Deteriorata
Go placidly amid the noise and the waste and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself & heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys; know what to kiss & when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity & disillusionment & despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle & mutilate.
Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you -- that lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth, birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan; & let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 555-4311; ask for Ken. Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese; & reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here, & whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive Him to be -- Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, & urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. Give up.
Danny..........you are so funny! That brought back a lot of memories! Who recorded that? I know you know. Thanks for the laugh!
Mom- I ain't telling. I guess I'm the class clown. SOMEONE here needs to make people laugh a little. This addiction thing is a b****, so I try to lighten it up I guess..
Hey Danny,
I'm glad you are a part of this board and make people laugh. In the midst of all the struggles that go on here it's nice to read some jokes too. Thanks.
Love,
Liz
I'm glad you are a part of this board and make people laugh. In the midst of all the struggles that go on here it's nice to read some jokes too. Thanks.
Love,
Liz
Liz- HUGS to you
I think it was Zappa.
rofl....OH, NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!!!!
What was the orignal?
YOU MUST WORK AT THE SAME PLACE I DO!!!
I am off to go get ink cartriges so I can print that...
Kerry
What was the orignal?
YOU MUST WORK AT THE SAME PLACE I DO!!!
I am off to go get ink cartriges so I can print that...
Kerry
Danny, i think u must have an easier job then i do, cause u r on here even more then me.
I like the part about abvoiding passive people unless u want to fall asleep, but i dont know about rotating ur tires. Wn i lived in Buffalo i never even believed in shoveling the snow out of my driveway, just driving in & out real fast.
BTW, i think i got a new rule for my book of rules for my eleven year old:
"Always break up with your girlfriends before holidays, birthdays & especially valentines day" (ultimately you'll end up breaking up anyway, so why not save up the money from the gifts u don't buy when ur young to help pay for the divorce & child support later)
I like the part about abvoiding passive people unless u want to fall asleep, but i dont know about rotating ur tires. Wn i lived in Buffalo i never even believed in shoveling the snow out of my driveway, just driving in & out real fast.
BTW, i think i got a new rule for my book of rules for my eleven year old:
"Always break up with your girlfriends before holidays, birthdays & especially valentines day" (ultimately you'll end up breaking up anyway, so why not save up the money from the gifts u don't buy when ur young to help pay for the divorce & child support later)
Browndog, when I moved back to Chicago, I came back to the house I owned. It was the middle of winter..it had like 2 1/2 feet of snow in the drive..told the wife to get out..backed up and FLOORED it up the drive way..hehe..I don't believe in shoveling either..I just say PLOW AHEAD
heehee Danny,
When you said you had your wife get out, I thought you were going to say you handed her the shovel, lol..Glad you didn't though.
When you said you had your wife get out, I thought you were going to say you handed her the shovel, lol..Glad you didn't though.
my wife used to get so mad ad me, cause she got stuck all the time. So i would just go out and go forward a bit & get her car our. but boy did she get pissed.
I remember all these idiots would start shoveling as soon as it snowed, & shovel & shovel & shovel, then the plow would come by and push it back to the end of the driveway. I thought my method was better.
Sometimes my wife would shovel cause she somehow got convinced that i would have a heart attack, & i did nothing to dissuade that notion.
Bottom line, shoveling is kinda like making ur bed & putting ur clothes in drawers, only worse.
In my wisdom i have concluded that all these are female things,that wouldn't need doing if they would just let it be. When i first met my 2nd wife my close were all over my floor, essentially in sections of clean, not so clean & dirty clothes, but i always new were everything was.
she has been bitching at me about this for 12 or 13 years & u think she would have learned by now not to frustrate herself. i mean , it doesnt bother me, so why should it bother her- but she doesn't see it that way.
So I, the great compromiser, decided to come up with a new plan. I built what i called a CSU (a clothes storage unit) . It was a big box like thing that i put next to our bed & i thought it was nice & a great idea & a great compromise. Id just throw all my clothes in it, but even though i went miles out of the way with this creative solution, she thought it was ugly, & was also upset that my clothes didnt actually end up in it, but sorta in it & sorta on the floor next to it. anyway, my experiment failed, & i am back to her bitchin at me every day or to & telling her ill pick it up tomorrow & she's right, & then a couple days later after she notices i don't , the cycle starts again. I find femails strange.
I remember all these idiots would start shoveling as soon as it snowed, & shovel & shovel & shovel, then the plow would come by and push it back to the end of the driveway. I thought my method was better.
Sometimes my wife would shovel cause she somehow got convinced that i would have a heart attack, & i did nothing to dissuade that notion.
Bottom line, shoveling is kinda like making ur bed & putting ur clothes in drawers, only worse.
In my wisdom i have concluded that all these are female things,that wouldn't need doing if they would just let it be. When i first met my 2nd wife my close were all over my floor, essentially in sections of clean, not so clean & dirty clothes, but i always new were everything was.
she has been bitching at me about this for 12 or 13 years & u think she would have learned by now not to frustrate herself. i mean , it doesnt bother me, so why should it bother her- but she doesn't see it that way.
So I, the great compromiser, decided to come up with a new plan. I built what i called a CSU (a clothes storage unit) . It was a big box like thing that i put next to our bed & i thought it was nice & a great idea & a great compromise. Id just throw all my clothes in it, but even though i went miles out of the way with this creative solution, she thought it was ugly, & was also upset that my clothes didnt actually end up in it, but sorta in it & sorta on the floor next to it. anyway, my experiment failed, & i am back to her bitchin at me every day or to & telling her ill pick it up tomorrow & she's right, & then a couple days later after she notices i don't , the cycle starts again. I find femails strange.
Dog, I lost one of my best boyfriends from 9th grade that way....LOL.
Kerry
Kerry
Liz- I just backed up, put it into 3rd gear and went for it!
Oh my God Dog,
My husband does that too. It frustrates the hell out of me. I b**** at him too. Yesterday I got pissed because he always leaves his coat in the kitchen. Why can't he just at least throw it in the bedroom? How hard is it? We're not strange. We like our homes organized and clean. It gets us crazy when you guys don't care about it. It's bad enough we have to keep on the kids about putting their things away then we have to chase our husbands around because they leave everything out. Like now, I have a hammer on my end table in the living room with a box of screws and screw drivers. See, now he's sleeping. But in the morning you can bet I'm going to be bitching. LOL
My husband does that too. It frustrates the hell out of me. I b**** at him too. Yesterday I got pissed because he always leaves his coat in the kitchen. Why can't he just at least throw it in the bedroom? How hard is it? We're not strange. We like our homes organized and clean. It gets us crazy when you guys don't care about it. It's bad enough we have to keep on the kids about putting their things away then we have to chase our husbands around because they leave everything out. Like now, I have a hammer on my end table in the living room with a box of screws and screw drivers. See, now he's sleeping. But in the morning you can bet I'm going to be bitching. LOL
see but thats the thing, guys like a neat house as long as they dont have to do it. right now our dining room table and floor is covered with all my papers & stuff, but we dont eat there anyhow usually.
but the truth is , if my wife left her coat somewhere, i wouldnt see it, just like i dont see dishes in the sink, just like i dont hear the kids yelling at each other. & if ur husband leaves his coat on the table or floor, he knows where it is. what really drives me nuts, is i know where my pile of stuff is & if my wife puts it in drawers & stuff , i cant find it.
towels on the bathroom floor, well, they can always be picked up some other time. if the dishes get to bad, why not just throw them out & start again. think of all the time it would save.
my wife goes to school so i have to cook a couple nights, & my daughter is supposed to cook 1 night. on my nights of cooking i order pizza & my daughter thinks that thats not really cooking, so she thinks she shouldnt have to cook. & my wife gets mad at me for waisting money, but my time is valuable. i could be watching LA law, or the discovery channel, or something important like that.
i think girls are confused.
but the truth is , if my wife left her coat somewhere, i wouldnt see it, just like i dont see dishes in the sink, just like i dont hear the kids yelling at each other. & if ur husband leaves his coat on the table or floor, he knows where it is. what really drives me nuts, is i know where my pile of stuff is & if my wife puts it in drawers & stuff , i cant find it.
towels on the bathroom floor, well, they can always be picked up some other time. if the dishes get to bad, why not just throw them out & start again. think of all the time it would save.
my wife goes to school so i have to cook a couple nights, & my daughter is supposed to cook 1 night. on my nights of cooking i order pizza & my daughter thinks that thats not really cooking, so she thinks she shouldnt have to cook. & my wife gets mad at me for waisting money, but my time is valuable. i could be watching LA law, or the discovery channel, or something important like that.
i think girls are confused.
LOL, See Ladies, this is why we need those Antidepressants.
Liz- I think your husband is Clark Griswald..
i saw that national lampoons christmas tonight too. luved those next door neighbors.
Hmmmmmm, I don't think he reminds me of Clark Griswald, he reminds me of that sloppy guy on the Odd Couple. I don't remember his name. I seen that show maybe a couple of times growing up. Well, I think it's time for me to get some sleep. I hope you all have a great night.
Love,
Liz
Love,
Liz
Oscar, but how'd u like a felix. I gotta get some sleep to. I gotta hard day ahead of not selling anything (great attitude huh)
