Well alarm bells buzzers all the rest i'm not a violent person but i want to smash a wall in. Pause when agitated, pause when agitated. Once when i was drinkin i broke my own wrist just to drink. I must not bottle my anger up.
I have been with my partner for 22years give or take a few splits due to my drinkin the last 10 I have been sober. Yes we argued tonite the usual 6 monthly spat. All the same stuff but a different day. Some of it i own some i don't.
I wasn't nice when i drank and caused my partner to have 2 nervous breakdowns due to the fact that i could transfer the guilt onto her really easy. I cheated on her. I am guilty, pause when agitated.
But enough is enough i have been sober for 10 years and evry day almost for 8 of them years i have told her i love her and touched and caressed her even just passing by each other 80% of the time i am the instigator of any affection and don't get me started on sex.
The last 2 years i have pulled back in showin any affection physically more and more. I used to think this is my penance for all my wrongs. How bloody long does karma take.....
Watch the movie Once Were Warriors(New Zealand Movie) that was my childhood except i was white. In the 36 years i had with my dad (he is dead now) i told him i loved him 3 times, he never said it back once. When i was young I watched him pour petrol all over our house and when he lit the match I hoped he would die as he had petrol all over himself. I would go to sleep hummin so i couldn't hear the sound of his fists hittin mum. That scene in the movie where the kid does that really got to me and it was the only time my wife actually got me a beer afterwards.I'm talkin about a movie most of you haven't seen but i know you get the picture.
I'm sorry i am all over the place but i tell our kids every day and night i luv them and im proud of them, we have 2 kids a boy and a girl. Hell it's even hard not typin my partners name or our kids names. pause when agitated.
Well I finally grew some nuts and told my wife my side and yes it went down like a lead balloon. I just want to be loved and shown affection she always tells others how great i am TELL ME.
IT is like being married to my bestfriend.........
You know some things were said tonight that may change things and i don't know what will come of it all but i do know i love her and the kids. No more pullin back no more coexistin just for the sake of it. We either make it or break it...But you know what i haven't drank on it, I'm dealin with it rightly or wrongly I'm livin life on lifes terms and you know what else i don't want to smash anythin....pause when agitated. It works if i work at it. And also none of this even matches the crap from when i was drinkin. Sobriety is livin.
Well hell that was my day, hope you all are tikeddyboo.
Hooroo
Zac
Good advice zac,
I have had a very similar day today myself,
I thought that once the drinkin stopped life would be a lot easier,
I think its that reality thing that really hits my head nowdays!
But now im sober im responsble for my actions!
Geez it used to be the ol excuse,"cmon i was drunk"
Zac my friend I have had to make some BIG decisions today myself, thats why im still up at this hour cant sleep, cause the ears are riniging, the mind racing,
But I have made them, And still the first one i made today was the one i make everyday now, "" Not to drink!""
Well i better go see if i can pretend to sleep!
Ginge
I have had a very similar day today myself,
I thought that once the drinkin stopped life would be a lot easier,
I think its that reality thing that really hits my head nowdays!
But now im sober im responsble for my actions!
Geez it used to be the ol excuse,"cmon i was drunk"
Zac my friend I have had to make some BIG decisions today myself, thats why im still up at this hour cant sleep, cause the ears are riniging, the mind racing,
But I have made them, And still the first one i made today was the one i make everyday now, "" Not to drink!""
Well i better go see if i can pretend to sleep!
Ginge
