I am curious about the people that posted if they had a bottle of pills they would take them. Of course if you answer you wouldn't be anonymous any more so let me put it this way...to those of you that have worked the steps, or at least gotten to step 7, would you take those pills? I'm wondering if it's people that are trying to stay clean on their own, if they are the ones that still want to get high and if people that are working for their sobriety with the steps have no more desire for that buzz.
Step 12 tells us we have had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. For me, the spiritual awakening was that I no longer have to get high. That was my personality change. Of course there were others. No one can work the steps without changing but the most noticeable for me is that the desire is gone.
Please don't let this turn into a battle between 12 steppers and non. That is not my intent. I'm just wondering if those that aren't in the program are the ones that still want to use.
Hey Kat, is this question for those in the 12 step recovery program only? Or open to all? Before I answer. I be confused. lol
Hey I have not been in any type of recovery program. I answered that I would tell someone.I have to be honest though, the person would probably be my boyfriend. I might or might not take them. I do not know. It would have to depend on what was going on in my life during that time. I know this does not sound good but atleast I am being honest, right?
Open to all, Brook. I love everyone's opinion even if it differs from mine.
| QUOTE |
| to those of you that have worked the steps, or at least gotten to step 7, would you take those pills? |
Morning Miss Katbird....
I'm not to step 7 yet but for me, the answer lies in the 1st 3 steps and I work those daily....
1. We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable....
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
I don't have a desire today to take pills or any mind altering substance as I no longer need to...I have found what I have been searching for my whole life and that void in me is being filled today with peace and serenity instead of drugs and alcohol...
I haven't been around here for a few days and I was very active in my recovery and working with others over the long weekend and what I have found is when I go to meetings, be of service and work with others, the thought didn't ever cross my mind to have a drink on New Year's Eve (just one though, right..lol..) or pop a pill, or smoke a joint...I was totally enjoying myself clean and sober and I was there for those who were struggling and I was in action all weekend....
I do know today that not only am I powerless over drugs and alcohol, I am powerless over people, places, things and situations...and by accepting that and doing God's will, not mine, I too have been relieved from the obessesion...
Thank you, Kat...for being one of those rocks in my foundation and I do thank God he put you in my life....
Have a wonderful day!
xoxo
I have never actually worked the steps with a sponsor. I did something like them in the counseling for addiction that they had in the jail. They were quite similar actually. I also attended AA in jail.
I would not have taken them and had no problem not taking them I , like you, have been relieved of that obsession I have no desire to be high. That is a miracle!
I have read all the aa literature and been to meetings sometimes. I celebrate my sobriety date (even monthly still after 2 years) I am a believer in the twelve steps but do not live the program as some do. If that makes any sense. But hey progress not perfection.
I feel the need to post all this. This place has been huge to my recovery. I do have tons of support of family and friends who know what I have been through and I am grateful for that I don't fit in one catagory but many. I love all the 12 step literature and the program and the big book are miracles as well. So shwew! I got that out.
Love,
Jane
I would not have taken them and had no problem not taking them I , like you, have been relieved of that obsession I have no desire to be high. That is a miracle!
I have read all the aa literature and been to meetings sometimes. I celebrate my sobriety date (even monthly still after 2 years) I am a believer in the twelve steps but do not live the program as some do. If that makes any sense. But hey progress not perfection.
I feel the need to post all this. This place has been huge to my recovery. I do have tons of support of family and friends who know what I have been through and I am grateful for that I don't fit in one catagory but many. I love all the 12 step literature and the program and the big book are miracles as well. So shwew! I got that out.
Love,
Jane
You're so awesome Jane. There is no perfect fit for every body. It's what works for you, whatever it is as long as your clean and serene. You can be clean for years but without the sense of serenity, you might as well be using. I am so glad what works for you, works so well. You are such a different person than when you first got here. Thank you for sharing your journey.
That's a really good point, Jane, that progress is not perfection . I'm struggling with my bad feelings about wanting to use and then feeling guilty about thinking of it.
My answer was that I'd take every last one.
Not because I don't want to quit, but just because I'm in so much pain. And not just physical pain, pain of realizing how much I've missed and messed up in the past year. It's like waking up from a bad dream.
Scary thing is that I have access to more pills, with a phone call to my dealer. What I do is pay all my bills instead so that I don't have money to buy pills. It's working! Wednesday my phone number get's changed, and I couldn't be happier or more prepared.
If I had pills right now, I'd take them. But I don't so I'm not going to. I'm not going to put into motion the actions that will take me to pills. That's good enough for me.
I really admire the 12-steppers. My Brother and Mother are in AA (alcoholics anonymous) and it seems to give them so much support. I'm sure as soon as I go to my first Pills Anonymous meeting I'll have a changed outlook on what I would do with a bottle of pills. That's not until tomorrow, though, so for now, I'm only safe because they're not in my hand. But I'm ok with that because I'm "making' them not appear.
I still feel guilty, but I have to be honest and accountable. I'm really scared that the people at pa will not appreciate my self loathing, so I'm trying to get to a more cheerful place. I will, once I start feeling better.
My answer was that I'd take every last one.
Not because I don't want to quit, but just because I'm in so much pain. And not just physical pain, pain of realizing how much I've missed and messed up in the past year. It's like waking up from a bad dream.
Scary thing is that I have access to more pills, with a phone call to my dealer. What I do is pay all my bills instead so that I don't have money to buy pills. It's working! Wednesday my phone number get's changed, and I couldn't be happier or more prepared.
If I had pills right now, I'd take them. But I don't so I'm not going to. I'm not going to put into motion the actions that will take me to pills. That's good enough for me.
I really admire the 12-steppers. My Brother and Mother are in AA (alcoholics anonymous) and it seems to give them so much support. I'm sure as soon as I go to my first Pills Anonymous meeting I'll have a changed outlook on what I would do with a bottle of pills. That's not until tomorrow, though, so for now, I'm only safe because they're not in my hand. But I'm ok with that because I'm "making' them not appear.
I still feel guilty, but I have to be honest and accountable. I'm really scared that the people at pa will not appreciate my self loathing, so I'm trying to get to a more cheerful place. I will, once I start feeling better.
See, Kat? This is where my dilemma comes in. I want to NOT have the desire to take pills or drink myself into a stupor every day. Some days I do better than others. But when things get rough, I have a hard time.
I know, I know.....the steps. The program. And I've got to start somewhere.
Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately) for me, I'm hoping that the fact that my sources are dwindling.....well, maybe that's just some higher power doing for me what I'm not willing to do for myself yet.
I'm afraid if I had an unlimited supply, I'd be dead by now.
There were 3 out of 10 people in the autopsy reports in my local paper today that had "accidental" deaths....combined prescription drug overdose....4 more were suicide by hanging.
Anyways, enough from me. I promised I wouldn't post again until I am detoxing. 2 more days.
I know, I know.....the steps. The program. And I've got to start somewhere.
Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately) for me, I'm hoping that the fact that my sources are dwindling.....well, maybe that's just some higher power doing for me what I'm not willing to do for myself yet.
I'm afraid if I had an unlimited supply, I'd be dead by now.
There were 3 out of 10 people in the autopsy reports in my local paper today that had "accidental" deaths....combined prescription drug overdose....4 more were suicide by hanging.
Anyways, enough from me. I promised I wouldn't post again until I am detoxing. 2 more days.
Kat- I said it in another thread. I am not in a program. I do not follow steps. If I wanted, I could call my Doctor and have 120 Vicodin in about about an hour ( maybe more than 120 if I asked). I was addicted. I do not want to use. Nor do I.
Jodi..don't you dare. You keep posting even if you aren't detoxing. Remember how many of us have been where you are right at this moment.
WestWind...I thought your meeting was tonight? Didn't you say the PA meeting was on Tuesday? Sorry for the confusion it's just that I've been waiting to hear about it. I'm so excited for you. With that kind of support and encouragment, you won't have to worry about whether to pay your bills or buy pills. It'll be a no brainer soon enough.
Danny darlin, what keeps you from calling your dr and asking for those vics? Will power? I'm in awe.
xxoo
WestWind...I thought your meeting was tonight? Didn't you say the PA meeting was on Tuesday? Sorry for the confusion it's just that I've been waiting to hear about it. I'm so excited for you. With that kind of support and encouragment, you won't have to worry about whether to pay your bills or buy pills. It'll be a no brainer soon enough.
Danny darlin, what keeps you from calling your dr and asking for those vics? Will power? I'm in awe.
xxoo
That's true, my original PA meeting was tonight, but that one is in Hollywood. There's one tomorrow night at my local church, and I kind of wanted to wait and start off with the people I was going to stick with. I'm nervous about going, so I only want to do the "new person" thing once.
I'm kind of thinking that there's a lot of people who go for one day, and then quit when it gets hard. I don't want to look like that, even to strangers.
I was worried that if I went to the Hollywood one that I'd get really attached to the people there... But I AM looking forward to going tomorrow, I have one friend that I've told, now. He offered to drive me, and I think I might take him up on that offer. I drove just to the local store here, and I felt like I was going to crash every second.
How come it's so hard to tell people that you're addicted to VIcodin?
I'll come home and post about how the meeting went tomorrow. I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. I've never been to a meeting like this, I've never had to be open about my problem.
I'm kind of thinking that there's a lot of people who go for one day, and then quit when it gets hard. I don't want to look like that, even to strangers.
I was worried that if I went to the Hollywood one that I'd get really attached to the people there... But I AM looking forward to going tomorrow, I have one friend that I've told, now. He offered to drive me, and I think I might take him up on that offer. I drove just to the local store here, and I felt like I was going to crash every second.
How come it's so hard to tell people that you're addicted to VIcodin?
I'll come home and post about how the meeting went tomorrow. I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. I've never been to a meeting like this, I've never had to be open about my problem.
There are probably many here who are not in a program but are clean. Im one of them. It wouldnt be as easy to call the Dr and Id immediatley get 120 pills as Bullwinkle states for him, but I could of course go in for my back and start from there. I dont need a program to tell me where that would lead me though. I dont think theres a 100% guarantee for anyone here, in a program or not, but I have yet to feel concern that Id get into that predicament again. Its not willpower at this point. Its downright a health plan. A way of living plan. I dont smoke, rarely drink and now I dont live on pills. No desire. No desire to be counting them, no desire to be waiting on pins and needles at the pharmacist, no desire to feel like a beggar at the doctors office. Do I want a bottle sitting on my dresser to test my desire. Nope. Does anyone? What makes the 10 year veteran of AA go back to drinking? Who knows? Maybe it was the bottle of vodka on his counter he never thought would tempt him. Every person here has to do whatever it takes to keep them clean. Im doing that - without a program. Again, not for everyone. But Im happy with my choices. Bravo to all those here doing the same. Dont second guess yourself.
Lisa- Even though the pain drugs in a real way improved my quality of life, the side effects themselves made it much worse. I wasn't on the board much at all in this past week until today. My gut was hurting so friggin bad. You know when you first get a hard punch in the stomach? It was like that 24/7 continually for me this last week. No relief. I didn't eat at all (Zero) between Wednesday and this morning. I probably threw up (yuk) a couple of hundered times. I slept maybe 2-3 hours off and on a night. It was pretty bad. New Years Eve truly sucked. It's FINALLY feeling better today, thank God. And my neuropathy was killing me on top of it. My brothers kept screaming at me to go to the doctors and threatend to do it by force but all the Docs would/could do is stick a IV in me and give me massive amounts of dilaudid for a week, with a bunch of mean nurses, a grouchy roommate and daytime TV. Believe me..a couple of times, I almost went. Theres no cure for my pancreatic stuff, so I'm kinda screwed in a way. My Doctor thinks I'm an idiot but he's not an addict, so screw him (I do love the guy though). I can't go back to that stuff again. You know how s***ty it is. My life wouldn't be worth living. To me at least. This happens 3-4 times a year. I know it goes away. I just have to hunker down and wait it out. Believe me. I was bawling, it was that bad.
Cowgirl writes..."You can be clean for years but without the sense of serenity, you might as well be using."..What does that mean?...
I don't need to be reprogrammed for serenity to stay sober...
All I have to do is look at the ledger I wrote, outlining how the pills totally
screwed up my life and how much better my life is now..
And the hell I went through to get off that stuff...
Doug
I don't need to be reprogrammed for serenity to stay sober...
All I have to do is look at the ledger I wrote, outlining how the pills totally
screwed up my life and how much better my life is now..
And the hell I went through to get off that stuff...
Doug
Im not in a 12 step program and have no desire to do pills anymore, I dont think about them. My past is a just a distant memory, I dont want to go back to that way of life and Im much happier today than I ever was when I was using.
Right on JD...That is exactly how I feel...
Doug
Doug
I answered truthfully.
If they magically appeared, I would probably (not not probably, I WOULD) take them all.
I still have cravings. That means I NEED a program, especially if I am going to face back surgery and have terrible pain even now (but not taking pain meds).
So the poll make me wake up and realize i am not cured. Will never be cured. And even though I've stayed off he pills myself, I find myself at times teetering back over the edge... if I really worked the steps, I might not be wavering or teetering, (or craving) right?
So I know what I need to do . I always have. I went to a few meetings, but didn't do the work. I need to do it. I don't know why I can't start there is always an excuse.
Love to Kat for asking this question.
Sue/Enester
If they magically appeared, I would probably (not not probably, I WOULD) take them all.
I still have cravings. That means I NEED a program, especially if I am going to face back surgery and have terrible pain even now (but not taking pain meds).
So the poll make me wake up and realize i am not cured. Will never be cured. And even though I've stayed off he pills myself, I find myself at times teetering back over the edge... if I really worked the steps, I might not be wavering or teetering, (or craving) right?
So I know what I need to do . I always have. I went to a few meetings, but didn't do the work. I need to do it. I don't know why I can't start there is always an excuse.
Love to Kat for asking this question.
Sue/Enester
there are different ways to live a wonderful life free from pills and addiction...
really does not matter.......as long as it works......
for me i read the book from time to time.....
mostly i have shifted my thoughts and thinking to thinking healthy and positive.
investing my time into researching and living life to its fullest and focusing on healthy life style habits.......
vitamins ,minerals, exercise and loving myself........
i have seen that many addicts do not love themselves......
and are not healthy, i know i was not healthy........
sometimes when your not healthy your body will crave bad things....
like carbs....the more you eat the more you crave....
so for me it was a mind set........
i dont count days....i just count blessings...
i make sure i keep people around me that are doing something positive, that are thinking positive.........
not always about addiction........
laughing and loving...........giving and sharing...........
putting healthy things in my body.........
healthy food and healthy thoughts............
love ya
thumper
really does not matter.......as long as it works......
for me i read the book from time to time.....
mostly i have shifted my thoughts and thinking to thinking healthy and positive.
investing my time into researching and living life to its fullest and focusing on healthy life style habits.......
vitamins ,minerals, exercise and loving myself........
i have seen that many addicts do not love themselves......
and are not healthy, i know i was not healthy........
sometimes when your not healthy your body will crave bad things....
like carbs....the more you eat the more you crave....
so for me it was a mind set........
i dont count days....i just count blessings...
i make sure i keep people around me that are doing something positive, that are thinking positive.........
not always about addiction........
laughing and loving...........giving and sharing...........
putting healthy things in my body.........
healthy food and healthy thoughts............
love ya
thumper
| QUOTE |
| So I know what I need to do . I always have. I went to a few meetings, but didn't do the work. I need to do it. I don't know why I can't start there is always an excuse. |
Sue,
Thank you for sharing...I remember that feeling like yesterday....for me, I CT'd all the pills I was on back in Feb. 05 and tried it my way for over 1 1/2 years and I'd get 4 months, then 5 months & then I would become complacent and normal and life would happen and before I knew it, I'd have them and take them for a couple of weeks....that year & half reminds me of the insanity of this disease but today, by going to meetings, developing friends in the fellowship who think like me and do not judge me, being in service and helping other addicts/alkies, I have built a foundation and gained a lot of tools that I would use before going back out there...
It takes what it takes and today I am so grateful that fear did not hold me back from walking through the doors. I was so scared, I had my friend's phone number (from this board) on display and my finger on the green send button just in case and I felt her with me as I walked up to the door.
It was the "something different" that I needed to do and yes, it can be a lot of work but it is so very worth every moment....
Take care,
Stacey
