Ah Danny. my heart goes out to you. I have a friend in the program that has what you have and that 3-4 times a year nearly kills her. She does end up in the hospital hooked up to morphine. It's the only way she can get through it. I don't understand buddy, are you afriad that you'll just keep using once the episode passes? Can't you just use the medicine in the hospital and then come home with nothing? I know that benzo's were your doc, is it that way with the pain meds too? I am so sorry that you go through this.
Having serenity doesn't mean you have to be in a program. There are lots of ways to find it. Obviously, some haven't.
not everybody flips out around pills. I can pick up the phone and within 5 minutes have anything I want--
I can go on methadone Oxycontin benzos --well I can also go to see all my buddies Miller Lite Jack Daniels and all there family members
You get to a point in your life ME ? decades after using drugs to escape reality and LIFE and its RESPONSIBILITY where you just lose the desire.
Am i cured ? NO --If i was put in a room would I do coke? NO i would walk out.
I only speak for me but I just do not need to be in meetings anymore or talk about recovery all the time. But were all in different phases of this disease. And many people do need meetings daily to stay sober.
I used to wonder why people needed meetings year in year out but hey that's not my business what I think.
Whatever works. I do see 12 steppers in my past and on this board say things that i do not agree with. Will leave it at that.
One thing about this disease and AA?/12 step meetings IMO ANYBODY who has this disease like I do should go to rehab if possible and if you cant out patient /and do at least 90 meetings in 90 days and then get one yr clean.
After one yr IMO if you dont get it? Then you DID NOT HIT YOUR BOTTOM. IMO you must hit your bottom. No trap doors No B.S--A BOTTOM
Many people are in AA/The rooms lots of them recover and lots of them do not.
Many people In my experience are in Dry Drunks and use the rooms to replace there drink. Eventually they relapse.
Everybody on this board has a story--everybody on this board CAN GET SOBER
But it takes a lot of CHANGE. Change means taking a lot of actions that at least for me I DIID NOT WANT TO DO
The first change was the easiest. Say goodbye to ,my Lover--That lover was getting high and all the sheet it brought to me.
The rest of the actions took like 15 yrs for me to accomplish. And I continue daily to recover. It never stops moving forward. The minute I go backwards I would be DEAD--something in me prevents the old impulses.
Cant explain any other way than I just do not get high.
I hit an UGLY bottom--But I lived through it. I am lucky. Most people in my situation would probably be dead or in other places.
For me? its was a mental bottom--there are many bottoms.
Sorry for the ramble. Lot of things on my mind.
Anyway I hope everybody on the board continues to Move in a POSITIVE direction.
Were all in different places. I feel people on this board ALL OF US IMO need to work harder on our own recovery and stop with all the DRAMA crap JMHO
I am anyway.
Back to lunch
HAPPY HEATHY RECOVERY DAY--
Jeff
I can go on methadone Oxycontin benzos --well I can also go to see all my buddies Miller Lite Jack Daniels and all there family members
You get to a point in your life ME ? decades after using drugs to escape reality and LIFE and its RESPONSIBILITY where you just lose the desire.
Am i cured ? NO --If i was put in a room would I do coke? NO i would walk out.
I only speak for me but I just do not need to be in meetings anymore or talk about recovery all the time. But were all in different phases of this disease. And many people do need meetings daily to stay sober.
I used to wonder why people needed meetings year in year out but hey that's not my business what I think.
Whatever works. I do see 12 steppers in my past and on this board say things that i do not agree with. Will leave it at that.
One thing about this disease and AA?/12 step meetings IMO ANYBODY who has this disease like I do should go to rehab if possible and if you cant out patient /and do at least 90 meetings in 90 days and then get one yr clean.
After one yr IMO if you dont get it? Then you DID NOT HIT YOUR BOTTOM. IMO you must hit your bottom. No trap doors No B.S--A BOTTOM
Many people are in AA/The rooms lots of them recover and lots of them do not.
Many people In my experience are in Dry Drunks and use the rooms to replace there drink. Eventually they relapse.
Everybody on this board has a story--everybody on this board CAN GET SOBER
But it takes a lot of CHANGE. Change means taking a lot of actions that at least for me I DIID NOT WANT TO DO
The first change was the easiest. Say goodbye to ,my Lover--That lover was getting high and all the sheet it brought to me.
The rest of the actions took like 15 yrs for me to accomplish. And I continue daily to recover. It never stops moving forward. The minute I go backwards I would be DEAD--something in me prevents the old impulses.
Cant explain any other way than I just do not get high.
I hit an UGLY bottom--But I lived through it. I am lucky. Most people in my situation would probably be dead or in other places.
For me? its was a mental bottom--there are many bottoms.
Sorry for the ramble. Lot of things on my mind.
Anyway I hope everybody on the board continues to Move in a POSITIVE direction.
Were all in different places. I feel people on this board ALL OF US IMO need to work harder on our own recovery and stop with all the DRAMA crap JMHO
I am anyway.
Back to lunch
HAPPY HEATHY RECOVERY DAY--
Jeff
| QUOTE |
| After one yr IMO if you dont get it? Then you DID NOT HIT YOUR BOTTOM. |
Jeff,
I am curious...how could AA/NA help newcomers if there were no oldtimers at meetings?
I agree with the change of attitude but I am so grateful that people with 20-30 years of sobriety still show up at meetings, embraced me, show me and share with me the ESH....thank you for this post...reminded me to be grateful to those who went before me and are selfless enough to still spend an hour & half of their day once or twice a week with me to help me.....I will make sure I hug them extra tight tonight...
Take care,
Stacey
I am curious...how could AA/NA help newcomers if there were no oldtimers at meetings?
BINGO!! If the oldtimers were selfishly thinking they were all better and didn't need meetings, where would we all be? Thank God they are willing to give back what was given to them. The day I think I don't need meetings any more is the day I am thinking only of myself. We all know the most important person at a meeting is the newcomer. They wouldn't do too well if they only had another newcomer to talk to, would they? Great point, Stace.
BTW the auditor is gone. Whew!
BINGO!! If the oldtimers were selfishly thinking they were all better and didn't need meetings, where would we all be? Thank God they are willing to give back what was given to them. The day I think I don't need meetings any more is the day I am thinking only of myself. We all know the most important person at a meeting is the newcomer. They wouldn't do too well if they only had another newcomer to talk to, would they? Great point, Stace.
BTW the auditor is gone. Whew!
Now I really have some gratitude going on...I don't like it when you are too busy but I am glad it went well and it is over...
And thank you for giving back what you have...
xoxo
And thank you for giving back what you have...
xoxo
Thank you Stacey and Kat. I was hoping I wasn't the only one sitting here going: huh?
AA/NA exists because of old timers who pass the word. No one ever graduates. Some move on, others go back out. But most stick around and I am so grateful to them that they are there when I get there.
AA/NA exists because of old timers who pass the word. No one ever graduates. Some move on, others go back out. But most stick around and I am so grateful to them that they are there when I get there.
Thank all deities for the old-timers who come back to those AA meetings...
I have 4 sponsors (well, 3 here in town). Between the 4 there are over 100 years of sobriety.....They make my journey to sobriety so, so much more pleasant.....
They have helped me so much with my stepwork. Thank goodness they didn't leave after one year. No graduation for them. And they don't think it a big sacrifice to go to meetings and sponsor people. (One of them is retired, so they do have the time). As one said to me (Sponsor #4). "Hey, I spent as much or more time drinking and using as I did in meetings and sponsorship." Very unselfish people.
I was miserable before starting the drugs (what addict truly was serene and comfortable with themselves before becoming addicted. I want to meet this person(s)). If I would continue feeling that way after quitting, I might as well be using.
As one of the AA oldtimers told me. This is NOT about not using. It is about how to learn to live life without chemicals and enjoy it. To learn new skills for coping with life that one may have never had in the first place (that sure was true for me).
Getting rid of the desire for pills is for me, inversely proportional to how much I feel I belong in society, life, with other people. The more I connect, the less (or at present, none) cravings for pills.
My past is not too distant. Two years isn't much time. I remember much. I still got work to do..
Plug...plug..plug....plugging along.
I have 4 sponsors (well, 3 here in town). Between the 4 there are over 100 years of sobriety.....They make my journey to sobriety so, so much more pleasant.....
They have helped me so much with my stepwork. Thank goodness they didn't leave after one year. No graduation for them. And they don't think it a big sacrifice to go to meetings and sponsor people. (One of them is retired, so they do have the time). As one said to me (Sponsor #4). "Hey, I spent as much or more time drinking and using as I did in meetings and sponsorship." Very unselfish people.
I was miserable before starting the drugs (what addict truly was serene and comfortable with themselves before becoming addicted. I want to meet this person(s)). If I would continue feeling that way after quitting, I might as well be using.
As one of the AA oldtimers told me. This is NOT about not using. It is about how to learn to live life without chemicals and enjoy it. To learn new skills for coping with life that one may have never had in the first place (that sure was true for me).
Getting rid of the desire for pills is for me, inversely proportional to how much I feel I belong in society, life, with other people. The more I connect, the less (or at present, none) cravings for pills.
My past is not too distant. Two years isn't much time. I remember much. I still got work to do..
Plug...plug..plug....plugging along.
Lisa,
This pancrease stuff is a real nightmare. I know exactly what your friend is going through. The pain is just unbelievable. There are literally times you just wish you would die (or at least pass out) to make it go away. I won't do the hospital thing anymore (and believe me..22 times in 3 years) for a couple of reasons. I literally can't stand the place. I hate every single moment I am there. My Dr. is out of a teaching hospital, so that makes it even worse. Ya, benzo's were my first choice. Ugh. That scared me pretty much away from anything. I was taking the vicodin for a while but quit because I was so afraid of withdrawl and for the second reason, some know this (and you may remember) but when my ex and I split up, she was getting pretty physical. All alcohol fueled. And in front of the little kids too. She had been for years but it never was really a problem because quite frankly, I outweighed her by 70 pounds and was 8 inches taller. Not a lot of damage done. At the end, I was extremely ill. I was down to 118 pounds, so she outweighed me and I was extremely weak. I couldn't even open a friggin pickle jar. Quite frankly, she could kick my a**..hehe..so the last 3 times it happened, she booked and my daughter came over and called the cops and they came and I wouldn't press charges..ya know..the last time, she nailed me good. I had a black eye, a broken nose and a huge cut on my eye from her ring..blood on the walls..cops took my picture..the whole nine yards..anyway, when I filed for divorce, I also filed for custody of the kids. Here I was in court, with 911 reports, photos, witnesses, letters from my doctors and her arguement for her getting custody was I was sick and had to take opiates and therefore couldn't be trusted. This was an abusive alcoholic coke addict using my illness against me. Guess who the judge sided with? I get to see them Sundays though! To top it off, guess who watches them everyday after school? Her vicodin addict (illegally) sister. Which shows she wasn't sincerely concerned for them but wanted to hurt me.(thank God I've gained 50 of those pounds back)
This pancrease stuff is a real nightmare. I know exactly what your friend is going through. The pain is just unbelievable. There are literally times you just wish you would die (or at least pass out) to make it go away. I won't do the hospital thing anymore (and believe me..22 times in 3 years) for a couple of reasons. I literally can't stand the place. I hate every single moment I am there. My Dr. is out of a teaching hospital, so that makes it even worse. Ya, benzo's were my first choice. Ugh. That scared me pretty much away from anything. I was taking the vicodin for a while but quit because I was so afraid of withdrawl and for the second reason, some know this (and you may remember) but when my ex and I split up, she was getting pretty physical. All alcohol fueled. And in front of the little kids too. She had been for years but it never was really a problem because quite frankly, I outweighed her by 70 pounds and was 8 inches taller. Not a lot of damage done. At the end, I was extremely ill. I was down to 118 pounds, so she outweighed me and I was extremely weak. I couldn't even open a friggin pickle jar. Quite frankly, she could kick my a**..hehe..so the last 3 times it happened, she booked and my daughter came over and called the cops and they came and I wouldn't press charges..ya know..the last time, she nailed me good. I had a black eye, a broken nose and a huge cut on my eye from her ring..blood on the walls..cops took my picture..the whole nine yards..anyway, when I filed for divorce, I also filed for custody of the kids. Here I was in court, with 911 reports, photos, witnesses, letters from my doctors and her arguement for her getting custody was I was sick and had to take opiates and therefore couldn't be trusted. This was an abusive alcoholic coke addict using my illness against me. Guess who the judge sided with? I get to see them Sundays though! To top it off, guess who watches them everyday after school? Her vicodin addict (illegally) sister. Which shows she wasn't sincerely concerned for them but wanted to hurt me.(thank God I've gained 50 of those pounds back)
Danny
I had a friend that was 37 that had trouble with his pancreas. He couldn't stop drinking and it killed him. Please don't ever drink again. The doctors warned him if he drank he would die but he did anyway. Thirty-seven years old. Such a waste.
I had a friend that was 37 that had trouble with his pancreas. He couldn't stop drinking and it killed him. Please don't ever drink again. The doctors warned him if he drank he would die but he did anyway. Thirty-seven years old. Such a waste.
Kat- Thats true. It will kill you. No fooling.
Elim:
I was more serene before I started abusing pain meds than I have ever been in my life...honest.
I was in the best "place" I have ever been...after much hard work. I had delved into my codependent life...understood my abusive mother, and abusive husband...cleared my decks for me...began studying yoga fervently, then studied for being able to teach yoga, then taught, and began college at age 37. The four years prior to my abusing pain meds were the most significant of my life...up to then...I now consider my addiction/recovery to be the most significant years of my life.
I feel I understand how I got into abusing the pills. For me, it was leaving my yoga practice...getting too busy to sit still and breath. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is true. And, secondarily, I am a purist in my yoga practice...in that, I would never even begin a session if I had narcotics in my system.
So, gradually, narcotics replaced the "calm" feeling that I had obtained naturally...and before you know it I am habituated, then eventually addicted.
I am amazed by this series of events, and like to share it because it speaks of how powerful narcotics can be. To walk away from something really good and authentic in my life to abuse a substance that brings only chaos...AND there is nothing authentic about the way any drug makes you feel. But I did just that...and my practice was strong....which just goes to prove, you really do get burned when you play with fire.
I view my addiction as a part of my yogic path now. As strange as that may sound...had I not witnessed what drugs can do to your heart, your mind and your body...firsthand...then I could not share my experience with others. This addiction has taught me many things about what walking through the fire is really all about...it has also connected me to gratitude and humility. I certainly hope that those two attributes of getting clean never leave me.
Today, I am reconnected with my yoga and meditation practice and it brings me much peace. Physiologically there are benefits as well. Little by little, I am beginning to understand my addiction on a different level...and through many layers and filters, I see, it truly can be a gift. I don't wish it on anyone, but, in my own personal case, it has made me more human, more connected to others who suffer, and as I said before, more grateful and more humble.
It is hard sometimes to believe that "everything is as it should be", but I honestly believe that it is...sometimes, it takes me a while to see it in certain situations. I know that as long as my heart is open, I will be shown. I really believe that it is impossible to have your heart open when one is "altered". That lack of vision creates the cycle of abuse that we have all found ourselves in. Blind, high, and chasing our tails..I am so glad that is over for me.
I know that the serenity I will achieve with more time will hopefully be deeper than before I started using, how can it not??? I have added another very powerful layer to the Sarah story. I already feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life. I feel more accomplished by getting off of pain pills than anything else I have ever done. I know, it is the single most important act of my life, and probably a pivotal moment in how the second half of my story writes itself.
I am in awe of sobriety!
Sarah
I was more serene before I started abusing pain meds than I have ever been in my life...honest.
I was in the best "place" I have ever been...after much hard work. I had delved into my codependent life...understood my abusive mother, and abusive husband...cleared my decks for me...began studying yoga fervently, then studied for being able to teach yoga, then taught, and began college at age 37. The four years prior to my abusing pain meds were the most significant of my life...up to then...I now consider my addiction/recovery to be the most significant years of my life.
I feel I understand how I got into abusing the pills. For me, it was leaving my yoga practice...getting too busy to sit still and breath. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is true. And, secondarily, I am a purist in my yoga practice...in that, I would never even begin a session if I had narcotics in my system.
So, gradually, narcotics replaced the "calm" feeling that I had obtained naturally...and before you know it I am habituated, then eventually addicted.
I am amazed by this series of events, and like to share it because it speaks of how powerful narcotics can be. To walk away from something really good and authentic in my life to abuse a substance that brings only chaos...AND there is nothing authentic about the way any drug makes you feel. But I did just that...and my practice was strong....which just goes to prove, you really do get burned when you play with fire.
I view my addiction as a part of my yogic path now. As strange as that may sound...had I not witnessed what drugs can do to your heart, your mind and your body...firsthand...then I could not share my experience with others. This addiction has taught me many things about what walking through the fire is really all about...it has also connected me to gratitude and humility. I certainly hope that those two attributes of getting clean never leave me.
Today, I am reconnected with my yoga and meditation practice and it brings me much peace. Physiologically there are benefits as well. Little by little, I am beginning to understand my addiction on a different level...and through many layers and filters, I see, it truly can be a gift. I don't wish it on anyone, but, in my own personal case, it has made me more human, more connected to others who suffer, and as I said before, more grateful and more humble.
It is hard sometimes to believe that "everything is as it should be", but I honestly believe that it is...sometimes, it takes me a while to see it in certain situations. I know that as long as my heart is open, I will be shown. I really believe that it is impossible to have your heart open when one is "altered". That lack of vision creates the cycle of abuse that we have all found ourselves in. Blind, high, and chasing our tails..I am so glad that is over for me.
I know that the serenity I will achieve with more time will hopefully be deeper than before I started using, how can it not??? I have added another very powerful layer to the Sarah story. I already feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life. I feel more accomplished by getting off of pain pills than anything else I have ever done. I know, it is the single most important act of my life, and probably a pivotal moment in how the second half of my story writes itself.
I am in awe of sobriety!
Sarah
posted by notfeelingclever
Ahhh...there's the rub. You were serene, but then changed it. "Too busy" doesn't sound too serene does it? Now why did you change it? Oh, a zillion dollar question. What were you anxious/restless about, if anything?
I am under no illusions that everyone, or even most would have been in the same state I was. I was merely stating that there was at least a seed of..."discontent" that made drug use look...viable....
| QUOTE |
For me, it was leaving my yoga practice...getting too busy to sit still and breath. |
Ahhh...there's the rub. You were serene, but then changed it. "Too busy" doesn't sound too serene does it? Now why did you change it? Oh, a zillion dollar question. What were you anxious/restless about, if anything?
I am under no illusions that everyone, or even most would have been in the same state I was. I was merely stating that there was at least a seed of..."discontent" that made drug use look...viable....
I agree...
I guess it would be putting myself in a competitive situation with art school. It is very difficult to begin to put yourself on the line visually! So, I would say it was a lack of confidence issue...that led to take a little pill that wasn't necessary, which kept me from my yoga practice, then feeling antsy and weird, because I hadn't been connected (mind/body), so taking another little pill, etc.
The thing just grew into a monster before I knew what hit me.
I played along with it for a long time. Honestly, my Father's death is what finally sat me down and made me look at myself. I honestly believe he helped me from beyond. May sound crazy, but it took more courage to even TRY to quit than anything else I have ever done. I was terrified of it.
Hindsight is so kind....and I realize my worst day of detox was better than my best day high. Had to do it to know it.
S.
I guess it would be putting myself in a competitive situation with art school. It is very difficult to begin to put yourself on the line visually! So, I would say it was a lack of confidence issue...that led to take a little pill that wasn't necessary, which kept me from my yoga practice, then feeling antsy and weird, because I hadn't been connected (mind/body), so taking another little pill, etc.
The thing just grew into a monster before I knew what hit me.
I played along with it for a long time. Honestly, my Father's death is what finally sat me down and made me look at myself. I honestly believe he helped me from beyond. May sound crazy, but it took more courage to even TRY to quit than anything else I have ever done. I was terrified of it.
Hindsight is so kind....and I realize my worst day of detox was better than my best day high. Had to do it to know it.
S.
There would always be people in AA--I posted MY OPINION that's all. To answer your question there would always be newcomers. Always people coming in. I have found the newcomer more helpful then a putz with his 20 yrs calling me one of his pigeons.
I also was amazed at listening to a man who had 70+yrs in the program. Many hours of some great experiences. But something just snapped FOR ME--so I do not attend meeting regularly. I like one very much near me. And this summer plan on finding the beach meetings. Every now and then a meeting cant hurt me.
I preface this by saying DID NOT POST to start ANYTHING. Just trying to make the point that many people substitute the rooms for there drug. Many people in the meetings I have been to in 4 states all kinds they all come in gung ho and disappear-within weeks. Just not ready.
My other more important point is you cant get sober if you have not hit your bottom. You can fake it but until you take action you aint makin sheet. IMO
There are many people living like this. Dry drunk white knuckling --its sad.Its the sheety DISEASE--Its the WORST DISEASE I OWN and I own a Bunch.
I feel that addicts make recovery way to complicated at least I sure did. Well now using all my tools learned from AA I stay sober but more important am HAPPY for the first time in ???years
I spill my guts and the 12 steppers cant admit some of what I wrote is the TRUTH. What you think AA is perfect? Like any organization its filled with good bad and the ugly--
ITS COOL I feel better--
I am just telling my experience--
I was very uncomfortable my second go round in the rooms. But its really simple stick with the winners.
You know 12 steppers you ask how could there be AA without the oldtimer?
Someone correctly wrote
"
AA/NA exists because of old timers who pass the word. No one ever graduates. Some move on, others go back out. But most stick around and I am so grateful to them that they are there when I get there. "
But without the newcomer there is NO AA--Shame AA will never ever die as there will always be the newcomer.
Guys Maybe you misunderstood there will always be the oldtimers. But you ever ask yourself why some AA members stop going to meetings?
The A-hole /Media /Society will say they all relapse--BULL SPIT
Lots o f people just like me get to a different place. Hey if going to a meeting each day for the rest of your life is going to keep you alive? F-in a of course.
Not everybody needs meetings in there life to stay sober-For me the meetings just got boring. I realized it was time to really start to live. This is what worked for me.
Dr BILL started AA with 2 people. There will always be 2 people who can get together and talk. Thats AA--well each day 2 people enter these rooms. AA will never die.
I am grateful for the rooms. VERY GRATEFUL it saved my life. Guess what my situation may change. I would bet my life kids etc that I will continue to go forward in my recovery but if I did fall?? Ma arse would be back to the rooms.
Life begins for addicts in the rooms guess I was just saying it should not end in the rooms.
I tend to have problems getting my point across as ya all know I was dropped on the head as a new born. True story my Mom was in 23 +hrs NATURAL no epidurals no drugs just 23 hrs of me not wanting to come out . They gave me to my mom and she dropped me.
LOL so the family joke is that's why I am crazy.--
Sincerely
Jeff
I also was amazed at listening to a man who had 70+yrs in the program. Many hours of some great experiences. But something just snapped FOR ME--so I do not attend meeting regularly. I like one very much near me. And this summer plan on finding the beach meetings. Every now and then a meeting cant hurt me.
I preface this by saying DID NOT POST to start ANYTHING. Just trying to make the point that many people substitute the rooms for there drug. Many people in the meetings I have been to in 4 states all kinds they all come in gung ho and disappear-within weeks. Just not ready.
My other more important point is you cant get sober if you have not hit your bottom. You can fake it but until you take action you aint makin sheet. IMO
There are many people living like this. Dry drunk white knuckling --its sad.Its the sheety DISEASE--Its the WORST DISEASE I OWN and I own a Bunch.
I feel that addicts make recovery way to complicated at least I sure did. Well now using all my tools learned from AA I stay sober but more important am HAPPY for the first time in ???years
I spill my guts and the 12 steppers cant admit some of what I wrote is the TRUTH. What you think AA is perfect? Like any organization its filled with good bad and the ugly--
ITS COOL I feel better--
I am just telling my experience--
I was very uncomfortable my second go round in the rooms. But its really simple stick with the winners.
You know 12 steppers you ask how could there be AA without the oldtimer?
Someone correctly wrote
"
AA/NA exists because of old timers who pass the word. No one ever graduates. Some move on, others go back out. But most stick around and I am so grateful to them that they are there when I get there. "
But without the newcomer there is NO AA--Shame AA will never ever die as there will always be the newcomer.
Guys Maybe you misunderstood there will always be the oldtimers. But you ever ask yourself why some AA members stop going to meetings?
The A-hole /Media /Society will say they all relapse--BULL SPIT
Lots o f people just like me get to a different place. Hey if going to a meeting each day for the rest of your life is going to keep you alive? F-in a of course.
Not everybody needs meetings in there life to stay sober-For me the meetings just got boring. I realized it was time to really start to live. This is what worked for me.
Dr BILL started AA with 2 people. There will always be 2 people who can get together and talk. Thats AA--well each day 2 people enter these rooms. AA will never die.
I am grateful for the rooms. VERY GRATEFUL it saved my life. Guess what my situation may change. I would bet my life kids etc that I will continue to go forward in my recovery but if I did fall?? Ma arse would be back to the rooms.
Life begins for addicts in the rooms guess I was just saying it should not end in the rooms.
I tend to have problems getting my point across as ya all know I was dropped on the head as a new born. True story my Mom was in 23 +hrs NATURAL no epidurals no drugs just 23 hrs of me not wanting to come out . They gave me to my mom and she dropped me.
LOL so the family joke is that's why I am crazy.--
Sincerely
Jeff
Wholly sheet Danny-I did not realize how sick you are. Well you are a bear fan.
I relate to the hospital thing. Danny 2006 is the first 365 days I went without a hospital procedure since 1998--
I hate hospitals more than well YOU KNOW.
Danny wishing you a Healthy year --hang in there. Not sure what else I can say. You know what you need to do --and man it aint easy dealing with what you have. PUCK
YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Jeff
I relate to the hospital thing. Danny 2006 is the first 365 days I went without a hospital procedure since 1998--
I hate hospitals more than well YOU KNOW.
Danny wishing you a Healthy year --hang in there. Not sure what else I can say. You know what you need to do --and man it aint easy dealing with what you have. PUCK
YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Jeff
Jeff- I am so much better now than I was. 2004 and especially 2005 were extremely bad. In a two month period, I dropped 75 pounds. I looked terrible. People I had known for years didn't even recognize me. I was literally embarrassed to go out. What happens is your pancrease does two things. You are diabetic if I remember right, so you know. It prouduces insulin and it also produces enzymes that empty into your digestive system that break down the food so you digest it. That stuff all stops and the enzymes produced start digesting the pancrease itself. Literally, hence the pain. And the weight lose is called malabsorbtion. If the food you eat isn't broken down, it isn't absorbed. Plus, it hurts like a b**** to eat anyway. I had what is called hemorrhagic pancreatitis. That is where you bleed internally from it and end up puking up the blood. I did that do many times. It's pretty scary. They have to put stents in your pancrease and stuff. Not a lot they can do, besides a PICC line and all that. I still get the pain really bad (like last week) but I am finally gaining weight back. I was in size 27 jeans for a while. Like I was 12 or something.
Anyway, the hospital. They all know me pretty well. They don't even make me wear a hospital gown anymore. I get to wear sweats, unless they have to do something internally. Even in the ICU they let me. When I'm there, they typically put me on NPO, which is nothing by mouth (food OR water) for 3-4 days. Then it's another 3-4 days of clear liquids. The no water part is really hard. The nurses were sneaking me popsicles, god bless them. Once, I was so doped up, I unhooked my IV, put on my shoes and coat, shoved the IV bag into my coat sleeve, snuck past the nurses station and walked out of the hospital and went next door and bought a shake at McDonalds. Drank my shake, went back to my room, hooked up the bag and never got caught. I felt like it was the movie the Great Escape.
Anyway, the hospital. They all know me pretty well. They don't even make me wear a hospital gown anymore. I get to wear sweats, unless they have to do something internally. Even in the ICU they let me. When I'm there, they typically put me on NPO, which is nothing by mouth (food OR water) for 3-4 days. Then it's another 3-4 days of clear liquids. The no water part is really hard. The nurses were sneaking me popsicles, god bless them. Once, I was so doped up, I unhooked my IV, put on my shoes and coat, shoved the IV bag into my coat sleeve, snuck past the nurses station and walked out of the hospital and went next door and bought a shake at McDonalds. Drank my shake, went back to my room, hooked up the bag and never got caught. I felt like it was the movie the Great Escape.
Danny I am kind of screwed. Diabetes seems to be coming my way. Read a little bit about what you have. Your a tough M-FER
I cant imagine the pain you were in. Its funny you hang around this sick board and man were all sick? Think our use has anything to do with it? I dont know for me yes and No? Who gives a puck YOU CANT CHANGE ANYTHING --ACCEPTANCE-one little word has helped me so much?? Go figure.
My sugars are perfect but I have all these symptoms. A year ago i would have freaked.
Like a month ago was sitting at computer. I have cataracts in both eyes and get light shows all the time. But this was different
I got dizzy and really scared. I am thirsty al the time. I go days with nothing then other days tingling numbness etc
My cholesterol is perfect but my triglycerides (spell) Not me Spell checker
is like 220 which is high. I go back to the doctor on VYTORIN and puck it. If I stop posting trust me Ia m in a hospital stroke or I croaked.
Some would like that--LMFAO Danny life is way to short to worry about anything.
Worked my arse off Today. AWESOME day
Man Danny I do not know about you but my goal is not to waste any day I have left on this earth.
You stay healthy--Glad your better.
Have a good night Danny--Jeff
I cant imagine the pain you were in. Its funny you hang around this sick board and man were all sick? Think our use has anything to do with it? I dont know for me yes and No? Who gives a puck YOU CANT CHANGE ANYTHING --ACCEPTANCE-one little word has helped me so much?? Go figure.
My sugars are perfect but I have all these symptoms. A year ago i would have freaked.
Like a month ago was sitting at computer. I have cataracts in both eyes and get light shows all the time. But this was different
I got dizzy and really scared. I am thirsty al the time. I go days with nothing then other days tingling numbness etc
My cholesterol is perfect but my triglycerides (spell) Not me Spell checker
is like 220 which is high. I go back to the doctor on VYTORIN and puck it. If I stop posting trust me Ia m in a hospital stroke or I croaked.
Some would like that--LMFAO Danny life is way to short to worry about anything.
Worked my arse off Today. AWESOME day
Man Danny I do not know about you but my goal is not to waste any day I have left on this earth.
You stay healthy--Glad your better.
Have a good night Danny--Jeff
I don't waste days either and not a heck of a lot that I am afraid of anymore.
The good thing about all this is my LDL went from like 220 to under 150 and my body fat index is now around 16 or so. My Doc says at least I will die healthy..he's joking of course.
The good thing about all this is my LDL went from like 220 to under 150 and my body fat index is now around 16 or so. My Doc says at least I will die healthy..he's joking of course.
Hey...I just wanted to butt in for a second and tell you both...Danny and Jeff...how much respect that I have for you as men! Thats not easy...lol...I hear of your medical troubles and your addiction and all that you have come through...what shines most is your commitment to your children through all of this it seems to me you have always had them in the forefront! Doing what was best for them even to your own detriment! My kids Dad is a deadbeat...my current hubby was useless when I was raising my kids...so I have always longed for a strong male role model...I think you guys have done that! your kids must adore you...not just the typical..weekend daddy!
Anyhow..thats it....just wanted to let you know.....
Anyhow..thats it....just wanted to let you know.....
Danny I am on this freakin VYTORIN Max amounts for over a year. Brought my cholesterol way down.
But the other number? Did you change your diet? Seeing the doctor on the 18th.
Danny I have simple pattern. I abuse everything until it becomes life threatening. Then I stop. That's how I see it.
Coke? That was hard as I still have that deamon in my head even after all these years.
But the rest of it ?easy compared to FOOD--exercise --I hated it at the beginning. Now My favorite time is crankin tunes and walking.
I am the lightest I have been in 30 yrs. Part of its bad as the prednisone eats the muscle away and has done a lot of damage to me.
i cant stop that except to exercise the best I can
Man I relate to where you have been.
I am studying the playoffs trying to rationalize the Giant game. The money line to bet Philli is very tempting. The Giants cannot win this game unless philli THROWS the game or there team bus crashes on the way to the stadium.
Tempting.
Jeff.
But the other number? Did you change your diet? Seeing the doctor on the 18th.
Danny I have simple pattern. I abuse everything until it becomes life threatening. Then I stop. That's how I see it.
Coke? That was hard as I still have that deamon in my head even after all these years.
But the rest of it ?easy compared to FOOD--exercise --I hated it at the beginning. Now My favorite time is crankin tunes and walking.
I am the lightest I have been in 30 yrs. Part of its bad as the prednisone eats the muscle away and has done a lot of damage to me.
i cant stop that except to exercise the best I can
Man I relate to where you have been.
I am studying the playoffs trying to rationalize the Giant game. The money line to bet Philli is very tempting. The Giants cannot win this game unless philli THROWS the game or there team bus crashes on the way to the stadium.
Tempting.
Jeff.
