them losing precious time
The most fear on the death of, and what always snapped me out of that was that their wasnt going to be a damn guarantee of how much time I had left.And even if do live to older then dirt stage I know it still wouldnt be enough time to satisfy me need to feel and see and learn about all that is important to me.
What do you want, need .
How does he fit into your life
And why does he need to get betterwho was that for is it you needing him to, because that isnt a good place to be in your head, needing him to be anything but what he choose to be in the moment. Sure this might not make sense as well.
So what to do, keep things simple, work on you, not on what you can do to fix him, as we cant fix or work on anyone but ourselves and that has a real profound impact on our lives and everything around us.mostly because our view changed to a more healthier one and things look exactly as they should. There isnt this constant wondering of what is really going onthis constant being trapped in the what ifs all based on them
Never dismiss your self as you are worth your time
Take good care of yourself,
Love,
Tina
