Paula,
I wish to God that I knew more about your personal history. I wish I knew your family members names, addresses, phone numbers or any info so that I could get in touch with them for your sake. You are suicidal and need immediate help. You should be under constant watch and receiving one on one mental evaluation and help. At this point an NA/AA meeting will not help, you need so much more right now. Yes meetings will help when you are more stable but someone calling 911 for you is what's needed immediately and I cannot stress that enough.
The next time you mix Morphine, Methadone and Soma together, you may very well be successful in taking your life. These are some of the strongest narcotics there are and the major side effect of them is that they cause respiratory depression. You will simply stop breathing Paula. God help you, I pray that you are not alone when this happens but I fear you will be since you are dishonest with everyone around you or they are turning a blind eye where you are concerned. Maybe they are doing this out of love, ignorance or however they are justifying not getting you immediate help. I don't know. What I do know is that they are not doing you any favors. And you know what, I could care less if this seems harsh to you or anyone else. If any word(s) that I have used here opens anyone's eyes or jolts them into action, I would rather sound harsh, hurtfull, or downright cruel if it means it will save your life. I don't want to come here in a few days or weeks and read that you have died. I would feel as though I contributed to your death by not saying something that needed to be said or rather NEEDS TO BE SHOUTED.
Carol, I beg you (or anyone else that knows her personally)............if you know how to reach her family, please read Paula's post to them, please, please do it immediately and urge them to get her the help she needs. She is in such mental anguish right now because of her addiction and depression that time is of the essence to save her life. This and her easy access to these deadly drugs is going to kill her.
Paula, I wrote this post out of fear for your life and love for the life that you are. Please get help now Paula. I'm pleading with you. Call me names, curse me, I don't care. What I do care about is you. You deserve to live, not die. Your life is worth the effort Paula. Look @ how many people cared enough about you to respond to your post. Look at how many people read what you posted. You posted because you are crying out for help. I have never read any post on here that has screamed out for help like your's did.
PLEASE, PAULA, PLEASE, reach out and get the help you so desperately need. You are a child of God and he does not want you to live another day in such pain.
Sharon
Paula
Listen to Carol. She loves you and REALLY cares about you. I'm sure you know that by now. There are are lot of people who love and care about you. One of them is typing this right now.
Frank
Was that for me Sammy? Am I being less than I should be? I am sorry. I am just so frutstrated, and I care about Paula so much.
Was I there? Yes. Did I do the same thing? Absolutely. But the day came when I had to own up to it and try to turn it around. Have I got it perfect? No. I never will. But I have come a long way, and I still trying each and every day.
Maybe it wasn't meant for me, and I am just feeling guilty.
Whatever, I am sorry, Paula. I care about you, and what happens to you. And I haven't seen you get honest yet, after all that we have been through together. And it hurts to see you hurting, and not be willing to give another way a chance.
That;s all I am going to say.
good mornin', Carol ~
what i wrote last night was to paula. i had not read the other responses in this thread prior to posting. so i went back this morning and read some of the replies - especially yours, since you specifically wrote to me.
it is quite evident the love and concern you have for paula. i would have felt so blessed to have a friend like you on my side when existing in active addiction. one thing i have learned over the past few 24 hours is not only am i powerless over the drugs i abused, i'm powerless over the drugs anyone else abuses. also, i've learned that when i want someone's recovery more than they do, i'm usually in trouble.
if someone wants/desires a solution out of this abyss of insanity, i'm willing to share the solution i learned to realize this. i didn't see where paula asked for any suggestions or help. she wrote a part of her story; hence, my question to her as to what we could do to help her. i know all too well how much it hurts to have a friend who is chained to addiction. i also realize that it is not about me.
my intent when posting on these message boards is not to slay the God within anyone. that includes you, paula, myself - everyone. my intent is start the process of spirit awakening - to let someone know that there is a solution.
love and gigantic hugs to you, dear carol ~
sammy
Was I there? Yes. Did I do the same thing? Absolutely. But the day came when I had to own up to it and try to turn it around. Have I got it perfect? No. I never will. But I have come a long way, and I still trying each and every day.
Maybe it wasn't meant for me, and I am just feeling guilty.
Whatever, I am sorry, Paula. I care about you, and what happens to you. And I haven't seen you get honest yet, after all that we have been through together. And it hurts to see you hurting, and not be willing to give another way a chance.
That;s all I am going to say.
good mornin', Carol ~
what i wrote last night was to paula. i had not read the other responses in this thread prior to posting. so i went back this morning and read some of the replies - especially yours, since you specifically wrote to me.
it is quite evident the love and concern you have for paula. i would have felt so blessed to have a friend like you on my side when existing in active addiction. one thing i have learned over the past few 24 hours is not only am i powerless over the drugs i abused, i'm powerless over the drugs anyone else abuses. also, i've learned that when i want someone's recovery more than they do, i'm usually in trouble.
if someone wants/desires a solution out of this abyss of insanity, i'm willing to share the solution i learned to realize this. i didn't see where paula asked for any suggestions or help. she wrote a part of her story; hence, my question to her as to what we could do to help her. i know all too well how much it hurts to have a friend who is chained to addiction. i also realize that it is not about me.
my intent when posting on these message boards is not to slay the God within anyone. that includes you, paula, myself - everyone. my intent is start the process of spirit awakening - to let someone know that there is a solution.
love and gigantic hugs to you, dear carol ~
sammy
Gemz...
Sorry to hear about your past predictament. I know about overdosing, just a couple months ago I overdosed on Vicoden and Tylenol PM. I took fifty of each and somehow I lived through it. I wish you well and congrats on your clean time.
Love,
Deirdre
Sorry to hear about your past predictament. I know about overdosing, just a couple months ago I overdosed on Vicoden and Tylenol PM. I took fifty of each and somehow I lived through it. I wish you well and congrats on your clean time.
Love,
Deirdre
Sammy, I know, I know. I was just feeling guilty for coming down on Paula, and was expecting to get blasted for it. I am sorry. I know the love and compassion you have in your heart, you know I know that. Being a little thin skinned down here, I guess. You are one special lady, Ms. Sammy, and this board and this world are a MUCH better place because you are in it. I love you.
And for Ms. Paula.........regardless of how wrong it feels to say what I said to you, I believe with all my heart that your addiction has now dragged you down about as far as you can let it. You have got to do something now, and if I can help you in any way, let me. I am here, and I will come and get you, talk to your family, etc. do whatever I can to help you through this.
Read Sharon's post. Read it again. She is right. I will call your family today, Paula. The only problem I have with doing that is,,,,,,,,,,Paula's husband is in pretty bad shape physically.......impairment from strokes. Is it going to be too much for him to hear this? I do not want to upset him and cause him harm!!! Not sure about that one. Hopefully, I can talk to her daughter, if she is still living there.
Paula, if you are reading .........let me know, call me, email me,,,,,get in touch somehow and talk to me. I want to help. I don't want you to die, I love you.
Morphine, Methadone and Soma what a dangerous combination. I am sorry to hear you were using again.
I am Glad to hear you are clean now. That is the 1st step. It took a lot of courage to come here and be honest. I hope you come back and let everyone here try and help you.
I know your husband was on methadone a while back. Were you taking his methadone? Did a doctor write him the methadone and morphine you were taking ? Or is this your doctor writing you both? If so what is the reason you are prescribed both of those strong narcotic's? Is your husband able to lock his medication up in a safe away from you?
I think you would benefit from Rehab ( 1st) , Out-patient treatment, AA/NA and an addiction specialist.
I am happy you have friends and family that are there for you to support you. You will need them to help you through this. I wish you the best of luck.
Have a Merry Christmas and I hope you have a Happy, Clean & Safe New Year!! Take care Paula.
Rae
I am Glad to hear you are clean now. That is the 1st step. It took a lot of courage to come here and be honest. I hope you come back and let everyone here try and help you.
I know your husband was on methadone a while back. Were you taking his methadone? Did a doctor write him the methadone and morphine you were taking ? Or is this your doctor writing you both? If so what is the reason you are prescribed both of those strong narcotic's? Is your husband able to lock his medication up in a safe away from you?
I think you would benefit from Rehab ( 1st) , Out-patient treatment, AA/NA and an addiction specialist.
I am happy you have friends and family that are there for you to support you. You will need them to help you through this. I wish you the best of luck.
Have a Merry Christmas and I hope you have a Happy, Clean & Safe New Year!! Take care Paula.
Rae
Paula girl, you aren't alone honey. At one time or another, all of us have lied about our usage. It's part of the disease. Don't focus on that, focus on the moving forward part.
Get your butt to a meeting. You may not have a second chance next time.
I saw that you called and would love to talk, call me anytime.
Love you
Lisa
Get your butt to a meeting. You may not have a second chance next time.
I saw that you called and would love to talk, call me anytime.
Love you
Lisa
I talked with Paula today. She's OK. Says she doesn't need rehab, and won't go, but I really think she will hit a meeting. I am going to keep on her. Her entire family is aware of what happened and they are under strict orders to hide the pills. Hope they do!
I love you Paula, and I will stay on you about this. Know that many people care about you and what happens to you. I will stay in touch with you, but if you need me ANYTIME, you know where to find me.
Paula,
Would really love to hear from YOU but thanks for the update Carol. Hopefully Paula will come here and share the details with us. Isolating is never a good idea and sometimes it just helps to talk. When your ready Paula, we'll be here.
Rae
Would really love to hear from YOU but thanks for the update Carol. Hopefully Paula will come here and share the details with us. Isolating is never a good idea and sometimes it just helps to talk. When your ready Paula, we'll be here.
Rae
Hi Everyone and Thank you to all that cared enough to respond... Right now I am having a really hard time knowing what to say.. I seem to not be able to verablize my feelings right now.. All I know know is that I have been clean since Friday and even though I want to use and am craving bad.. I am scared to death to take anything and that is good.. I will start checking in and try not to isolate so much I know it is not a good thing.. I am also thinking about therapy.. Just wanted to check in with everyone and let everyone know I am doing ok.. Thank you all ..
Paula, I am glad you are okay....don't isolate honey, keep us posted.
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}
Went back to work today.. The whole time I was driving I was getting more down by the minute.. I called someone and we talked, I finally realized after talking to her that one thing I dreaded going back to work about was the girl I work for, she takes pills and had asked me last week if I could get her some I told her I would try.. She had called while I was on the phone and left a voice mail, I listen to it right before I went in and the message wanted to know if I had talked to the person I get some of my pills from it just thru me that this was the first thing she wanted to know.. I told her no when I got in and to please not bring this up again, she knew what had happened I would have thought she would not have asked.. I am not mad because I realize that I might have done the same, it did make me feel so much better thought to get that conversation out of the way.. Well just wanted to check in and say hi...
Today is a new day.. Just thought I would check in today I may not be on tonight due to getting home so late.. I wish I did not have to go thru this I am so mad that I did this to myself.. and I am so mad that I am a addict and so mad that I can't take pills and mad that I want to take pills.. Make sense to anyone?? Have a great day..
Paula I just wanted to send ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))your way & I pray everyday you keep getting stronger & stronger.Im so glad you talked with Carol.I cannot tell you how much that beautiful lady has helped me through some really hard times!!!!
Take Care Paula
Love Molly
Take Care Paula
Love Molly
Paula-
Oh Yes, It makes perfect sense to me.............I still wonder that many times. Why did this happen to me? I try not to think like that but it happens. I also get angry all the time with myself that I am addicted, so know you are NOT alone........
You have some great support around you, Carol sounds like a true friend that really loves you and cares for your well being, and so many others as well.
You can make it through this.............and you will...............I have faith in you.
Big Hugs.
Oh Yes, It makes perfect sense to me.............I still wonder that many times. Why did this happen to me? I try not to think like that but it happens. I also get angry all the time with myself that I am addicted, so know you are NOT alone........
You have some great support around you, Carol sounds like a true friend that really loves you and cares for your well being, and so many others as well.
You can make it through this.............and you will...............I have faith in you.
Big Hugs.
Hey Paula, I am so glad you told her and hopefully, she won't bring it up again. If she does, please get firm with her and let her know your life is at stake here. Her need to get high is not your problem or responsibility, and you should tell her that.
I know you are angry. It's part of the process to be where you are right now. Hold on and turn the anger into a positive thing. Get angry enough to never let this monster control you again. Get angry about the time you're lost to it, and it's grip and fight it back hard this time with every thing you have.
How about those meetings? Did you call? When you come through D'ville everyday, you could just stop in and check one of them out.......it's on your way! 11 am, 12 pm, 7 pm. Everyday. Right off the square, easy to find. They are a bunch of great folks, Paula. I have tried many, and these were the ones I stuck with. You will love them, and they will embrace you. This is what you need, Paula. Please give it some serious thought, Call me if you need directions, I could even meet you there.
Have a good day today. Hold on.
Love you!
I know you are angry. It's part of the process to be where you are right now. Hold on and turn the anger into a positive thing. Get angry enough to never let this monster control you again. Get angry about the time you're lost to it, and it's grip and fight it back hard this time with every thing you have.
How about those meetings? Did you call? When you come through D'ville everyday, you could just stop in and check one of them out.......it's on your way! 11 am, 12 pm, 7 pm. Everyday. Right off the square, easy to find. They are a bunch of great folks, Paula. I have tried many, and these were the ones I stuck with. You will love them, and they will embrace you. This is what you need, Paula. Please give it some serious thought, Call me if you need directions, I could even meet you there.
Have a good day today. Hold on.
Love you!
Carol-
Just wanted to say, I think you are amazing.................
Paula............Please listen to what Carol is telling you, she loves you that is so evident.
Hugs to you both.
Just wanted to say, I think you are amazing.................
Paula............Please listen to what Carol is telling you, she loves you that is so evident.
Hugs to you both.
Carol couldn't have made this any easier for you Paula....she's got her hand out, take it. You know she knows how you're feeling, trust her about the meetings. I really want you to go. When we talked the other day I could tell that you are so at the end of your rope. I understand your reasons for not wanting to go to treatment and hey, it's not workable for everyone, it just makes it so much easier to get some clean time under your belt without all of th pressures of life. No reason to hide anymore, right? Your family knows, let them help as well. Don't do this by yourself honey.
I'm always a phone call away, you might not get what you want to hear but you will get the truth and my love.
Lisa
I'm always a phone call away, you might not get what you want to hear but you will get the truth and my love.
Lisa
carol, since you and I and Paula live pretty close, let's have a girl's day out somewhere after the bussle of the new year... ya'll in??
I think it could do all of us some good.
stac
I think it could do all of us some good.
stac
Awesome idea Stacey....Stay on top of them! Be so cool to actually meet people from here face to face...the amount of support could be HUGE.
