Odd Thoughts About Old Habits & Family

Pain Pills
1
As time goes on, I seem to remember to odd behavior that in some ways seems to be a precurser (if thats the right word ) to my drug addiction begining in my teen years.

I remember being 8, maybe 9 years old & for some reason starting to take two aspirin every day, & i seem to remember thinking i wanted to see what it was like to get hooked on something. One morning my father saw me, & put a stop to it.

I also remember getting a high, from sneaking firecrackers in from canada (illegal), hopping trains (illegal & dangerous), Poggying (grabbing onto car bumpers and sliding in snow)

My parents were teetotalers, my uncle was an alcoholic, and there is no other substance abuse of significane in the rest of my family, nor do i know of any history. I do know my grandfather had a shot of schnaps every morning, and i think he had a still of some sort, but he wasn't a drunk.

As long as i can remember, when i was a kid, my mother gave me darvon for a headache, but that was no big deal , or i never thought so. Though I did have a drug counselor once tell me that was odd behaviour.

Now I know sll you N a people aren't going to like this, but alcohal means almost nothing to me. I've had a six pack in the fridge for over a year, cause once in a while , i want a beer, but its rare. Every so often, last time was maybe 2 years ago, I'll go out for a couple or few drinks, but thats it. It doesn't work like drugs on me, cause i dont like to get drunk. I sometimes wonder if alcohal were illegal, and all other drugs were legal, if that would be my drug of choice.

I know this sounds rambeling, but i think there is a thread of sorts here. Anybody else got any stuff like that they think about, or maybe know something about. I don't even know if this stuff is important, or relevant, I just start remembering things & thinking about things that i have long forgotten, & they surprise me a little
2
Hi Browndog i think its good that you are now starting to anilise your past behaviour at least you are some way to understanding you has a person. For me its part of my recovery understanding my inner self and learning to deal with it instead of burying it and taking pills. We can all go through the whys and wherefores and simply never undersatand our emotions but for today im pleased im clean and happy jackie xxxxx
3
hey browndog...

when i was like 10 i went to a church summer camp and they had a skit/ play about drugs. they had some guy in a leather coat and he was shuffeling and sniffling. and trying to sell drugs to some kids. they of course told the guy no... but i distincly remember seeing that and thinking man that guy is cool i wanna be just like that. i think i liked the mystery or something.

well i got what i wanted it didnt turn out as well as i thought!!!

~Adam A
4
I also have no problems with alcohol..I've never been a drinker. It has always made me incrediably sick. 1/2 a beer and I'm puking. I started taking pills when I was 17 or 18 so I really never had the opportunity to start a drinking career.. I don't know..maybe if I hadn't taken the pills, I would have been an alcoholic...it seems I was destined to be addicted to something. So, anyway, I know what you mean about the beer..

The was and is so much addictive behavior in my family..I never stood a chance.

Cowgirl
5
I was always the girl who wanted to get high on something, but secretly. I never wanted to hang with the "stoners" because they had a bad reputation. I was the girl who put on the nicest clothes while snorting lines and drinking beer...
I remember being obsessed with acid and the 70s when I was in middle school. I did projects on it...you should have seen the look on my English teachers face..but I got straight As..go figure.
I also wondered why I was always trying to be good, but had an obsession for getting loaded when my friends didn't..I think it had something to do with not fitting into my own skin, even whenI was in my element.