((((((((AMY)))))))))))
I just want to put my arms around you, you are in my prayers, I am sorry your hurting, but I would never judge you or beat you up. I understand how we want to just numb life, I have been doing it by drinking. I am having a really hard time right now myself, and fighting the urge to pop a pill ( thank goodness I don't have any, and due to working on an intervention with my friend, I don't dare ask her for some.) my son is moving out becuz we just seem to continue to clash, I want him and I to go to counseling to figure out why, but he feels its best he just leaves. breaks my heart.( I feel I lost him) ..but starting next Tuesday I am going to a "celebrate recovery" group to help deal w/ my issues and work on me. I can't change my son, one day he will figure out he really does need help. He admitted he did, but now I think it is the ego thing getting to him.
Actually right now I really hate life!! and am having a hard time even getting motivated to do anything, my hun is taking me out of town for 3 days just so I can BREATHE!! He doesn't drink, take pills or judge me, last night I asked him to go to his brothers so I could cry and scream and yell all by myself, I didn't think it was fair he had to hear me, he gave me a hug and left for an hour, I felt a little better but still feel like chit....
I can't figure out why my son ( 20) is so stubborn that he would rather move out then work on us. I know he will never forgive me for leaving his dad, but he can't beat me up anymore over it. I have been sick sick sick about it all. I did go to the dr. and she put me on an anti...it made me so sick that I went off. I know by going to that group I will be able to get beyond and let go. It will take time, and god I pray I can stay strong thru it, I know I am going to have a few rough weeks ahead w/ not drinking....but if I made it thru methadone I feel I can make it thru this w/d....
I just want you to know you are in my prayers, and my heartis with you. Hug your little ones and enjoy them....Jack will always be with you, even though you don't see him in person.....just know he is an angle on your shoulder telling you " mommy please for the family get better, and its ok I am here on your shoulder to help you thru"
I love this poem, its a good reminder to know they are still with us...
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die.
-Author Unknown
Big hugs..
Krazishyone/Traci
traci.............
you have a beautiful heart.......
big hugs to you....
take care....
God Bless you both, redd and traci........
its really beautiful..................to see such kindness..........
thumper
you have a beautiful heart.......
big hugs to you....
take care....
God Bless you both, redd and traci........
its really beautiful..................to see such kindness..........
thumper
HI Traci,
No, you can't change your sons behavior. Hes 20 years old right? Excuse me if I have his age wrong, but if he is a grown man now his actions are on him. All you can do is be there with unconditional love, the kind of love only parents have for their kids.
Numbing are feelings. Boy, do I get that one. But you know what Traci? After the buzz had wore off the feelings were still there for me. And now I added guilt to those feelings. Here I had taken on this beautiful little baby girl, I had vowed to her to give her a good life. A better life had she stayed with her birth mother. But what was I REALLY giving her if I continued to pop pills. A mother with no back bone. A mother who couldn't cope. She deserves better. I deserve better.
The only way out is through. And getting through hurts.
Put down the booze my friend. Its a temporary band aid. And when you rip the band aid off the wound is even worse.
Thanks for thinking of me Traci. Please keep in touch, let me know how you're doing. I think the group you're going to is the best thing for you. I went back to meetings, I had to. I can't do this alone. and I don't have to...and neither do you.
xx
Traci:
Your post really touched me. I hope you are doing okay. You have a really big heart and I am sorry you are hurting.
~Rachel
Your post really touched me. I hope you are doing okay. You have a really big heart and I am sorry you are hurting.
~Rachel
Traci quotes-
Hi Traci.I've been following your story about your son.I know this is hurting you but can you get to a place and see where this is absolutely the best thing to happen?He needs to hit his bottom just like you did.Unfortunately,it has nothing to do with US .He needs to forgive himself and I guarantee you he loves you.He's operating from an untreated addicts perspective which is a lot like a childs.But,he is not a child.He is an adult male.
He is not ready to get clean right now.No amount of love or cajoling will make him.
The only thing you can do is pray and take care of yourself.If you're not clean there really will be nothing you can do when he is ready.
Be patient and trust that your HP will not desert you.
Good luck
| QUOTE |
| I can't figure out why my son ( 20) is so stubborn that he would rather move out then work on us. I know he will never forgive me for leaving his dad |
Hi Traci.I've been following your story about your son.I know this is hurting you but can you get to a place and see where this is absolutely the best thing to happen?He needs to hit his bottom just like you did.Unfortunately,it has nothing to do with US .He needs to forgive himself and I guarantee you he loves you.He's operating from an untreated addicts perspective which is a lot like a childs.But,he is not a child.He is an adult male.
He is not ready to get clean right now.No amount of love or cajoling will make him.
The only thing you can do is pray and take care of yourself.If you're not clean there really will be nothing you can do when he is ready.
Be patient and trust that your HP will not desert you.
Good luck
Good morning guys,
Thank you so mcuh for your thoughts, I had a great week end, we ended up going to my brothers, I held my brothers new 2.5 week old baby all week end, it was so nice to just get away from all the crap here and focus on happy stuff. My SIL said I spoiled him by holding him ALL the time, except for when she nursed. LOL is that not what aunts are for??) I did text message my son to find out when he will be getting his things, I did tell him that if I don't hear from him by Tuesday I will be boxing his stuff and putting it away till he has the respect to call me and make arrangements to come and get it. That is part of my moving forward, I want to turn his room into an office for my husband, adn guest room...and I want to do it NOW, it will also be good for me as I won't be so easily able to tell him he can come back. He has not answered me back, so I sent him an email this am in case he has shut his phone off, I don't want to call him as I know he will lay a guilt trip on me..so this is my out..but whatever it takes to get the point across to him.
I am looking forward to my meeting Tuesday night..can't wait...I am so glad I have a husband who is so eager to see me get help and support me w/ what ever I need..
BTW: do you guys rememeber when I was telling you about working on getting an intervention for my best friend, well I get back into service for my cell last night with a text about it, her mom had to have said something, so now I have lost a friend ( for now) I am saddened but maybe she will wake up and see what we have been trying to help her with. Gee I guess wenit rains it pours, but thats ok, I will work on myself and not stress over her right now..I can't...I need to be healthy for her when she is ready for me to be back in her life....
Thanks again Guys you hold a special place in my heart..
Redd you are still in my prayers...I hope oyu are doing better each day...adn I know about the band aid...it is so much worse when we remove it, the pain is still there...It was so nice, my brother, SIL and I prayed together for things to get better here...the seed id planted I know one day it will be answered by our HP..
Krazi/Traci
Thank you so mcuh for your thoughts, I had a great week end, we ended up going to my brothers, I held my brothers new 2.5 week old baby all week end, it was so nice to just get away from all the crap here and focus on happy stuff. My SIL said I spoiled him by holding him ALL the time, except for when she nursed. LOL is that not what aunts are for??) I did text message my son to find out when he will be getting his things, I did tell him that if I don't hear from him by Tuesday I will be boxing his stuff and putting it away till he has the respect to call me and make arrangements to come and get it. That is part of my moving forward, I want to turn his room into an office for my husband, adn guest room...and I want to do it NOW, it will also be good for me as I won't be so easily able to tell him he can come back. He has not answered me back, so I sent him an email this am in case he has shut his phone off, I don't want to call him as I know he will lay a guilt trip on me..so this is my out..but whatever it takes to get the point across to him.
I am looking forward to my meeting Tuesday night..can't wait...I am so glad I have a husband who is so eager to see me get help and support me w/ what ever I need..
BTW: do you guys rememeber when I was telling you about working on getting an intervention for my best friend, well I get back into service for my cell last night with a text about it, her mom had to have said something, so now I have lost a friend ( for now) I am saddened but maybe she will wake up and see what we have been trying to help her with. Gee I guess wenit rains it pours, but thats ok, I will work on myself and not stress over her right now..I can't...I need to be healthy for her when she is ready for me to be back in her life....
Thanks again Guys you hold a special place in my heart..
Redd you are still in my prayers...I hope oyu are doing better each day...adn I know about the band aid...it is so much worse when we remove it, the pain is still there...It was so nice, my brother, SIL and I prayed together for things to get better here...the seed id planted I know one day it will be answered by our HP..
Krazi/Traci
