Dear Pirate,
May I suggest stop praying for him! How many times have you attempted this only to become ill. The more you try and force forgiveness the more stress you put on yourself; for not succeeding. Forgiveness is a path that has stages. This stage has not come yet.
You are in the grieving and anger stage of the harsh crime that occurred. Even though this happened 5 yrs ago you weren't told about until almost a yr ago. You haven't experienced closure yet. With court beginning soon the mental anguish will be relived. Use CBT therapy it's not actually happening now even though it may feel like it, it's not literal.
Please stop worrying about forgiving him!!! Repentance is between him and God! Justice is in the hands of God. This is how we must cope with disappointments of the world.
Who is pressuring you to forgive him? Who says it's your responsibility? You, or others. Everyone of your posts point to the fact that you aren't ready to forgive yet you put all this guilt on yourself, why? Yes, the logical part of you knows it's going to free you from pain. The Christian woman in you says you must.
Do you doubt your perfect God's timing in all things? Do you actually think he expects something from you at this time? Are you perhaps even judging God? He alone will know someday when you are ready. He alone will let you know when it's time. Don't feel condemned because that time isn't now! You don't have to have your faith demand that the time is now. The healing process hasn't even begun!
What you can is forgive yourself. You are not responsible for what happened to your daughter! You couldn't have prevented it from happening. Forgive yourself for harmed and strained family relationships. Forgive yourself if these relationships are not restored. This also will be part of God's plan and timing. Forgive yourself for not knowing how to cope properly. Seek people who support you and nurture you.
Applaud yourself for not drinking. Applaud yourself for not letting others define who you are, how you should think and feel. Applaud yourself for seeing and knowing the truth, having strength for today. You are a woman of strength to share your harsh and painful story. Applaud yourself, I do. If this makes sense explore and define areas of self forgiveness and applaud yourself. You will be on the road to inner healing.
Please seek out more if you can f2f support. I think you go two times a month. My gut is saying you need more. More than just alcohol counseling. Have you contacted victims assistance. They should have groups that you can participate in for family members. There are people who can better serve you in this trauma then an alcohol board Pirate. There are also other forums besides addiction boards that you could get involved in on-line. There are trauma forums available.
Finding a good Christian psychologist for your daughter and yourself is going to be detrimental in healing. Yes, it will take lots of work and courage. But, with you sober and you as her Mom and friend you can heal, you can one day find peace, you can one day be reasonably happy. Don't forget who's watching over you at all times.
I know court begins this week I will be praying in the word my friend. You will get through this because the almighty God is with you always.
Hope you received my e-mail showing I changed ISP providers. Please e-mail me whenever you want to.
Love,
Chris xxx
Excellent post Chris! Truly inspired, imo.
Pirate, I do agree that more face-to-face support is needed. On-line support and talking to your sponsor everyday via telephone is helpful but from my experience (and I just started going to meetings/meeting with sponsor, remember) is crucial! Just 3-4 weeks ago I was what they call, white-knuckeling it. There are tons of resources outside of the computer and phone that, I have faith, will help you tremendously.
Hugs,
Pirate, I do agree that more face-to-face support is needed. On-line support and talking to your sponsor everyday via telephone is helpful but from my experience (and I just started going to meetings/meeting with sponsor, remember) is crucial! Just 3-4 weeks ago I was what they call, white-knuckeling it. There are tons of resources outside of the computer and phone that, I have faith, will help you tremendously.
Hugs,
Pirate, I hope you feel the love for you and your family in those words and that they comfort you in this difficult time. You deserve to be supported and held and cherished for the strength and love you are lending your daughter and the example you are showing her.
A beautiful, inspired and inspiring post Chris. Full of all sorts of wise stuff I need reminding of all the blooming time. Thank you.
A beautiful, inspired and inspiring post Chris. Full of all sorts of wise stuff I need reminding of all the blooming time. Thank you.
Hi Pirate,
As you can see yesterday I was having a moment of being Skattywampus. In the third to last paragraph I wrote the word detrimental about finding a good Psychologist in regards to your healing. What I meant was I think it's necessary and would greatly benefit you and your daughter's healing journey.
On the MJ board Ms. WW posted a link to Dr. Amens clinic that shows cat scans of people's brains on drugs and alcohol. Different lengths of use. Also different lengths of sobriety. Yes, there are holes in my brain that are slowly beginning to heal. Take a look if you want.
Thank You, WW for being the wonderful you and posting great links to educate and heal people.
Pirate, hope you are having a good day!
Love,
Chris xxx
As you can see yesterday I was having a moment of being Skattywampus. In the third to last paragraph I wrote the word detrimental about finding a good Psychologist in regards to your healing. What I meant was I think it's necessary and would greatly benefit you and your daughter's healing journey.
On the MJ board Ms. WW posted a link to Dr. Amens clinic that shows cat scans of people's brains on drugs and alcohol. Different lengths of use. Also different lengths of sobriety. Yes, there are holes in my brain that are slowly beginning to heal. Take a look if you want.
Thank You, WW for being the wonderful you and posting great links to educate and heal people.
Pirate, hope you are having a good day!
Love,
Chris xxx
Thank you guys for your kind words. I am so glad I have the support that I do receive on here. It is helping through a very difficult time. I agree that I think more one on one support is needed but unfortunetly that is not possible for me . Where I live it is not available that is why I go to the nearest center. I was very fortunate to even get what I am getting with every two weeks with the backup in the system.However I see a mental health nurse here in between times who keeps in contact with the addiction center I go to. As for the city. The waiting list is months and months,right now to see a doc that treats matters like these there is a waiting list of 400. I know that is probably hard to you guys to understand considering that you live in large centers and all but that is our reality here .Also I would like it if anyone could give me some info on how to find a forum that I can go to that has parents of rape victims instead of just the victims themselves. I was trying to find a board for such a thing but all I could find was for the victim themselves. I am sure there are other parents out there who are going through the same thing as me and whom I could talk too so if someone can give me a site on how to meet other parents like that I would appreciate it very much. Once again I have come through a strong and powerful urge to drink. How many of these will come I don't know but I will continue to fight it for as long as it takes. I will be forever grateful for my good days. I will be forever grateful for my friends on here. Thank you and God bless
Are you on the list? Even if it takes a while at least they would have your name. Just because there are so many people on the list doesn't mean everyone will show up. We do tend to get distracted sometimes <G>
