i just got one question,so i am basically opening the door for all coments good or bad and i promise i won't get offended and counter strike with name calling and belittling anyone,ok my name is vinny and i am an addict[that was hard] anyways i was wondering how to stop this cycle that never seems to end,i knew what i was getting myself into after my surgery but it seems like it didn't matter at the time,is there any other ways to get free and stay free besides sub and meetings?i have tried the strong mind over matter theroy and just ended up at square one again,all i know is i'm so tired of living like this i can't go on like this any longer...........vinny
Vinny, all I can say is you are not alone. I too am an addict and unfortunately have not found the answer yet myself. I share in your frustration of wanting to be/stay clean but not being able to. I wish I had a magic wand.
Vinny..if there was an easy, magical answer, this board wouldn't exsist.
Go to a meeting. What have you got to lose?
Love
Cowgirl
Go to a meeting. What have you got to lose?
Love
Cowgirl
I think by first admitting that you are an addict, you will understand certain things.
First, that is why we can't take one. It sets off the screwed up chemistry in our brains (that is why some can take pills as prescribed, we can't) and we are off to the races...that is probably where you are now....
Second, we have the mental obsession that tells us we can use, we need it, it is okay. but in light of how sick we get, we learn it isn't worth it.
So, we have to learn tools and a new way of life to counteract that obsession.
I hope you are okay, Vinny, and you have my email.
Kerry
First, that is why we can't take one. It sets off the screwed up chemistry in our brains (that is why some can take pills as prescribed, we can't) and we are off to the races...that is probably where you are now....
Second, we have the mental obsession that tells us we can use, we need it, it is okay. but in light of how sick we get, we learn it isn't worth it.
So, we have to learn tools and a new way of life to counteract that obsession.
I hope you are okay, Vinny, and you have my email.
Kerry
vinny,
dude,,, I have a question .. how long are you gonna ask the same question?... what is it about meetings and the program that you dont like?... structure?... suggestions?.... coming out of the closet and saying those word?.... I mean your life might just depend on figuring it out... Not many on this board has had any long time success with out one or the other (sub) or both.... take a look...
My best advise... take a good hard look at your life .. you attempts.. your serious attempts... and what your future holds then look at those of us that are clean and how we have gotten here and how we keep what we have.....some times it aint pretty or fun... but we are clean and that my friend is worth the world....
Teresa
dude,,, I have a question .. how long are you gonna ask the same question?... what is it about meetings and the program that you dont like?... structure?... suggestions?.... coming out of the closet and saying those word?.... I mean your life might just depend on figuring it out... Not many on this board has had any long time success with out one or the other (sub) or both.... take a look...
My best advise... take a good hard look at your life .. you attempts.. your serious attempts... and what your future holds then look at those of us that are clean and how we have gotten here and how we keep what we have.....some times it aint pretty or fun... but we are clean and that my friend is worth the world....
Teresa
thanks for repleying,i'm in that real dark place right now,i wonder if i'm into deep and i'm one of the people that die because of my bad choices.......vinny
vinny, it seems like you continue to just skim rock bottom...hang in there babe and heed the suggestions in here...
vinny sometimes in life just stoping is so hard and staying there ...all I can say yes some die some take and some stop .... only you can make that decision .....me I pray and meetings ...but please my angel think why you like them so much or not BUT still use your pain yes but its so much more deeper than that I can see you at a candy has a child and looking at the candy saying how yummie and good the suger makes you feel and than crying out in pain because something someone hurt that little boy you and you took this PAIN in your life with on your back ...but the candt turned into meds so you need to solve the problem how you ask us goush if I had a answer fot your quietions we all not be here like cg said love you vinny poopie im in pain alot to dear wanting those nasty but happy pills .....still clean poopie
Vinny, if you don't go to meetings (why do I get the feeling you already know what that 13th step is?) the seriously, get some naltrexone.
Vin, I hated to go to aa. Hated to admit it. But, (big sigh) I was going to die; I was tired of being hopeless, and I was getting worse and worse...I was an out and out junkie. That really hurt my pride....
But, really, isn't it worth a shot???
If not, get some sub, then naltrexone, and get it through your head that you can't use, or you will get in that dark place.
I know it too well.
Kerry
Vin, I hated to go to aa. Hated to admit it. But, (big sigh) I was going to die; I was tired of being hopeless, and I was getting worse and worse...I was an out and out junkie. That really hurt my pride....
But, really, isn't it worth a shot???
If not, get some sub, then naltrexone, and get it through your head that you can't use, or you will get in that dark place.
I know it too well.
Kerry
hi vinny, for me meetings were the answer, i first resisted becuz i didnt want to be lumped into the 12 step programs however it has made me realize that the freedom i was looking for was indeed in the meetings and the 12 steps. as i work on my first step and write it out as my sponser suggested the feeling of freedom came flooding in. i cant tell you why it works but it does if you work it. i have large amounts of clean time without recovery and that means that i was clean but not happy. who wants to live like that? and it led me back to substance abuse in all forms time after time again. i had been in 12 step programs in the past but had never worked the steps. didnt think i needed to work them, just read the basic text and went to meetings, it was not enough. this is the first time in my life that i have ever worked the steps and there is something magical about doing that. we simply cant do the same things we have done in the past and expect different results. give the meetings another try and if you truly are looking for answers they will come to you. one thing that i heard time after time is you dont have to use, a simple statement but it captured me becuz i thought i had to use, didnt think there was a way out and everyday that i dont use becomes a more freeing experience. vinny you can get your life back and that comes with being honest, open and willing.
take care
(((hugs)))
carol
take care
(((hugs)))
carol
Vinny,
You have detoxed how many times? Alot, if my memory serves. You have never been to a meeting? Obviously whatever your doing is not working, give it up and try another way.
Regards,
Tom
You have detoxed how many times? Alot, if my memory serves. You have never been to a meeting? Obviously whatever your doing is not working, give it up and try another way.
Regards,
Tom
Hey Vinny;
One of the biggest lightbulbs went on in my head when I finally accepted these five simple words: I can't do this alone . What a relief to let go and let others help me deal with addiction! This forum is great but IMO there's nothing like f2f.
I go to meetings and I see a counselor once a week. I also take naltrexone. We have so much more to offer this world sober than we do high. Give it a shot!
Jim
One of the biggest lightbulbs went on in my head when I finally accepted these five simple words: I can't do this alone . What a relief to let go and let others help me deal with addiction! This forum is great but IMO there's nothing like f2f.
I go to meetings and I see a counselor once a week. I also take naltrexone. We have so much more to offer this world sober than we do high. Give it a shot!
Jim
vinny, i just got hit with some brutal honesty...there is an easy way out...no meetings, no sub, no support....
that way out is death...do you choose it?
or do you choose to live your life to your full potential...anything worthwhile in life is hard work, noone gives you any free pass to sobriety...it has to be earned.
for yours and your families sake choose life...no matter how difficult it is...that's my pick
just remind yourself constantly, "my name is Vinny and I am an addict"
recite the serenity prayer,
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference.
that way out is death...do you choose it?
or do you choose to live your life to your full potential...anything worthwhile in life is hard work, noone gives you any free pass to sobriety...it has to be earned.
for yours and your families sake choose life...no matter how difficult it is...that's my pick
just remind yourself constantly, "my name is Vinny and I am an addict"
recite the serenity prayer,
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
change the things I can...and the wisdom to know the difference.
what jr said
Ditto what Jr said, also...great post.
Vinny,
What you wrote scares me because this is what I see.......I live the insanity especially when he picks up and uses and thinks he can control it all.....He thinks he is strong enough in the head too, just like you and I have to tell you I know others that do also......All men for that matter who think that they have to or need to beat this on thier own to prove that they are stong enough, that they were manly enough.......In all honestly what I see are dumb a$$es who can't for the life of them see how much they are hurting themselves each day.....They can't understand that if they don't seek out help from someone other than themselves that death will be the only way that ends their hell......Well you asked for it and I am on a roll today, must be the lack of nicotine in my system.....Maybe I should post a disclaimer.....
So come on now in all honesty what do you think will fix it all for you......What do you think you should be doing.....
Tell everyone here......and another thing, you got any voids you are trying to fill, cause that is something to look at too.....
It really is good to just live, and feel, the good and the bad and maybe today after the hell I had I shouldn't talk of this cause I ran and hid from it too, but one thing I knew through the hiding was that what I was doing wasn't living.....
Wishing you nothing but the best.....
HUGS,
Tina
What you wrote scares me because this is what I see.......I live the insanity especially when he picks up and uses and thinks he can control it all.....He thinks he is strong enough in the head too, just like you and I have to tell you I know others that do also......All men for that matter who think that they have to or need to beat this on thier own to prove that they are stong enough, that they were manly enough.......In all honestly what I see are dumb a$$es who can't for the life of them see how much they are hurting themselves each day.....They can't understand that if they don't seek out help from someone other than themselves that death will be the only way that ends their hell......Well you asked for it and I am on a roll today, must be the lack of nicotine in my system.....Maybe I should post a disclaimer.....
So come on now in all honesty what do you think will fix it all for you......What do you think you should be doing.....
Tell everyone here......and another thing, you got any voids you are trying to fill, cause that is something to look at too.....
It really is good to just live, and feel, the good and the bad and maybe today after the hell I had I shouldn't talk of this cause I ran and hid from it too, but one thing I knew through the hiding was that what I was doing wasn't living.....
Wishing you nothing but the best.....
HUGS,
Tina
thank you one and all for the brutal honesty,espically you teresa those loveing kind words actually gave me a hard on[lol] it's true i have had many set backs in the past year starting when i broke my ankle,i almost had 3 months in and then another surgery on the shoulder,i honestly don't know at this moment what my plan is, except to deal with what i'm going through right now,thanks again and god bless............vinny
Vinny,
I feel sad for you.... I am not trying to be condescending, because I mean those words with everything that I have. I feel sad because I don't think that YOU believe that you deserve to be anything BUT an addict.
It's almost like you've given up.... you ask for help, you do okay for a while, and then you slip back into addiction almost without skipping a beat..... your posts reveal a side to you that thinks you CAN'T be anything else but who you are today. It's like you don't feel you're worth it....
But you are.
I guess I understand how you're feeling because it's been the way I've always felt, too. You get to the point where you think that you don't deserve happiness and nothing could be farther from the truth.
At 17 years old, I was violently raped at knifepoint by a stranger.... and what did I do? I ended up being a stripper, working in a profession where I give my body away in a different way (not a hooker). With everything that's happened in my childhood and then that, it was hard not to look at myself and think "This is all I'm good for." I have used so many excuses for my behaviors : I make $150,000 a year, everyone adores me, I'm popular, etc, etc, etc. These thoughts led to me abusing drugs and believing THAT was normal, too.
It's taken EXTENSIVE therapy sessions to START believing that I DO deserve to be at peace. I'm not there yet, but I'm beginning to see that I DO deserve any happiness that comes my way. Not saying I'm giving up the profession completely (haven't worked in almost 3 months and need to go back sometime soon), but I'm trying to let go of defining myself by only the negative behaviors and characteristics that I have. I don't mind being sexy for the enjoyment of other people from time to time, but that's not ALL I'm good for. I'm also a great mother, I have a good heart, I have many talents.
I am an addict, but I don't have to keep hurting myself over and over again and thinking it's useless.
I didn't like AA either, but I do try to use the steps in my personal life without going to meetings. Have you considered private therapy? It has helped me a lot.
I'm rooting for you..... I know you can do this if you just BELIEVE.
Danielle
I feel sad for you.... I am not trying to be condescending, because I mean those words with everything that I have. I feel sad because I don't think that YOU believe that you deserve to be anything BUT an addict.
It's almost like you've given up.... you ask for help, you do okay for a while, and then you slip back into addiction almost without skipping a beat..... your posts reveal a side to you that thinks you CAN'T be anything else but who you are today. It's like you don't feel you're worth it....
But you are.
I guess I understand how you're feeling because it's been the way I've always felt, too. You get to the point where you think that you don't deserve happiness and nothing could be farther from the truth.
At 17 years old, I was violently raped at knifepoint by a stranger.... and what did I do? I ended up being a stripper, working in a profession where I give my body away in a different way (not a hooker). With everything that's happened in my childhood and then that, it was hard not to look at myself and think "This is all I'm good for." I have used so many excuses for my behaviors : I make $150,000 a year, everyone adores me, I'm popular, etc, etc, etc. These thoughts led to me abusing drugs and believing THAT was normal, too.
It's taken EXTENSIVE therapy sessions to START believing that I DO deserve to be at peace. I'm not there yet, but I'm beginning to see that I DO deserve any happiness that comes my way. Not saying I'm giving up the profession completely (haven't worked in almost 3 months and need to go back sometime soon), but I'm trying to let go of defining myself by only the negative behaviors and characteristics that I have. I don't mind being sexy for the enjoyment of other people from time to time, but that's not ALL I'm good for. I'm also a great mother, I have a good heart, I have many talents.
I am an addict, but I don't have to keep hurting myself over and over again and thinking it's useless.
I didn't like AA either, but I do try to use the steps in my personal life without going to meetings. Have you considered private therapy? It has helped me a lot.
I'm rooting for you..... I know you can do this if you just BELIEVE.
Danielle
I hope you start to feel better very soon Vinny. I am sending an e-mail your way shortly! Rae
Vinny,
You ask a great question...Why cant I stop ? For me I just got tired of all that goes with being controlled by something. Bottom Line...There are certain things in life that dont agree with me, pain pills, drinking, sometimes sex ( dont want to give that up ) but I have abused it..The list is never ending...
Today I really am living a full rich life--there is nothing that I am abusing, nothing...I am doing it with the help of 12 steps, new friends, new way of thinking....try a meeting, they are not bad...and best part about it, it dosnt cost anything...What has helped me alot, is GOD...It might be hard to swallow---but the connection with him is the best---try it...
Mike
You ask a great question...Why cant I stop ? For me I just got tired of all that goes with being controlled by something. Bottom Line...There are certain things in life that dont agree with me, pain pills, drinking, sometimes sex ( dont want to give that up ) but I have abused it..The list is never ending...
Today I really am living a full rich life--there is nothing that I am abusing, nothing...I am doing it with the help of 12 steps, new friends, new way of thinking....try a meeting, they are not bad...and best part about it, it dosnt cost anything...What has helped me alot, is GOD...It might be hard to swallow---but the connection with him is the best---try it...
Mike
