It's now technically my 14th day off methadone & for the past 2 days I've been a total mess. Was doing pretty good and then got hit with serious craving, haven't thought about much else in 36 hours. Think I'm having a PAWS episode. I read about it, it says each episode usually lasts a few days. I feel like a psycho again, moods all over the place, crying, laughing, yelling out of anger, frustration, anxiety, shaking.
I NEVER want to go back to using but my mind feels weak right now. The PAWS info said just stick it out, but my liar brain is telling me everything sucks and nothing is ever really going to be ok again, and right now I'm inclined to believe it.
How bad does it get? Does it really last for 2 years as I've read? What can I do to help mitigate the symptoms?
:-(
I've known many people over the years in recovery who tried to do this on their own.
Many are still using and many have died.
That is why AA/NA is so popular, it's in every city and town, because if you are an addict/alcoholic you can't lick this on your own.
I do understand our fight against recovery, to surrender to the program, I knew I needed help at 20 yrs old and came to recovery to stay at 45 yrs old.... beaten and suicidal.
We have to have the friggin' crap kicked out of us before we'll surrender. Many arrogantly die.
I'll tell you when my life changed .. when I got on my knees and cried to God for help, then called AA/NA.
Things started to get better when I started to do the right things. When I JOINED AA/NA, not fought it.
All the best.
Bob R
Many are still using and many have died.
That is why AA/NA is so popular, it's in every city and town, because if you are an addict/alcoholic you can't lick this on your own.
I do understand our fight against recovery, to surrender to the program, I knew I needed help at 20 yrs old and came to recovery to stay at 45 yrs old.... beaten and suicidal.
We have to have the friggin' crap kicked out of us before we'll surrender. Many arrogantly die.
I'll tell you when my life changed .. when I got on my knees and cried to God for help, then called AA/NA.
Things started to get better when I started to do the right things. When I JOINED AA/NA, not fought it.
All the best.
Bob R
Bill,
Thank you. You're right, I go to NA but I haven't really embraced it. It's been more of a place I go in crisis than something I do regularly.
Maybe it's time to change that. I found a meeting that starts in an hour and Im getting my lazy depressed a** out of the house and to that meeting.
Gotta get dressed... Some deodorant wouldn't hurt either LOL
THANKS. :)
Thank you. You're right, I go to NA but I haven't really embraced it. It's been more of a place I go in crisis than something I do regularly.
Maybe it's time to change that. I found a meeting that starts in an hour and Im getting my lazy depressed a** out of the house and to that meeting.
Gotta get dressed... Some deodorant wouldn't hurt either LOL
THANKS. :)
AA & NA are brother and sister programs. The same 12 Steps and HOW IT WORKS.
They are not "take as required" programs. If we want the benefits we have to commit.
We have to be proactive .. not reactive . Put NA first .. not last !
(Life got a lot easier when I went to meetings BEFORE the $#!T hit the fan rather than after)
I hope you have a great meeting, get a home group and a sponsor, get active.
All the best.
Bob R
They are not "take as required" programs. If we want the benefits we have to commit.
We have to be proactive .. not reactive . Put NA first .. not last !
(Life got a lot easier when I went to meetings BEFORE the $#!T hit the fan rather than after)
I hope you have a great meeting, get a home group and a sponsor, get active.
All the best.
Bob R
I just got back from a really great meeting. The people were wonderful & supportive and there were a lot of out-of-owners b/c of the holidays so it was great to hear what they had to say.
Bill, I used your example at the meeting about going to NA in your 20's but not embracing it until your 40's (just said someone I had recently spoken to told me this) and that that is what I need to do. I'm going to start working the steps and keep going regularly. This meeting really gave me the morale boost I was needing.
Still feel like crap but I know I won't use.
Might go to another meeting tonight.
God Bless.
Bill, I used your example at the meeting about going to NA in your 20's but not embracing it until your 40's (just said someone I had recently spoken to told me this) and that that is what I need to do. I'm going to start working the steps and keep going regularly. This meeting really gave me the morale boost I was needing.
Still feel like crap but I know I won't use.
Might go to another meeting tonight.
God Bless.
The meetings are where the magic happens between the newcomer, the oldtimer and God.
It comes together.
All the best.
Bob R
It comes together.
All the best.
Bob R
Oops sorry I just realized I've been calling you Bill and you're actually Bob! Sorry Bob! :)
Syn,
The meetings help absolutely. They're making a difference for me as well, and I'm glad you didn't pick up. I'm dealing with the same daunting thought of "f***kkkkk, PAWS can last THAT long?" It sucks, but they keep saying we do get better.
In the meantime, tell your doctor what's going on as well. You know as well as I do that your willpower is going to falter from time to time. And s*** on drug replacement therapy. That's just how I feel about it. I don't want to be physically dependent on anything anymore to function as a human being. I mean, if it works for people, fine, but it's just not for me. But I'm babbling. I swear to you the antidepressant I'm on has made all the difference as far as dealing with cravings and depression from PAWS. It's made day to day life bearable for me again. It's just something to consider. Look into SNRIs.
The meetings help absolutely. They're making a difference for me as well, and I'm glad you didn't pick up. I'm dealing with the same daunting thought of "f***kkkkk, PAWS can last THAT long?" It sucks, but they keep saying we do get better.
In the meantime, tell your doctor what's going on as well. You know as well as I do that your willpower is going to falter from time to time. And s*** on drug replacement therapy. That's just how I feel about it. I don't want to be physically dependent on anything anymore to function as a human being. I mean, if it works for people, fine, but it's just not for me. But I'm babbling. I swear to you the antidepressant I'm on has made all the difference as far as dealing with cravings and depression from PAWS. It's made day to day life bearable for me again. It's just something to consider. Look into SNRIs.
My experience, and the focus of the recovery home I attended for 90 days in 1989, was no meds and beginning to face recovery clean/sober.
The opinion of many in recovery, and I am one, is that once we medicate the symptoms we can't "treat" them... we can't face, accept, change and work on/mental//emotional/spiritual "defects & shortcomings" if they are suppressed (medicated).
We are simply postponing the inevitable which is what I did for decades.
I had to learn to feel the pain ... to suffer to get better.
I believe the pain we feel in PAWS ( http://www.addictionsandrecovery.or...-withdrawal.htm ) is the pain that we had evaded or caused in the past. I had to begin to come to grips with it.
With the help of a Higher Power and the AA/NA program is was/am able to realize and accept the truth (in my head/heart/body/soul) that was and is ....
The Promises began to come true http://www.singaporeaa.org/PDFs/The...AA_Promises.pdf
I began to heal & grow when I became able to lean on God and my friends for relief rather than pharmaceuticals.
I am no doctor and would NEVER suggest that a prescribed med for a bonafide condition should not be taken.
I am saying that meds taken so I wont have to feel the "truth" of alcoholism/addiction symptoms are self-defeating.
All the best.
Bob R
The opinion of many in recovery, and I am one, is that once we medicate the symptoms we can't "treat" them... we can't face, accept, change and work on/mental//emotional/spiritual "defects & shortcomings" if they are suppressed (medicated).
We are simply postponing the inevitable which is what I did for decades.
I had to learn to feel the pain ... to suffer to get better.
I believe the pain we feel in PAWS ( http://www.addictionsandrecovery.or...-withdrawal.htm ) is the pain that we had evaded or caused in the past. I had to begin to come to grips with it.
With the help of a Higher Power and the AA/NA program is was/am able to realize and accept the truth (in my head/heart/body/soul) that was and is ....
The Promises began to come true http://www.singaporeaa.org/PDFs/The...AA_Promises.pdf
I began to heal & grow when I became able to lean on God and my friends for relief rather than pharmaceuticals.
I am no doctor and would NEVER suggest that a prescribed med for a bonafide condition should not be taken.
I am saying that meds taken so I wont have to feel the "truth" of alcoholism/addiction symptoms are self-defeating.
All the best.
Bob R
I'm on day 53 and my nerves and stress still out of control. Sometimes i feel like this will last forever. I used to handle stress so well
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