OK, so here's my situation: As some of you know, I decided to not work outside of the house so I started to babysit a little girl. She's 15 months old, so of course, she is a handful. Her mom is 19 yrs old, they live on their own and get no help from the father. The first 2 weeks she was paying me everyday that I babysat. Supplying her milk, diapers, and wipes. Now here we are about 5 weeks into it, I guess, and I had to go out and buy a bottle, sippy cup, slippers, and a pair of jammies for her to leave at my house. She brought her one day with no bottle, no sippy cup, and slippers so small that they were literally cutting the circulation off in her feet. The jammie was something that I found on clearance and thought it could be a "just in case" for when she's here. So, now the slippers have gone home and I have not seen them in 2 weeks. The jammie went home about 3 weeks ago because she needed a bath one day while she was here and everything in her diaper bag was dirty (no big suprise there) I no longer have her bottle and she dropped this $10 sippy cup and broke it. I am supplying all her food, milk, and wipes. I refuse to buy her diapers. I have her 5 days a week and 4 out of 5 days I bath her and wash whatever clothes are in her diaper bag. Her mom does not have a car and if she doesn't have a ride home from work I will pick her up at like 11pm and drive them home. She gave me $5 extra once and I've done it a few times. Steve is always telling me I do too much for her and I need to stop. My biggest complaint however is that I only charge her $20 a day. Not a lot when I could easily get $35 for all that I do plus having her 10 hrs a day but, she is now $120 behind on paying me. She gave me $40 yesterday and said that she would pay me up to date soon but, she emailed me last night talking about going shopping and what she bought for the baby!! Hello!! Shouldn't your main concern be making sure that the person who is your childs' main care giver be paid for a job well done? Especially when the things you bought were not needed but, "just because you thought they were cute."
Don't get me wrong. I love being able to stay home and I love babysitting her but, I feel as though I'm being taken advantage of. In Canada, and her money is none of my business, but they pay you well when you have kids and I know she's getting a nice monthly supplement. If for no other reason than being a single mom. She also recently told me about her raise at work.
So, should I say something now or wait until the holidays are over and see if things go back to normal?
Just wondering. Steve says I need to tell her now and if it doesn't change to stop babysitting her.
I would tell her something. I know it is not easy to say things like that, but you are doing too much for her. I had a kid at 15 and when I took him to the babysitters I always made sure he had a bottle, diapers, extra clothes, and whatever else he would need. She is old enough to be more responsible. It is almost like she sees all that you do for her and just sees what else you'll do for her. I have friends who always ask for rides and I have been feeling like they are taken advatage of me, so I am keeping my distance.
Maybe you should mention that you really need the money she owes you for some bill or something else.
Maybe you should mention that you really need the money she owes you for some bill or something else.
I know I should say something to her before it gets really out of hand but, I feel so bad about it. Granted, as I sit here watching my dog lick up her ground up animal crackers in the slots of my hardwood floors and I listen to her crying upstairs because she has no bottle for her nap my blood begins to boil!!!
I don't think it would bother me so much if she would just acknowledge all that I do do for her and her daughter.
It's funny because she's the one in the wrong and I'm the one who feels like s*** because I have to say something to her.
It would be great if she showed up today after work and had the money she owes and brought back the things I need here.
I don't think it would bother me so much if she would just acknowledge all that I do do for her and her daughter.
It's funny because she's the one in the wrong and I'm the one who feels like s*** because I have to say something to her.
It would be great if she showed up today after work and had the money she owes and brought back the things I need here.
You feel that way because that little girl is innocent and not being care for properly by her mother..it's a tough situation and you should be commended for caring for and about her. She's probably in for a rough life.
Also, the Mom is only 19, so she probably is in need aof a bit of education when it comes to her daughter...she might be struggling..
Also, the Mom is only 19, so she probably is in need aof a bit of education when it comes to her daughter...she might be struggling..
Hi Meghan first I want to say I think what your doing is a GREAT thing for her,I remember being a single mom & worrying about the care my daughters got.
Now yes I agree you must somehow find a way to tell her how your feeling...which is used.I know you Meghan & I know you can find a way to tell her in a way that wont hurt her or you for that matter.
Now Im not sure how Social Services works in your area BUT I do know here in NY,when I was working SS did help pay for child care.As a matter of fact my sitter would get close to 500.00 a mth,maybe the mom should look into that?
You need to be firm in this also though because beings you have the big heart that you do its easy for people to take advantage.
Anyways Yes somehow let her know that You need the money,that you understand things are ruff for her but you also are giving her child good care & deserve to be paid for it...
Love molly
Now yes I agree you must somehow find a way to tell her how your feeling...which is used.I know you Meghan & I know you can find a way to tell her in a way that wont hurt her or you for that matter.
Now Im not sure how Social Services works in your area BUT I do know here in NY,when I was working SS did help pay for child care.As a matter of fact my sitter would get close to 500.00 a mth,maybe the mom should look into that?
You need to be firm in this also though because beings you have the big heart that you do its easy for people to take advantage.
Anyways Yes somehow let her know that You need the money,that you understand things are ruff for her but you also are giving her child good care & deserve to be paid for it...
Love molly
Ouch Meghan, This is a tough one, for sure.
While you want to be sure you get paid, you also dont want to be the "bad guy" also, I can understand that for sure.
It sounds as if you are mothering them both in the sense of having to let her know when the baby needs diapers, a sippy cup, these types of things.
I couldn't help but feel some empapathy for her when you said she was 19, and single raising a child.........I am sure money is still tight for her BUT we all have to pay child care if we choose to work, and there is a world of assistance out there for that I am sure.
It sounds as if you really enjoy the little girl, and thank god she has you right now.
Its hard to distinguish whether it is financial problems or just plain neglect on the mother's part for not doing certain things.......When I worked I sent my son with a suitcase full of things literally to stay at the sitter's and if I were a minute over picking her up she got paid for it. Babysitting is a job just like any other and you should be paid for every minute that you put into it.
If I were you, I would sit down and tell the mother first off, how much you enjoy her and her child.........but that you are a little concerned on there falling behind in payment, ask her if she is in need of some type of financial aid? But I would very nicely make it clear that with it being Christmas time you need to be paid. You could even compromise by telling her if she pays you say 75 percent of what she owes you now, she can pay the rest on her next payday or after Christmas or whatever you choose, if you are able to do that.
Like I said, Tough Situation.................and again, I think it was meant to be you have come into this little girl's life.
Hugs.
While you want to be sure you get paid, you also dont want to be the "bad guy" also, I can understand that for sure.
It sounds as if you are mothering them both in the sense of having to let her know when the baby needs diapers, a sippy cup, these types of things.
I couldn't help but feel some empapathy for her when you said she was 19, and single raising a child.........I am sure money is still tight for her BUT we all have to pay child care if we choose to work, and there is a world of assistance out there for that I am sure.
It sounds as if you really enjoy the little girl, and thank god she has you right now.
Its hard to distinguish whether it is financial problems or just plain neglect on the mother's part for not doing certain things.......When I worked I sent my son with a suitcase full of things literally to stay at the sitter's and if I were a minute over picking her up she got paid for it. Babysitting is a job just like any other and you should be paid for every minute that you put into it.
If I were you, I would sit down and tell the mother first off, how much you enjoy her and her child.........but that you are a little concerned on there falling behind in payment, ask her if she is in need of some type of financial aid? But I would very nicely make it clear that with it being Christmas time you need to be paid. You could even compromise by telling her if she pays you say 75 percent of what she owes you now, she can pay the rest on her next payday or after Christmas or whatever you choose, if you are able to do that.
Like I said, Tough Situation.................and again, I think it was meant to be you have come into this little girl's life.
Hugs.
Boy, you both are so right!! I don't think that she's being mistreated in any way by her mom but I do agree that she needs some more education on having a baby. She loves her daughter and that's as obvious as the sun shines but, I feel that she shows it in the wrong ways. She'll show up here on a warm day with a snowsuit and when it's freezing out she shows up with a skirt and windbreaker!!! When she comes in the morning without a hat, mittens or scarf Steve will look at me and say,. "She's young."
And I am so afraid of saying something that p****** her (mom) off and then I don't have the baby to watch anymore. I do love having her here and I can pretty much do whatever I want.....go places and things of that nature. So she's in no way a burden but, I hate being taken advantage of.
The government here takes care of the kids. Not only does she get what's- called a "baby bonus" but she also gets "mothers allowance." Plus she has a fulltime job and makes a decent paycheck. She does qualify for subsidized daycare but, it has to be in a government approved facility and they're real picky about what time you can pick your kids up and things along that line. I'm willing to bet that she brings in more than $3000 a month.
And I am so afraid of saying something that p****** her (mom) off and then I don't have the baby to watch anymore. I do love having her here and I can pretty much do whatever I want.....go places and things of that nature. So she's in no way a burden but, I hate being taken advantage of.
The government here takes care of the kids. Not only does she get what's- called a "baby bonus" but she also gets "mothers allowance." Plus she has a fulltime job and makes a decent paycheck. She does qualify for subsidized daycare but, it has to be in a government approved facility and they're real picky about what time you can pick your kids up and things along that line. I'm willing to bet that she brings in more than $3000 a month.
Jodi-
You know, the odd time I needed a sitter for one of my girls I was the same way. I sent enough stuff for a month!! I was always teased for being so anal with my girls!! But you know? You about got it right when you said that I'm "mothering them both." That's what it feels like, to me. That doesn't bother me too much, thoguh. I'm the first to help anybody if it's within my capabilities.
You know, the odd time I needed a sitter for one of my girls I was the same way. I sent enough stuff for a month!! I was always teased for being so anal with my girls!! But you know? You about got it right when you said that I'm "mothering them both." That's what it feels like, to me. That doesn't bother me too much, thoguh. I'm the first to help anybody if it's within my capabilities.
When I was a single mom, I was fortunate to find someone that babysat for $35 a week....my heaven's is childcare that much??? I can see why the woman has gotten behind in her payments...she is working to pay for daycare. I guess I just haven't had to pay for one in so long that this seems like alot of money.
Jana's real mom was like that...always forgot to bring stuff...my MIL kept clothes and supplies at her home and refused to let them go when she left at night.
I don't know what to tell you, but I can definately see why the mom is behind in her payments, I'm sure at 19 she isn't making all that much money. Oh, and I haven't paid for daycare for about 8 years, my son went to a public daycare and we paid $75 a week for.
Jana's real mom was like that...always forgot to bring stuff...my MIL kept clothes and supplies at her home and refused to let them go when she left at night.
I don't know what to tell you, but I can definately see why the mom is behind in her payments, I'm sure at 19 she isn't making all that much money. Oh, and I haven't paid for daycare for about 8 years, my son went to a public daycare and we paid $75 a week for.
Huny Now Thats just wrong.You are giving excellent care to her child & you deserve to be paid for it.3000.00!!!! Goodness.
I know when I went through DSS my sister was the care provider & yes they had to check her house out but it wasnt a major thing.She got certified & boom.
Of course now I know that when I was working she was letting my oldest (than 13)run the streets at night.Nice huh?My sister got THAT much money & truley I dont feel she deserved it.
YOU do though so try to find a way of telling her,you need to be paid or else she has 2 weeks to find someone else.JMO
Love molly
I know when I went through DSS my sister was the care provider & yes they had to check her house out but it wasnt a major thing.She got certified & boom.
Of course now I know that when I was working she was letting my oldest (than 13)run the streets at night.Nice huh?My sister got THAT much money & truley I dont feel she deserved it.
YOU do though so try to find a way of telling her,you need to be paid or else she has 2 weeks to find someone else.JMO
Love molly
Maybe you could gather up all the receipts for everything that is owed to you and print everything out on an easy to read paper or small bulletin type thing.
Like something colorful or big that would appease a 19 year old-- And then write down what items she needs to bring for the day or week or whatever and make it friendly looking. And say something like youre just trying to make things easier for the both of you this way so things/stuff/money/etc. doesnt get lost or mixed up in the process oh and by Dec. 20 (for ex) this is what you owe me and tell her that you think she is a great mom and you really enjoy taking care of her little one and if she has any suggestions youre all ears. --------
good luck--- that is a tough bind youre in!
Like something colorful or big that would appease a 19 year old-- And then write down what items she needs to bring for the day or week or whatever and make it friendly looking. And say something like youre just trying to make things easier for the both of you this way so things/stuff/money/etc. doesnt get lost or mixed up in the process oh and by Dec. 20 (for ex) this is what you owe me and tell her that you think she is a great mom and you really enjoy taking care of her little one and if she has any suggestions youre all ears. --------
good luck--- that is a tough bind youre in!
I didn't read the replies, so this may have already been said, but...
Hard as it may be, you have to stand up to her now. Nobody else is going to put up with this either. Make a list of what you expect to come with her each day. Diapers, extra clean clothes and PJ's, bottles, etc. Add up what she owes you for and add it to a printed invoice. Each time she pays you give her a new invoice. Tell her you are doing it so you can keep track of things more easily. Also, agree upon a scheduled payment time. Daily, weekly, whatever. When she arrives that day be prepared to deduct payment from her invoice and hand it to her before she leaves. If she doesn't offer payment, ask her if she is planning to pay you because you need to print the invoice.
The regular invoice is necessary because you need it to stay organized. It also shifts the uncomfortable task of asking for payment from you to the invoice. You are now asking for payment so that the invoice will be correct, rather than "hey I want my money." It all boils down to the same thing, but is a softer way to say "pay me." You can have 2 invoices ready to print, she doesn't need to know. If she doesn't pay, ask her to hold on while you "fix" the invoice.
If the baby shows up without the things you have stated you need, add the cost of a new one to the invoice. Simply say "Oh, I'm sorry but your baby spilled food all over her clothes and I didn't have anything to for her to wear. I had to run out and buy some PJ's. I got the cheapest ones I could find, but I added that $10 on so you will have an extra set now."
She will get the message. If she protests, give her another copy of your list of things she needs to bring. Tell her "I wish she hadn't messed up her clothes, but kids will be kids, and I had to do something. But, I wasn't planning to go out today and I didn't charge you for gas or the the trip to the store."
Be as sweet as you can be about it, and be sure to use "the invoice" as the reason you are doing this. Just say you are very organized, and do not want the invoice to get messed up.
You may want to request that 2 of everything be brought to your house. That way if one thing goes home and she shows up next time without the second one, you can remind her before it requires you to buy something else.
It may be less formal than punching a timeclock, but it is still business. Don't hesitate to treat it as such.
Sounds like this may just be a young mother still learning how to balance things. Keeping things on track is actually allowing her to learn.
Hard as it may be, you have to stand up to her now. Nobody else is going to put up with this either. Make a list of what you expect to come with her each day. Diapers, extra clean clothes and PJ's, bottles, etc. Add up what she owes you for and add it to a printed invoice. Each time she pays you give her a new invoice. Tell her you are doing it so you can keep track of things more easily. Also, agree upon a scheduled payment time. Daily, weekly, whatever. When she arrives that day be prepared to deduct payment from her invoice and hand it to her before she leaves. If she doesn't offer payment, ask her if she is planning to pay you because you need to print the invoice.
The regular invoice is necessary because you need it to stay organized. It also shifts the uncomfortable task of asking for payment from you to the invoice. You are now asking for payment so that the invoice will be correct, rather than "hey I want my money." It all boils down to the same thing, but is a softer way to say "pay me." You can have 2 invoices ready to print, she doesn't need to know. If she doesn't pay, ask her to hold on while you "fix" the invoice.
If the baby shows up without the things you have stated you need, add the cost of a new one to the invoice. Simply say "Oh, I'm sorry but your baby spilled food all over her clothes and I didn't have anything to for her to wear. I had to run out and buy some PJ's. I got the cheapest ones I could find, but I added that $10 on so you will have an extra set now."
She will get the message. If she protests, give her another copy of your list of things she needs to bring. Tell her "I wish she hadn't messed up her clothes, but kids will be kids, and I had to do something. But, I wasn't planning to go out today and I didn't charge you for gas or the the trip to the store."
Be as sweet as you can be about it, and be sure to use "the invoice" as the reason you are doing this. Just say you are very organized, and do not want the invoice to get messed up.
You may want to request that 2 of everything be brought to your house. That way if one thing goes home and she shows up next time without the second one, you can remind her before it requires you to buy something else.
It may be less formal than punching a timeclock, but it is still business. Don't hesitate to treat it as such.
Sounds like this may just be a young mother still learning how to balance things. Keeping things on track is actually allowing her to learn.
And remember, working moms have it tough; you are never caught up. It is like two full time jobs, and distractions all the time. Just getting out the door somedays on time is a major challenge, let alone with the shoes.
$35 a day is the going rate around here. I only charge her $20 a day but, I also supply EVERYTHING except her diapers. $100 a week for daycare is pretty cheap.
I do agree that any mom, working or not, has it tough. Kids aren't easy but, in my defense her and I email every night. I email her pictures, tell her things we did that day, what she ate, what times she napped and if there's anything I need or want her to bring along the next day.
Hotmommy
What a predicament..
of course you want was is best for the baby,
and have taken care of this child as well as if it was your own..
She has definitely taken advantage of you..
Heres what I would do...
I would call her up or sit across from her...whatever makes you feel more comfortable..
You say; "We need to talk about something important"
" When you were telling me about the stuff you bought for the baby, that were not even essentials, I was really upset, but didnt say anything and i should have.
fact remains that you owe me $ blank amount of money.....I am giving you the very best price that i can, because i know your young and your struggling, but I can not continue to work under these conditions...
Ask her if she thinks that you are giving 100% in caring for her daughter,,,,when of curse she says yes, tell her that shes right you are, and you will continue to do so, but only if she will: ( make a list of requests)
tell her if she thinks she can find someone that takes as good a care for her daughter as you do that would work for not only less than minimum wage, but then put up with late paychecks, then please do so..
Your husband is right, and this situation needs to be cleared up right away..
Hopefully she doesnt even realize the err of her ways...shes young, inexperienced with the world and the obvious value of a good caretaker...so once she realizes what she has and that she may lose you, she'll smarten up..
Let us know how it goes...
Hugs
Ali
What a predicament..
of course you want was is best for the baby,
and have taken care of this child as well as if it was your own..
She has definitely taken advantage of you..
Heres what I would do...
I would call her up or sit across from her...whatever makes you feel more comfortable..
You say; "We need to talk about something important"
" When you were telling me about the stuff you bought for the baby, that were not even essentials, I was really upset, but didnt say anything and i should have.
fact remains that you owe me $ blank amount of money.....I am giving you the very best price that i can, because i know your young and your struggling, but I can not continue to work under these conditions...
Ask her if she thinks that you are giving 100% in caring for her daughter,,,,when of curse she says yes, tell her that shes right you are, and you will continue to do so, but only if she will: ( make a list of requests)
tell her if she thinks she can find someone that takes as good a care for her daughter as you do that would work for not only less than minimum wage, but then put up with late paychecks, then please do so..
Your husband is right, and this situation needs to be cleared up right away..
Hopefully she doesnt even realize the err of her ways...shes young, inexperienced with the world and the obvious value of a good caretaker...so once she realizes what she has and that she may lose you, she'll smarten up..
Let us know how it goes...
Hugs
Ali
I like Atlas' solution the best. I'm all for spelling things out as to expectations and perhaps you should include a late payment charge to act as a stimulant. I think that a letter with the schedule of expectations is the best way to go. No eye to eye confrontation, but you're making it clear to her that you have expectations of your own. If she doesn't complete yours, I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone who does. Good luck!
