Naw...not me....but...at the my home group meeting last night I noticed that this women that I have becomes friends with has been missing in action at both the womens group and the evening meetings...on Christmas day she would have had 30 days clean. I think we connected because to the pills..she was horribly addicted to vicodin and is an alcoholic.
She has been in and out of the program for years and before she started relapsing...she had 10 years clean.
Anyway..she showed up at last nights meeting looking a mess and I mean I mess...Thursdays is newcomers meetings so we go around the room and state sobriety date..when we got to her...she said she had today...my heart ached so bad for her...she shared and was so honest I had tears in my eyes...she had been burned badly the night before...direct result of drinking and using...went to the ER and was mad because all the gave her was ibuprofen....she said all she want was to either die or chew on a bottle of morphine.
I talked with her after the meeting for a bit...she smelled of stale volkda...and her eyes were yellow...she is a very very pretty women..she has a nine year old daughter and she said if it wasn't for her she would rather be dead that life is so hard.
I have been thinking about her all day long for some reason...I just can't get her out of my brain. I think what is most prolific to me is that...she is me...I could so easily be her...and I am in no way shape or form safe!!! This has really shook me to my core...man this is the real deal....I am just so grateful for today....and I will really work so hard on not looking at tomorrow...I think that gets so many of us into trouble...
Just wanted to share this with everyone....what I also thought was prolific...on the other side of me sat "Mary"...a very sweet women....she has 49 years in the program and is at those meeting everyday.....that could also be me....
Scary, isn't it? It will definately make you think. The first few months are so hard; I couldn't put together anything for a long time. I would always blow it right about 25 or so...I hated being the one always raising your hand with the 30 days or less....not anymore, though.
I keep seeing people from my homegroup; like 6 in the past three days. Maybe that is a sign that I need to go back..they keep popping up everywhere!
I keep seeing people from my homegroup; like 6 in the past three days. Maybe that is a sign that I need to go back..they keep popping up everywhere!
Oh Kee my heart goes out not only to her but to you my sweet friend.To feel the pain of others & know just know that your so limited in what you can do>>>>
Do you speak with her outside the meetings?
Because as we all know the person themselves HAS to do the work but nobody says they NEED to feel alone doing it.
Though that can be tricky too,her becomming dependent on your support & such.
Kee all you & the rest of the group can do is show her never end support
Kee for you hun I can totally understand your feeling of helplessness so if you need to vent on this + catch up(Ive missed you0 please e me ok???
molly
Do you speak with her outside the meetings?
Because as we all know the person themselves HAS to do the work but nobody says they NEED to feel alone doing it.
Though that can be tricky too,her becomming dependent on your support & such.
Kee all you & the rest of the group can do is show her never end support
Kee for you hun I can totally understand your feeling of helplessness so if you need to vent on this + catch up(Ive missed you0 please e me ok???
molly
It is so scary. That could be anyone of us.
It took me so long and so many relapses to finally get it right. I didn't lose my home or kids, didn't crash my car, didn't go to jail but I could have done any of those things. It was just a matter of time.
All you can do KeeKee is be there at those meetings when she shows up. I depended on people like you to be there when ever my butt fell off and I got to a meeting. And I was so grateful for it.
Take care
Lisa
It took me so long and so many relapses to finally get it right. I didn't lose my home or kids, didn't crash my car, didn't go to jail but I could have done any of those things. It was just a matter of time.
All you can do KeeKee is be there at those meetings when she shows up. I depended on people like you to be there when ever my butt fell off and I got to a meeting. And I was so grateful for it.
Take care
Lisa
Kee Kee Sweetie,
My heart goes out to you AND to her...Lord only knows what has happened to her to make her fall off like that after being sober for so long, but if you feel a special connection to her, maybe she will talk to you..
Be careful however and keep a protective bubble around yourself...as kind as you are, and as open as you are to tuning into peoples emotions, you can get totally zapped of your own energy and vitality...
I hope that doesnt sounds harsh or mean, but I speak from my own experience...trying to help someone through a rough time, but getting just TOO involved...worrying about the person all the time, becoming stressed about how they are doing, and giving 100% to what soon becomes my mission- that i am absolutely exhausted emotionally...totally spent and almost unable to find my OWN feelings or emotions anymore...
You already stated that you cant get her out of your mind, and your not even really close to her personally...so hope you understand why i said what i did..
I suppose the great thing about belonging to a club like NA is that yo have a whole lot of people around you for support, but are also more likely to find someone special that you connect with..
Seeing yourself in her can be a good thing in a way..There by the Grace of God...
That is most definitely the best thing i have learned in my life from my whole experience getting off the pills...as non judgemental as I thought i was before...I now realize that i did have prejudices as to what an "addict" is or looks like...someone TRULY addicted to something looks a certain way and does a certain drug....im ashamed to say that i thought that someone's DOC made the big difference...
Getting addicted to ANYTHING just doesnt hapen to women like me...lol..how ignorant was I????
Now i know that the human experience of pain and suffering, of addiction and withdrawal from ANY drug or substance..is Universal...what KIND of drug or substance we abuse to find inner happiness or peace makes no difference whatsoever.....
i was no different then a woman in downtown Vancouver shooting heroin in an alley..no different than a guy doing lines of crack somewhere in NewYork..no different then an alcoholic passing out at the back of a bar in Hongkong.. no different than a 400 pound woman in Tilous that just cant seem to stop eating herself to death....
The need to dull our pain is experienced universally and no one that goes through that, regardless of the vehicle used, is better or worse then another..
Sorry for rambling honey..
Your so kind and good..just protect your heart..you cant give anyone help or advice if you have nothing left to give..
Big Hugs
Ali
My heart goes out to you AND to her...Lord only knows what has happened to her to make her fall off like that after being sober for so long, but if you feel a special connection to her, maybe she will talk to you..
Be careful however and keep a protective bubble around yourself...as kind as you are, and as open as you are to tuning into peoples emotions, you can get totally zapped of your own energy and vitality...
I hope that doesnt sounds harsh or mean, but I speak from my own experience...trying to help someone through a rough time, but getting just TOO involved...worrying about the person all the time, becoming stressed about how they are doing, and giving 100% to what soon becomes my mission- that i am absolutely exhausted emotionally...totally spent and almost unable to find my OWN feelings or emotions anymore...
You already stated that you cant get her out of your mind, and your not even really close to her personally...so hope you understand why i said what i did..
I suppose the great thing about belonging to a club like NA is that yo have a whole lot of people around you for support, but are also more likely to find someone special that you connect with..
Seeing yourself in her can be a good thing in a way..There by the Grace of God...
That is most definitely the best thing i have learned in my life from my whole experience getting off the pills...as non judgemental as I thought i was before...I now realize that i did have prejudices as to what an "addict" is or looks like...someone TRULY addicted to something looks a certain way and does a certain drug....im ashamed to say that i thought that someone's DOC made the big difference...
Getting addicted to ANYTHING just doesnt hapen to women like me...lol..how ignorant was I????
Now i know that the human experience of pain and suffering, of addiction and withdrawal from ANY drug or substance..is Universal...what KIND of drug or substance we abuse to find inner happiness or peace makes no difference whatsoever.....
i was no different then a woman in downtown Vancouver shooting heroin in an alley..no different than a guy doing lines of crack somewhere in NewYork..no different then an alcoholic passing out at the back of a bar in Hongkong.. no different than a 400 pound woman in Tilous that just cant seem to stop eating herself to death....
The need to dull our pain is experienced universally and no one that goes through that, regardless of the vehicle used, is better or worse then another..
Sorry for rambling honey..
Your so kind and good..just protect your heart..you cant give anyone help or advice if you have nothing left to give..
Big Hugs
Ali
Thanks ladies..your the best! I so do appreciate all your kind words..they have helped me for sure!
Ali..I so get what your saying..thanks sometimes you need to hear it from someone else.
This disease is insidious..I hate it!! But I sure do love all of you!!
Ali..I so get what your saying..thanks sometimes you need to hear it from someone else.
This disease is insidious..I hate it!! But I sure do love all of you!!
