My name is Steven and I'm 17. Last Tuesday I graduated from a six month outpatient rehab program. Here in lies my problem: I was never really sober. Alcohol has always been my one true love. It has helped me through the worst breakup in history, my Moms death a year and a half ago, and coping with daily life. In June of 2005 I started using DXM almost every night after getting sick and tired of all the headaches, vomiting, and blackouts. After almost crashing my car in September my Dad took away my car and sent me to a psychotherapist who deals solely with teens with substance abuse issues. He couldnt help me and he conviced my Dad to enroll me in an outpatient program. I agreed to go only on condition that if I was clean for thirty days I would get my car back.
At first I realized the error of my ways and tried to embrace the program where it was discovered that I was actually an alcoholic, but soon I realized I couldnt handle it anymore. I started taking various painkillers just to get through the day. I was very careful as to when I would take the pills, as I knew if I failed a drug test I would be in the program even longer. As a matter of fact I was the only one in the program that never had a positive test. Well I finished the program but I'm not clean. Its so hard just not to use, whether I'm happy, sad, tired, or just looking to unwind after a long day at school. I'm actually somewhat stoned right now as I type this.
So I try to do what I can. I go to an AA/NA-like meeting once a week and thats still not helping. I'm kind of depressed and I can never seem to get out of this slump. I dont know what to do. I always find myself doing anything I can find, but feel like I'm doing better since I'm not drinking. I want to stop I just cant.
Please give me some advice as most of the people on these boards have been recovering/in recovery for a lot longer than I have. Any advice or tips will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading and thanks in advance for the help I hope to recieve.
Hi Steven,
I'm so sorry about your mom. My dad died when I was about your age and it is a terrible thing to go through.
This is my experience : I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to use.I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was willing to do what was suggested by those who were sober and who seemed happy in sobriety.
I recommend going to meetings everyday. Don't sit in the back saying nothing, raise your hand and tell the group how you are feeling. Get a male temporary sponsor(its not a marriage, you can always get another one if it isn't working out).
It seems overwhelming at 1st, but even if you feel you aren't getting anything out of it. KEEP GOING BACK. At least if you are in a meeting, you won't drink or use while you are there,right? These are people who have been where you are. I also recommend asking about Young People Meetings. These might be good for you- to be around people your own age-you might feel like you have more in common w/ them.
Please don't give up- The drinking and using is perpetuating the depression you are feeling about your mom. The booze and pills are allowing you to stuff that grief , and instead of you getting all that pain out, it is just welling up inside of you, making you feel worse and worse.
Keep reading this message board-there is lots of good sobriety here. You are headed in the right direction - you asked for help.Now go to a meeting and do what you did on this board- ask for help. I know it is scary, but do it anyway.
We were all scared at the beginning. But it gets easier, I promise.
You have the courage I know you do. :)
Carolyn
I'm so sorry about your mom. My dad died when I was about your age and it is a terrible thing to go through.
This is my experience : I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to use.I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was willing to do what was suggested by those who were sober and who seemed happy in sobriety.
I recommend going to meetings everyday. Don't sit in the back saying nothing, raise your hand and tell the group how you are feeling. Get a male temporary sponsor(its not a marriage, you can always get another one if it isn't working out).
It seems overwhelming at 1st, but even if you feel you aren't getting anything out of it. KEEP GOING BACK. At least if you are in a meeting, you won't drink or use while you are there,right? These are people who have been where you are. I also recommend asking about Young People Meetings. These might be good for you- to be around people your own age-you might feel like you have more in common w/ them.
Please don't give up- The drinking and using is perpetuating the depression you are feeling about your mom. The booze and pills are allowing you to stuff that grief , and instead of you getting all that pain out, it is just welling up inside of you, making you feel worse and worse.
Keep reading this message board-there is lots of good sobriety here. You are headed in the right direction - you asked for help.Now go to a meeting and do what you did on this board- ask for help. I know it is scary, but do it anyway.
We were all scared at the beginning. But it gets easier, I promise.
You have the courage I know you do. :)
Carolyn
Hi, Steven, nice to meet you. You should set this forum so that you can access all the other areas of the board cause addicts from all areas can help you. Go to the bottom of the page and make sure "search all forums" is checked. My daughter, 23 now, had a horrible alcohol problem, which later turned to meth. The obsession in her head was huge..she said all she thought about was drinking...but today that obsession is gone. I thought she couldn't be helped, doctors, psychologists, hospitals, rehabs, and jail..nothing took away that urge. But know that the day will come when you will want to be sober more than you'll want to drink or take pills. You're already half way there because you're seeking out help already. Come here every day and express your feelings, ask for advice. Many here can relate to you and will help you work through this. You're a brave guy, steven. I have no doubt you will beat this thing. You're on the right path. We all fall many times while we're changing our habits and lives. You're gonna make it. remember to tell yourself every day that you DO WANT TO STOP....and it will eventually outweigh the other thoughts. you take care. luv corrinne
P.S. get yourself some vitamin b6, b12, c and amino acids....they will help greatly with the depression.
I've done this all before, the asking for help, the going to meetings, etc. I do want to be sober and that greatly outweighs the want/need for substances. But even when i was going everyday to meetings, all that got me through them was knowing that when i went home i would "feel better". Everyone that I had asked for help is so proud of my "sobriety", how can i go and disappoint them again? Mostly its my Dad that I am scared to tell. He was supportive throughout the whole process of outpatient and he was beaming when i finally graduated. How could I tell him that the last six months of my sobriety was a bunch of bull?
Steven
Steven
Steven, have you changed people, places and things? if you are still hanging around with the same crowd, you are going to have a very difficult being clean....do you go out to bars? another nono
I know at your age it's hard to change this sort of thing, but in the long run it is for the best.
Everyday meetings will help you to be accountable, as suggested above, get a sponsor, and call them daily.
Good luck sweetie!
I know at your age it's hard to change this sort of thing, but in the long run it is for the best.
Everyday meetings will help you to be accountable, as suggested above, get a sponsor, and call them daily.
Good luck sweetie!
Steven-
You take a deep breath and tell him everything. I'm sure you know the saying "Your only as sick as your secrets". You will feel better once you are honest with him.
Don't worry about what other people think, most will understand where you are. Ask around -how many white chips people have. Many will tell you they have enough to tile their bathroom.
It will take a while for you to feel better,but you will. You have to participate in your recovery; going to meetings is a start, but you HAVE to get a sponsor- that is who helps guide you through the steps and be there for you-like a mentor- someone you can learn to trust, and tell anything to-things you may not feel comfortable talking to your dad about.
It isn't about saving your face, it 's about saving your butt.
Remember, he's your dad, he is going to love you no matter what. But he can only help you if you are honest. It will come out eventually- it always does.
Carolyn
You take a deep breath and tell him everything. I'm sure you know the saying "Your only as sick as your secrets". You will feel better once you are honest with him.
Don't worry about what other people think, most will understand where you are. Ask around -how many white chips people have. Many will tell you they have enough to tile their bathroom.
It will take a while for you to feel better,but you will. You have to participate in your recovery; going to meetings is a start, but you HAVE to get a sponsor- that is who helps guide you through the steps and be there for you-like a mentor- someone you can learn to trust, and tell anything to-things you may not feel comfortable talking to your dad about.
It isn't about saving your face, it 's about saving your butt.
Remember, he's your dad, he is going to love you no matter what. But he can only help you if you are honest. It will come out eventually- it always does.
Carolyn
Ask around -how many white chips people have. Many will tell you they have enough to tile their bathrooms.
That's a good one...lol...I know I have quite a few....
Steven, it's good advice, if you can't come clean with your Dad, you can't come clean with yourself...you will feel much better...and I'm sure that your Dad has already guessed.
That's a good one...lol...I know I have quite a few....
Steven, it's good advice, if you can't come clean with your Dad, you can't come clean with yourself...you will feel much better...and I'm sure that your Dad has already guessed.
How do i find/choose a sponsor? I have a very close friend who i talk to about everything and he was very helpful after my mom died as well as these last few months. can he be my sponsor or does it have to be someone older that has dealt with addiction recovery?
Hi Steven,
Here are some tips I have heard in the rooms about this subject:
Find someone who has the kind of sobriety you want. Not the cool car or a lot of $$,but when he talks, you like what he says.
Bring it up in a meeting. "I am looking for a tempory sponsor if you are interested or know of anyone who is interested ,please get with me after the meeting".
Get the phone #s of 5 men. Don't tell them you are looking for a sponsor, call them and talk to them. You will get a feel for those that you have a connection with and one that you feel comfortable with and can build a repor with. That way you can feel them out without having to worry about rejection. You are also looking for someone who will call you back when you phone them. And you are looking for someone who can give you the time that you and your recovery deserve.
If you feel uncomfortable asking someone to be your sponsor- ask them if they know of anyone who can do it or, ask them to be your tempory sponsor. There isn't so much pressure that way. Remember, this arrangement isn't set in stone, you can always change sponsors- people don't take it personally- lots of people do it.
I wanted to hold interviews and look at potential sponsor's resumes , My sponsor actually offered to me mine- you never know until you ask.
Ask people men and women to point out the men with good sobriety- they will be happy to help.
You can do this:)
Carolyn
Here are some tips I have heard in the rooms about this subject:
Find someone who has the kind of sobriety you want. Not the cool car or a lot of $$,but when he talks, you like what he says.
Bring it up in a meeting. "I am looking for a tempory sponsor if you are interested or know of anyone who is interested ,please get with me after the meeting".
Get the phone #s of 5 men. Don't tell them you are looking for a sponsor, call them and talk to them. You will get a feel for those that you have a connection with and one that you feel comfortable with and can build a repor with. That way you can feel them out without having to worry about rejection. You are also looking for someone who will call you back when you phone them. And you are looking for someone who can give you the time that you and your recovery deserve.
If you feel uncomfortable asking someone to be your sponsor- ask them if they know of anyone who can do it or, ask them to be your tempory sponsor. There isn't so much pressure that way. Remember, this arrangement isn't set in stone, you can always change sponsors- people don't take it personally- lots of people do it.
I wanted to hold interviews and look at potential sponsor's resumes , My sponsor actually offered to me mine- you never know until you ask.
Ask people men and women to point out the men with good sobriety- they will be happy to help.
You can do this:)
Carolyn
Oh...on the subject of your friend?
Is he in the program...how much clean time does he have... A sponsor is best when they can call you on your s***, will he feel comfortable doing this? will you?.. I don't think age is important(I have a sponsee who is 55,I am 33) What matters is that I have worked the steps ,and can guide her through them and help her through the murkyness of eary sobriety.
Carolyn
Is he in the program...how much clean time does he have... A sponsor is best when they can call you on your s***, will he feel comfortable doing this? will you?.. I don't think age is important(I have a sponsee who is 55,I am 33) What matters is that I have worked the steps ,and can guide her through them and help her through the murkyness of eary sobriety.
Carolyn
Carolyn
Hi-
I was checking around the boards(Im mostly on the heroin board) and I came across your suggestions for finding sponsers. This has been a big block for me to get over. I am even starting to go to less meetings because of this.
I get your point - that your not obligated to stay with one person if you feel it doesnt seem right. That sounds OK.Although I have a horrible feeling that Ill go thru every guy in the room and still not feel comfortable.The one time I had a temp- he seemed so intrusive. Calling me- questioning me- it seemed like he was in my face all the time.
However,my problem seems to be a trust issue,& the problem of me opening up with a stranger and letting him into my sorted past.
As a heroin addict(now methadone) I havent trusted to many people. Thanks for throwing up those suggestions though- I guess Ill give it another try.
much peace & respect
jack
I just realized I hijacked Steves post-sorry its early. but- your advise for 17 year old Steve is also good for 49 yr old Jack.
thanks again
Hi-
I was checking around the boards(Im mostly on the heroin board) and I came across your suggestions for finding sponsers. This has been a big block for me to get over. I am even starting to go to less meetings because of this.
I get your point - that your not obligated to stay with one person if you feel it doesnt seem right. That sounds OK.Although I have a horrible feeling that Ill go thru every guy in the room and still not feel comfortable.The one time I had a temp- he seemed so intrusive. Calling me- questioning me- it seemed like he was in my face all the time.
However,my problem seems to be a trust issue,& the problem of me opening up with a stranger and letting him into my sorted past.
As a heroin addict(now methadone) I havent trusted to many people. Thanks for throwing up those suggestions though- I guess Ill give it another try.
much peace & respect
jack
I just realized I hijacked Steves post-sorry its early. but- your advise for 17 year old Steve is also good for 49 yr old Jack.
thanks again
Steve, wanting to quit is half of the battle. My son was 17 when he went to in- patient rehab. He still tried to drink after that and his DOC was weed. He did tell me that cough syrup almost killed him one night.
AA was good for him, although it was all older men and women and his sponsor had alterial motives in helping young people. His next sponsor was better.
He had a heck of a time with car wrecks, arrests, and he did 30 days in jail.
I know that growing up, my son never thought that he would eventually be stealing from family members. I was his Little League coach for several years. He was my golden boy.
Yes, it broke my heart every time I found out he had relapsed. But that is not as bad as if he had died.
I will tell you what I tell him. Be a man. If you are man enough to drink, you are man enough to talk to your dad. Perhaps you are going to need to go away to treatment. It gives you time to get clean, educated about what you are doing, and it will give you some coping mechanisms.
I had the most fun drinking as anyone. I loved it from age 18 (it was legal then) until age 25. I was able to quit w/o problems, but I realize that I could have just as easily been hooked.
It is OK to e-mail me. Seely1954@yahoo.com
AA was good for him, although it was all older men and women and his sponsor had alterial motives in helping young people. His next sponsor was better.
He had a heck of a time with car wrecks, arrests, and he did 30 days in jail.
I know that growing up, my son never thought that he would eventually be stealing from family members. I was his Little League coach for several years. He was my golden boy.
Yes, it broke my heart every time I found out he had relapsed. But that is not as bad as if he had died.
I will tell you what I tell him. Be a man. If you are man enough to drink, you are man enough to talk to your dad. Perhaps you are going to need to go away to treatment. It gives you time to get clean, educated about what you are doing, and it will give you some coping mechanisms.
I had the most fun drinking as anyone. I loved it from age 18 (it was legal then) until age 25. I was able to quit w/o problems, but I realize that I could have just as easily been hooked.
It is OK to e-mail me. Seely1954@yahoo.com
