This thread is just a post to myself before I start my day. Why me? I sit back and look at other people in my life and wonder why I am the one who has to fight addiction everyday. Where did I go wrong? I am strong and I am going to keep moving forward in my recovery. Today is a new day. Hang in there Shantel you can do this. I really need to start a journal.
Yes you can do this Shantel, and you ARE a strong woman..
When you are 80 years old, and have most of a full life of memories tucked away in your mind....you will probably think differently about your bout with addiction and the thoughts you have now...
Every single thing we go through, every hurdle, every experience we have in our life, both good AND bad, make us into the person we are, and at 80 or 90 years of age, I'll bet most anything that you will have no regrets...
Id like to know you when your that age, i can imagine you strong, independent as hell and feisty.....lolol
Your doing great Shantel...
Encouraging hug
Ali
When you are 80 years old, and have most of a full life of memories tucked away in your mind....you will probably think differently about your bout with addiction and the thoughts you have now...
Every single thing we go through, every hurdle, every experience we have in our life, both good AND bad, make us into the person we are, and at 80 or 90 years of age, I'll bet most anything that you will have no regrets...
Id like to know you when your that age, i can imagine you strong, independent as hell and feisty.....lolol
Your doing great Shantel...
Encouraging hug
Ali
Why are you still fighting, Shantel? Surrender is the key. Once I stopped struggling with addiction and accepted the fact that I am an addict and can't use drugs responsibly, it got a lot easier. Just go with the flow.
Kat, Why am I still struggling? Good question? I guess the answer for that would be I am still trying to clean up the mess I had made of my life after years of abuse. Then on top of it trying to still make those amends I need to. You know everyone around me knows of my addiction to pills. It was no big secret. Hell, they knew it before I knew it. I am really trying to put it all behind me and be the better person but god forbid I go into work one day feeling really good about myself or what I have accomplished that day and they look at me like what have you been taking. Maybe it's all in my head. Who knows. I wish I could get past these baby steps and trust me every day it's baby steps for me and move on. You would think a year of just being clean would be enough for me but it's not. I am still trying to just be at peace with myself and forgive myself but I am having a really hard time doing that. Shantel
Maybe it's all in my head.
Yeah, maybe. Sometimes we project our negative feelings to others and perceive them as being their thoughts. Does that make sense? I know I do it, anyway. If I was feeling guilty about something I was sure others were thinking I was guilty of something. Or when I'm having an ugly day, I know everyone else thinks I'm ugly too. The truth is, things are no different today than they were yesterday.
Recovery is what we make of it, Shantel. We can enjoy it and see it as the gift it is or we can make ourselves miserable with the wreckage of our past. Enjoy it, you deserve it.
smooch
Yeah, maybe. Sometimes we project our negative feelings to others and perceive them as being their thoughts. Does that make sense? I know I do it, anyway. If I was feeling guilty about something I was sure others were thinking I was guilty of something. Or when I'm having an ugly day, I know everyone else thinks I'm ugly too. The truth is, things are no different today than they were yesterday.
Recovery is what we make of it, Shantel. We can enjoy it and see it as the gift it is or we can make ourselves miserable with the wreckage of our past. Enjoy it, you deserve it.
smooch
Shantel...,maybe its time to hit that meeting! I know the feelings that you speak of...for me the difference was going to the meetings and working the steps...its such a freeing feeling. Looks like you are dealing with so many things that the program can help you with.
You will also find a fellowship and a comfort in being around others that "get you"...your people...addicts....give it a try....you know you can always leave if you are not feeling it!
You will also find a fellowship and a comfort in being around others that "get you"...your people...addicts....give it a try....you know you can always leave if you are not feeling it!
I try to think of it like this, Shantell.
My disease and all my experiences, good and bad, made me the person I am today. I learned many things about myself in recovery and liked the person I evolved into.
Why me? Well, why not me? I'm not better than the next guy and just maybe there was a purpose for all I went through. I am able to lend a hand to people that otherwise I would have never understood. Maybe I can make a difference in this world.
All of us can.
xxxxoooooo
My disease and all my experiences, good and bad, made me the person I am today. I learned many things about myself in recovery and liked the person I evolved into.
Why me? Well, why not me? I'm not better than the next guy and just maybe there was a purpose for all I went through. I am able to lend a hand to people that otherwise I would have never understood. Maybe I can make a difference in this world.
All of us can.
xxxxoooooo
Kat, You are so right recovery is what we make of it and it is a gift, but I'm still trying to wade throught the wreckage.It really shouldn't be this hard.
kee-kee, I don't know what is holding me back from going to a meeting. Maybe afraid of the unknown. I keep telling myself just go but stupid me keeps telling myself I can do this on my own. Guess that's not working. Shantel
kee-kee, I don't know what is holding me back from going to a meeting. Maybe afraid of the unknown. I keep telling myself just go but stupid me keeps telling myself I can do this on my own. Guess that's not working. Shantel
Kat, I love the person I am evolving into just can't understand all the roadblocks being thrown in along the way. Shantel
Shantell...
I have those feelings and I can relate to exactly where you are at....I tried many, many times and different ways to do it on my own until I finally surrendered. I tried something different after my last relapse and mustered just enough courage to walk back into AA and go to a meeting....A sense of calm came over me after my 1st meeting....Now, I attend quite a few meetings, I have a great sponsor and I am going through the 12 steps...By doing the 12steps, and doing them in order, it is bringing peace, serenity and happiness into my life....and I have friends that help me so much I know I no longer have to do this alone....
You are so worth this...You are in my prayers, Shantell....
xoxo
Stacey
I have those feelings and I can relate to exactly where you are at....I tried many, many times and different ways to do it on my own until I finally surrendered. I tried something different after my last relapse and mustered just enough courage to walk back into AA and go to a meeting....A sense of calm came over me after my 1st meeting....Now, I attend quite a few meetings, I have a great sponsor and I am going through the 12 steps...By doing the 12steps, and doing them in order, it is bringing peace, serenity and happiness into my life....and I have friends that help me so much I know I no longer have to do this alone....
You are so worth this...You are in my prayers, Shantell....
xoxo
Stacey
