come on! don't fret about saying the wrong thing. Anything you have to say is a ok especially when your talking about your tough times. I like trading war stories and considering the possibilities good and bad. I can always not read it you know. anyway I been listening to good tunes of all kinds, anything impressive or emotional or aggressive that gets the hair standing up on my arms. I'm enjoying poking and playing wi my emotions a bit coz I'm not used to having them.
Yeah I over think everything & think um..Should I have said that? Maybe that's because half the things I say I probably shouldn't! Music...all good for you right now for sure. Isn't it awesome getting goosebumps from a song after not getting that in so long. Hey you are probably a step ahead of me, when I was where you're at. What I mean is for first month I don't know that it gave me those feelings yet. I listened nonstop,so was getting something from it, I think kept my brain from spinning..escaping my Mind, sounded good for sure but don't think music could make me sad at that point, or maybe I was just picking music that wouldn't, either way boosting serotonin and yeah getting that crazy love for music back.
My sister was laughing at me the other day over how I sometimes just walk up to strangers and say random stuff that I think is funny. Like your T-shirt is excellent and you saddle make me feel famous and then laugh and make them gimme a high five or something, I dunno. I get sick of us all moping down the street too scared to smile at eachother so I have to funk it up. It usually gets a smile or a friendly wtf? not always..... yeah sometimes, yeesh maybe I should stay indoors.,but nah I like that I do that coz it usually get a few smiles and laughs. You gotta be you hey. whatever that turns out to be.
your sandles I meant not saddle
8pm day 15, I really think I'm coming out of it now. I am still restless and yawning a bit too much but that's around about it. Sore sometimes but I've felt worse. Energy levels pretty low but not all the time. I may still have my ups and downs but yeah. You know that ridiculous s*** some people say about how withdrawals are like a bad cold? Well I call BULLs***. It took me 15 days of will crushing, soul sucking hell to get here, and now that I am past the worst of it and starting to really come good? NOW it is like a bad cold.
I can do a bad cold. Anyone can. Im gonna go ahead and give myself a pat on the back for this whole undertaking. It takes balls to jump of 140mg of methadone cold turkey and I did that. I did it and I stuck it out and here I am. I think it's probably a long road back to health and normality for my mind and body, and that's ok. It just feels so GOOD to finally know I am back on the right track. Good days and bad, I'm human again. Somehow I changed myself back from a vampire into a human again. Kicked methadones a** mudda puckas. Back from the dead! Lock up your daughters! kidding...
I can do a bad cold. Anyone can. Im gonna go ahead and give myself a pat on the back for this whole undertaking. It takes balls to jump of 140mg of methadone cold turkey and I did that. I did it and I stuck it out and here I am. I think it's probably a long road back to health and normality for my mind and body, and that's ok. It just feels so GOOD to finally know I am back on the right track. Good days and bad, I'm human again. Somehow I changed myself back from a vampire into a human again. Kicked methadones a** mudda puckas. Back from the dead! Lock up your daughters! kidding...
I'm not sure why I didn't mention this before but up until a few days ago I was taking bactrim DS (sulfamethoxazole and trimethoprim) 800/160mg. All I know about it is that it is a really heavy anti-biotic. Like nuclear strength. I had an infection in the joint where your leg joins your hip. It was so painful that eventually I could neither walk or lay down. I spent 3 weeks on the couch sitting up, feet on the ground. Before my wife made me call an ambulance
I was using either a plastic bottle to go to the toilet, or I would spend half an hour lifting myself into an office chair with my arms, and then push myself to the toilet with my good leg. repeat the process to get on the toilet. And sometimes I would have to shove a towel or part of my shirt in my mouth so the kids couldn't hear me scream.
There was a lot of screaming and crying and all that in the hospital. But yeah, I was supposed to be in for another month to have intravenous antibiotics, but apparently they discovered the oral antibiotic described above and provided that I took it 3 times a day for 3 months I could go home sooner.
The reason I mention this is because when I jumped into this cold turkey thing I never took into account how much antibiotics run your body into the ground, and maybe that has a bit to do with why this time was harder than the first time I did it. Anyway, just thought I ought to mention it.
I stopped them a couple days ago. I only had like 3 left so yeah.
I was using either a plastic bottle to go to the toilet, or I would spend half an hour lifting myself into an office chair with my arms, and then push myself to the toilet with my good leg. repeat the process to get on the toilet. And sometimes I would have to shove a towel or part of my shirt in my mouth so the kids couldn't hear me scream.
There was a lot of screaming and crying and all that in the hospital. But yeah, I was supposed to be in for another month to have intravenous antibiotics, but apparently they discovered the oral antibiotic described above and provided that I took it 3 times a day for 3 months I could go home sooner.
The reason I mention this is because when I jumped into this cold turkey thing I never took into account how much antibiotics run your body into the ground, and maybe that has a bit to do with why this time was harder than the first time I did it. Anyway, just thought I ought to mention it.
I stopped them a couple days ago. I only had like 3 left so yeah.
you don't get over it, you just get on with it
Man That sounds horrible. Yeah I don't know that the antibiotics would have made it harder far as withdrawal, if anything I would think they would've helped induce sleep, (even though nothing seems to) in first year I was off not until 2 or 3 months off all up until round 8 months off I was on so many different kinds for teeth, and some crazy skin rash from stress to staph infection, ugh the things stress does to the body! But yeah they drain you for sure, (antibiotics) I swear I never had a grey hair before and after I quit methadone (had just turned 34) got a big patch back of hair...crazy. weird thing is I don't seem to get any now. You had me laughing couple posts up. I seemed to compliment everyone like crazy as if I'd eaten some acid. 'Love your nail polish (as if i'd never seen the color purple before) and talked to anyone&everyone. Hell yeah you should be so proud of beating this sh**! Not too many can and do you know! Oh yeah like a flu or cold, ha...not like one I'd ever experienced in my life.
Wait I had just turned 33 when I quit, guess I still don't have any sense of time! Yeah seems like such long time ago but remember everything like it was yesterday. Actually isn't that how people remember stuff, maybe I am getting sense of time back!
I'm just about to turn 33. that's excellent. where are u by the way? I'm guessing US?
hahahaha, your handbag makes me feel Scandinavian.
I was introduced to this guy a while back and we were shaking hands, but I wasn't really paying attention to him. When I looked up I had some kind of something and said to him "oh, you look nice actually" and pulled him in for a big cuddle hahaha he didn't know wtf to make of me. f***ing hell, medication is too weird. patch of hair here, single eye colour change there. yeah I developed a small patch of grey on my head after last time now that you mention it. Yep, meds are weird and I want em gone. it's break up time. I just have to make sure my ex (street drugs) doesn't come around. they always seem to make themselves available when I'm vulnerable. It's probably all me but
there's a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do?
there's a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do?
I'm gonna fix that rat that's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna fix dat rat
UB40
there's a rat in me kitchen what am I gonna do?
I'm gonna fix that rat that's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna fix dat rat
UB40
Your all about ub40 right now huh? Ha you hugged some guy you just met, that's hilarious! Yeah u.s. northern California. Yeah better to quit now, older get&harder. Just try not to look backwards& remember all the bad you've experienced trough this journey...it's not worth it you know?
Yep. I'm gonna fix that rat. And yes I always hug when I meet someone but I usually don't tell men that they look nice before pulling them in hahaha. I had this job in Melbourne for a while and after about a month my nickname was cuddles. The bosses loved me coz when morale was low I would pull as many people as I could into a massive group hug and try to get them laughing and feeling better about being cooped up for the day. After a while everyone was doing it. I was proud of that. They could even still be doing it. Cuddles... made me feel like a house cat trying to be a lion. It worked for me at the time I guess, but I'm sure at least some of them thought I was a wacko. Oh s***! here comes cuddles! just smile and nod, but don't make eye contact hahaha
Symptoms less everyday now. Desperately trying to keep busy otherwise my mind tries to make more out of it than is necessary. On that note I'm gonna play my sons Xbox.
That's good, yup whatever works&keeps brain occupied for sure. I remember rediscovering crossword puzzles at some point totally forgetting that I liked them, but then got frustrated cause sucked at it when used to be good, but I finally enjoy them again
Oh and mean to ask you/day 16 right? You feel tired or energetic mostly at this point?
Yep day 16. well it's both, I FEEL like I have energy but whenever I try to do anything I burn out real quick. If I relax too much it's frustrating. So yeah that part of it is the same. Yeah I was cross wording for the first time in ages yesterday or something and yeah, not used to missing so many answers so got frustrated too. How you doin? I didn't realise you were in a thing till I poked around the site a bit.
Kind of like energy but don't get or feel like you can get anything close to productive done? Hate this even with auto correct I still trip out on words to this day& English was always my strong point. I seriously wonder if I had a mini stroke when I quit. Or maybe I'm just being a hypochondriac and have some permanent brain damage, either way it sucks! How am I doing with thing? The benzo thing? If your referring to that ok I've been on low dose daily for couple years shy of methadone. Not jumping gun with this one though. Got down .25 and symptoms only lasted 2 weeks. So good with that now, wait until up to feeling sh** for another 2 then drop again. If that's even what your talking bout, assume it is.
