What can we do as parents to help our grown (38) son without enabling him. We/he has been addicted to meth for at least 15 years. He refuses to get a job, his wife of 7 years just filed for divorce, and moved herself and the two children (4 and 7) in with her parents because he was bringing all kinds of strangers into the house while she was at work and things began to come up missing. I might add, she is an attorney and can be/is very controlling of what my son can and cannot do in regards to anything...this includes the children. It is always her, the kids, and her parents going on trips...my son is and never has been invited. He uses the excuse she drove him to drug usage.
She will be turning in the house keys within a couple days, and our son will be homeless. He wants us to pay to get his truck repaired again, and we are not financially able to do so. We did this a few months ago, and he took all the new parts and returned them for a refund so he could buy drugs. We love both our children dearly and would do anything to help them.
He has advanced to shooting up, calls for money, says he hasn't eaten in days, is sleeping in the bushes, and basically puts us on a mighty guilt trip.
Is there anything we should be doing as parents? I might add, he has been in rehab a couple times before, but who is there with him but other addicts, and when he gets out...he's right back looking for a fix. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!
Hi Pam, I'm very sorry to read what you are going through. I don't know much about meth other than its one of the bad drugs out there. My daughter uses crack/cocaine,heroin etc 17 yrs now and is 34 yrs old. I know your suffering and saw no one had wrote to you yet so I decided to acknowledge your post and let you know you've come to the right place coming here! Someone will answer you that has an addict on meth, sometimes it takes a few days for them to see your post. The best advice I can give you is don't help him with anything. The sooner he realizes everything his drug use has lead to the sooner he may go try to get himself better. Remember you didn't cause this, you can't control it and you can't cure it!!! It's all on him. He's the one that knows what he needs to do to get better. He'll blame everyone but himself for losing his family. But don't be drawn in by this. If he had been a normal husband and father he would still have his house and family. People get divorced everyday but they don't turn to meth. Don't allow yourself to feel sorry for him, I know it's hard not to. But all he has done he has done to himself. It's so sad for the children that are involved. I wish you well. Come on here often and read the posts, they'll give you strength and eventually help you understand better. There is a message board for Meth if you read on there too it will help you see what your up against. Stay strong. Mary
Hi Pam
I have an 18 year old daughter on meth. She is homeless, has been raped and is a broken soul. As a Mom I want to run to her side and help her. But I can't as this enabling. I did go see her three weeks ago as she lives about a two hour plane ride away. I hadn't seen her in six months. It was so scary and I came back a wreck and ended up with pnemonia. While I was there I did take her out for some coffees and light meals as that is all she wanted. I have told her I love her, hate the drugs and should she ever want to turn this around I will help her with a bus ticket to detox/rehab government run programs.
Every day I live in fear she will die and yet I know I am powerless. If I give her money I am enabling and she can buy more drugs. She knows she can not come to live with me unless she has been in treatment due to her violent ways when she is using.
I hold on to the memory of my daughter. If and when I do go see her again I set boundaries. She can't stay with me at the hotel...I leave my credit cards at the hotel etc.
She is in a world of hell, shame and self loathing. I don't need to add to that by giving her my advice, begging or trying to threaten or reason with her. I just set up healthy boundaries to protect myself. This has been a daily journey to have to do this. It is so easy to get back on her roller coaster with her. It has impacted my job, my overall health, my son's life. And now I know I need to keep the focus on myself to remain healthy.
Praying for you.
I have an 18 year old daughter on meth. She is homeless, has been raped and is a broken soul. As a Mom I want to run to her side and help her. But I can't as this enabling. I did go see her three weeks ago as she lives about a two hour plane ride away. I hadn't seen her in six months. It was so scary and I came back a wreck and ended up with pnemonia. While I was there I did take her out for some coffees and light meals as that is all she wanted. I have told her I love her, hate the drugs and should she ever want to turn this around I will help her with a bus ticket to detox/rehab government run programs.
Every day I live in fear she will die and yet I know I am powerless. If I give her money I am enabling and she can buy more drugs. She knows she can not come to live with me unless she has been in treatment due to her violent ways when she is using.
I hold on to the memory of my daughter. If and when I do go see her again I set boundaries. She can't stay with me at the hotel...I leave my credit cards at the hotel etc.
She is in a world of hell, shame and self loathing. I don't need to add to that by giving her my advice, begging or trying to threaten or reason with her. I just set up healthy boundaries to protect myself. This has been a daily journey to have to do this. It is so easy to get back on her roller coaster with her. It has impacted my job, my overall health, my son's life. And now I know I need to keep the focus on myself to remain healthy.
Praying for you.
Pam,
I think the knowing what to do as a parent is the worst part. You can't win what ever you do. My son is 32 and has been using meth for 16 years. It is a parents worst nightmare. We have finally come together as a couple and stopped enabling him. It has taken many years at first my husband would give in and sneak him money and let him in the house, after he had stolen everything of worth from us and started on the grandparents my husband finally stood up to him and stopped giving in. It is the hardest thing ever to see you child homeless. He is currently in jail for the 4th time, its mean to say but that is usually when I feel the most at peace. I wish I could give you all the answers you are looking for. But I think sharing your feelings is the best healing right now. I have a long long way to
Go to find my own peace but I think sharing your story is a start. I wish you the best and your sharing has helped me.
Good luck. Diane
I think the knowing what to do as a parent is the worst part. You can't win what ever you do. My son is 32 and has been using meth for 16 years. It is a parents worst nightmare. We have finally come together as a couple and stopped enabling him. It has taken many years at first my husband would give in and sneak him money and let him in the house, after he had stolen everything of worth from us and started on the grandparents my husband finally stood up to him and stopped giving in. It is the hardest thing ever to see you child homeless. He is currently in jail for the 4th time, its mean to say but that is usually when I feel the most at peace. I wish I could give you all the answers you are looking for. But I think sharing your feelings is the best healing right now. I have a long long way to
Go to find my own peace but I think sharing your story is a start. I wish you the best and your sharing has helped me.
Good luck. Diane
Thank you all for sharing. I am in the same boat with my 29 yr old son. He is homeless again because I found proof he was using in my home.
I will try not to enable him again and work on my road to recovery. It is hard but what I was doing before was not helping and it did not bring him back. He was here but not really. In the same house but rarely saw him. He could never sit down and just talk or watch a movie.
Sad, so very sad to see my happy little boy turn into a ghost of a man.
Sorry, I have to go cry again.
I will try not to enable him again and work on my road to recovery. It is hard but what I was doing before was not helping and it did not bring him back. He was here but not really. In the same house but rarely saw him. He could never sit down and just talk or watch a movie.
Sad, so very sad to see my happy little boy turn into a ghost of a man.
Sorry, I have to go cry again.
