I have finally to seach out help for both my addiction and for the horrible things that have filled my life. In the process I have realized how the horrible things effect my addictions and addictive personallity. To here that you not only use addiction to deal with life, but that you have to start to change it is scary. Thinking back it makes sense. When I first except that my life wasn't good I turned to pot, when things got more intense and horrible things were brought to my attention and I had to start dealing with them on some level I started drinking, when one more horrible thing happened I turned to crack, and from begining to end I have had my smokes. How do you let go of the one coping stratagy you have, when you are also dealing with the pain and history that set it off. Since then I have been smoking more, been craving a good drink, have seeked out those who can get me stoned, and to feel like I need it more then ever now that my mind is reliving alot of my life I feel there is no where to turn. No one seems to want to here all the horrible things I have lived that are trapped inside, so I am stuck with me and my head with no escape. Is there no answers. Is there no way to get through this should I just give in to what my body and mind are telling me I need? Do I give in to the addiction? Can someone please offer some insight. Attempt to give me strength and giudance. I am lost and confused with in my self and can feel myself slowly ripping in half caught in the middle. I need help with this pain.
Thankyou for listening.
Hi TC... welcome. I am glad you are reaching out. I know you want to be clean and sober and you are scared of dealing with the underlying issues. I thought the same thing when people told me that i needed counseling. I was like, " Why would i want to relive this or that? Won't that just make me more upset and want to use even more?" And the truth is... yeah... those underlying issues are really hard to deal with. BUT... i have found that once i let go and started working the 12 step program that things in my life started to make alot more sense. It made me realize who i am and where i have been. These are things i didn't want to face... things i would have much rather kept deep inside. Then i realized the more i faced the issues and told someone about them the lighter i felt. I didn't feel so weighted down with secrets and skeletons in my closet. I have issues that i am working on... but that is progress. Have you started going to meetings and do you have a sponsor? I am not saying this is the only way... it's just that it is the only way that has worked for me. If you have time tonight... try a meeting... if you don't like it you don't have to go back. But it doesn't hurt to try it. As for the change that you spoke of... yeah... you gotta change but it's for the good. And you don't have to change all at once...it's a slow process. Keep coming back and talking... you also may wanna post on the other boards too... more people go there. Love and God Bless, Bri :)
It breaks my heart that you have to go through so much pain...but pain and fear are good in that they are emotions that are telling us something is wrong in our lives...even though we may not know what is. Please try counseling, reading talking, posting, anything to find out the terrible truths you are trying to hide from yourself. You just want to numb your pain, and you already know that when it comes back, it is so much more painful and so much harder to deal with. I know this is hard, but seek help...that is true strength. God bless you, good luck and I wish I had all of the answers, but all I have is love and compassion. Take care, my friend.
Hi,
I guess the bset thing you could do for yourself is to try to deal with the issues taht made you get addicted in the first place.If you do this you will nolonger need the drugs and alchol to make you forget these issues.Take care and stay here on the board.
Love
Naya
I guess the bset thing you could do for yourself is to try to deal with the issues taht made you get addicted in the first place.If you do this you will nolonger need the drugs and alchol to make you forget these issues.Take care and stay here on the board.
Love
Naya
Basically you have been avoiding life and delaing with your feelings. Now that you are recovering and actually have feelings to deal with you did not develope the skills necessary to deal with them like the rest of us have without drugs and alcohol. You need help, professional help. You need to go see a drug and addiction counselor, who is a licensed psychologist. They will help you through the pain of the feelings and teach you how to deal with them without drugs. If that is not possible go to AA or NA and sit in on meeting and get a sponser, someone you can call and talk you through your pain and feelings. It also helps to post and get it out, and to know that others understand. But you really need more help than we can offer...please go out and get it.
