WELL I WOULD LIKE A RESPONSE TO THIS TOPIC. MY MOTHER IS THE SUBJECT I LIVE WITH HERE DURING MY TREATMENT AND SOMETIMES IT GETS HARD AT TIMES TO DEAL WITH THE THINGS THAT SHE WILL TAKE ME THOUGH.
I UNDERSTAND THAT WE HAVE TO HANDLE ALL OF THE STRESS OF LIFE WITHOUT DRUGS AS OUR OUTLET. I'M TRYING MY BEST TO WORK WITH THE THINGS THAT SHE EXPECTS AND THE WAY THAT SHE RUNS HER HOUSE.
NOW THERE HAVE BEEN ISSUES ARISING WHERE SHE WILL PURPOSLY BRING UP S*** WITH AN ATTITUDE OR SNOBBISH WAY TALKING OR THE WAY SHE ASKS A QUESTION. I HAVE BEEN IN THE PAST MONTHS A B**** AND HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM MYSELF WITH HER I MUST ADMIT. BUT RECENTLY SHE HAS DONE THE SAME THING THIS TIME I FEEL LIKE IT HAS BEEN FOR NO REASON, OR BECAUSE SHE FEELS UPSET FOR A REASON AT ME AT WHAT I'VE DONE SAID AND DOING. I WISHED SHE WOULD STOP.
I DONT KNOW HOW OR WHY I WOULD CONFRONT HER ABOUT THIS BUT I FEEL AS THOUGH I WOULD LEAVE JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M TRYING I'M CHECKING MY ATTITUDE AT THE FIRST SIGN BECAUSE I RECOGNIZE THESE SIGNS FROM HER AND MYSELF DURING CONFRONTATION. LAST WEEK WE LEARN NEW WAYS TO CONFRONT SOMEONE AND STILL BE RESPECTFUL AND VOICE YOUR OPINION WITH THE SAME RESPECT. I DONT MEAN TO BE SO MEAN BUT I FEEL LIKE THAT IS JUST BEING A B****. I DONT KNOW IF SHE PUSHES ME TO SEE IF I WILL LEAVE TO USE OR IF SHE WANTS ME TO LEAVE LIKE I'M CAUSING THAT PROBLEM FOR HERE.I KNOW I'M DOING MY BEST AND WORKING AT EVERYTHING THAT SHE WOULD PUT ME OUT FOR TO MAKE SURE THAT I DONT LOSE BASICALLY THE ONLY PLACE WITH FAMILY AND WHERE MY SON LIVES. I DONT WANT HER TO FEEL I WOULD LEAVE TO DO DOPE. THATS JUST WHAT SHE THINK SHE KNOWS. THE ONLY PLACE I WOULD MORE THAN LIKELY GO WOULD BE WITH A USER THE SAME I ALWAYS LEAVE WITH WHEN SHE PUTS ME OUT OR I DECIDE TO USE. BUT I DONT WANT HER TO PUT MY RECOVERY AT RISK BY REPEATING THIS SAME BEHAVIOR.
HOW DO I CONFRONT MY MOTHER ABOUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER RESPONSE OR HER CONFRONTATION TO ME THAT ARE NEGATIVE(HER RESPONSE TO ME HAS ALWAYS BEEN IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT I'M SAYING GET THE F*** OUT). I WANT TO LEAVE TO SAVE MY RECOVERY BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS TIME LIKE THIS THAT I GET TIRED AND LEAVE OR WE FIGHT AND I END UP WITH THE SHORT STICK, OUT! WHAT DO I DO, CONFRONT HER AT THE TIME I HAVE A SHELTER LINED UP SO THAT I DONT USE WHEN IT HAPPENS OR CONFRONT HER AND ASK WOULD IT BE BEST FOR ME TO TRY TO SEEK ANOTHER LIVING ARRANGMENT AT A SHELTER. KEEP IN MIND I ALSO WANT TO BE ON MY OWN AND THINK I WOULD LIKE TO LIVE IN A SHELTER TO GAIN PERSONAL INDEPENDENCE AND TO HAVE A LITTLE MORE FREEDOM. ALTHOUGH I KNOW OF SHELTERS THAT HAVE RESTRICTIONS THAT I NEED TO KEEP ME SOBER WHILE BEING ON MY OWN. ALSO SHE HAS BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY SON FOR ALMOST A YEAR BUT I WOULDNT WANT TO LEAVE HIM HERE AGAIN THINKING MOM IS GONE AND WONT BE AROUND. SO I WANT TO TAKE HIM WITH ME ALSO HE IS MY RESPONSIBLITY AND I WOULD LOVE THE CHALLENGE AND THINK I SHOULD TAKE CARE OF MY OWN CAUSE I AM ALWAYS SURE ABOUT CHANGING THAT BEHAVIOR OF RUNNING AWAY. I JUST DONT WANT TO KEEP LEAVING HIM. BUT THERE ARE OTHER FACTORS WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD AND ARE NEW TO RECOVERY OR HAVE FAILED SEVERAL TIME TO STAY SOBER. WHAT DO I DO PLEASE TELL ME LIKE IT IS I AM A GROWN WOMAN AND NEED TO HANDLE THIS LIKE A WOMAN NOT MY MOTHER CHILD WITH A CHILD OF HER OWN THAT I CANT TAKE CARE OF MYSELF?
Your mother is acting out her pent-up anger and resentment over your addiction and relapse cycles...but it's not right and it's not fair to you or your child. Punishing you for your past when you are trying to make good will only hurt both of you, but you have been her teacher...having lived the cycle so many times she is afraid to believe in you and your recovery only to be let down again. But her way of dealing with it is belittling and demeaning to you...and it's just wrong.
If you have another option, I would pursue it. A halfway house or sober house is a good option, one with accountability and check-ins, but that will treat you like the adult you are.
As for your son, if your mother has legal custody or guardianship you cannot take him with you without her permission and possibly a court order. It is admirable that you want to care for him.
I notice you use the word "confront" a lot...everything need not be a confrontation, though it sounds like that is the pattern you have with your mother...try a conversation, or a letter explaining your feelings. My daughter and I wrote to each when we couldn't talk without yelling or crying...it worked pretty well for us for about 6 months until we were better able to communicate.
And your other post about the time...it all depends where you are...this website is probably run in a different time zone than the one you are in...your response seems a little over the top, you must be very stressed out.
Peace ~ MomNMore
If you have another option, I would pursue it. A halfway house or sober house is a good option, one with accountability and check-ins, but that will treat you like the adult you are.
As for your son, if your mother has legal custody or guardianship you cannot take him with you without her permission and possibly a court order. It is admirable that you want to care for him.
I notice you use the word "confront" a lot...everything need not be a confrontation, though it sounds like that is the pattern you have with your mother...try a conversation, or a letter explaining your feelings. My daughter and I wrote to each when we couldn't talk without yelling or crying...it worked pretty well for us for about 6 months until we were better able to communicate.
And your other post about the time...it all depends where you are...this website is probably run in a different time zone than the one you are in...your response seems a little over the top, you must be very stressed out.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Hi,
You know your mum sounds alot like my mum used to be.
After I admitted to her that I had been using (even though she had figured it out for herself) I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hated keeping everything bottled up inside and keeping secrets from everyone. I'm really not good at lying.
Anyway, my mum and I have a 'love hate relationship'. Sometimes when I hadn't done something she wanted me to do she would have a sarcastic comment and it used to drive me mad. But she was the same as your mum ' If you don't like it, then you know where the door is' I REALLY REALLY hated when she said that. Don't get me wrong she was supportive but sometimes she just didn't understand certain things. Like we went shopping to a nearby town and I told her that I wanted to go home to the chemist to pick up my Suboxone (because I was feeling like sh*t) but she just said 'what makes you so special, why can't you just wait like everyone else' She didn't understand that I was in pain - I wasn't just being a pain and couldn't wait.
What I found made my relationship with her a whole lot better was to spend at least 3/4 days a month doing things together that we enjoyed. We would go cycling/walking or going for drives in the car. During this time we had time to talk about things and ho we felt. Then she started going to a group for parents of addicts and that helped her alot. Why don't you suggest that to her, it would really help. Things aren't perfect, but then no relationship between parents and children are going to be.
Let me know how you get on.
Love Sinead x
You know your mum sounds alot like my mum used to be.
After I admitted to her that I had been using (even though she had figured it out for herself) I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hated keeping everything bottled up inside and keeping secrets from everyone. I'm really not good at lying.
Anyway, my mum and I have a 'love hate relationship'. Sometimes when I hadn't done something she wanted me to do she would have a sarcastic comment and it used to drive me mad. But she was the same as your mum ' If you don't like it, then you know where the door is' I REALLY REALLY hated when she said that. Don't get me wrong she was supportive but sometimes she just didn't understand certain things. Like we went shopping to a nearby town and I told her that I wanted to go home to the chemist to pick up my Suboxone (because I was feeling like sh*t) but she just said 'what makes you so special, why can't you just wait like everyone else' She didn't understand that I was in pain - I wasn't just being a pain and couldn't wait.
What I found made my relationship with her a whole lot better was to spend at least 3/4 days a month doing things together that we enjoyed. We would go cycling/walking or going for drives in the car. During this time we had time to talk about things and ho we felt. Then she started going to a group for parents of addicts and that helped her alot. Why don't you suggest that to her, it would really help. Things aren't perfect, but then no relationship between parents and children are going to be.
Let me know how you get on.
Love Sinead x
you are a grown woman..you stay with your mom, so get a place of your own..as a Mom that has a grown son coming home and I now have custody of his son, it is hard for me to be sympathetic.. you go where you have to to work on you and let her work on herself,,anger and conflict doesnt just subside magically because an addict is currently clean....sorry jmo
