yup I used--not heroin, but I took 2 xanax bars and drank, im mad at myself, i cannot explain right now, but i will here in a couple hours...theres alot that goes with it, I saw my x--always bad news.....ill be back at lunch to spil my guts
..Amity..
..When times get bad or a certain situation arises the the devil starts kicking in and goes to work on f***ing ya head up..tis easy to turn to sumfin that will be your friend for the time it takes you to go score n do wot ya mind tells ya to do..for sum people their strength and willpower will get them over the hurdle..but for others, the lure of anyones DOC is sumtimes to hard a thing to mentally fight that urge..just try not to be to hard on yaself for ya relapse n try to learn for having a relapse..sometimes in life addicts who are in recovery for X-amonut of time do give into the urges/cravings for their DOC..i wish ya well in getting back into ya recovery..take it easy on yaself tonight and good luck in future in staying clean ;)..Robbie
..When times get bad or a certain situation arises the the devil starts kicking in and goes to work on f***ing ya head up..tis easy to turn to sumfin that will be your friend for the time it takes you to go score n do wot ya mind tells ya to do..for sum people their strength and willpower will get them over the hurdle..but for others, the lure of anyones DOC is sumtimes to hard a thing to mentally fight that urge..just try not to be to hard on yaself for ya relapse n try to learn for having a relapse..sometimes in life addicts who are in recovery for X-amonut of time do give into the urges/cravings for their DOC..i wish ya well in getting back into ya recovery..take it easy on yaself tonight and good luck in future in staying clean ;)..Robbie
Amity....get up...get back...and get working....big hugs to you...we fall down...we get back up...its what we have to do....
Con
Con
keep ur chin up m8.
amity,i went to a festival on sat,and got pissed for the 1st time in over 3yrs,i totally had a great time and not going to deny it,the boys shouted me to go on sunday as well but i didnt go,had my day,enjoyed it,now give me pelters if u like..eck
Amity, you're a strong willed person, you know this won't break you!! So, you've had a lapse..not a relapse, you have to use this and turn it into a positive thing. You have been doing brilliant with youir recovery since i joined this bopard, and you'll continue to do that. Don't be too hard on yourself, i know you'll be feeling bad, but you can and will bounce back. Take care, Kev
"Dust yourself off and try again"
The more you get down on yourself the better chance you may have at falling down again.
Be strong! "Hold on for One more day"
God bless, and stay safe!
The more you get down on yourself the better chance you may have at falling down again.
Be strong! "Hold on for One more day"
God bless, and stay safe!
I have been on/off the beer benzo mix for months myself EVERYTIME i feel so crappy i get freaked out i'll get drug tested and fail. It's not worth the stress yet I do it a few times a month totally stupid. I could lose A LOT by getting a dirty drug test. Sorry this was about you. Wanted to say you already know it's a bad path to go down. Addiction is terrible. This is a lapse .....not a relapse. Those lapse can turn quickly into more be very careful do everything to stop that.
How you feeling today Amity? Hope you're feel;ing better today. Hope you have a good wednesday. Let us know how you are, Kev
Amity....come on ...time to check in...spill...whats happening with you ? We care...we love you ...and we want to hear from you
Con
Con
Missed this thread...Amity, honey, you're past it already...c'mon back and check in. You told on yourself and we're here waiting for you...
Love~M&M
Love~M&M
thanks guys, i was mad at myself, i guess i just have to revisit it for some reason--how it happened is thatMy sons dad has decided he wants to be a father--he does this about once a year, and I ended up having to take him down to see him(this town is the root of alot of pain and angst for me) he knows im on methadone and I always carry a bottle in my purse, well he was in withdrawal, so there was a trade and bam I was taking xanax and drinking beer, this is what my last relapse was from and it lasted for 6 motnhs and was hell to get off of, I only will take the bars, anthing less isnt worht my time--the bars arent either, but you know what im saying, so i had a bad bad withdrawal. so now im stuck with this issue and alot of others, he had his little girlfriend hidden in the bedroom--it was weird how everything happened, i really need to get it all out but i havent the time--im at work, it just all threw me off, i am not drug seeking, but now I am worried about seeing him again--although hes already called and said hes gonna be out of town for 3 weeks (after promising to pick him up this weekend) he said hed call dane and talk to him direct, but hasnt happened, i dont need this sh*t, things are too good, plus he kept trying to like hold my hand and stuff--i think thats whats really bothering me the most, I am just now (4years later) not feeling emmense pain associated with thoughts of him, i loved him, wanted to take care of him and be with him forever, he destroyed me, but I still wanted to be with him, NOW he wants to hold my hand--what the heck is that, I think he sees I am doing awesome and am actually over him...i dont know im not gonna try to figure it out, but it messed with me. thank got i could come hom to my stablehome my nice little cubicle job, and a family that wants whats best for me and will help me acheive...so why am I tense and not able to breath--please god take this off my shoulders, or show me the way to deal with it--you know im feeling desperate when im praying to god, LOL i gotta stop talkin about this now, im at work already feeling tired and run down--TGIF thanks guys, sorry to leave ya hanging i am so gratefull for so much, i think ill write a gratitude list at lunchtime
Hey Amity, sorry you're going through all that sh*t at the mo, you don't need it. You're right you are doing too good. You were on about going to meets in an earlier post, maybe you should get to one, it might help you. He is most prob trying to bring you down to his level cause he's jealous, don't let him. Sending you some p vibes. Take care, Kev
Hey Babes....all the times you gave my kind words of advice and strength...just remember your not a bad person....so you made a mistake, learn from it, dont do it again PLEASE, kick yourself up the a**!!
Sending you big hugs and kisses...thinking of you xxxx
Sending you big hugs and kisses...thinking of you xxxx
Oh Amity...damn....your playing with fire babe....sounds like he's sweet talking you right down the street with him...I know it hurts...can feel your pain through your words...BIG HUGS....but...you know this isnt the right thing...you know he is NOT being honest with you ...he's just using you...angry maybe because you ARE doing so well...look...you were around him for no more than a day or what and you USED...how fcked up is that ?...you know when were all in active addiction that we want everyone around us to be in it too...no fun getting fcked up alone now is it ?...dont go there Amity...please...you were doing so damn good...and s*** if i dont know how hard it is believe me...but stick with it Amity...and let him go...take care of yourself !! HUGS to you
Con
Con
I'm so sorry to hear your feeling so emotional. If i lived closer we could eat ice cream watch chick flicks talk about our crappy ex boyfriends. I've only had ONE boyfriend that still gets to me. I know the feeling it's terrible. I've thought a zillion times i was over him hahaha.
Hey girl. I haven't been on in a couple of days or I would have been right there calling to you! You take care of you and your son. Just think...you can choose the ex and the drugs or your child and you....not a tough decision. I know that the decision is the easy part but you can do it! You have done it! Your stronger than you give yourself credit for.........and we are all here for you! Hugs! cyndi
Amity,
I'm so so so sorry.
You haven't posted in a few days. hope you made work.
I'm really sorry.
I'm so so so sorry.
You haven't posted in a few days. hope you made work.
I'm really sorry.
Old lovers can bring you down because you feel an obligation to them that they aren't always feeling. In the future if he wants to see his child he should come to your place to visit, even if he has to take a taxi. Much more controlled and safe. You didn't lose the time that you had sober, you just interrupted it. Sounds like your doing well all things considered.
