Gidday Everyone
Sorry i havent been about lately as i have been copping a bit of flak at home for being on the computor and it takes me ages to 2 finger type.
Anyway last night my wife was tired the kids had been peeing her off and work had been busy and i annoyed her as well, and then she blew and threw a wobbly at the kids i stepped in and tryed to get her to step back and pause by taking her arm and trying to get her to step into another room...she punched me...F--k i wanted to smash her and the the drinking head kicked in and said man have you got a reason to drink... i grabbed my keys and left the house the kids were crying and as i closed the door i heard her say and i thank god for hearing this.. i heard her say see what you kids have done....well F--k i about turned and went inside and told the kids what happened had nothing to do with them etc and then i had to leave so icould drive around the block and allow god to come in, gratitude to steady the ship and addiction to F off.
I came back and the kids were upset so i talked with them and things are cool
I have told my wife i will never be punched again and she is still at the justifying stage of why it happened.....
Why am i posting well because addiction seizes on these situations and wants a drinking result, why didnt i drink...I want to face my life sober and the strength that AA, God, All Your posts and Gratitude gave me to cope are appreciated.
The whole aspect of Me and my partners relationship has always been an issue, because of the damage i have done in the past and the lasting imprint that has had on our relationship, ther are also other dynamics involved to do with our relationship and it is only by being sober that i can figure my sh@t out and then as a couple we can sort our selves out and with me this can take awhile because i have a mind that likes to complicate the whole process by adding all the goods and bads into a split second and because my emotions can be like a light switch my head can be jumbled......
ALL of this doesnt matter, what does matter is that i am sober....and i have today to start sorting my self out yyyyeeeeehhhhaaaa thanks everyone:)
light and love Zac
Hi my you sure had a bad evening but you know what? I been down that road too. I am 50 years old with 3 grown children.I had all 3 kids in 4 and half years. so I can understand the frustration and the arguing that comes with raising kids. But you are sober and please stay that way for them and for your own relationship with them. I was a drinker when my kids were small but at that time I was a weekend drinker. friday to sunday. I thought it was ok because it was on the weekend. But you know it wasnt ok. many agruments that I had with my husband while i was drinking left a lasting impression on them. The older they got the more I drank because i thought you I didnt have to be so responsible for them anymore. When they had grown and moved on to unniversities and so forth then I really hit the booze. Then to help my drinking along even more husband worked outside of town . It was just me and the bottle for 4 nites a week. the other 3 it was the bottle ,me and the husband and in that order too. I thought my kids didnt need me anymore cause they were grownbut
you know zac yuor kids will ALWAYS need you. even as young adults they need their parents to help them along the way. My son was just about ready to give up talking to me cause every time he did i be drinking.My oldest daughter was fed up with me cause she couldnt have a decent conversation with me. and i wont even get started on my husband lol. I guess what i'm trying to tell you is no matter how old your children are they will always need you and dont let nothing especially drinking to take that awaay from them or you.. God bless and take care. until next time be safe ....pirate
you know zac yuor kids will ALWAYS need you. even as young adults they need their parents to help them along the way. My son was just about ready to give up talking to me cause every time he did i be drinking.My oldest daughter was fed up with me cause she couldnt have a decent conversation with me. and i wont even get started on my husband lol. I guess what i'm trying to tell you is no matter how old your children are they will always need you and dont let nothing especially drinking to take that awaay from them or you.. God bless and take care. until next time be safe ....pirate
Zac -
You gave your children a great gift when you let them know it was not their fault. By explaining the actions and reactions you offered them a glimpse of some serious, rational, grown-up decision-making - they also know you trust them enough to share this with them. There's no better example of how to respond when the going gets tough. Good on you.
Peace~MomNMore
You gave your children a great gift when you let them know it was not their fault. By explaining the actions and reactions you offered them a glimpse of some serious, rational, grown-up decision-making - they also know you trust them enough to share this with them. There's no better example of how to respond when the going gets tough. Good on you.
Peace~MomNMore
Thank you, Zac for opening up, allowing the hurt and the anger to lose it's power by sharing it with us...
I know for me, just because I got clean & sober doesn't mean that all relationships were repaired immediately, in fact, some might not get there but that's okay with me today as I'm doing my footwork and letting God handle the rest....I'm clean & sober, working a recovery program and I am truly sorry for all the hurts of the past I caused my spouse, children and others and I made amends to them but I can't live in that shame or regret anymore and I know how truly blessed I am that my husband has forgiven me, I have forgiven me and we enjoy today.
Zac, what a beautiful spirit you have, to turn around and go back to those kids and explain things, to show them how to handle a touchy situation and to relieve them of the guilt....You are an amazing father and an amazing person....
Light and love to you....I'll have you in my prayers tonight....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
I know for me, just because I got clean & sober doesn't mean that all relationships were repaired immediately, in fact, some might not get there but that's okay with me today as I'm doing my footwork and letting God handle the rest....I'm clean & sober, working a recovery program and I am truly sorry for all the hurts of the past I caused my spouse, children and others and I made amends to them but I can't live in that shame or regret anymore and I know how truly blessed I am that my husband has forgiven me, I have forgiven me and we enjoy today.
Zac, what a beautiful spirit you have, to turn around and go back to those kids and explain things, to show them how to handle a touchy situation and to relieve them of the guilt....You are an amazing father and an amazing person....
Light and love to you....I'll have you in my prayers tonight....
(((hugs)))
Stacey
Hiya Zachery!! It's been a while. :-) Sorry you and J. had the blow up. "We" can get very emotional and out of control sometimes.
Did she ever get any kind of therapy when you got sober? Sounds a bit on the co-dependent side IMHO. I know this because I am a big Codie myself.
I don't have the wonderful words of wisdom that you always seem to have but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.
Take care! You are absolutely right that being sober is the most important thing.
Did she ever get any kind of therapy when you got sober? Sounds a bit on the co-dependent side IMHO. I know this because I am a big Codie myself.
I don't have the wonderful words of wisdom that you always seem to have but I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.
Take care! You are absolutely right that being sober is the most important thing.
Hey Zac you were totally on my mind last night and this morning - must have felt that strife. I had a mental note to myself to email you cause I had sensed lately that things didn't seem that good with you.
Zac sorry to hear about the fight that is soooo tough. You did it all right though, sometimes you just gotta leave and have a time out for yourself.
I'm sure your wife knows deep down that what she did was wrong (whatever the provocation) - doesn't mean she'll come out and admit it though!
Have you had any counselling as a couple since you got sober? Maybe you guys can explore that avenue?
I don't like to offer much advice on these situations cause marital issues are so tough and there are so many factors at play and every relationship has its own dymanic.
ONly you know what is driving this - whether this is a recent issue, or some deep-seated issues that have bubbled to the surface and must be addressed.
Now's the time to take it one hour at a time - focus on staying sober and doing your part to work on what needs to be worked on.
take care
Idgie.
Zac sorry to hear about the fight that is soooo tough. You did it all right though, sometimes you just gotta leave and have a time out for yourself.
I'm sure your wife knows deep down that what she did was wrong (whatever the provocation) - doesn't mean she'll come out and admit it though!
Have you had any counselling as a couple since you got sober? Maybe you guys can explore that avenue?
I don't like to offer much advice on these situations cause marital issues are so tough and there are so many factors at play and every relationship has its own dymanic.
ONly you know what is driving this - whether this is a recent issue, or some deep-seated issues that have bubbled to the surface and must be addressed.
Now's the time to take it one hour at a time - focus on staying sober and doing your part to work on what needs to be worked on.
take care
Idgie.
Hey, Zac.
Goodonya for telling on yourself. You know what they say: A problem shared is a problem cut in half. They also say that no problem is so bad that a drink can't make worse, too.
For me, I married an AlAnon without knowing it at the time. She's a spiritually sick person from a spiritually sick family of alcoholics and step-alcoholics and co-dependents. As I've worked though MY Program, I began to understand the whole inter-relationship and dependence and enabling thing. It's all unhealthy and breeds sickness. The best I can do is apologize for my self-centeredness, clean up my side of the street, and understand that years of drinking, and coping with my drinking, don't go away instantly. There's gonna be some residual clean-up, that's for sure. And I can't fix everything--that'd be MY HPs responsibility.
The BEST you can do is clean up your side of the street and be a shining beacon of sobriety and serenity. No, it ain't easy. There's no RIGHT way to get sober, but if you're reliant on spirituality to get you there, it's a good way to go. AA doesn't have a monopoly on God--only that a Higher Power be recognized as the circumstances surrounding serenity. YOU get to define YOUR Higher Power. You are now their example of sobriety, too, so it's best if you consider what your mentor would do.
Relationships are hard. It's only when I let go and accepted that I am not the center of the universe did I begin to understand the difference between NEED and LOVE. Love endures. I don't know of anything more omnipotent. That's all I can say....
Goodonya for telling on yourself. You know what they say: A problem shared is a problem cut in half. They also say that no problem is so bad that a drink can't make worse, too.
For me, I married an AlAnon without knowing it at the time. She's a spiritually sick person from a spiritually sick family of alcoholics and step-alcoholics and co-dependents. As I've worked though MY Program, I began to understand the whole inter-relationship and dependence and enabling thing. It's all unhealthy and breeds sickness. The best I can do is apologize for my self-centeredness, clean up my side of the street, and understand that years of drinking, and coping with my drinking, don't go away instantly. There's gonna be some residual clean-up, that's for sure. And I can't fix everything--that'd be MY HPs responsibility.
The BEST you can do is clean up your side of the street and be a shining beacon of sobriety and serenity. No, it ain't easy. There's no RIGHT way to get sober, but if you're reliant on spirituality to get you there, it's a good way to go. AA doesn't have a monopoly on God--only that a Higher Power be recognized as the circumstances surrounding serenity. YOU get to define YOUR Higher Power. You are now their example of sobriety, too, so it's best if you consider what your mentor would do.
Relationships are hard. It's only when I let go and accepted that I am not the center of the universe did I begin to understand the difference between NEED and LOVE. Love endures. I don't know of anything more omnipotent. That's all I can say....
Hi Zac,
I'm really sorry that anger reared it's ugly head and self control won one over. Unfortunately it happens to all of us alkies,drugies and normies to. If there is such a thing as normal. If life were always easy it wouldn't be hard sometimes.
Hopefully this is just a one time occurrance of your wife's behaviour. As Idgie said there are to many dynamics in a marriage to know if this incident is coming from her past your past or from the present. Once things have cooled off the two of you can calmly talk about it. If you can't well perhaps professional counseling would be helpful.
You reassured your children that it wasn't their fault and also that when things get tough you don't run away. You took a time out and then explained it to them with calmer emotions.
I beleive addiction wants you to hold onto your guilt so it can fill your head with negative pain. But you Zac the man have been working your program for 12 yrs. now and you have some mighty awesome gratitude stored up. You stomped on the pain from the past and the pain that day. You turned your car back around and didn't pick up.
You are a hero to your two beautiful children! Your hero to this alkie you kept me sober today. Well I deposited part of it at the bank. The Bank Of Gratitude For A Rainy Day. We all appreciate your years of experience with sobriety and life. I think and hope your wife knows this to.
I'm not excusing anybodys behavior including my own. My husband has pointed out to me that I've been spending to much time on the computer. I would have to agree with him. I think I have become a little obsessive with my time here and on the computer. Ok, so I admit it. I have neglected some other things that should have been acomplished. I'm not being as disciplined I guess. Alright now I'm backing out and making excuses. Does this one count I'm new in my sobriety, I have an auto immune disease, I'm in recovery and I don't feel well.
My husband is manly man kind of guy and he's 50 you know from that generation. He's not going to say Chris your not spending anytime with me. And he knows better then to say wheres dinner after nearly 24 yrs. of marriage. Now don't feel sorry for him I feed him well most of the time. What he does is he pouts or he's quiet thats how I know he's upset with me,or lonely for me. When he was younger this is not how it was.
Oh how things go up and down like a roller coaster for so many yrs. Thats how marriage was for us. This happens in many marriages not just ones with alcohol or drug problems. I wished Newlyweds, married people and anybody who is in a relationship with someone would read the book about the five love languages. I can't remember the author.
I as a woman tend to be more vocal. When I was younger and the kids were younger there were a couple of times I threw something at my husband out of anger maybe at the kids I can't remember, probably. He did some bad things to. It was wrong of me and wrong of him. I thank God I was sober when they were little. We all make mistakes we are human. We have try hard to not play the blame game. There were times I had to forgive him even when I knew he was in the wrong. I mean the kind thats 150% wrong just to regain peace in the house hold. And he had to do the same for me.
We are coming up on 24 yrs of marriage in about a month and I don't know when it happened but I can say we both don't play the t** for tat game anymore. We both realized he that cast the first stone doesn't win. As we need to hold onto it and have forgiveness for each other for in the future were going to need that stone again one day to once again show mercy for each other and others. There was a qoute that the Bikeman wrote on the PP board that I've never forgot and Zac it reminds me of you " Don't Point The Finger Point The Way."
I shall leave you with one more thought perhaps the men who read this will find this more amusing. Maybe this isn't the right word. I can't think it's 2:10 AM. I have terrible insomnia and itching from the beta blocker that I'm taking for the hyperthyroidism. If I don't take it I can have a heart attack from thyroid storm. I am patintly waiting to see Endrcrinologist at end of month. My GP told me to keep taking the Inderal and take two to four bendryls. Well I took two an hr ago I got up at 7:00 this morning. I feel a little weird from the antihistamine if I take two more I'm sure I will feel stoned. But at least I will pass out. I'm not doing it. But I need to sleep. Not last night but the night before I was awake all night I'm not kidding. Alright I'm getting on track.
Last summer someone may remember that I took a 3 month class called the Journey. Our faciltator was a lovely 62 yr old woman who used to be a asst. chaplain for the woman's state prison in our state for 10 yrs. She was trying to figure out a way to keep these woman from killing each other. So this is what she came up with. She told them that during their monthly cycle each of them were either in their summer, spring, fall, or winter week. If you were in your summer wk this is why you were feeling so happy and had such wonderful attitude. Spring meant you were still feeling good. Fall was a time of tiredness and sadness. Then winter week came it meant leave me alone I'm pissed off angry want to bite you and will cry if you look at me wrong. I hope this helps you understand woman better because we just want to be understood.
Now I really am going to bed I'm not going to proof read this as I'm to tired. And I type to slow and I'm thinking to slow right now. I do want to say hello to Pirate and welcome you to the board! Your doing great! Love your jelly bean jar idea. I'm a visual person to. Maybe I should start one with all the money I was spending on booze. It wouldn't be as fun and colorful.
Love, Chris
PS I went to my first AA meeting tonight it had been 8 months since I had attended one. It was great! More Later Night Night
I'm really sorry that anger reared it's ugly head and self control won one over. Unfortunately it happens to all of us alkies,drugies and normies to. If there is such a thing as normal. If life were always easy it wouldn't be hard sometimes.
Hopefully this is just a one time occurrance of your wife's behaviour. As Idgie said there are to many dynamics in a marriage to know if this incident is coming from her past your past or from the present. Once things have cooled off the two of you can calmly talk about it. If you can't well perhaps professional counseling would be helpful.
You reassured your children that it wasn't their fault and also that when things get tough you don't run away. You took a time out and then explained it to them with calmer emotions.
I beleive addiction wants you to hold onto your guilt so it can fill your head with negative pain. But you Zac the man have been working your program for 12 yrs. now and you have some mighty awesome gratitude stored up. You stomped on the pain from the past and the pain that day. You turned your car back around and didn't pick up.
You are a hero to your two beautiful children! Your hero to this alkie you kept me sober today. Well I deposited part of it at the bank. The Bank Of Gratitude For A Rainy Day. We all appreciate your years of experience with sobriety and life. I think and hope your wife knows this to.
I'm not excusing anybodys behavior including my own. My husband has pointed out to me that I've been spending to much time on the computer. I would have to agree with him. I think I have become a little obsessive with my time here and on the computer. Ok, so I admit it. I have neglected some other things that should have been acomplished. I'm not being as disciplined I guess. Alright now I'm backing out and making excuses. Does this one count I'm new in my sobriety, I have an auto immune disease, I'm in recovery and I don't feel well.
My husband is manly man kind of guy and he's 50 you know from that generation. He's not going to say Chris your not spending anytime with me. And he knows better then to say wheres dinner after nearly 24 yrs. of marriage. Now don't feel sorry for him I feed him well most of the time. What he does is he pouts or he's quiet thats how I know he's upset with me,or lonely for me. When he was younger this is not how it was.
Oh how things go up and down like a roller coaster for so many yrs. Thats how marriage was for us. This happens in many marriages not just ones with alcohol or drug problems. I wished Newlyweds, married people and anybody who is in a relationship with someone would read the book about the five love languages. I can't remember the author.
I as a woman tend to be more vocal. When I was younger and the kids were younger there were a couple of times I threw something at my husband out of anger maybe at the kids I can't remember, probably. He did some bad things to. It was wrong of me and wrong of him. I thank God I was sober when they were little. We all make mistakes we are human. We have try hard to not play the blame game. There were times I had to forgive him even when I knew he was in the wrong. I mean the kind thats 150% wrong just to regain peace in the house hold. And he had to do the same for me.
We are coming up on 24 yrs of marriage in about a month and I don't know when it happened but I can say we both don't play the t** for tat game anymore. We both realized he that cast the first stone doesn't win. As we need to hold onto it and have forgiveness for each other for in the future were going to need that stone again one day to once again show mercy for each other and others. There was a qoute that the Bikeman wrote on the PP board that I've never forgot and Zac it reminds me of you " Don't Point The Finger Point The Way."
I shall leave you with one more thought perhaps the men who read this will find this more amusing. Maybe this isn't the right word. I can't think it's 2:10 AM. I have terrible insomnia and itching from the beta blocker that I'm taking for the hyperthyroidism. If I don't take it I can have a heart attack from thyroid storm. I am patintly waiting to see Endrcrinologist at end of month. My GP told me to keep taking the Inderal and take two to four bendryls. Well I took two an hr ago I got up at 7:00 this morning. I feel a little weird from the antihistamine if I take two more I'm sure I will feel stoned. But at least I will pass out. I'm not doing it. But I need to sleep. Not last night but the night before I was awake all night I'm not kidding. Alright I'm getting on track.
Last summer someone may remember that I took a 3 month class called the Journey. Our faciltator was a lovely 62 yr old woman who used to be a asst. chaplain for the woman's state prison in our state for 10 yrs. She was trying to figure out a way to keep these woman from killing each other. So this is what she came up with. She told them that during their monthly cycle each of them were either in their summer, spring, fall, or winter week. If you were in your summer wk this is why you were feeling so happy and had such wonderful attitude. Spring meant you were still feeling good. Fall was a time of tiredness and sadness. Then winter week came it meant leave me alone I'm pissed off angry want to bite you and will cry if you look at me wrong. I hope this helps you understand woman better because we just want to be understood.
Now I really am going to bed I'm not going to proof read this as I'm to tired. And I type to slow and I'm thinking to slow right now. I do want to say hello to Pirate and welcome you to the board! Your doing great! Love your jelly bean jar idea. I'm a visual person to. Maybe I should start one with all the money I was spending on booze. It wouldn't be as fun and colorful.
Love, Chris
PS I went to my first AA meeting tonight it had been 8 months since I had attended one. It was great! More Later Night Night
Hi Zac,
Yes alcohol waits for these kinds of moments - and a moment like that caused my relapse before Christmas. Well done you, your HP stepped in just in time x
Yes alcohol waits for these kinds of moments - and a moment like that caused my relapse before Christmas. Well done you, your HP stepped in just in time x
Gidday Everyone
Sorry for the delay in answering we had a power surge and the bluddy computor lost all its links to the net.
Thanks so much for the shout outs and the time off air has been spent wiselely me and jen are cool and i have to remember i am not the only one who is on a recovery journey and at least i have meetings to go to and also i put J through hell when i was drinking so an hour of sh@t in return now and then is nothing to cry about and the kids are over it and they can understand what happened and why.
The gratitude is alive and well, and i am a stronger person for it and so is J, We both realise our mistakes and are learning
light and love Zac
Sorry for the delay in answering we had a power surge and the bluddy computor lost all its links to the net.
Thanks so much for the shout outs and the time off air has been spent wiselely me and jen are cool and i have to remember i am not the only one who is on a recovery journey and at least i have meetings to go to and also i put J through hell when i was drinking so an hour of sh@t in return now and then is nothing to cry about and the kids are over it and they can understand what happened and why.
The gratitude is alive and well, and i am a stronger person for it and so is J, We both realise our mistakes and are learning
light and love Zac
