An american football player who was convicted of dog fighting and dog destroying.
Need a laugh ....here it is !!
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching
a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at
him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter
old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke
on
his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style
he
did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if
you
were my son.'
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching
a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at
him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the
matter
old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke
on
his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style
he
did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if
you
were my son.'
LMAO......
Nice one Dman....take care bro..........Davey
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO YOU DIDN'T!
That's hilarious.
That's hilarious.
One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike "My elbow hurts like
hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies
"There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's
wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs
five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club
card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the
computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter and the cat, and mastur..... into the mixture for good
measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.
He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
results.
The computer printed the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant with twins; they aren't yours. Get a lawyer..
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
Every little helps!!!!
hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies
"There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's
wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs
five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club
card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the
computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter and the cat, and mastur..... into the mixture for good
measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.
He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
results.
The computer printed the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant with twins; they aren't yours. Get a lawyer..
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get better....
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
Every little helps!!!!
At least your out there making me laugh....im listening to the Soul Investigators....really brilliant....so thank you on two fronts.ATB.......Davey
HAHAHA!!!!!! Funny is I've mixed some of those very things together for various reasons. Funny stuff.
Davey....CHEERS!,
Will never forget the day I was at my favorite cd shop about to leave(after being their for 21/2hrs sampling music)and one of my friends that works their said dude you gotta hear this(N.W.&T.S.I.).......upon the first listen I was sold! Infact been running it since I got home......INTEL LIVES!
Shouting hello to you B!
Will never forget the day I was at my favorite cd shop about to leave(after being their for 21/2hrs sampling music)and one of my friends that works their said dude you gotta hear this(N.W.&T.S.I.).......upon the first listen I was sold! Infact been running it since I got home......INTEL LIVES!
Shouting hello to you B!
Finger Painting(TOO COOL!):
Holy Sh*t
Give that dude a hand !!- -haha
really kool stuff
Give that dude a hand !!- -haha
really kool stuff
LOL......"hands down"the coolest body painting I have seen in a long time!
Amazing stuff D!!!!.....showed it to Sian and at first she wouldnt beleive me that they were actual real hands painted to look so much like animals....but i pointed out to her her a few clues and she relented....as i said brilliant.Take care Mukka..........Davey
Davey,
I was floored when I saw them.......the painting is so life like! Hope your weekend is filled with easy vibes and loades of INTEL! ATB!
I was floored when I saw them.......the painting is so life like! Hope your weekend is filled with easy vibes and loades of INTEL! ATB!
