Hi again, sorry I went off on a tangent on the other post. I wanted to tell you that I appreciate all that you share, it really helps me...it sounds like you have a good grip on things. You're going to kick this thing, you've got good support, good communication, good planning....hey it's all good. Can I come live with you ? LOL
Have a good night ok, hang in there.....
Love and Light,
Diana
Hi Wonder Woman, Thanks for your kind words. I really enjoy reading your posts and they give me great support. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with where your husband is concerned. I hear a lot in the weekly weight watcher's meetings about how family members try to sabotage those of us who want to lose weight. My last boyfriend, before I married D, was overweight too. Whenever I tried to diet he would bring me sweets and chocolate that I couldn't resist. I do think it was because he was insecure and didn't want me getting thin and possibly dumping him. I'm just curious, is your husband overweight? Whether he is doing it consciously or not, it does sound like he's working against you. Perhaps he sees you resisting pot, not drinking, losing weight and he feels threatened. You're changing and he's not. As far as how to resist the things that he buys for you, I'm no help at all. D bought a huge bag of cashews yesterday. He was going to put some in a stirfry. I asked him not to put any in my portion and he said fine. But that bag has been calling to me ever since I saw it. I love cashews. I enjoy going out with my sister, but it reminds me of the way I used to eat, sweets, bread, french fries and large portions of everything. I am down to her size now and part of me would really like to quit weight watchers and go back to eating the way I would like to. I do like eating more healthy things and can usually be happy with fruit as my sweet treat. So I'm trying to embrace this new way. I know it will help my general health if I keep losing and get down to my goal weight.....Sometimes I think I'm lucky that I can't drink alcohol. I stayed away from it because my mom was an alcoholic and now I can't drink it or it gives me a whopping migraine....good luck with school. I went back to school in my thirties and it was an adjustment then. Now that I'm in my early 50's I would have a really hard time with my memory and my discipline. Hang in there. You'll get through it. Give yourself a lot of credit for dealing with your family, school, smoking and eating. You have a very full life........I know you said earlier you would love to have a fat cat. I have 2 fat cats and one thin one. They are such a joy to me. The 2 girls sit on my lap in the evening when I watch a movie. The male bonds with D, he takes swipes at me so it's hard to feel very warm and fuzzy towards him. I wish you all the best on your test and dealing with the family.
Do you ever just feel like what is the point. I mean what about a new start, with someone else's baggage. I mean really what keeps us in these frustrating situations? Love? convenience? I am just throwing it out there cause I ask myself the same question, not that I am recommending to anyone.
I mean I cant even journal as I have someone breathing down my throat if I did, or 2 kids tugging at me.
and the fear of the journal getting read????? It has before. That would definately be a deal breaker if it happened again. But how would I know???
I mean I cant even journal as I have someone breathing down my throat if I did, or 2 kids tugging at me.
and the fear of the journal getting read????? It has before. That would definately be a deal breaker if it happened again. But how would I know???
Thanks for pointing out the positives Rachael....Oh yeah...he feels totally threatened and no he's not overweight.....and yeah I'm not easy to live with....you've read my posts...:-).....BUT BUT BUT he has a serious pepsi addiction and candies are his favorite, my son too.....the two of them go to martial arts and rollerblading every week.....my husband gets colds easily....I think it's because his nutrition is bad and his lungs are shot....I listen to that wretched sound in the shower every morning....YUCK
your cats....they sound so loving and you never feel alone do you ? Cashews....one ounce is 4 points....:-) did you know they're actually seeds not nuts??.....my head is full of useless info ...lol......hey I have been known to throw things out.....maybe the house has goodies hidden right now because he realized I THROW THINGS OUT.... I threw a bag of weed away too....gawd I sound like a psycho don't I ? Don't answer that :-)
Alcohol...it is evil and I have alot of shame tied to my alcohol past....put it this way, if i continued drinking in this marriage i would have been a cheater....I have no trust in myself if i drink and yeah it gives me headaches and cosmos are evil evil i say !
Jamv,
Convenience...:-(
I can't believe somebody read your journal ......that is sooo disrespectful....you might have better luck writing at work on your lunch break and keeping it in a locked file cabinet !!! Geez...that's just wrong !!! I know a woman who writes in the bathroom at work....kudos journal....she records strengths...then hides it in the rafters...j/k :-)
I got this from a volunteer conference years ago: maybe something will make you smile...
Sow in action
reap in habit
sow in habit
reap in character
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pigs make commitments
Chickens make contributions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stress doesn' t kill us, it's the lack of recovery from it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a book called Mans Search for Meaning by Victor Franklyn, I haven't read it but it's on my list.
happy Monday everyone, dammit !
your cats....they sound so loving and you never feel alone do you ? Cashews....one ounce is 4 points....:-) did you know they're actually seeds not nuts??.....my head is full of useless info ...lol......hey I have been known to throw things out.....maybe the house has goodies hidden right now because he realized I THROW THINGS OUT.... I threw a bag of weed away too....gawd I sound like a psycho don't I ? Don't answer that :-)
Alcohol...it is evil and I have alot of shame tied to my alcohol past....put it this way, if i continued drinking in this marriage i would have been a cheater....I have no trust in myself if i drink and yeah it gives me headaches and cosmos are evil evil i say !
Jamv,
Convenience...:-(
I can't believe somebody read your journal ......that is sooo disrespectful....you might have better luck writing at work on your lunch break and keeping it in a locked file cabinet !!! Geez...that's just wrong !!! I know a woman who writes in the bathroom at work....kudos journal....she records strengths...then hides it in the rafters...j/k :-)
I got this from a volunteer conference years ago: maybe something will make you smile...
Sow in action
reap in habit
sow in habit
reap in character
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pigs make commitments
Chickens make contributions
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stress doesn' t kill us, it's the lack of recovery from it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a book called Mans Search for Meaning by Victor Franklyn, I haven't read it but it's on my list.
happy Monday everyone, dammit !
My mother started reading my journals at age 12 and would throw it up in my face when i wanted to run away. Maybe cause i was watching her get her a** beat everyother day (of course that never happened)
Then hubby read emails, journal, etc.
Oh and I am, was a cheat, hence his desire to look into everything. I dont know that the alcohol had anything to do with it back then, maybe the pot, but maybe a miserable marriage.
Once a cheat always a cheat is what I hear>...do you believe that?
I think I will start carrying the journal with me. I have made notes in it that if I find out he has read it we are done. I guess he wouldn't tell me at this point, unless there was some juicy details he couldnt bare. Oh talk about psycho....
welcome to the psycho thead.
Then hubby read emails, journal, etc.
Oh and I am, was a cheat, hence his desire to look into everything. I dont know that the alcohol had anything to do with it back then, maybe the pot, but maybe a miserable marriage.
Once a cheat always a cheat is what I hear>...do you believe that?
I think I will start carrying the journal with me. I have made notes in it that if I find out he has read it we are done. I guess he wouldn't tell me at this point, unless there was some juicy details he couldnt bare. Oh talk about psycho....
welcome to the psycho thead.
Well it is a full moon....
well we do have trust issues don't we...us potheads...has your mom ever apologized ?
Yeah, once a cheater always a cheater....I don't know....I guess I know myself well enough now that the guilt would be too much to bare......although after my husbands office affair I thought of evening the score...but then my self-esteem was too low to think anybody would want me anyway.
Yes, carry it with you good idea
I really should be studying ttyl
well we do have trust issues don't we...us potheads...has your mom ever apologized ?
Yeah, once a cheater always a cheater....I don't know....I guess I know myself well enough now that the guilt would be too much to bare......although after my husbands office affair I thought of evening the score...but then my self-esteem was too low to think anybody would want me anyway.
Yes, carry it with you good idea
I really should be studying ttyl
My mom apologize?
She has this memory of convenience in which everything was peachy keen, and if I bring up things that her boyfriend(s) said or did, "gosh you have a good memory I dont even recall any of that".
Yet for some reason wants to let me know how unworthy of love she feels.
But you know she was a single mom turning down marriage proposals after marriage proposals to raise me. (yea right)
No I am not bitter.
She has this memory of convenience in which everything was peachy keen, and if I bring up things that her boyfriend(s) said or did, "gosh you have a good memory I dont even recall any of that".
Yet for some reason wants to let me know how unworthy of love she feels.
But you know she was a single mom turning down marriage proposals after marriage proposals to raise me. (yea right)
No I am not bitter.
Hi WW and jamv, I enjoy reading your posts. You get some good discussions going that make me think. I have had someone read my journal in the past (not D) and I must admit that's why I don't keep one now. My therapist keeps urging me to write about how I'm feeling but I'm so afraid D would find it and read it. Sometimes I write on my e-mail page and then immediately delete it. It just helps to get it out there. I tell myself I will start writing again and just find a good place to keep it........As far as "once a cheater always a cheater." I don't believe it, people can change. I was unfaithful in my first marriage and I've had to live with that for years. I have been faithful to D for 5 years and I feel so good about that. I have had a couple of opportunities to play around if I wanted to. I turned them down, great progress for me. So I know it's not just because I'm old and nobody would want me ;-) Please be good to yourselves and give yourself lots of pats on the back for all you cope with in your families and lives. Wising you the best.
