Please checkout this cool, easy-to-use, real time chat room. It's free and has no advertising, just pure chat for everyone.
If you check it out please leave feedback about it in this thread. It is not a website just an awesome chat room.
http://recoverychatroom.com
Thanks, Tom
Well.... Where do I start? I see not many have replied/posted to this section. Maybe I am going out on a long shot... Or possibly using it as a place to vent and explain my confussion.. Who knows.. I don't expect any feedback (but it would be appreciated) nor do i expect a way out.. I know the place i'm currently in is bad and destructive or i wouldn't be here. I have looked for general support groups and chat rooms but had no luck.. I thought just maybe, folks here would understand me and possibly help without judging or knocking me down. I have done that to myself enough! I am only 26 and most women my age are getting married, finishing bachelors and wondering what to do with the 401 they started at 20. Don't get me wrong... I wish i was there... I started young, no parental supervision so I just ran the town. I never got to hard core, pot was my big thing. Then after graduating before I realized it I was doing a bundle of heroin a day, 3-4 80mg oxy's along with it and about 2 eight balls of coke to counteract it all. It took my 3yr old son @ that time to be bruised from head to toe by an x-boyfriend before i realized this wasn't the life i wanted for the pure and innocent child I love so much. I opened up to my parents, who I avoided for months beacause of my addicton, and told them I needed help. Remarkably, they were very understanding.. I left everything I worked hard for.. Home, furniture, clothes,and the man I thought loved my son and I just to get away from a violent drug abuser that I used to go right along with.... It was terrible going thru withdrawls.. I promised myself NEVER will I touch street heroin again or pills (Oxy's /Roxy"s, etc.) After re-evaluating not only my life but my purpose on earth I led a drug free world for about 11 months. I don't remember how it happened, or even when it started.. But I started doing a lot of cocaine again. In the back of my pathetic little head I figured as long as I wasn't doing a drug my body would physically withdrawl from it was O.K. ---- I know-- Stupid b****!! I got slack with things and ended up arrested in a company car with a posession charge. Luckily, my boss loves me and I fell under the first offenders clause in the state of VA. Only problem is, I still sneak around my PO and my job to continue my bad habits. I know better, and I want better... But I can't seem to refrain when its around. When I do whats right and decline i'm high on life because I SAID NO! But then when I fall into the dirt, I beat myself up for days. The prime example to lead me where I am.... All jacked up, my son begged me to lay down with him, I told him I was going to take a bath and then I would lay down...(which was a lie.. I was just busy doing lines and it was past bedtime) He came out to ask when I was taking my bath.. I actually yelled at my pure and innocent child for not being in bed. I scolded him only to find out he had layed my pajamas on the bed for me and was excited to show me he was "such a big boy" to help mommy. I Felt like a total piece of s&%tafter that. I have always been so independent and sure, not to mention hard-headed... But at this point I need to leave that all behind because I realize I need some help or constructive critisism, or even someone to say they understand me and my weakness. I am not in a position to go for in-patient help... I am all my son has.. And he is by far the only thing that makes me feel important in this lonely world. He is my best friend and my soul purpose. Does anybody have some input? Its OK to be negative... Maybe thats what I deserve. I'm OK with that. Maybe a little help with resources that won't attempt to judge or or belittle me... Thanks for the time .. Janice
