i think my bf is clean but i am overly paranoid checking all the time asking him to clear his pockets which makes him real angry cos he says i must stop fussing about it and i havent found anything yet so i pray to god that he is clean the only thing is i am starting to go back to normal everyting is fine at the moment i am just so afraid cos i know if he relapses all the old heartache will come back and i wont be able to take it is there any advise on what i must look out for cos he has gotten realy realy good at hiding it??????
and thanks for all the advise so far it feels good to know i am not alone
xxxx
Sally only advise I have for you is to stop worrying. There is probably nothing to worry about but even if you are checking his pockets am sure he aint that silly to leave things there in the first place knowing you are going to check?? Even still the worste thing that you can do is check on him because you could push him to doing it.
Try to relax and also try to talk to him but dont be too pushy or inquisitive...just be calm and act normal.
Hope he does stay clean. xx
Try to relax and also try to talk to him but dont be too pushy or inquisitive...just be calm and act normal.
Hope he does stay clean. xx
| QUOTE |
| Even still the worste thing that you can do is check on him because you could push him to doing it. |
You can't "push him" into doing anything. It's not your responsibility if he chooses to use and don't ever believe that it is. His using is entirely on him and all you can do is figure out what's going to work for you. I used to do all that stuff with my daughter and it only stressed me out, though I convinced myself I'd be saving her from herself. How does the situation feel to you? Is his using something you can live with if it turns out he is back on? You'll know what your limits are when they've been exceeded, and you'll know what your boundaries are when they've been crossed. Take care of you - it's really the only thing over which you have any control. I hope all your worry is for nothing.
Peace~MomNMore
Sally, do you know how long he's been clean for............if he's new in recovery and you ask him to empty his pockets...........well if it was me I'd be mighty PO'd..............I understand your mindset, but it gets an addict mad.
O.K. so what if you DO FIND SOMETHING.............then what...........you'll be heart sick over that anyway..........and he's an addict.............if he was using do ya think he'd be keeping his dope in the places you could find it.........might as well tear apart his dwelling.............look out under the doormat..........heck, maybe do a body cavity search...........because if we're using and wanna keep it from people we are amazingly talented in that area.........lie, cheat, steal, and hide our drugs.
The ladies gave you the very best advice.............you'll be a nervous wreck while he's getting clean...............or you'll be a nervous wreck while he continues to use, but hides it well.
Only he can do this to help himself...........cut you a much deserved break......it is very hard not to wanna check all the time when a person has lied right in your face, BUT there's hope.....................he's able to do this.........it is easier said than done for you to not worry and try to relax, but it's all ya got........let us know how ya do..........O.K............you can do this thing.......let him be.
O.K. so what if you DO FIND SOMETHING.............then what...........you'll be heart sick over that anyway..........and he's an addict.............if he was using do ya think he'd be keeping his dope in the places you could find it.........might as well tear apart his dwelling.............look out under the doormat..........heck, maybe do a body cavity search...........because if we're using and wanna keep it from people we are amazingly talented in that area.........lie, cheat, steal, and hide our drugs.
The ladies gave you the very best advice.............you'll be a nervous wreck while he's getting clean...............or you'll be a nervous wreck while he continues to use, but hides it well.
Only he can do this to help himself...........cut you a much deserved break......it is very hard not to wanna check all the time when a person has lied right in your face, BUT there's hope.....................he's able to do this.........it is easier said than done for you to not worry and try to relax, but it's all ya got........let us know how ya do..........O.K............you can do this thing.......let him be.
Your life with him can't depend on whether or not he is clean...even when he is, there is always a possibility he'll pick up again at any time...can you live with that? That's the question you need to answer.
Good luck and best wishes,
Maddy x
Good luck and best wishes,
Maddy x
ditto to bryn (as usual) i know its hard to trust us but if you are accusing and on him all the time he'll figure--whats the point of stayin clean--smae drama(not that it would ever be your fault) but in an angry moment thats what hell use as an excuse--actions--what do his actions say--give him love not scepticism you sound like a loving girlfrien and its normal for you to be worried
Momnmore, you echoed my thoughts exactly. This guy, he's going to do what he wants, and that's that.
The only thing a loved one can do is to detach themselves from the situation. Worrying about it is pointless, and only hurts you. What you need to ask yourself is whether you can cope with being in this relationship, whether you can switch off from it. Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who's been unfaithful to you. You can't continue the relationship if you can't draw a line under it and move on. If you continue to repeatedly beat someone over the head with the same stick, then you may as well give up on it. You have to ask yourself if you can trust him again. If you can, great, give him the trust and get on with the relationship. If you can't, well, it's not fair on either of you to keep going. You'll just be eaten up with unhealthy thoughts, and make yourself ill, and he'll come to think of you as a monumental pain in the arse!
Just practice not spending time thinking about it. When the thoughts come into your head, force yourself to let it go, coz it's not getting you anywhere. See if over time you can do it, see if you can let it fade into the past. Practice letting go of that negativity. Find some feelgood thoughts, and think about them instead. Get yourself a little armoury of funny thoughts, memories, things you've seen on the TV, jokes that make you laugh. When you starting thinking about the bad stuff, force yourself to think abouth the good stuff, and see how you get on.
best o' British...
Diff x
The only thing a loved one can do is to detach themselves from the situation. Worrying about it is pointless, and only hurts you. What you need to ask yourself is whether you can cope with being in this relationship, whether you can switch off from it. Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who's been unfaithful to you. You can't continue the relationship if you can't draw a line under it and move on. If you continue to repeatedly beat someone over the head with the same stick, then you may as well give up on it. You have to ask yourself if you can trust him again. If you can, great, give him the trust and get on with the relationship. If you can't, well, it's not fair on either of you to keep going. You'll just be eaten up with unhealthy thoughts, and make yourself ill, and he'll come to think of you as a monumental pain in the arse!
Just practice not spending time thinking about it. When the thoughts come into your head, force yourself to let it go, coz it's not getting you anywhere. See if over time you can do it, see if you can let it fade into the past. Practice letting go of that negativity. Find some feelgood thoughts, and think about them instead. Get yourself a little armoury of funny thoughts, memories, things you've seen on the TV, jokes that make you laugh. When you starting thinking about the bad stuff, force yourself to think abouth the good stuff, and see how you get on.
best o' British...
Diff x
Just wanted to clarify that when I said you will push him to it...it wasnt meant in the txt it was put but as Amity clarified...if your going to accuse him then he will more than likely think what the heck and in my opinion and thats all it is "my opinion" if someone accuses you of doing something then I personally think...might as well do it....also if you are stressing someone over and over for something they may or may not be doing then they are gonna use it as an excuse to use???
Lynds xx
Lynds xx
Lynds, a junkie doesn't need an excuse to score - if they want to score, they'll find a good enough reason to justify it to themselves, but the excuse is normally thought up after the decision has already been made.
love
Diff x
love
Diff x
you are gonna end up driving your self insane take each day as it comes xxx
thank you for all your advice i apreciate it alot!!!
and the question u all asked if i wud stay if he relapses again the awnser is absolutely nooooooo!!!
i am way to young to be so depressed and surrounded with all the nonsense and lies and throw my life away in the proses he is a great guy, the guy i have dreamed of but sometimes love is not enough and i am leaving the detective work alone cos it always comes out in the end anyway so i am not going to strain myself if he relapses i am gone!!!!
i have gotten to the point where i dont get sad i get angry at myself for alowing it in the first place!!!
once again thanks for ur advice this is a great place to release!!!
have a great weekend all!!!
and the question u all asked if i wud stay if he relapses again the awnser is absolutely nooooooo!!!
i am way to young to be so depressed and surrounded with all the nonsense and lies and throw my life away in the proses he is a great guy, the guy i have dreamed of but sometimes love is not enough and i am leaving the detective work alone cos it always comes out in the end anyway so i am not going to strain myself if he relapses i am gone!!!!
i have gotten to the point where i dont get sad i get angry at myself for alowing it in the first place!!!
once again thanks for ur advice this is a great place to release!!!
have a great weekend all!!!
Good for you. Get on with your life and enjoy every second of it! You sound strong in your last post. Keep it up and keep posting...we know how hard it is.
All the best, Maddy x
All the best, Maddy x
