i have been using for about 6 years, slowing down occasionally but have recently been completely out of control. i have found the man of my dreams who inspired me to finally admit to myself that i have a problem.
my dilema is, he knows nothing about my existing relationship with meth, and would be completely mortified. we have only been together 6months so i have been able to separate the two...me and him, and me and meth.
its all coming to a head now tho. i can no longer lie to him and myself but the only thing that has prevented me from getting professional help is that i can not risk him finding out. he means too much to me. he is a safety net and a future for me that i have wanted for so long. i know that if i was single or with someone who also used, i would never stop.
HOW DO I BEAT ADDICTION WHILST PROTECTING MY RELATIONSHIP???
please help me find a way to stop what i am doing without losing the inspiration i have in my life to change.
i know that the first response is "confess and if he loves u enough he will stick by u" that is true, but i dont want him to look at me that way. i am ashamed and would not be able to have him feel that too.
if ever i had a reason to stop, this is it. i know that u have to want to for you to succeed, and i never have in the past until now.
i can see my clean future because i have dreams and plans that i never had before. but i dont know how to make the first few steps.
i hope someone can understand my situation and help with some ideas.
thanks for letting me get that off my chest!!
welcome to the board!
you have been using a LONG time and quitting meth is one of the most difficult addictions to quit...
i think you need to get into a rehab and work through your addiction and then follow it up with AA/NA meetings...
first step is to admit that you are powerless over meth
the only way you are going to be able to quit is to be HONEST, OPEN AND WILLING
That honest would also include admitting to your loved one the extent of your addiction
there is no easy, softer way...
JMO
you have been using a LONG time and quitting meth is one of the most difficult addictions to quit...
i think you need to get into a rehab and work through your addiction and then follow it up with AA/NA meetings...
first step is to admit that you are powerless over meth
the only way you are going to be able to quit is to be HONEST, OPEN AND WILLING
That honest would also include admitting to your loved one the extent of your addiction
there is no easy, softer way...
JMO
You cannot change for him Karen. It is a long, hard road a head for you, and the only way out is through! You have to do this for you, because it is more important to you than anything else in the world including this man.
You will not be able to get well without his knowing and you will never have the relationship you seek unless he knows you, all of you, the good a long with the bad, and coming from the other side of the coin, let me tell you the shock and the horror that the loved one feel comes more from the lying and deceipt, from the realizing that our loved one leads a sort of double life than the actual drug abuse...its not as shocking as you would think. The thing is if you are not honest with him, sooner or later it will blow up in your face and be it for meth addiction or any other reason the break up will loom in the wings until it eventually ends.
The only way you can win this is by getting clean. Whether he chooses to stick by you and help you get well or whether he chooses to run at 100 miles an hour....that really is nt up to you, you cannot possibly know that in advance and you cannot stop him, but if you choose to clean up, you will be a winner either way...on your own or with a proud partner for life.
Your first step should be to seek professional counceling of some sort or to get yourself to a meeting. And by the way....it will make all the difference if you "tell" him you want to get better of if you "show" him you want to get better by having made an appointment a rehab center, by having spoken to a drug worker or by having attended a meeting.
The best of luck to you Karen, get well,
Peace
C-
You will not be able to get well without his knowing and you will never have the relationship you seek unless he knows you, all of you, the good a long with the bad, and coming from the other side of the coin, let me tell you the shock and the horror that the loved one feel comes more from the lying and deceipt, from the realizing that our loved one leads a sort of double life than the actual drug abuse...its not as shocking as you would think. The thing is if you are not honest with him, sooner or later it will blow up in your face and be it for meth addiction or any other reason the break up will loom in the wings until it eventually ends.
The only way you can win this is by getting clean. Whether he chooses to stick by you and help you get well or whether he chooses to run at 100 miles an hour....that really is nt up to you, you cannot possibly know that in advance and you cannot stop him, but if you choose to clean up, you will be a winner either way...on your own or with a proud partner for life.
Your first step should be to seek professional counceling of some sort or to get yourself to a meeting. And by the way....it will make all the difference if you "tell" him you want to get better of if you "show" him you want to get better by having made an appointment a rehab center, by having spoken to a drug worker or by having attended a meeting.
The best of luck to you Karen, get well,
Peace
C-
thanks for your heartfelt help. i have wanted advice for so long, but was too afraid to admit it to myself.
i do want to stop for myself. but a whole new family that has welcomed me with loving hugs and is so completely opposite of my immediate family is my MOTIVATION TO HELP MYSELF. my partner and his family have shown me that i do have the ability to live the dream. it sounds so soppy, but it has shown me the stark contrast to my own 'cold' family life.
the important thing is that i want to change and i know in my heart that i am dedicated to that.
cheers
i do want to stop for myself. but a whole new family that has welcomed me with loving hugs and is so completely opposite of my immediate family is my MOTIVATION TO HELP MYSELF. my partner and his family have shown me that i do have the ability to live the dream. it sounds so soppy, but it has shown me the stark contrast to my own 'cold' family life.
the important thing is that i want to change and i know in my heart that i am dedicated to that.
cheers
Hi Karen:
Welcome. Bumps says it all. open up to him and seek help. Rehab for sure if possible.
Good luck and welcome.
Jeff
Welcome. Bumps says it all. open up to him and seek help. Rehab for sure if possible.
Good luck and welcome.
Jeff
DONT TELL US YOU WANT TO GET BETTER...GET UP AND DO IT NOW. GET TO A HOSPITAL, A DETOX, A MEETING. JUST DO IT.
Thank you for your post. You are an inspiration to me as a mother. You just need to keep telling yourself that there is a better life ahead and you will be the most beautiful and successful person you know. I am so proud of you for wanting to fight the battle.
May God hold your hand the entire way and whenever you feel a tug, you can count on him to reply with a hug.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you...
May God hold your hand the entire way and whenever you feel a tug, you can count on him to reply with a hug.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you...
Karen,
I feel for you. My brother is a meth addict and I am a pill addict. My brother has continously lied to me, let's face it no real relationship can be based on any kind of deceit. I have told my boyfriend that I was strung out on opiates and he responded with kindness and respect for telling him the truth. Now on the other hand, it will take me a long time to believe my brother, because he has stolen from me, disrespected me and filled my head with so many deceits it is dizzying. I would say take the chance and opportunity to tell your new love, everything about yourself. I think in the end he will have more respect for you, because I certainly lost respect for my brother for all the lying, among other things.
Take care of yourself,
Medusa
I feel for you. My brother is a meth addict and I am a pill addict. My brother has continously lied to me, let's face it no real relationship can be based on any kind of deceit. I have told my boyfriend that I was strung out on opiates and he responded with kindness and respect for telling him the truth. Now on the other hand, it will take me a long time to believe my brother, because he has stolen from me, disrespected me and filled my head with so many deceits it is dizzying. I would say take the chance and opportunity to tell your new love, everything about yourself. I think in the end he will have more respect for you, because I certainly lost respect for my brother for all the lying, among other things.
Take care of yourself,
Medusa
