Hi, everyone. I'm almost positive my son has relapsed. He's not admitting it but all the signs are there and once again I feel like my heart is breaking because there is nothing I can do. Please pray for him!
Love,
Susan
I am sorry to hear that you suspect your son has relapsed. It happens to many addicts at some point in their attempt to get clean and it takes some longer than others to finally get where they are going in their struggle. Be supportive but dont enable him even if your heart wants you to.My prayers are with you.
Granny
Granny
Thanks for the great advice and encouragement, Granny. I know he's TRYING. The holidays are especially hard on him. Plus, his addiction has caused a lot of financial hardships and they (he and his wife) can't seem to get ahead. They both want children so bad but can't afford to start a family yet. His younger sister just had her third and she's such a precious gift, but it makes them both feel even worse. All I can do is love him and pray for him, but it's SO HARD to watch!
God bless!
Susan
God bless!
Susan
Hi Susan
Just checking in on ya- - Hope all is working out
We all know effort and pain youve been going thru -over the yrs -at least I do-
Keep in touch, we may not have the answers but we do have all the support you need-
love&respect
jack
Just checking in on ya- - Hope all is working out
We all know effort and pain youve been going thru -over the yrs -at least I do-
Keep in touch, we may not have the answers but we do have all the support you need-
love&respect
jack
Morning Jack...glad to see you back.....
Hi, Jack! Thanks for thinking of me and for the support. He's been looking good and past couple of days (when I see him) so that allows me to sleep a little better at night. I'm hanging in there, taking one day at a time, and praying like crazy!
Great to hear from you!
Love,
Susan
Great to hear from you!
Love,
Susan
Susan, can you get Harry to come here?
Gotta disagree, CG...bad idea for family members to share this site. Harry can find his own resource...this place belongs to Susan...
Cowgirl and M&M,
I have offered to back out of the board and let Harry come here because his needs are more life-threatening than mine, but he said he didn't feel right about my doing that. To be honest, it scared me to lose my contact with you all...but it also scares me to have my son be without resources like this. So I opened the door but at this point it's a no for him.
I did have concern that it could "hurt" him if he would discover I was devangreb2 and read some of my comments about how his addiction "hurts" me and his family. Susan is my real name and Harry is his, so it would be pretty easy for him to figure it out if he was to look back on old posts.
Love,
Susan
I have offered to back out of the board and let Harry come here because his needs are more life-threatening than mine, but he said he didn't feel right about my doing that. To be honest, it scared me to lose my contact with you all...but it also scares me to have my son be without resources like this. So I opened the door but at this point it's a no for him.
I did have concern that it could "hurt" him if he would discover I was devangreb2 and read some of my comments about how his addiction "hurts" me and his family. Susan is my real name and Harry is his, so it would be pretty easy for him to figure it out if he was to look back on old posts.
Love,
Susan
P.S. But if I was able to convince him, the mods might be able to "wipe me out" of the board. I don't know.
there are many many other forums similar to this, i would not let my son here, it is MY safe place and I do not ever want him to read my posts, those are mine, not to be shared..there are other places harry can go and he could establish his own group of support, might be healthier, they will not have all of the back story on him..
I too would be concerned about him seeing some of my posts through the years. Does anyone have any to recommend?
I have been told by Harry's wife that he has admitted to using and he is currently going through withdraw. Please pray for him! I'm afraid if he keeps relapsing, his wife is going to leave him. She has had enough. She said that she knew (but did not fully understand) of his drug problem, but he had promised her that he wouldn't use anymore.
Love,
Susan
I have been told by Harry's wife that he has admitted to using and he is currently going through withdraw. Please pray for him! I'm afraid if he keeps relapsing, his wife is going to leave him. She has had enough. She said that she knew (but did not fully understand) of his drug problem, but he had promised her that he wouldn't use anymore.
Love,
Susan
I didn't think that thought through, sorry ladies. Of course this place belongs to Susan. I wouldn't want Jake here either. Or my husband. They both would figure out who cowgirl was in a heart beat.
This happend to Poopie on the PP board. Her husband found the site and things got very ugly at home for her. The mods helped out somewhat, deleting alot of her posts back then but now, she doens't feel safe posting here and never talks about herself.
Wasn't thinking...sorry.
This happend to Poopie on the PP board. Her husband found the site and things got very ugly at home for her. The mods helped out somewhat, deleting alot of her posts back then but now, she doens't feel safe posting here and never talks about herself.
Wasn't thinking...sorry.
Really? In all my comings and goings...I missed that but I knew something bad happened. Just didn't know what.
There was a parent-child pair here some years back and their posts are still here and it's all very unhealthy. R knows I post here, but I know she doesn't read here either, just like I took her to her first NA meeting to see hat it was all about, but after that, those meetings belonged to her even though they are 'open' meetings. This board was the best of all the ones I checked out before becoming involved in a cyber-community, but there are many others and there are lots of people here who belong to more than one, so there must be some other good ones out there.
Susan, I care a lot about you, I think you know that after all this time. You have done enough for Harry, and even offering to bow out is doing too much...you need help, too (and I don't mean that in any negative way...we all need help here, that's why we're here) and this is where you find it. Harry needs to find his own resources, it's part of what makes them stronger, doing things for themselves and owning their successes and failures. He knows the drill after all this time...knows what he needs to do, where he needs to go for help, and how to get it done.
I know how hard it's been, continues to be, and I will say a prayer that his wife will stick by him.
As for you, stay right where you are...
(((Hugs))) ~ M&M
Susan, I care a lot about you, I think you know that after all this time. You have done enough for Harry, and even offering to bow out is doing too much...you need help, too (and I don't mean that in any negative way...we all need help here, that's why we're here) and this is where you find it. Harry needs to find his own resources, it's part of what makes them stronger, doing things for themselves and owning their successes and failures. He knows the drill after all this time...knows what he needs to do, where he needs to go for help, and how to get it done.
I know how hard it's been, continues to be, and I will say a prayer that his wife will stick by him.
As for you, stay right where you are...
(((Hugs))) ~ M&M
Thanks, MomNMore! :) You're right about me needing this place. I have many very loving and caring family members and friends who support me BUT they don't/can't understand what I'm going through and what I'm feeling as much as they would like to. You all do and I NEED that. One of the things that helped me the most in the beginning to let go of the guilt (most of us try to take on ourselves) is that this happens to good people and good families....not just bad ones.
I plan on keeping this place for me. Sometimes I tend to get obsessed with being here and then too tied to addiction...then I back off for a while. But you always welcome me back! :)
Love,
Susan
I plan on keeping this place for me. Sometimes I tend to get obsessed with being here and then too tied to addiction...then I back off for a while. But you always welcome me back! :)
Love,
Susan
I took Jake to his first NA meeting. And although I had every right and reason to be there, he needed his 'own" thing. We go to different meetings now. Once and awhile we'll show up at the same and it's cool, but neither of us talks. Not sure why. We talk all the time at home.
Hello,
I'm new to this message board. I have a daughter who's 43 years old. She became a heroin addict when she was in her early 20's. After 3 rehabs and strong desire, she became clean and sober and very active in AA, helping so many people to get on the clean and sober track. In her late 30's she relapsed in a huge way and her life spiraled down very quickly. she had become homeless, sick, and for the first time in her life, she was arrested for possession of heroin. At this point, she has become psychotic and has infections all over her body.
She now lives in a room that I pay for in order for her to be safe. She lives in California and I live on the East Coast. She has no one who is not an addict or who lives that lifestyle who can help her in any way. Even if she goes to emergency rooms for her infections, they treat her poorly. I witnessed it when I went out to help her and took her from hospital to hospital until we found one who actually knew how to treat an addict. After all this time, I don't know who this person is. She is not who she was, is loosing her mind, her health and slowly dying. She hides under her bed most of the time and lives a life of a mental patient. I called for emergency help to take her to the hospital, when she was visiting here and was completely flipping out, thinking people were coming to take us away. I was told they would keep her for observation, and help her. The doctor in the emergency room just let her go and told her to go to a rehab. She has gone to a very expensive detox and used a few days after being released. About 6 months later she entered a rehab and ran away 3 times. She is not willing to go to any rehab or anywhere like a rehab..she's very psychotic now.
Here is my question. How many people out there ever considered going to take their loved ones to a place far from where they live and take care of them until they can get clean and sober with professional, medical assistance coming in to care for the person's health and wellness, and providing much needed psycho therapy and loving care, including pet therapy spiritual guidance and complete rest and relaxation? I would probably have to coax her or just bring her there under pretense. She will not agree to go anywhere. She is very paranoid of everyone and hears threatening voices all the time. She is absolutely not able to think clearly or care for herself. I'm her mother and am not asking society to take on the responsibility, yet, the law says that no one can be held without consent of the person. That excludes family and loving friends. Does anyone know of a farm like setting that she may be able to go to to receive holistic care, where they are able to keep prevent her from running away? All places I've called said that they cannot prevent anyone from leaving. She is compassionate, brilliant and talented in all areas of art and an accomplished musician. I pray every day for Our Creator to bring her back...she is gone. There are very few family members who think taking her anywhere without her consent is good thing, yet they have no answers.. all other decisions have not brought my daughter closer to health and wellness. Thank you for your thoughts.
Skeeter
I'm new to this message board. I have a daughter who's 43 years old. She became a heroin addict when she was in her early 20's. After 3 rehabs and strong desire, she became clean and sober and very active in AA, helping so many people to get on the clean and sober track. In her late 30's she relapsed in a huge way and her life spiraled down very quickly. she had become homeless, sick, and for the first time in her life, she was arrested for possession of heroin. At this point, she has become psychotic and has infections all over her body.
She now lives in a room that I pay for in order for her to be safe. She lives in California and I live on the East Coast. She has no one who is not an addict or who lives that lifestyle who can help her in any way. Even if she goes to emergency rooms for her infections, they treat her poorly. I witnessed it when I went out to help her and took her from hospital to hospital until we found one who actually knew how to treat an addict. After all this time, I don't know who this person is. She is not who she was, is loosing her mind, her health and slowly dying. She hides under her bed most of the time and lives a life of a mental patient. I called for emergency help to take her to the hospital, when she was visiting here and was completely flipping out, thinking people were coming to take us away. I was told they would keep her for observation, and help her. The doctor in the emergency room just let her go and told her to go to a rehab. She has gone to a very expensive detox and used a few days after being released. About 6 months later she entered a rehab and ran away 3 times. She is not willing to go to any rehab or anywhere like a rehab..she's very psychotic now.
Here is my question. How many people out there ever considered going to take their loved ones to a place far from where they live and take care of them until they can get clean and sober with professional, medical assistance coming in to care for the person's health and wellness, and providing much needed psycho therapy and loving care, including pet therapy spiritual guidance and complete rest and relaxation? I would probably have to coax her or just bring her there under pretense. She will not agree to go anywhere. She is very paranoid of everyone and hears threatening voices all the time. She is absolutely not able to think clearly or care for herself. I'm her mother and am not asking society to take on the responsibility, yet, the law says that no one can be held without consent of the person. That excludes family and loving friends. Does anyone know of a farm like setting that she may be able to go to to receive holistic care, where they are able to keep prevent her from running away? All places I've called said that they cannot prevent anyone from leaving. She is compassionate, brilliant and talented in all areas of art and an accomplished musician. I pray every day for Our Creator to bring her back...she is gone. There are very few family members who think taking her anywhere without her consent is good thing, yet they have no answers.. all other decisions have not brought my daughter closer to health and wellness. Thank you for your thoughts.
Skeeter
Skeeter, it sounds like your daughter suffers from far worse than addiction, she sounds like she may be schizophrenic. The cause and effect relationship between mental illness and drug use is difficult to determine, kind of a chicken and egg thing...hard to tell which came first, but the level of psychosis you describe does not usually accompany heroin use, though methamphetamine could be a culprit.
It is possible to have an adult committed against her will, but holding her is another matter...you cannot prevent her leaving anywhere, even if unwillingly committed most places will not hold someone for more than 30 days. Expensive detoxes are a sham as a detox only removes the drug from your system and then you are turned loose with a short term prescription for suboxone or methadone, nothing at all, or a list of resources. Without counseling and therapy, and in your daughter's case a mental and neurological exam, there is little chance of staying clean.
I know this will be hard to hear, but you have done everything you can to help your daughter, even at the risk of your own life, happiness, and financial stability. The longer you continue to cushion her, the greater the chances she will continue to do exactly what she has been doing right along...you are financing her drug habit in a round-about way. Her bottom may be quite deep...some do not make it out of addiction alive. My brother was very much as you describe your daughter and he is bipolar-schizophrenic...it took 15 years before he was properly diagnosed and treated. In the meantime he ran away several times, was nearly raped killed by a man taking advantage of his mental condition, disappeared often, talked to TVs, and was non-functional in any social way. My father had to let him go after attempting to get him help in all the ways you have done and having him run away and continue to live as he had been. My dad stopped financing him, stopped looking for doctors and rehabs, stopped sending folks out to track him down. When he stopped, my brother, in a rare lucid moment, decided he'd had enough and sought help on his own. Sometimes a parent must be prepared to let go and accept that the end of "help" (which ceases to be helpful after so long) has come. I buried my daughter a hundred times in my head...sure she would not make it out, but she was young and we were lucky to have figured it out early.
I currently have a dear friend who was recently in the exact same circumstances as your daughter. He had been homeless, addicted, and in failing health both mentally and physically....he is bipolar and non-compliant with his medication. He lost his wife and home and was seen riding a bike around town and sleeping on the beach...all this from a man who had been COO of a large company, father of 4, and very bright...this is mental illness. No one could force him to get treatment or to take his meds...it wasn't until his wife divorced him (after standing by him for 12 years and doing everything she deemed 'helpful'), his children stopped allowing him flop at their homes, adnd he was completely broke and without options that he sought help.
I wish you the best...can you let your daughter go?
Peace ~ MomNMore
It is possible to have an adult committed against her will, but holding her is another matter...you cannot prevent her leaving anywhere, even if unwillingly committed most places will not hold someone for more than 30 days. Expensive detoxes are a sham as a detox only removes the drug from your system and then you are turned loose with a short term prescription for suboxone or methadone, nothing at all, or a list of resources. Without counseling and therapy, and in your daughter's case a mental and neurological exam, there is little chance of staying clean.
I know this will be hard to hear, but you have done everything you can to help your daughter, even at the risk of your own life, happiness, and financial stability. The longer you continue to cushion her, the greater the chances she will continue to do exactly what she has been doing right along...you are financing her drug habit in a round-about way. Her bottom may be quite deep...some do not make it out of addiction alive. My brother was very much as you describe your daughter and he is bipolar-schizophrenic...it took 15 years before he was properly diagnosed and treated. In the meantime he ran away several times, was nearly raped killed by a man taking advantage of his mental condition, disappeared often, talked to TVs, and was non-functional in any social way. My father had to let him go after attempting to get him help in all the ways you have done and having him run away and continue to live as he had been. My dad stopped financing him, stopped looking for doctors and rehabs, stopped sending folks out to track him down. When he stopped, my brother, in a rare lucid moment, decided he'd had enough and sought help on his own. Sometimes a parent must be prepared to let go and accept that the end of "help" (which ceases to be helpful after so long) has come. I buried my daughter a hundred times in my head...sure she would not make it out, but she was young and we were lucky to have figured it out early.
I currently have a dear friend who was recently in the exact same circumstances as your daughter. He had been homeless, addicted, and in failing health both mentally and physically....he is bipolar and non-compliant with his medication. He lost his wife and home and was seen riding a bike around town and sleeping on the beach...all this from a man who had been COO of a large company, father of 4, and very bright...this is mental illness. No one could force him to get treatment or to take his meds...it wasn't until his wife divorced him (after standing by him for 12 years and doing everything she deemed 'helpful'), his children stopped allowing him flop at their homes, adnd he was completely broke and without options that he sought help.
I wish you the best...can you let your daughter go?
Peace ~ MomNMore
i read these posts and look at some of the ages, these are not kids with an adventuresome streak these are adults that make choices, good and bad and most of the time us parents..when as a parent do we step back and accept that their choices and consequences are theirs? isnt that the hardest thing to do? i hear and live such anguish of..if we could help them get well, if we could pray them well, if their wife stays ands helps them get well...on and on. it is on them, taking their meds, getting out of bed each day, dealing with their own demons, its on them and it is so hard to let it be that way..my son? nothing major, just the same ole same ole and thats the point, i dont see any ray of light coming from his head, no thrill that he is living and not in jail and i cant change that. Last night it started as a conversation between 3 adults, until he says "you know im almost 30 and im nowhere, and if Mom hadnt sent me to jail for 6 months I might be farther along" blood boiling i did check some of the anger but did look at him and say "i didnt stick needles in your arm, buy heroin, steal and die on the floor in front of my family, its on you..then his language gets abusive, i looked at him and said you have choices right now, you choose to blame me and do nothing with your life thats on you but you choose to live here for awhile until you screw up and go to jail, thats on you, i suggest that you get a job and get away from me as soon as possible because given the same choices, I will make the same decisions..i looked at the situation and walked away, i would only become waaay angry and say awfu things, after his dad said its time to be an adult and get out of this house, get a job do whatever..then i didnt want to hear the rest. im not even asking for help or prayer, it makes no difference for him, im askig for help and prayer for me and me only because in the end im the only one i have any control over...ok maybe Bub who still thinks im pretty cool most of the time lol
