I knew going into our relationship that he was a user of heroin, Xanax....basically any opiate he could get his hands on. He says that he needs anxiety medication for his anxiety and has a prescription for lorazepam and suboxine. Recently, after acquiring 60 Xanax from a "friend" down in Mexico, and taking ALL of them in three days, he had a complete mental shift. Me was physically and mentally abusive to me, so I left him. Because I'm compassionate and do believe that I help inspire his sobriety, I moved back in. So two questions: how do I deal with a relapse? And how should I reward him for sobriety?
Sugaree,
Well unfortunatley you can not help with with his soberity. But you can support him ONLY if he wants to get clean. Apparently he is in the full grip of addiction. 1st of all only an addict will take 60 xanax pills in 3 days. Suboxone is a drug replacement that helps with opiate addiction. It is NOT taken for anxiety. When taken as prescribed it helps with opiate withdrawls. I suggest a program like alanon or naranon to help you get through this. You need to learn how addiction works. They can help you. But keep in mind you are into a long road. I know its hard to not follow your emotions, but in order to keep yours and his future strong it is crucial to your relationship to set boundries. He needs an extensive rehab for starters. Addiction is a lifetime disease and it needs constant work on his part. Rehab is just the beginning. I suggest a 12-step program immediateley after rehab. He needs to get your trust back. I feel that this is a good start. Good Luck and be cautious...
Joseph
Well unfortunatley you can not help with with his soberity. But you can support him ONLY if he wants to get clean. Apparently he is in the full grip of addiction. 1st of all only an addict will take 60 xanax pills in 3 days. Suboxone is a drug replacement that helps with opiate addiction. It is NOT taken for anxiety. When taken as prescribed it helps with opiate withdrawls. I suggest a program like alanon or naranon to help you get through this. You need to learn how addiction works. They can help you. But keep in mind you are into a long road. I know its hard to not follow your emotions, but in order to keep yours and his future strong it is crucial to your relationship to set boundries. He needs an extensive rehab for starters. Addiction is a lifetime disease and it needs constant work on his part. Rehab is just the beginning. I suggest a 12-step program immediateley after rehab. He needs to get your trust back. I feel that this is a good start. Good Luck and be cautious...
Joseph
I feel as though pushing him to go to these things are overwhelming, is there a method in which in non threatening that I could go about that discussion?
Also, I know that a lot of aa and alnons are based on Christianity, which my partner and I both get turned off of, any tips for that aspect?
Dear Sugree,
You ask a good question about 12-step meetings being religious is nature.
The AA Big Book has an excellent chapter on this topic "to the Agnostic".
In short, recovery does not need to be based on a Judeo/Christian God. All that is required is a belief in a higher power. To some people it can mean the collective group consciousness.
Another way of putting it: Today, the addict has a "higher power". It is the drugs. In order to find sobriety, the addict needs to discover an even higher power.
Many newcomers to meetings are not ready to discuss a religious topic. In some experiences, they will have family members who say God loves them, but then turn their back on the addict when they are most vulnerable. In other words, it is common for the newcomer to say "don't tell me about God".
In summary, please don't let this be a barrier to joining a group - for you Al Anon or NAR ANon, or for the addict AA or NA. You will not be disapointed. Feel free to share your concerns about religious notions. A good meeting will be prepared for this.
I hope this helps. I will gladly asnwer other questions.
You ask a good question about 12-step meetings being religious is nature.
The AA Big Book has an excellent chapter on this topic "to the Agnostic".
In short, recovery does not need to be based on a Judeo/Christian God. All that is required is a belief in a higher power. To some people it can mean the collective group consciousness.
Another way of putting it: Today, the addict has a "higher power". It is the drugs. In order to find sobriety, the addict needs to discover an even higher power.
Many newcomers to meetings are not ready to discuss a religious topic. In some experiences, they will have family members who say God loves them, but then turn their back on the addict when they are most vulnerable. In other words, it is common for the newcomer to say "don't tell me about God".
In summary, please don't let this be a barrier to joining a group - for you Al Anon or NAR ANon, or for the addict AA or NA. You will not be disapointed. Feel free to share your concerns about religious notions. A good meeting will be prepared for this.
I hope this helps. I will gladly asnwer other questions.
NA and AA are not religious. They mention god as a higher power. Your higher power can be anything that inspires you. staying clean is hard to do by yourself. The program is based on staying clean wherever it comes from. Like a spirit watching over you. I know it sounds religious but its not. You can suggest to him to see addiction counsler at first. What do you think about that?
Joseph
Joseph
One more thought about "pushing him".
You need to take care of yourself. You need to be as healthy as possible, else you are no good to your loved addicted one.
Typically the only choice you have is to step into enabling behavior. This is bad for you, and the addict.
In a good Family Support program, you will learn to love with detachment. You will learn about healthy boundaries. You will come to realize you are powerless over his addiction. This is a process and takes some work. It will bear much good fruit for you. You start by going to your first Al Anon or NAR Anon meeting. Keep attending. Get a telpephone list and call them. Get a sponsor, work the steps, read the literature, etc...
Learning to be a recoverying codependent is a whole new way of living. It literally saves lives to those people who are so despondent and have given up hope.
There are meetings near you. They are in the telephone book and listed online.
Also, there are REAL good people on this messabe board who can help.
You need to take care of yourself. You need to be as healthy as possible, else you are no good to your loved addicted one.
Typically the only choice you have is to step into enabling behavior. This is bad for you, and the addict.
In a good Family Support program, you will learn to love with detachment. You will learn about healthy boundaries. You will come to realize you are powerless over his addiction. This is a process and takes some work. It will bear much good fruit for you. You start by going to your first Al Anon or NAR Anon meeting. Keep attending. Get a telpephone list and call them. Get a sponsor, work the steps, read the literature, etc...
Learning to be a recoverying codependent is a whole new way of living. It literally saves lives to those people who are so despondent and have given up hope.
There are meetings near you. They are in the telephone book and listed online.
Also, there are REAL good people on this messabe board who can help.
Flyboy and papa bear can explain things in a better term as you see above. Please give it a shot.
AA and Al-Anon are spiritual programs.
They HAVE to be because an alcoholic of our type (hopeless) requires a spiritual change ....
It is well described in The Big Book which you can read a potion of here:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_b...book_chapt4.pdf
The importance of God (as we understood Him) is put forth as well at the end of HOW IT WORKS:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
All the best.
Bob R
They HAVE to be because an alcoholic of our type (hopeless) requires a spiritual change ....
It is well described in The Big Book which you can read a potion of here:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_b...book_chapt4.pdf
The importance of God (as we understood Him) is put forth as well at the end of HOW IT WORKS:
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
All the best.
Bob R
Dear Sugaree, I am bewildered as to why knowingly you went into a realtionship knowing he was using herion and xanax...How do you get the point across to him regarding his use of opiates when you went in knowing all this...what now you say well I knew but now I have my concerns regarding this....You shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place.You allowed yourself to settle straight from the gate....what it's a problem now that he got abusive? The fact you want to reward the good boy if he doesn't use? IS anyone else reading what I did....You really need to figure out what is wrong with yourself and get some help....You are not only enabling but you really have low standards regarding yourself....You are not helping him....He is an addict...He needs to address his addiction ...He needs to be sober for himself first...I mean if he doesn't use you'll reward him....what with milk and cookies? NO addict will come clean until they are ready to come clean....some have shorter cycles then others ,addicted some go through many rehabs jail sentences health scares...only when THEY DECIDE will they find and follow the path to recovery...You cannot be held responsible or set the guidelines for them.
.by moving in you are enabling and excepting him and his addiction. ...this will not benefit either one of you...keep investing your time yourself your emotions into this relationship. ...he's going to keep using ...and you keep making excuses and excepting his nonsense....oh and let me know how the reward thing works for you...
.by moving in you are enabling and excepting him and his addiction. ...this will not benefit either one of you...keep investing your time yourself your emotions into this relationship. ...he's going to keep using ...and you keep making excuses and excepting his nonsense....oh and let me know how the reward thing works for you...
