I know that everyone is probuly tired of me being clean for 48 hours and relapsing every other week. Frankly I am. I have used 100mgs og lortab today. Ususaly 60 to 80. This is sick. I haven't posted in a while because I figure if I'm tired of this you guys must be tired of hearing it. There isn't much success with me. Although I do want to be clean more than ever I'm not taking the proper steps to do so. So I guess that means I really don't want to be. I don't know. I know I'm sick. I'm a addict, now what. I feel as though I'm really missing the bus here. Not getting it. Tommorrow my goal is 60 or 80 mg and not to use pat 7:00p.m I'm getting up at 7:00 I usually use every 4 hrs sometimes three 20mg at a time. Please don't think badly of me I guess this is my way of tring to accomplish something. But realllyl what am I accomplishing if I'm still using. I'm not tring to pound everything I can in for 12 hrs just tring to set some kind of plan or limit. I can see how some end up taking 2 or three hundred mg daily. Five years ago 7.5 would knock me on my butt. Now it takes 20.
I'm ashamed, scared and tired, sweaty, and deppressed. Wow sorry to complain just letting it all out my true feelings becasue if I'm honet maybe you guys can help. I did go and look for the big book. I'm going tommorrow to buy one . Sit on the porch and read and study it hard. You guys are so inspirational and wonderful to me. I'm sorry if you are ashamed of me or find me repulsive, I find myself that way right noe. NOt tring to feel sorry for myself. I don't really feel too much except for dissapointment. I know that if I just take the proper steps and follow through I can do this. Please help I love you all and hope someone is still up.
No, you don't get tired of another's struggles. You understand them because you've done it. I know your frustration. I also believe you are serious and wanting recovery. It's why you're here. Don't give up. No one will give up on you. Love, Kat
Do not feel ashamed. You are an addict.
I don't really know what to say that might help you because right now I am in the same pattern that you are - use and stop, use and stop, etc
It does help to talk about it so please feel free to post whatever you want, whenever. There will always be some wonderful person on this site to listen and many that can offer really good advice. I was offered great advice - I just need to take it!! I am finally about to the point of stopping for good - just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Not to mention the amount of $$ that I have tossed down my throat!!
I am going to start going to NA. That was a great suggestion I received that has saved so many others. Have you tried NA??
If you can taper and stick to the taper plan, that should make the wd's a bit easier physically. The mental part is what always does me in!! I don't get the physical because I use Bupe/Sub.
Most people that go on Bupe/Sub say that they had little or no cravings for their doc. (Of course I am one of the rare few that still have really bad cravings!!)
Have you researched Sub??
Well, there's a couple ideas for you...
From someone doing the same battle right now....
We can win the war!!!!
I know we can!!!
Good luck to you!!
looking -
by the way, i love your avatar!!!
lol
:-)
by the way, i love your avatar!!!
lol
:-)
Hi Swizzle, How are you doing tonight? You sound pretty upbeat and determined. Good for you! Love, Kat
Kat,
I'm doing ok except for the fact the I can't sleep
And I have to leave for the airport at 6 am!!!
No sleep is not good....
Other than that, just my usual confused self
LOL
I am spending the next week at my bf's in NC
Tapering down on my pills thru the weekend and then will start on the Bupe Monday or Tuesday.
My sweetie will be taking care of me for the rough times, but it's really up to me to do it.
Please wish me luck!!!
How are you doing??
I'm doing ok except for the fact the I can't sleep
And I have to leave for the airport at 6 am!!!
No sleep is not good....
Other than that, just my usual confused self
LOL
I am spending the next week at my bf's in NC
Tapering down on my pills thru the weekend and then will start on the Bupe Monday or Tuesday.
My sweetie will be taking care of me for the rough times, but it's really up to me to do it.
Please wish me luck!!!
How are you doing??
Hey your avaiter is great too....great monds think alike..lol. Thank you guys it really means alot to me to know you are there. I have called around to differnet SUB docs and they don't take my insurance. But it would be worth it.
Thanks again you guys...together we will make it through this.
Love
Sarah
Thanks again you guys...together we will make it through this.
Love
Sarah
Mine did not take insurance either
I paid the $$ myself
But the cost of the Doctor and the pills were WAY less than the $$ I spend on pills so in the end I am a million times better off
Especially if I can STAY off the pills!!!
And yes, great minds do think alike!!
LOL
:-)
I paid the $$ myself
But the cost of the Doctor and the pills were WAY less than the $$ I spend on pills so in the end I am a million times better off
Especially if I can STAY off the pills!!!
And yes, great minds do think alike!!
LOL
:-)
Dear looking.Is there anyone who can hold the pills for you?I remember just how mad at myself & how fustrated I got when I tried to taper & than stop.I sounded just like you saying tomarrow always tomarrow than Id end up letting myself down all over again.Being an addict & trying to control your intake,is an almost impossable thing.Not that it cant be done but it is so hard.So maybe someone can help you by holding your pills.
On another note Ive been on Sub since Jan & I feel it has helped me alot.If you feel this is the way you want to go....DONT GIVE UP ON IT.....mj
On another note Ive been on Sub since Jan & I feel it has helped me alot.If you feel this is the way you want to go....DONT GIVE UP ON IT.....mj
Dear Lookin,
First off don't beat yourself up x
You need to pic yourself up and start over, now you already have 48hrs, think about what you have been doing-which has lead to relapse, and try and change how you work your recovery x
Have you got any face to face support? have you tried NA? or pills annymous? just a thought x
I think, if you've tried all other avenues and they havent worked then deffo give sub a go BUT remember it isn't a miricle pill, we still need to work for our recovery, for me I doubt I would have made nearly 3yrs without my d.o.c. without sub, but I had tried pretty much everything I could and I still relapsed, and I doubt I wouldve survived another relapse, so for me sub (and yeah I'm still on it, I'm on 1.2mg now, i did a 0.8mg reduction yesterday) is deffinatley giving me the time I need to adjust back into 'normal' life, and it has given me the ability to hold down a job, that is something I have never done before, I suppose I was a 'professional junkie', but I have been in this job for just over 2yrs, and I am in the process of trying to get a new job, this is something I don't think I could have managed without sub as a tool in my recovery.
So looking, don't beat yourself up, BUT I would suggest you try a different way of recovery because it doesn't seem like what you have been doing is working for ya. You know what they say, if it isn't working your way, then try it someone elses way!!!
I wish you all the luck in the world and you CAN do this x x x
loads o love
Gabbi
First off don't beat yourself up x
You need to pic yourself up and start over, now you already have 48hrs, think about what you have been doing-which has lead to relapse, and try and change how you work your recovery x
Have you got any face to face support? have you tried NA? or pills annymous? just a thought x
I think, if you've tried all other avenues and they havent worked then deffo give sub a go BUT remember it isn't a miricle pill, we still need to work for our recovery, for me I doubt I would have made nearly 3yrs without my d.o.c. without sub, but I had tried pretty much everything I could and I still relapsed, and I doubt I wouldve survived another relapse, so for me sub (and yeah I'm still on it, I'm on 1.2mg now, i did a 0.8mg reduction yesterday) is deffinatley giving me the time I need to adjust back into 'normal' life, and it has given me the ability to hold down a job, that is something I have never done before, I suppose I was a 'professional junkie', but I have been in this job for just over 2yrs, and I am in the process of trying to get a new job, this is something I don't think I could have managed without sub as a tool in my recovery.
So looking, don't beat yourself up, BUT I would suggest you try a different way of recovery because it doesn't seem like what you have been doing is working for ya. You know what they say, if it isn't working your way, then try it someone elses way!!!
I wish you all the luck in the world and you CAN do this x x x
loads o love
Gabbi
What you need to do is SURRENDER .
Surrender to the fact that what you are doing is slowly killing yourself and that you do not want to continue to do this. Admit that you are completely powerless over these drugs that have taken over your life. Admit that you can not do this on your own and look to a power greater than yourself. Look outside yourself for answers and help. Educatate yourself about addiction and recovery. If your life is in danger from these drugs.........go to an inpatient facility and get detoxed. After your release, continue with and IOP recovery program and start attending NA. You must have face to face support from counselors, MD's or Phsyciatrists who specialize in addiction,and seek support from other addicts in recovery, such as NA, as I said. You have to be held accountable for your recovery.
Recovery is hard, but it can be done. Just start today taking the steps necessary to acheive it.
God bless,
Surrender to the fact that what you are doing is slowly killing yourself and that you do not want to continue to do this. Admit that you are completely powerless over these drugs that have taken over your life. Admit that you can not do this on your own and look to a power greater than yourself. Look outside yourself for answers and help. Educatate yourself about addiction and recovery. If your life is in danger from these drugs.........go to an inpatient facility and get detoxed. After your release, continue with and IOP recovery program and start attending NA. You must have face to face support from counselors, MD's or Phsyciatrists who specialize in addiction,and seek support from other addicts in recovery, such as NA, as I said. You have to be held accountable for your recovery.
Recovery is hard, but it can be done. Just start today taking the steps necessary to acheive it.
God bless,
Sarah we can do anyting we want to. Like nextweek lol ya know what i mean. You up this early am? Don't know y i am. But can still go back to bed and sleep awhile, back was hurting so i got up for awhile.
LMAO
LMAO
Srah just sent u an email.
looking,
Sharon couldnt have put it in any more precise words... there you have it... clearly you can do it by tappering.. or by c/t yourself... this is a case of inpatient intervention or you will eventually die of OD or liver failure from all the tylenol... but the second will be much more lengthy and more painful not to mention more costly than any drug rehab.....
This is the steps that sharon laid out... you either do them or you dont... Addiction is not about shame, guilt, repusion, or self pity when you get to where you are right this minute... it is about do you want to be clean and free... truely?... if you dont ... then you dont.... if you wont make the commitment to get there then you wont.... but it is not about cant... alot of people say they cant... but it is not cant.... there is a way... but it is not cant....
this is time to make a desion... life or die... period...
May God be with you now..
Teresa
Sharon couldnt have put it in any more precise words... there you have it... clearly you can do it by tappering.. or by c/t yourself... this is a case of inpatient intervention or you will eventually die of OD or liver failure from all the tylenol... but the second will be much more lengthy and more painful not to mention more costly than any drug rehab.....
This is the steps that sharon laid out... you either do them or you dont... Addiction is not about shame, guilt, repusion, or self pity when you get to where you are right this minute... it is about do you want to be clean and free... truely?... if you dont ... then you dont.... if you wont make the commitment to get there then you wont.... but it is not about cant... alot of people say they cant... but it is not cant.... there is a way... but it is not cant....
this is time to make a desion... life or die... period...
May God be with you now..
Teresa
Looking- I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was in that position just a week ago. I am so happy to say that I am now at a point where I really feel so over it that I am done. I know that it won't feel like this always, but it is great feeling so confident about knowing I don't want to be following the same pattern over and over ever again (relapsing, quitting, relapsing). I feel confident now that there is never enough pills, and it is just chasing a high I will never get again. So I hope and pray that you feel the same very soon!!
You guys are so right and are opening my eyes.I'm a hard headed one most of the time. I don't want to die and I can do this. Maybe if I put as much thought as I do into getting pills I can put the same thought into a healthy lifestyle, which means taking action. You are rigth there are never enough pills I mean chasing a never ending road of distruction. I need to also take the advise of CG and call and have every Doctor and Pharmacy in town aware of my addiction. I love you guys
My heart aches for you. You are not repulsive, nor a loser. You are an addict, plain a simple. You have a disease. Never, ever stop being honest about where you are at. Who gives a flying f*** what others think, which more than likely there saying, been there, did that. Just keep on saying what ever you feel. You've helped me today with your honesty, because I am you.
Teresa,
Great advice also.
Love,
Great advice also.
Love,
Sara, if you're still up, IM me.
Love you kiddo and no way are you a loser. Losers are people who don't do anything about their own recovery and just get off on trashing those that do. You want this otherwise, you wouldn't be here.
Please take Sharon and Teresa's words to heart. They say it so much better than I ever could.
Lisa
Love you kiddo and no way are you a loser. Losers are people who don't do anything about their own recovery and just get off on trashing those that do. You want this otherwise, you wouldn't be here.
Please take Sharon and Teresa's words to heart. They say it so much better than I ever could.
Lisa
