I just got back from picking up six bottles ,and leaving a sample at my clinic.- I noticed, and Ive been there long enough to see these changes,many people who get 6 THB,s are making an attempt to get off. More than Ive seen before.
It looks like this sub is not playing a role inthis move to most of the people I talk to.They are just coming down and hopefully off. Most have been on a pretty long time & so far it seems like the ones who are getting really low on there dose are changing thier taper rate.- to like 1 mg every week.
I also notice the new people getting on are young -I would say between-19-24
It seems to me,that at that age ,they didnt use all thier other options,as I believe that mdone should be the last resort.
Lastly,the drug dealing around the clinic has increased remarkably over the summer- . Its a tough run to get in and out without someone tempting you with some kind of deal.
Anyway- just a few observations> from the street in front of the juice bar.
best to all
jack
Hiya Jack, how's life on the other side of the pond my good buddy? Interesting ob's. Getting off meth is such a nightmare. If dropping at 1mg a week get's people there, then all power to them. I learned when coming off subs that slow and steady wins the race, but there comes a point in all reductions where you start to wonder if you're just prolonging the agony, or whether it would be better to just jump. It's a percentage game. Jumping from 2mls to 1ml is still a 50% drop. And as far as the meth being the last option, well, I think for a lot of people, they choose meth over subs coz subs requires a greater level of commitment. Whilst on meth you still have the option to use, and us addicts go into panic attacks at the thought of that door being closed to us, even if we tell ourselves we have no intention of opening it. I dunno, I don't know too many people who have successfully got off and stayed off methadone. Know plenty who stay off smack by using meth maintanence - well maybe not plenty, but a few. Know far more who have got clean, and I mean totally cleanamundo by using subs. I'm living proof. My smack/meth/subs days are well and truely in the past. If I ever had fleeting doubts, they vanished as soon as I discovered I was pregnant. I won't be giving opiates to my unborn child (not even pethidine on the delivery table), and I won't be risking taking away my childs mam by taking narcotics myself. Got bigger and better fish to fry now!
love you
Diff xxx
love you
Diff xxx
"Lastly,the drug dealing around the clinic has increased remarkably over the summer- . Its a tough run to get in and out without someone tempting you with some kind of deal."
Jack,
This observation of your's regarding the drug dealers or predators if you will stalking the 'herd' for the weak members...ready to bring them down in an instant...puts me in mind of one of those shocking pictures you would see by charitable organizations that are trying to bring food and medical supplies to inhabitants of war torn impoverished third world countries.
This one photo in particular...was that of a skeletal like young African child...clearly drawing his one of last few breaths as it was evident that he was slowing dying of starvation....he was alone..covered with flies...huddled on the parched dried desert sand in a fetal position.
Watching him...but off at a safe yet close distance...was a pair of eagerly awaiting vultures....bigger than the diminished child himself.... standing at the ready to prey upon this nameless young soul the instant he gave up his feeble tortured little life.....i always cry when i think about that photograph.
Why?
luv MARY
Jack,
This observation of your's regarding the drug dealers or predators if you will stalking the 'herd' for the weak members...ready to bring them down in an instant...puts me in mind of one of those shocking pictures you would see by charitable organizations that are trying to bring food and medical supplies to inhabitants of war torn impoverished third world countries.
This one photo in particular...was that of a skeletal like young African child...clearly drawing his one of last few breaths as it was evident that he was slowing dying of starvation....he was alone..covered with flies...huddled on the parched dried desert sand in a fetal position.
Watching him...but off at a safe yet close distance...was a pair of eagerly awaiting vultures....bigger than the diminished child himself.... standing at the ready to prey upon this nameless young soul the instant he gave up his feeble tortured little life.....i always cry when i think about that photograph.
Why?
luv MARY
Hi Mary
Yeah I noticed that -what is suppossed to be a a treatment center is turned into a meeting place for drug shopping. Some go and in get there dose and leave(like me)- but the predators are swirling around grabbing the younger addicts as they make thier way in the building.
The law, it seems could care less. I guess because most of this activity takes place very early in the am, the few business in the area dont care because they arent open yet.
Times are changing for the worse. Maybe its the heat of the summer mornings,maybe the dealers and gangs are just going to be there until the law finally gets enough complaints- but until then ,its seems as if drug dealing is legal. The concern is for the people who are really trying to get stable.
People like myself who are concerned -stay out of any problems, it to dangerous to point people out or file a complaint. These people will find out who chased them away from thier spot,and there will be consequences.
- I can only be concerned with myself on this one- cant try and save the planet all the time- ya know?
Anyway- - Hi Diff- its always s good to hear from you- you keep me grounded.
Glad your feeling well and hope your excepting your situation with the ex,s illness with the knowledge that in the end ,the suffering will be over and if there is another life -you,re the one who helped him get there with dignity and love
Also happy for the new life you are bringing into the world,athough the world is going a little crazy right now.
That you are bringing a heathy life ,into your life- is wonderful.
It must be the natural order of things -that as 1 person in your life prepares to move on,you are preparing to bring a new heathy one in
All the best
much love& respect-
jack.
Yeah I noticed that -what is suppossed to be a a treatment center is turned into a meeting place for drug shopping. Some go and in get there dose and leave(like me)- but the predators are swirling around grabbing the younger addicts as they make thier way in the building.
The law, it seems could care less. I guess because most of this activity takes place very early in the am, the few business in the area dont care because they arent open yet.
Times are changing for the worse. Maybe its the heat of the summer mornings,maybe the dealers and gangs are just going to be there until the law finally gets enough complaints- but until then ,its seems as if drug dealing is legal. The concern is for the people who are really trying to get stable.
People like myself who are concerned -stay out of any problems, it to dangerous to point people out or file a complaint. These people will find out who chased them away from thier spot,and there will be consequences.
- I can only be concerned with myself on this one- cant try and save the planet all the time- ya know?
Anyway- - Hi Diff- its always s good to hear from you- you keep me grounded.
Glad your feeling well and hope your excepting your situation with the ex,s illness with the knowledge that in the end ,the suffering will be over and if there is another life -you,re the one who helped him get there with dignity and love
Also happy for the new life you are bringing into the world,athough the world is going a little crazy right now.
That you are bringing a heathy life ,into your life- is wonderful.
It must be the natural order of things -that as 1 person in your life prepares to move on,you are preparing to bring a new heathy one in
All the best
much love& respect-
jack.
Unfortunately, the vultures aren't just "outside" the clinic. Ther are vultures inside also. Friday, i asked my counsellor at the meth clinic about switching to subs. She told me that she wouldn't reccomend it: # 1 because of the lentgh of time I had been on heroin and morphine before coming to the clinic. # 2 The lenthg of time I had been on methadone(3 yrs.) # 3 The high amt. of my dosage (100 mg.) # 4 And my age (46yrs. old) She said considering my past, I needeed methadone meintenence for a good while longer! It seemed to me, she may have been told to discourage clients from switching since they don't offer subs at that clinic. I might be wrong. Maybe I am to old to try to be drug free. That sure made me feel bad, though. Those guys outside the clinic hang out, trying to buy THBs also. Alot of them were kicked out after numerous dirty urines.
Hi Shirley
I guess no matter where the clinics are the problems remain the same. All I want to do is come and go. Running the guantlet is part of the scene.
The doc at my clinic basically said the same thing to me. Subs probably would be tough for me because Ive been on mdone for 20 years(on and off- -mostly on)- and Im 50 years old. He told me to detox slowley- get down to a single digit dose before I even think about it.
I got down to 30 before I stopped and went back up to 45 -. Thats where I am now. In limbo. At least Im not on 80 like I was for a long time. Im in no hurry at this point.
talk to you soon
jack
I guess no matter where the clinics are the problems remain the same. All I want to do is come and go. Running the guantlet is part of the scene.
The doc at my clinic basically said the same thing to me. Subs probably would be tough for me because Ive been on mdone for 20 years(on and off- -mostly on)- and Im 50 years old. He told me to detox slowley- get down to a single digit dose before I even think about it.
I got down to 30 before I stopped and went back up to 45 -. Thats where I am now. In limbo. At least Im not on 80 like I was for a long time. Im in no hurry at this point.
talk to you soon
jack
Hey Jack, It's always good to hear from you. Our situations are alot alike. I guess you can't teach us old dogs new tricks. Ha! Ha! I don't really mind the methadone. I just get low sometimes and then everything gets on my nerves. The scene is pretty hectic at times, though. I'm all the time running into people from my past. People I would just as soon forget I ever met. Sometimes, you run into a face from the past, it brings back images from the past. Not so good images.
Hi Shirley
Funny how d-heads even find each other on this site.
Yeah ,one of the worst things about the program is running into your past. Like you said ,a lot of the people hanging out buying bottles- - you know them.
The people selling pills- - you know them
The people begging for change and cigerettes- you know them.
You just have to move on , knowing that if you f**K up- it could be you.
somedays are better than others- keep in good spirits
love&respect
jack
Funny how d-heads even find each other on this site.
Yeah ,one of the worst things about the program is running into your past. Like you said ,a lot of the people hanging out buying bottles- - you know them.
The people selling pills- - you know them
The people begging for change and cigerettes- you know them.
You just have to move on , knowing that if you f**K up- it could be you.
somedays are better than others- keep in good spirits
love&respect
jack
Jackofstreetsmartz,
If you start buying from and smoking weed with cronies that you use to buy and shoot dope with....isn't there a good chance that you will eventually dope the dope again.....i think you know who i am alluding to here.
Haven't seen him for over 2 months...i don't have proof positive but when we left off...he was getting rather paranoid and very protective about the identities of the people he was starting to hang out with.
Before he went underground..however...i did hear a couple of names that he 'just happen' to bumped into...and they were all drug related chums that i know he used to score from and shoot smack with when he would
'disappear' for days when we used to live together.
It just seems kinda ironic to me that the last few times i had seen him...we might bump into an old chum of his on the street and he would in turn say he heard about another old chum in passing....i wonder if the old ex bf might be involved in some criminal activities as well...despite his being on probation....
he is so slick and he always manages to
slip through the cracks....and is avoiding me
like the plague..
just venting.....luv MARY
If you start buying from and smoking weed with cronies that you use to buy and shoot dope with....isn't there a good chance that you will eventually dope the dope again.....i think you know who i am alluding to here.
Haven't seen him for over 2 months...i don't have proof positive but when we left off...he was getting rather paranoid and very protective about the identities of the people he was starting to hang out with.
Before he went underground..however...i did hear a couple of names that he 'just happen' to bumped into...and they were all drug related chums that i know he used to score from and shoot smack with when he would
'disappear' for days when we used to live together.
It just seems kinda ironic to me that the last few times i had seen him...we might bump into an old chum of his on the street and he would in turn say he heard about another old chum in passing....i wonder if the old ex bf might be involved in some criminal activities as well...despite his being on probation....
he is so slick and he always manages to
slip through the cracks....and is avoiding me
like the plague..
just venting.....luv MARY
Mary
This guy is pulling nothing over on you. You have him pegged. Maybe,,just maybe he is is trying to protect you from his criminal bulls**t.
More than likey though he thinks if he is slick enough, he can continue to use you.- You been around him long enough to know . Your good heart can only take so much. He must know that by now,so he is trying different games- like "going underground" and then appearing again. You know the deal Mary and he knows that- its probably making him crazy trying to think of new ways to fool you.
In the time Ive gotten to know you on here,you have gotten pretty slick yourself. Now you can battle his bullsh*t on an even playing field.
Dont give in- even though you may care,and its been a long time.
Try spending the energy that you spend on this guy on yourself or someone else- your worth so much more.
until next time,
jack
This guy is pulling nothing over on you. You have him pegged. Maybe,,just maybe he is is trying to protect you from his criminal bulls**t.
More than likey though he thinks if he is slick enough, he can continue to use you.- You been around him long enough to know . Your good heart can only take so much. He must know that by now,so he is trying different games- like "going underground" and then appearing again. You know the deal Mary and he knows that- its probably making him crazy trying to think of new ways to fool you.
In the time Ive gotten to know you on here,you have gotten pretty slick yourself. Now you can battle his bullsh*t on an even playing field.
Dont give in- even though you may care,and its been a long time.
Try spending the energy that you spend on this guy on yourself or someone else- your worth so much more.
until next time,
jack
where i go in essex the drug dealing out side the clinic is really bad it f**ks me off as i am doing well but they still try t push it to me even though i have said i dont want it, it also seems that the clinic do nothing about it like they dont care or somthing
hey that life i suppose and it will always be there no matter where or when !
hey that life i suppose and it will always be there no matter where or when !
I used to go to a clinic in Asheville(Western Carolina Treatment Center) and they had cameras everywhere outside. Onetime, as I was leaving this chic approached me and asked to buy my THBs. Man, they were on her in an instant. It got me in trouble too, though because I was trying to be nice to her. I had to go back inside and show them my bottles had not been tampered with. I only had that one incident in the entire year I went there. At the clinic I'm at now, there are even fist fights in the parking lot! It can get scary. I don't understand why they don't have security cameras up. I'm with u, Jack. I just run the gauntlet, and get in and out as fast as I can. I go 3 times a week. I'll be glad when I get it down to One. What a long strange trip it's been!!! peace, Shirley
Oh!!,man Jack are u so right about the clinics.Dont matter if there in the u.s or europe,we all have to get thru that,wink,nudge,sshh comre,come on that dealers&addicts all over use.My clinic is situated in a smack ridden area of Dublin&if yer lookin for heroin,tablets,coke it is there,if not its round the corner so the cameras cant see,but as long as theres no active dealing inside or on there doorstep it just carries on regardless.The cops might make a cple.of busts but its oly the street dealers,who mostly are just dealing to cover their own habit,that get a pull.So Jack or Shirley you could come to my clinic&see exactly the same stuff that you would see in yer own.the power of smack i suppose.Take care....Davey
The clinic I went to opned at like 5am that did seem to be the peak time to see people there trying to deal dope. The clinc had strict police and camars in the lot. people were not allowed to linger or to talk outside and could not go to each other cars or smoke out front, still some thing sliped by. I've seen "and reported" people trying to hide a clean pee sample behind the sinks in the bathroom. My borther was 20 when he started the clinic, he had mainlined since 16. Been in and outta treatment o.d a few times been on a ventalitor hospitlized. Even at that age it was a last resort. Anyhow it did not work for him anyway. I was 26 when i started the clinic, 27 when I left had much better results and have been clean sience. Only went 7 months. I TOTALLY AGREE it should not be used as a 1st line of treatment, ALSO, I don't think pill addicts like perkacerts should EVER use methadone to get clean. The clinic I went to here in the u.s.a very few people there were heroin addicts, most were oxycottin and perkacets. My cousler told me i'ld be there at least 2 years LOL. I think it's always best to try to get off it as soon as possible, the clinic promoted staying on. Subs had a higher cost of 3$ a day, and they did not offer that option at the clinic untill I had been on methadone about 5 months, it was brand new treatment option at that time i was in the clinic. I felt like my couslor was trying to keep me there longer then needed by scare tactics. I'm thankful it was there EVEN more thankful I don't need it anymore. Yeah it's rare to go off after 7 months not go back to the clinic or using. The cravings are a MONSTER. There was always a good chance to see a fight at the clinic. The lines were a hour long. It was just more of a headach then scoring sometimes. I made my mind up pretty quickly I was getting he*l outta there as soon as possible!.
Hello everyone:
Where I use to go in the begining 11yrs ago,that place was worse than the shooting galleries I use to go to.Now the place I go to now,well let's just say it has a monster of it's own,this counclor is like not even 5 feet but everyone is soooo scared of her.There are cameras inside the waiting room,outside in the parking lot,but it has to do also with the fact that it's mostly addicts that have been on meth for a while that go there,there are new comers but I don't know there is no dealing going on all the time,I don't know over there but here we don't go to the dealer,we page or mostly phone and they meet us at our place,you don't go doing all the running around when your sick,it's like pizza shipped right to your door,loll,loll.
In the beginning there were a few trying to sell there pills and stuff but if youlook them in the eye,like don't even think about it buddy,they won't bother you.
Anyways nice to see everyone is doing a o kay.
Lots of love always Teena
Where I use to go in the begining 11yrs ago,that place was worse than the shooting galleries I use to go to.Now the place I go to now,well let's just say it has a monster of it's own,this counclor is like not even 5 feet but everyone is soooo scared of her.There are cameras inside the waiting room,outside in the parking lot,but it has to do also with the fact that it's mostly addicts that have been on meth for a while that go there,there are new comers but I don't know there is no dealing going on all the time,I don't know over there but here we don't go to the dealer,we page or mostly phone and they meet us at our place,you don't go doing all the running around when your sick,it's like pizza shipped right to your door,loll,loll.
In the beginning there were a few trying to sell there pills and stuff but if youlook them in the eye,like don't even think about it buddy,they won't bother you.
Anyways nice to see everyone is doing a o kay.
Lots of love always Teena
Jack,
I found the last paragraph of the article to be in agreement with you.
Many Roads Lead to Recovery
Hermom
Isn't it true: No matter what city or country you are in, the meth clinics are always in the worst part of town? Hey Mary, I like the jame you gave jackofhartz. (jackofstreetsmartz)Ha! Ha! It's a good name. I don't know you that well, Jack but youdo strike me as being darned street smart. peace, Shirley
