So this morning very quickly took a turn for the worse , and I was just sitting here trying to concoct the best words to describe how truly sorry I am feeling for myself, and I read your post and immediately just came out of it! especially when you like yelled Hell yeah 5 days That's me that's mine! I just lifted out of the fog and started nodding my head going YEAH! TESTIFY!
still on track, trying to summon up some resilience and strength so I've been on YouTube watching all different versions of the Maori Haka. It's working.
What ever works for ya i say..now this may sound silly, but as you know weve talked about emotion! Im a bit of a die hard country music fan! Yee haw..lol, anyway im finding it very threaputic for me at the moment, listening to all the lovey country songs i did before i was an addict...im trying to pry some tears from my eyes and get goosebumps and just feel how love songs make ya feel...its working...i left a post on the thread in painpills about my son for you to have a read...ive also been hanging with him this morning (driving his a** to his juvinelle justice appts) so i havent had alot of time to stop and think about how bad i feel...im glad i snapped you out of it..Im really proud that im at day 5! How many days is it for you now? Your well over a week!! I hope your feeling good about that..even though it hurts and it sucks...ur doin it...UR DOIN IT!!! WHOOOO WHOOOO
He'll yes! you better believe I'm doing it! and here's one you HAVE to check out if you don't know it He is not a country singer but he does do one country song an upbeat one. Ben Harper and the song is Burn To Shine. And there is a line in there that totally applies right. you'll get it when you hear it, It starts: Funny things you learn from your mama, verse two I think
an update. So yeah the physical stuff continues to either stay where it is or get slightly better. Right now it's my emotions that are dragging me up and down the stairs. There is some heavy s*** going in my family right now and it's all I can do not to literally go set someone's car on fire. You know that situation where you warned somebody about exactly where the DO NOT CROSS line is? well this (trying so hard not to swear right now) GUUUUUYYYY, knows exactly where the line is, but keeps dancing riiiggghhht on the edge while being very careful not to cross it. People are getting hurt right now (not physically, that's the line) and I can't do anything about it. Anything I do at this point will almost certainly escalate things beyond repair, so I have to be very careful not to come in until I absolutely have to. The way I feel right now with all my crazy emotions and the horrible s*** going on in my body and the resentment, if I kick off now it will just explode into a vicious back and forth of insanity and destruction. Believe me, the way I feel right now I am almost drooling in anticipation, but I love my family, and I refuse to put them through something like that unless there is just no other way. So yeah, what are my choices? well right now there is one. Sit, and wait.
my heart rate is off the charts like 3 beats a second and nothing is working to bring it down. I'm trying to breath slow and take it easy but it's not working. I dunno
Go for a walk. Put some headphones on and walk then your energy will sort of flow with it. Sounds lame advice but I did lots&lots of that. Just kept moving when couldn't keep still. It's crazy rollercoaster for sure........
nah that's good, I will give it a go. thanks heaps, I'm bloody losing it right now
It's horrible I know,whatever gets your brain distracted. Lemme tell you I thought i was going so insane at one point and remembered how psychotic people watch trippy psycadellic sh** to snap back to reality. So what did I do put on the craziest movie I could find. Desperation. Was I psychotic? No, coming off methadone so yeah temporarily. Your not alone in what your feeling just remember that & it will pass. Will check on you in a.m. you will defeat this. -Mary
Are you ok?
I feel helpless to say anything..i dont know methadone..i have no idea how u feel....but i do know it sucks balls when people interfere in home life family life...makes little things seem like big things...mayb you need some time out...mayb you need to sit in aroom with the light off and some easy listning music..lay on the floor and just relax..let your body control you for a while....tell everyone to leave you be for half an hour...i know that s*** sounds weird...but it helps me...
yeah, nah, sort of I'm on the treadmill trying to bring myself down. there s no chest pain or nothin so no fear. I'm just really worked up. I'll do this for a bit and see if I can find some crazy s*** to watch (thanks Marycat) and maybe go sing in the shower I dunno, I'm ok just a bit wigged out you know? not used to feeling stuff like this again yet
nah yep f*** it. I'm trying all that s***, something's gotta give right? thanx for the tips. hahaha faaaark! this is nuts!
What has got you so worked up? If you dont feel like sharing thats ok..no pressure... email me if you would like...if not, i hope your ok soon! xx
ah it's ok, I'm coming good now, just hopped on the treadmill and then sat on the veranda listening to the rain for a while, forced down some food and yeah, still jumpy but ok. It's nasty family business, I wrote it all further up the page right before I started freaking out. I appreciate the quick replies and that, I just didn't know what to do with myself and was starting lose it. I was up for anything for a bit there but yeah a few simple suggestions and I got out of it. I'm SUCH a weirdo right now, I mean I'm always weird but not like this
I read further up the Page...i hope all is ok....hang tight...ride the waves..this is yours remember. .you got this ok....
And your not a weirdo...your just detoxing on ya own and that takes guts...and it brings out the best, worst, and everything else in people..we all do it differently..laterz im off for some zzzzzzs...hopefully anyway! Day6 tomoz...f*** YEAH
yeah f*** yeah!!! nah you know it mang! as you know I've at least attempted both, and apart from the differences between you and me, it's all the same symptoms and feelings and that, just that with the helicopters ( N+), it's a slightly shorter road, but more intense. But yeah, here's hoping that your zzzz's are satisfying, regenerating, and plentiful. And yeah, we have been having like 4 different conversations in 4 different places at one time, so I'm sure we will find eachother. I promise not to freak out if I don't hear you for a while, I know hubby is home. I'll just keep posting my progress and doin my thing. plus I added u on FB so if ya wanna check out the fam and my ugly mug (I already looked up you and yours) or get in touch there that's cool too. ALAKAZAM!
oh and keep kickin mike tysons a** too haha
oh and keep kickin mike tysons a** too haha
I sussed you guys out to #notastalker lol. You guys are all like hippy and stuff? Sorry if its not correct terminology..lol.. your wife is beautiful...your a lucky man...and your hair! Wowzerz, you were right about the dreads...is it heavy? It looks heavy! my profile pic is actually my brother and i..hubby is in there somewhere...
Your right about covos everywhere...its easy to lose track...
I can tell that my wds are.starting to fade hey...now this is a good thing, but it also means cravings kick in soon...ive been here lots of times and it always happens this way...while my wds are in full swing i dont crave pills. When the wds subside, then the cravings start...this is when it gets tough again!!!Have a super dooper night aimego! Ill chat to you in the am...
Shell
Your right about covos everywhere...its easy to lose track...
I can tell that my wds are.starting to fade hey...now this is a good thing, but it also means cravings kick in soon...ive been here lots of times and it always happens this way...while my wds are in full swing i dont crave pills. When the wds subside, then the cravings start...this is when it gets tough again!!!Have a super dooper night aimego! Ill chat to you in the am...
Shell
hippies hahahaha, yeah I guess we kind of are. we're not vegos or tree huggers or nothing, and we don't say flippin namaste instead of good onya mate hahahaha, but yeah I'm part aboriginal on my mums side, so I always had that influence coming in, but my old man was full blood Serbian and that's how I was raised. Eating Burek, Sarma and chevapchichi instead of meat and three veg, watching soccer instead of footie, saying Ziveli! instead of cheers, translating my grandparents English for my friends and all that good stuff. My wife was born and raised in Milan Italy and we could barely communicate when we met. So we're just a bit of a mix up. I will say this though. I am a pretty easy going guy but where I live is so chocca block full of hippy hippies that I am well and truly over em' haha! don't get me wrong, spectacular people come from all kinds of weird and wonderful walks of life, I've just had my fill of these guys hahaha. But I don't mind. when people think your a hippie they tend to roll up on you pretty friendly most of the time and I like that. I'm reading your diary posts whenever you post em, and I'm the same, just grateful that I bumped into you TH2. You've been an absolute godsend.
