Well, been seven days since I went cold turkey from a ten bag a day habit ($100) of Heroin. Still s***s, can't sleep, feel like s***. At least the devil has vacated my bedroom at night. Sooo weak! How much longer till I feel human? This is really hard! BTW, met a sweet little junkie prostitute about six months ago and that's when I started. My fault, not hers!
I ought to add that this isn't my first run in with H. I got severly addicted while serving in Thailand in the Air Force in the early seventies. But that's a whole other story. (In fact I'm writing a book) But this time I'm 55, I was 21 then. I was scared It would kill me this time quitting!! Looks like I'll live now. But how much longer of this malaise?
Two weeks ago I saw a doc for subutex treatment. He guaranteed me I'd leave his office feeling fine. One pill under my tongue every half hour. After about the fourth one, PRECIPITATED WITHDRAWL set in! He kept pushing them into me at half hour intervals till we got to 14! That was the worst hell I've ever been through!!! If you don't know about precipitated withdrawl, google it and see what some say! I was bouncing off the walls and crawling and I guess that's what they should to the worst of murderers. Absolute torture! I'd rather he pulled my fingernails out!
Anyway, after about eight hours they subsided to just full blown withdrawls and I drove my self home. After about 20 hours heroin started to have an effect again. So I took care of business and now set aside a couple weeks where I can kick on my own.
Anyway, after about eight hours they subsided to just full blown withdrawls and I drove my self home. After about 20 hours heroin started to have an effect again. So I took care of business and now set aside a couple weeks where I can kick on my own.
Check out K.D. Lang's version of the Roy Orbison tune "Crying". It's the best! She brings a whole new meaning to the song... brings a tear to my eye.
BTW, does anybody read this stuff? Or am I talking to myself?
Self, you can do this! Nothing but better things to come! It's been a learning experience and I'm not ashamed of it. Makes me stronger! And more interresting! Ha! Anyone who can't deal with it can just move on. My real friends will be supportive.
BTW, does anybody read this stuff? Or am I talking to myself?
Self, you can do this! Nothing but better things to come! It's been a learning experience and I'm not ashamed of it. Makes me stronger! And more interresting! Ha! Anyone who can't deal with it can just move on. My real friends will be supportive.
Todd - I am reading..
My (the) love of my life is in prison as a result of her heroin addiction (4 years).
Keep heading in the right direction, I promise that the answers within you will set you free. You don't believe me? I was a nasty drunk/coke head about 14 years ago. Not anymore. Miracles happen. I came to this board as a result of my addicted girlfriend. I had no idea how to deal with heroin.
We all deserve grace! Let it be so.
Be well, Don
My (the) love of my life is in prison as a result of her heroin addiction (4 years).
Keep heading in the right direction, I promise that the answers within you will set you free. You don't believe me? I was a nasty drunk/coke head about 14 years ago. Not anymore. Miracles happen. I came to this board as a result of my addicted girlfriend. I had no idea how to deal with heroin.
We all deserve grace! Let it be so.
Be well, Don
Todd, you just picked the wrong time to be here I guess. It's quiet because it's a holiday weekend and also because it's summer and folks are off enjoying themselves (hopefully).
I have never heard of 'precipated withdrawal' but it sounds horrid and I'm not sure I understand the purpose. Why not Suboxone? Know anything about it? You have to be in withdrawals to begin it, but it does resolve your cravings and allows you to function. However, it can also be addictive and you want to get off on a slow taper. In any event , it sounds like you've taken things in hand and are committed to this.
Withdrawal symptoms can last up to four weeks or more. The worst is over ina week, but the sleeplessness and 'rattles' as they're called can continue for a while. The insomnia is hellish and was the worst of it for my daughter.
Come on back and by Tuesday there'll be a few folks around I'd wager. Welcome to the board.
Peace~MomNMore
I have never heard of 'precipated withdrawal' but it sounds horrid and I'm not sure I understand the purpose. Why not Suboxone? Know anything about it? You have to be in withdrawals to begin it, but it does resolve your cravings and allows you to function. However, it can also be addictive and you want to get off on a slow taper. In any event , it sounds like you've taken things in hand and are committed to this.
Withdrawal symptoms can last up to four weeks or more. The worst is over ina week, but the sleeplessness and 'rattles' as they're called can continue for a while. The insomnia is hellish and was the worst of it for my daughter.
Come on back and by Tuesday there'll be a few folks around I'd wager. Welcome to the board.
Peace~MomNMore
Thanks for the input! Real people! I love it! I'm sleeping cause the doc gave me sleeping pills (thank the Lord) I'm trying to taper off them too, though. Hate to end up with another addiction! But I love my sleep!
All my friends went to a club last night to hear a local celebrity sing and party. I wanted to just show up so bad (they've all figured out I was addicted to H by now) I mean I haven't answered the phone or front door for almost three weeks! And my car hasn't moved... All are straight laced folks. Initially only my two sisters and one very good friend knew and had keys to my house.
Thank God for my little sister. On the second night, I was lying on my back and vomiting and choking and unconscious. Could of been the end of me, but she was right next to me and turned me over and saved me. One of my sisters or Greg was in my room the first 72 hours. Greg has checked in every two hours since (ten days). My God, what a good friend Greg is!
Anyway, I wanted to go out last night just to say Hi, I'm still alive! So I took one of those five hour energy drinks. Didn't do the trick, so I stayed home.
But when I do go out, I'm facing every on of those friends and I'll tell 'em I was a Junkie and show them my tracks. I don't care if they understand, but they better just let it go and be proud of me if they want to stay my friend! I refuse to be ashamed! Temporarily stupid, maybe. But I'm proud!!
I regret the whole affair, and am searching what made me ask for that first shot knowing what it would lead to... I'm leaning to thinking there was an evil presence in the room that night. I'm also convinced that at this point in my life if I fall again, it will be the end. I want to grow old with my dear sisters and see my nephews and neices grow. I'd even like to find myself another love of my life.
I'm rambling now, so I'll close and wish all you folks well. I'm a little better every day. Mark in the southwest U.S.
All my friends went to a club last night to hear a local celebrity sing and party. I wanted to just show up so bad (they've all figured out I was addicted to H by now) I mean I haven't answered the phone or front door for almost three weeks! And my car hasn't moved... All are straight laced folks. Initially only my two sisters and one very good friend knew and had keys to my house.
Thank God for my little sister. On the second night, I was lying on my back and vomiting and choking and unconscious. Could of been the end of me, but she was right next to me and turned me over and saved me. One of my sisters or Greg was in my room the first 72 hours. Greg has checked in every two hours since (ten days). My God, what a good friend Greg is!
Anyway, I wanted to go out last night just to say Hi, I'm still alive! So I took one of those five hour energy drinks. Didn't do the trick, so I stayed home.
But when I do go out, I'm facing every on of those friends and I'll tell 'em I was a Junkie and show them my tracks. I don't care if they understand, but they better just let it go and be proud of me if they want to stay my friend! I refuse to be ashamed! Temporarily stupid, maybe. But I'm proud!!
I regret the whole affair, and am searching what made me ask for that first shot knowing what it would lead to... I'm leaning to thinking there was an evil presence in the room that night. I'm also convinced that at this point in my life if I fall again, it will be the end. I want to grow old with my dear sisters and see my nephews and neices grow. I'd even like to find myself another love of my life.
I'm rambling now, so I'll close and wish all you folks well. I'm a little better every day. Mark in the southwest U.S.
MomnMore,
The Subutex/Suboxone is essentially the same thing. I had gone 24 hours as directed and showed up in withdrawls, But the meds tend to knock any Heroin off the receptors in your brain and replace them with the much less effective ingredient in Subutex. In essence, I went into the instant withdrawl that they normally put you under general anesthetic before doing. He said I was the first patient he had this happen to in over 50. Guess I'm special. He was scared I could tell, even asked me if I had hospitalization insurance at one point. NO! I don't! So I just wandered around his luckily empty office banging my head against the walls and flopping around in profound agony for about four hours.
My advice to any heavy Heroin users considering this course of action would be to go a good 48 hours before the Subutex. I know it's hard, but beelieve me, it beats PRECIPITATED WITHDRAWL! That is to be avoided at any cost!
Much Love and Strength to you all!
The Subutex/Suboxone is essentially the same thing. I had gone 24 hours as directed and showed up in withdrawls, But the meds tend to knock any Heroin off the receptors in your brain and replace them with the much less effective ingredient in Subutex. In essence, I went into the instant withdrawl that they normally put you under general anesthetic before doing. He said I was the first patient he had this happen to in over 50. Guess I'm special. He was scared I could tell, even asked me if I had hospitalization insurance at one point. NO! I don't! So I just wandered around his luckily empty office banging my head against the walls and flopping around in profound agony for about four hours.
My advice to any heavy Heroin users considering this course of action would be to go a good 48 hours before the Subutex. I know it's hard, but beelieve me, it beats PRECIPITATED WITHDRAWL! That is to be avoided at any cost!
Much Love and Strength to you all!
Hi Todd,
How're you doing today? Well done for getting as far as you have, it sounds awful. I have never taken heroin so i don't know what you're going through but my fiance is an ex heroin addict who is still on subutex so i've seen the torment he has gone through in trying to kick his habit.
I liked what you said about not hiding the problem from your friends and not being ashamed. We are all human and we all make mistakes and you SHOULD be proud for kicking it. My fiance suffers a terrible amount of shame and guilt from what he's done and it is seriously damaging the progress he is making in his recovery (he has been drinking heavily to block it out which has also caused him to have a couple of slips on valium, up his dosage of sub, lose his job and nearly his driving licence) I have tried to say be proud of what you HAVE achieved instead of beat yourself up for what you havent and what is past, but i guess he has to forgive himself first and he says he just doesn't know how to.
It sounds like you have some incredible people to help you, i wish you all the best in your struggle, stay strong.
How're you doing today? Well done for getting as far as you have, it sounds awful. I have never taken heroin so i don't know what you're going through but my fiance is an ex heroin addict who is still on subutex so i've seen the torment he has gone through in trying to kick his habit.
I liked what you said about not hiding the problem from your friends and not being ashamed. We are all human and we all make mistakes and you SHOULD be proud for kicking it. My fiance suffers a terrible amount of shame and guilt from what he's done and it is seriously damaging the progress he is making in his recovery (he has been drinking heavily to block it out which has also caused him to have a couple of slips on valium, up his dosage of sub, lose his job and nearly his driving licence) I have tried to say be proud of what you HAVE achieved instead of beat yourself up for what you havent and what is past, but i guess he has to forgive himself first and he says he just doesn't know how to.
It sounds like you have some incredible people to help you, i wish you all the best in your struggle, stay strong.
LostinAForest,
Bless you for standing by your man!
(If there's hope for him). I assume there is! Heroin is soooo powerful and can make a weakling out of the strongest of us! That's why when your man finally makes up his mind to just get off the narcotics and free his mind and body and soul, it will take a Herculean effort! But when he is successful, he can be proud! He should be proud. Many can never do it! I have dead friends from the needle.
The cemeteries are littered with both the famous and the unknown who have died behind the s***.
It has to come from an inner strength. I luckily have it. (Support doesn't hurt)
That's where you come in. Recruit others if he has good friends and or family.
Give him support. He has to be convinced the promised land awaits on the other side.
I wish you luck.
But I must add one last comment. If you see that he doesn't have what it takes, I'd advise u to move on to avoid being drawn down into the abyss with him. I've seen it happen.
I wish you the best. Mark
Bless you for standing by your man!
(If there's hope for him). I assume there is! Heroin is soooo powerful and can make a weakling out of the strongest of us! That's why when your man finally makes up his mind to just get off the narcotics and free his mind and body and soul, it will take a Herculean effort! But when he is successful, he can be proud! He should be proud. Many can never do it! I have dead friends from the needle.
The cemeteries are littered with both the famous and the unknown who have died behind the s***.
It has to come from an inner strength. I luckily have it. (Support doesn't hurt)
That's where you come in. Recruit others if he has good friends and or family.
Give him support. He has to be convinced the promised land awaits on the other side.
I wish you luck.
But I must add one last comment. If you see that he doesn't have what it takes, I'd advise u to move on to avoid being drawn down into the abyss with him. I've seen it happen.
I wish you the best. Mark
hi yea i meet my boyfriend when he was clean i had never even thought about herion before he had a relapse and tryed to fight it with him and help him but i wasnt helping i was living the life of a user just noy using so ened up going somw were and trying it to see what was more important then our love and 5yrs down line still addicted we are trying to get clean but it even worse now cause we both addicted i really whish i had never tryed it i realise knoe that it was nothing to do with him not loving me it was that h rules your life unless you have got a lot of strengh and help i on meth script and moved back to mums house so have 2 days clean then use again and so on so this really pissing me of i just want to stop completly i have alot of good things happening in my life at moment just got a car learning to drive got 3 jobs so well done for been clean for 10 days and doing it hey way you have my partner did a withdrawl on subtex he was not as illl as it sounds you was but he couldnt sleep and was in pain some people say they didnt feel any thing that with subtex they felt fine i from england and like you were saying about been truth full only my mum and partner now about me because people thing thT IT IS JUST SCUM BAGS WHO STEAL AND NICK old people hand bags and s*** like that which i know is a load of rubbish but i do admit unless you beeen there it is hard to understant because i didnt with my partner i thought he was been an arse so well done for teling peolpe truth and your story about how you ended up addicted i would love to read luv to all keep strong ps my spelling is bad so sorry if cant under stand some of it
A Reason,
Your story reads sadly. But like the Neil Young lyric "every junkies like a setting sun". So unless you want your life to be hell and set sooner than later, best just to make up your mind to get off all narcotics. There's a million ways to do it. This time I found a doc to give me a load of valium, and I had a big handful of Percocet for the first bad night just to take the edge off. Plus I had sleeping pills. Of course I had loving people around to watch me and administer the meds as we had agreed, but however you do it, it has to come from within!! Ask the Lord for strength, or friends, or family, but in the end you have to make up your mind and KNOW IN YOUR SOUL THAT YOU ARE QUITTING - NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! Bad stuff will happen, be sure of that, but if you've made up your mind, then just deal with it one thing at a time and stay proud! Knowing you are doing something many, many people can never do. You will emerge such a strong individual! And those that know what you did will admire you!
I'm sending strength through the wires right now to you. I hope you receive it.
Mark in Phoenix, AZ, USA
Your story reads sadly. But like the Neil Young lyric "every junkies like a setting sun". So unless you want your life to be hell and set sooner than later, best just to make up your mind to get off all narcotics. There's a million ways to do it. This time I found a doc to give me a load of valium, and I had a big handful of Percocet for the first bad night just to take the edge off. Plus I had sleeping pills. Of course I had loving people around to watch me and administer the meds as we had agreed, but however you do it, it has to come from within!! Ask the Lord for strength, or friends, or family, but in the end you have to make up your mind and KNOW IN YOUR SOUL THAT YOU ARE QUITTING - NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! Bad stuff will happen, be sure of that, but if you've made up your mind, then just deal with it one thing at a time and stay proud! Knowing you are doing something many, many people can never do. You will emerge such a strong individual! And those that know what you did will admire you!
I'm sending strength through the wires right now to you. I hope you receive it.
Mark in Phoenix, AZ, USA
Hi Mark - Congratulations and welcome to the Board. I can't even imagine the withdraw from heroin. I withdrew from ms contin, percocets, f patchs and that was hell on earth. Wouldn't wish it on anybody.
I just wanted to say for you to keep at it. It does get better. I had nine months on the 4th of July. A true independence day for me. No more demons in the room. It takes time so please be patient.
Also have you ever went to NA? There is alot of support in those rooms. In dark times, I run to a meeting. It buys me another day.
Also it's great that you want to be honest with your friends. I believe you should tell them in the proper setting. Tell them that you have a problem and are working on getting better. I wouldn't roll up my sleeve and show them your marks. It seems like you would be doing it for shock value. People don't often understand addiction. If they really know you, I bet they already know you have a problem. You can help educate them. I was so embarrassed to tell my husband because he is a straight arrow. I have been giving him more and more info as the days go by. I didn't want to hit him with everything all at once.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck! Keep coming back.
I just wanted to say for you to keep at it. It does get better. I had nine months on the 4th of July. A true independence day for me. No more demons in the room. It takes time so please be patient.
Also have you ever went to NA? There is alot of support in those rooms. In dark times, I run to a meeting. It buys me another day.
Also it's great that you want to be honest with your friends. I believe you should tell them in the proper setting. Tell them that you have a problem and are working on getting better. I wouldn't roll up my sleeve and show them your marks. It seems like you would be doing it for shock value. People don't often understand addiction. If they really know you, I bet they already know you have a problem. You can help educate them. I was so embarrassed to tell my husband because he is a straight arrow. I have been giving him more and more info as the days go by. I didn't want to hit him with everything all at once.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck! Keep coming back.
Yeah, that business about showing my tracks is a little overdone. But I was a very social individual my front door was always unlocked 24/7, friends don't even knock usually. Until two weeks ago and then the door remained locked and unanswered 24/7. Except for Greg and my two sisters who all had keys and saved my life more than once.
So by now, pretty much everyone knows it's pills or drugs of some kind. Always an extra car or two in the driveway and yet no answer at door or phone.
Met with one of my more straightlaced business men types just an hour ago. He is completely supportive and divulged he fights a gambling addiction. He'll be a big help when I emerge and need to rebuild my business. He offered money or advice and brought me to tears.
Thanks to all, you are all helpful.
Mark
So by now, pretty much everyone knows it's pills or drugs of some kind. Always an extra car or two in the driveway and yet no answer at door or phone.
Met with one of my more straightlaced business men types just an hour ago. He is completely supportive and divulged he fights a gambling addiction. He'll be a big help when I emerge and need to rebuild my business. He offered money or advice and brought me to tears.
Thanks to all, you are all helpful.
Mark
One day at a time.
Yes, and here is one more wonderful day! I may try to walk around the block this evening after the blazing 'Arizona sun sets! Seems so silly, I'm 6' 2" tall and 215 lbs. and I have trouble wrestling the bottled water out of it's plastic holder! But this morning I feel a litttle stronger. This time, the Heroin kicked my a**! As I said, the cold turkey kick almost killed me, as I suspected it would.
NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE TO ALL, MARK
NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE TO ALL, MARK
Hang in there Mark, you're doing amazingly well, and as you say.....NEVER AGAIN!!!! I'm glad your friend was receptive and also confided in you....I found it such a relief to tell people what my fiance and I were struggling with and I found nothing but love and support. Most of them had a similar story in their family or close friends and they seemed relieved to be able to talk to me openly about it too. As Momnmore advised me, 'shining a light on it is the only way as hiding it exacerbates the shame associated with it as well as the dishonesty'
Stay strong :)
Stay strong :)
Right On!
Today is getting tougher by the second.... wonder why? I seem to be crashing. Shoot! This is not good...
Today is getting tougher by the second.... wonder why? I seem to be crashing. Shoot! This is not good...
Hey Mark
Just hang in there, yeah the crashin thats what happens. We get on that fluffy pink cloud of bein clean -then WHAM - it hits u like a train crash but.............like I prob keep saying all the time!!! It WILL PASS!!! Just hang in there ur doing great
xx
Just hang in there, yeah the crashin thats what happens. We get on that fluffy pink cloud of bein clean -then WHAM - it hits u like a train crash but.............like I prob keep saying all the time!!! It WILL PASS!!! Just hang in there ur doing great
xx
Mark/Todd
You should be up to almost 2 weeks now- -that's a pretty good running start. I,m sorry I didnt read all your posts , so I really don't know if you have a plan for when you start to feel a little better- - - group, 12step, etc...
I also started this merry-go-round long ago, and just turned 53 last week. I had a judge in NY advise me a that time that maybe I should think about a methadone program (this was before the sub drugs that seem to work well these days)
For better or worse I'm still on it- but I function like a normal person with a family - you would ever know. I went to groups, 1 on 1 therapy, and a few 12 step programs- they all helped one way or another.
However now, I stay away from the old haunts,I'm a helluva lot more spiritual in thought not religious - but spiritual .
Until a few months ago I was working a the same company for almost 15 years- they had to lay off 20percent of the work force- unfortunately I fell into a numbers game. Ive noticed that even though its been a long time since the dope days ,with nothing really constructive to do all day -it still plays with your head.
So- continue to hang in here- -keep busy !! - stay away from places that trigger that feeling- - surround yourself with people that are good , clean, respectable people, - I'm sure you know a few, if not , remember the majority of human beings aren't addicts so it wont be hard to find them-
didnt mean to ramble on , but sometimes its kind of like a therapy for me to type out stuff like this - -
bestregards,
jack
You should be up to almost 2 weeks now- -that's a pretty good running start. I,m sorry I didnt read all your posts , so I really don't know if you have a plan for when you start to feel a little better- - - group, 12step, etc...
I also started this merry-go-round long ago, and just turned 53 last week. I had a judge in NY advise me a that time that maybe I should think about a methadone program (this was before the sub drugs that seem to work well these days)
For better or worse I'm still on it- but I function like a normal person with a family - you would ever know. I went to groups, 1 on 1 therapy, and a few 12 step programs- they all helped one way or another.
However now, I stay away from the old haunts,I'm a helluva lot more spiritual in thought not religious - but spiritual .
Until a few months ago I was working a the same company for almost 15 years- they had to lay off 20percent of the work force- unfortunately I fell into a numbers game. Ive noticed that even though its been a long time since the dope days ,with nothing really constructive to do all day -it still plays with your head.
So- continue to hang in here- -keep busy !! - stay away from places that trigger that feeling- - surround yourself with people that are good , clean, respectable people, - I'm sure you know a few, if not , remember the majority of human beings aren't addicts so it wont be hard to find them-
didnt mean to ramble on , but sometimes its kind of like a therapy for me to type out stuff like this - -
bestregards,
jack
