I came on a month or so ago,worried about one of my sisters.We were thinking about an intervention.Well,that never happened.My parents have been to her place,so have i,doesnt matter what tiem of day,shes completey messed up.Theres no reasoning,no getting through to her at all.
We've tried.She now is making phone calls,threatening everyone in the family about things that happened many years ago.Shes a gorgeous girl,and she knew how to use her looks(still does to an extent though she looks like a scarecrow)shes claiming shes got things on each and everyone of our husbands(she has 6 sisters,me being the oldest)and that if we dont all back off shes bringing the whole family and our marriages down.Shes being very very vindictive.
She feels she has no problem,though shes into..(in order of preference)alcohol,crack,pain pills,sub,clonazepam.She mixes them all and is bascially a walking zombie,shes always on something.
this weekend,she tried to get in her(bf's) car and drive,while he was at work,she was all messed up,my oldest son happened to be there,took the keys,called my mother,etc...unfortunately,my son has a warrent out for him,and she called the police on him for taking the keys and undoing something under the hood once he threw the keys at her and took off,so she couldnt get on the road and kill someone(or herself)
My son now is basically in hiding,though he should just face up to his s*** and pay the price.
But im angry,very very angry at my sister.She used to be so sweet and caring,and now shes such a monster.She called my house and left at least 2 dozen messages,threatening me,my husband,my sons,thats after she did the same to my mother and father(and my other sisiters).Ive had enough.I went and bought a new answer machine,put up the old one with all her threats,inuendos,i intend to use it if i need to.How sad,how sad that a family comes to this,you know?
Shes been mad at me becasue she thinks i dont love her,she says my love and respect is what matters most to her,and she knows that right now...respect is the last thing i feel,though i do still love her even after all this upheavel.I always will shes my sister,i practically raised her.
Im not really looking for any answers,im at a loss though.Right now,ive washed my hands of her,refuse her phone calls,and unfortunately my parents are doing the same.Shes basically aliented herself from us all.
I hope and pray this has a happy ending,but all i see is death,shes going to kill herself,i know it!And it scares me so.
I think about her saying my respect means the most to her and wonder...if thats true...is there something,anything i can do,personally,to get her help?
I just dont know anymore if i even want to try anymore,shes done nothing but hurt so many of us.Saying nasty things to my other sisters about them and their husbands,making accusations(about my husband too)
What do you think,should i just let whatever happens happens? And if not,what?What can i possibly do?
Thanks so much,i just needed to get this out,with impartial people that know exactly where im coming from(in one aspect or another)TIA~KIM
I'm sorry Kim, that is the worst. It is easier to be the "out of control" person than it is to watch it. My sister did those crazies with the Clonazpam and other stuff too. It was terrible. Well then I went off on my little trip. IMO her s*** will fall down soon. You can't keep going on like that and not have something bring it down. But hold on that ride can be so scary. Take care of you.
love,
Jane
love,
Jane
Jane thanks so much for your support.Just getting this out helps so.
Just to show how shes not thinking correctly.She was on drug court for 2 years.She stayed clean all that time.She gained a little weight,was so happy with herself,she looked wonderful.Was shopping for clothes all the time,taking care of her appearance,i was so proud.I couldtn have been happier,my whole family was so proud of her.
Once she graduated from drug court she had one more year probabtion.She managed to get through that(while using,on and off)the last time she saw her probation officer(this was all becasue of a dwi with a BAC of .28...they said she should have been dead)the probation officer told her"we're through,just come back next week,i'll have all your paper wotk together to sign off'...MY SISTER NEVER WENT BACK TO SIGN OFF! ...the past 5 months shes been drinking and drugging and moving to avoid the probation,rather than just having gone back and signed off and having been free from the law.She just got so completely out of control she couldnt even handle that.Now "that" ,to any sane person,would have been the very first thing to take care of,go sign the papers,get it done and over with,get them out of your life right,not her,shes been running since.Sad.
Youre right,its about to catch up with her,and i pray its jail before death.~KIM
Just to show how shes not thinking correctly.She was on drug court for 2 years.She stayed clean all that time.She gained a little weight,was so happy with herself,she looked wonderful.Was shopping for clothes all the time,taking care of her appearance,i was so proud.I couldtn have been happier,my whole family was so proud of her.
Once she graduated from drug court she had one more year probabtion.She managed to get through that(while using,on and off)the last time she saw her probation officer(this was all becasue of a dwi with a BAC of .28...they said she should have been dead)the probation officer told her"we're through,just come back next week,i'll have all your paper wotk together to sign off'...MY SISTER NEVER WENT BACK TO SIGN OFF! ...the past 5 months shes been drinking and drugging and moving to avoid the probation,rather than just having gone back and signed off and having been free from the law.She just got so completely out of control she couldnt even handle that.Now "that" ,to any sane person,would have been the very first thing to take care of,go sign the papers,get it done and over with,get them out of your life right,not her,shes been running since.Sad.
Youre right,its about to catch up with her,and i pray its jail before death.~KIM
Hey Kim, that just plain sucks about your sister. I would just back off and leave her to it. There is absolutely nothing that you or your family can do until she is willing to get help.
Having a family member in a downward spiral in active addiction is hard on everyone. Pray Kim, that is all you can do. Inform her that when she is ready, willing and able to face her demons you will be there for her. But while she is destroying her life that you simply cannot bear it!
Hope you feel better!
Having a family member in a downward spiral in active addiction is hard on everyone. Pray Kim, that is all you can do. Inform her that when she is ready, willing and able to face her demons you will be there for her. But while she is destroying her life that you simply cannot bear it!
Hope you feel better!
KeeKee,thank you.
I did bascially what you said.The last time she called(abotu the hundreth...and i wasnt answering)i told her right straight out.I did not want to talk with her while shes in that condition.When shes straight and sober,i will talk(even if its for just an hour)but while shes messed up,conversation is pointless.She knows how we all feel,we've told her til we're blue in the face,she chooses to ignore us,and continue on the way she is.Unfortunately,its not a good choice,shes in for some big time trouble(if she manages to stay alive)But i will be there for her when that time comes.Until then,our hands are tied.~KIM
I did bascially what you said.The last time she called(abotu the hundreth...and i wasnt answering)i told her right straight out.I did not want to talk with her while shes in that condition.When shes straight and sober,i will talk(even if its for just an hour)but while shes messed up,conversation is pointless.She knows how we all feel,we've told her til we're blue in the face,she chooses to ignore us,and continue on the way she is.Unfortunately,its not a good choice,shes in for some big time trouble(if she manages to stay alive)But i will be there for her when that time comes.Until then,our hands are tied.~KIM
G'z she sounds just like me at my worst point. I couldn't take care of one damn thing including anything law related. I was so F'd up. If she has the law after her already regrettably it wont be long. But sounds like she does better on probation anyway so with any luck she will get caught.
Love,
Jane
PS Kimy really take care of yourself. A situation like this can get so draining. Keep us updated and keep venting.
Love,
Jane
PS Kimy really take care of yourself. A situation like this can get so draining. Keep us updated and keep venting.
Jane,honestly thank you so much.To think you were in that same type of frame of mind,and have turned out as good as you have...well,you give me hope! I appreciate that.
And thanks for your concern of me too,it is draining,because i not only have her,but my son,whos always in and out of some mess,my grandchildren are becoming more and more demanding of my time(i love them to death but....sometimes enough is enough)and then the lady i take care if is getting very very demanding of my time,i feel im ready for a breakdown.I do need to take care of me,i told my husband,starting today,im doing just that.I cant afford to lose it now,ive been working for 7 months to gain my sanity,im net letting "SOMEBODY' else ruin that for me. Again,youre so sweet Jane,and you too KeeKee,with all your own things you always find the time to say a kind word to everyone here.I for one,appreciate it immensly.~KIM
And thanks for your concern of me too,it is draining,because i not only have her,but my son,whos always in and out of some mess,my grandchildren are becoming more and more demanding of my time(i love them to death but....sometimes enough is enough)and then the lady i take care if is getting very very demanding of my time,i feel im ready for a breakdown.I do need to take care of me,i told my husband,starting today,im doing just that.I cant afford to lose it now,ive been working for 7 months to gain my sanity,im net letting "SOMEBODY' else ruin that for me. Again,youre so sweet Jane,and you too KeeKee,with all your own things you always find the time to say a kind word to everyone here.I for one,appreciate it immensly.~KIM
Dear Kim:
You're in a very difficult position, but there's really nothing you can do. She has to do it. However, it isn't hopeless. I know of people that I didn't think were even going to live much longer pull it together and today are doing great. My brother for example, alcoholic, smoked crack, spent time in jail, night and day difference. Today, clean & sober for years, started his own business, bought a house, got married, just came back from Europe. It's like a miracle - but it happens all the time - and it can happen for her, too. She just has to be ready to quit, and she's not yet, and you can't do it for her. You would if you could, you're her big sister and you obviously love her and are concerened, but for now you may have to detach with love because it sounds like she's lashing out right now, and those trying to help are getting hurt. I hope all of this doesn't sound cliched or trite, it really is meant to be a message of hope, just protect yourself and your family as much as you can. Hang in there, keep coming to this forum, you'll get lots of support and maybe people who've been there can tell you what it took for them, and the change its made in their whole lives and the lives of people who love them.
You're in a very difficult position, but there's really nothing you can do. She has to do it. However, it isn't hopeless. I know of people that I didn't think were even going to live much longer pull it together and today are doing great. My brother for example, alcoholic, smoked crack, spent time in jail, night and day difference. Today, clean & sober for years, started his own business, bought a house, got married, just came back from Europe. It's like a miracle - but it happens all the time - and it can happen for her, too. She just has to be ready to quit, and she's not yet, and you can't do it for her. You would if you could, you're her big sister and you obviously love her and are concerened, but for now you may have to detach with love because it sounds like she's lashing out right now, and those trying to help are getting hurt. I hope all of this doesn't sound cliched or trite, it really is meant to be a message of hope, just protect yourself and your family as much as you can. Hang in there, keep coming to this forum, you'll get lots of support and maybe people who've been there can tell you what it took for them, and the change its made in their whole lives and the lives of people who love them.
Thanks so much Lola,you really do give me hope.She is such a sweet smart,loving person.I know shes still in there somewhere.
When she was clean that 2 years,she was back to the sister i remember.She went to meetings,met new friends,really had a nice social circle.I know she can do this again,but im afraid(of course)that things might go too far and there will be no turning back.But youre all right,theres nothing i can do at this point but sit and wait and pray that things work out.Thanks so much~KIM
When she was clean that 2 years,she was back to the sister i remember.She went to meetings,met new friends,really had a nice social circle.I know she can do this again,but im afraid(of course)that things might go too far and there will be no turning back.But youre all right,theres nothing i can do at this point but sit and wait and pray that things work out.Thanks so much~KIM
