Relapse After 3 Years

Alcohol
1
Hi All,

After 3 years, I relapsed. Maybe it was due to an recent eye-condition I developed, the holidays, who knows? All I know is that it happened one night, and I reset my sobriety date (after I was able to stand/walk/eat and know I wasn't still drunk). I went to my home-group and owned up to it as soon as I could. That's all fine and great but, I'm experiencing a melancholy that has really brought me to the point of bare existence. I'm wondering if this feeling will ever go away or, did I really mess myself up (I drank a lot during that one night ( entire bottle of vodka, and 3/4 bottle of bourbon)) ? Just a little advice please.

J
2
Have you done the steps? I am guessing you forgot Step One at the very least, but you mentioned a group.
What are you willing to do differently? I can give you all the motto in the world, but if you aren't willing, there's little hope of daily power...
You probably know that, though. Have you actually talked F2F with your sponsor?
3
Hi Jeff. I know the horrible feeling of a relapse because it had happened to me back in 2009 after 19 months of sobriety. It would take a year of relapsing before I finally sobered up and remained sober. I achieved this by going to a treatment center for a month and attending AA meetings. If you are willing to do what it takes to get and stay sober then use this relapse as a lesson learned and instead of beating yourself up look at where you went wrong and why. There is a slippery slope that precedes a relapse and there were circumstance, events and thoughts that led to your actually taking that first drink. you know in your heart of hearts where it began or at least when it was happening. That is where honestly comes in,honest with ourselves. I hope you will pick up the pieces and continue on with your recovery. You did not lose everything you accomplished prior to this relapse you made a mistake , learn from it so you wont do it again and move forward. We all have just today ...... I look forward to seeing you post again...take care...
4
Hey Guys,

Thanks for all the kind words! The melancholy eventually passed. I ended meeting with my sponsor F2F and hashed it out. Turns out we were both lacking in book work and are happily trudging the road again. Day 14 here and don't have the desire to drink. In the final analysis of the 'going out/relapse', I figured I had one more in me before I finally succumbed. I know that I'm an alcoholic and can never drink again. For me, drinking is death. I am re-embarking on working the steps again and will be working with others soon.

One day at a time, it's all we have.

Jeff
5
Just a quick update. Over a month sober and still going strong. Things are getting back normal. Attending meetings when I can. Thanks for all the support everyone!

J
6
Hi Jeff welcome back... I was at a meeting the other night...there was a man there that shared who said on that day he had received a bunch of books in the mail sent to him as a keepsake formley owned by a man he knew.. a man who had 16 years of sobriety, who went back out and died...not everyone makes it back. Be grateful you did.It is a deadly and powerful disease and in order to win the battles we must always be vigilant. my own personal opinon is that complacency is a far greater threat to recovery than anything else. Keep on working at it and congrats ...
7
Jeff do you know how incredibly lucky you are to have got back so quickly? Wow your HP must have something powerfully good planned for you.

Your honesty and courage give me strength. One day at a time...

Idgie
8
Good luck jeff. Thanks for sharing your esh.

Hi idgie!