When I was in treatment, they taught us that a relaspe is something that you think about and plan for. I'll tell you what, it hasn't happened yet, but I have really been comtemplating it. And I don't even want to try try one shot or one beer, I want to get wasted drunk.
I am working on 81 days clean and I don't want to throw it all away, and I don't want to go back to my alcoholic ways, but damn do I just want to get plastered. My girlfriend just left me. But that's not all I have been thinking about.
My girlfriend and I met in treatment. I know, I know, red flag. But it seemed so different with us. We have so much in common, we got along so well. I love her kids too. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, next to getting sober. She helped keep me sober. With her a recovering addict (not alcohol) as well we would go to NA meetings together. We would spend a lot of time together and I was so in love that I never even had time to think about drinking. Now she is gone.
She won't see me, yet. She doesn't like to talk to me on the phone, cause she's "too busy." I work and I go to AA meetings, I have a few hobbies. But seriously, I am a multi-tasker and I can't help but think about her while I am doing the other things. We were so in love and we have 2 weeks of argueing and, BOOM...she's gone. She cites recovery issues as the reason that she can't have this relationship right now, and I can't say no. But if she loved me as much as she claimed to how can she just cut it off like that. I think she either had to develope a hatred for me or feelings for another man sine she can't say I love you anymore. She's says that's not it, but come on!
I feel like one drunk episode whould help me forget, plus if I relasped she wouldn't have anything to do with me and I would feel like I truelly deserved this break up. I don't think we needed to split completely, just not spend so much time together. We fought over behaviors that I did for 9 years straight and I can't nor should anyone else think that I can quit in 80 days. I am working on them. She is working on hers I am working on mine. I don't think that we need to be split to do that. I love her and I miss her tremendously.
I am afraid that I am headed toward relaspe. I am still working on meetings, but they can't give me the kind of help that I need. I need some real advise. Not just quotes from the big book and some old guy telling me to keep coming to meetings. It only helps til I walk out of the meeting. What the F*#K?
Sorry so much
Lovin' Life,
First off congratulations on 81? days! I think I read 81? Anyway, thats awesome. I hate to say something here that will piss you off, but what she sounds like she's doing is the right thing. I would guess maybe even direction from her sponsor? But never the less, No relationships for a year is what most are told unless ofcourse your already married. Your fighting a drink right now that you probably wouldn't be if you weren't in a relationship. If you two truely love eachother, thats great, if so, then it will work out. But neither of you can do the relationship any good unless your both grounded in recovery. Staying sober Must come first. Rehab Romance, it can seem so real, and maybe it is. But two people at probably the lowest point in eachothers lives, comming together and consoling eachother, confiding in eachother, is good, but for sure the biggest mistake you can make, for yourself and eachother. Your thinking of yourself here, not her. Thats the other problem, if your making her feel less secure about her own recovery by wanting her back, then your not really thinking about her well being. Men with the men, women with the women.
There is a reason for that saying, and your living in the consequences of that decission now. Believe me, it's hard enough being married, my wife is also in A.A., and keeping our programs seperate, meetings seperate, etc..ain't always a picnic! lol The two of you don't even REALLY know eachother, things are too new right now to add on the extra baggage of a relationship. This is ofcourse an opinion I happen to agree with. I pray the both of you stick and stay. I also hope things work out and down the road you end up together. But I hope neither of you use this as an excuse to pick up. Nothing justifies a drink or drug.
One thing that has worked for me in the past was, whenever I felt like picking up, I told myself ok I will. But, I'll do it tomorrow. It made me feel better, I knew I could pick up if I wanted to, but by putting it off another day, usually by the next day things were better and the obsession had lifted. If it didn't, I did the same thing. Ok I'll pick up but tomorrow. That sence of relief by telling my head I'd pick up was enough to get me through till that thought passed. Hang in there,
picking up sure won't make anything better..
And keep dragging your a** to a meeting and sharing about it. It'll pass, and get better as long as you don't pick up. Then all bets are off.
I hope this sounded ok, I didn't mean to sound preachy or anything. I just would hate to see you or anyone pick up..You got the world by the balls and don't even know it yet. Take care brother and keep comming back.
Keeping clean and sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking and drugging.
I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink or drug.
Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everyting I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford to forget this, even for one minute?
"I Think Not"
Bob
First off congratulations on 81? days! I think I read 81? Anyway, thats awesome. I hate to say something here that will piss you off, but what she sounds like she's doing is the right thing. I would guess maybe even direction from her sponsor? But never the less, No relationships for a year is what most are told unless ofcourse your already married. Your fighting a drink right now that you probably wouldn't be if you weren't in a relationship. If you two truely love eachother, thats great, if so, then it will work out. But neither of you can do the relationship any good unless your both grounded in recovery. Staying sober Must come first. Rehab Romance, it can seem so real, and maybe it is. But two people at probably the lowest point in eachothers lives, comming together and consoling eachother, confiding in eachother, is good, but for sure the biggest mistake you can make, for yourself and eachother. Your thinking of yourself here, not her. Thats the other problem, if your making her feel less secure about her own recovery by wanting her back, then your not really thinking about her well being. Men with the men, women with the women.
There is a reason for that saying, and your living in the consequences of that decission now. Believe me, it's hard enough being married, my wife is also in A.A., and keeping our programs seperate, meetings seperate, etc..ain't always a picnic! lol The two of you don't even REALLY know eachother, things are too new right now to add on the extra baggage of a relationship. This is ofcourse an opinion I happen to agree with. I pray the both of you stick and stay. I also hope things work out and down the road you end up together. But I hope neither of you use this as an excuse to pick up. Nothing justifies a drink or drug.
One thing that has worked for me in the past was, whenever I felt like picking up, I told myself ok I will. But, I'll do it tomorrow. It made me feel better, I knew I could pick up if I wanted to, but by putting it off another day, usually by the next day things were better and the obsession had lifted. If it didn't, I did the same thing. Ok I'll pick up but tomorrow. That sence of relief by telling my head I'd pick up was enough to get me through till that thought passed. Hang in there,
picking up sure won't make anything better..
And keep dragging your a** to a meeting and sharing about it. It'll pass, and get better as long as you don't pick up. Then all bets are off.
I hope this sounded ok, I didn't mean to sound preachy or anything. I just would hate to see you or anyone pick up..You got the world by the balls and don't even know it yet. Take care brother and keep comming back.
Keeping clean and sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking and drugging.
I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink or drug.
Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everyting I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.
Can I afford to forget this, even for one minute?
"I Think Not"
Bob
When i first got into recovery i had a sponsor who told me that my gratitude for AA and being sober would end and a heap of other negative stuff. i stayed positive and hopfully he has, also i heard once that it was okay to relapse that f,d me up for a week planning it. Thank god i didn't.
Bob keep posting it's awesome brother.
Lovinlife do step 1 on your ex. Let her go as she needs to do whatever to stay clean and sober and so do you. If the meetings are only doing it for you while you are there do 90 in the next 90 days and then think about the world.
I wish i could answer like Bob has read his post and whatever you do don't plan that next drink.
Light and love Zac
Bob keep posting it's awesome brother.
Lovinlife do step 1 on your ex. Let her go as she needs to do whatever to stay clean and sober and so do you. If the meetings are only doing it for you while you are there do 90 in the next 90 days and then think about the world.
I wish i could answer like Bob has read his post and whatever you do don't plan that next drink.
Light and love Zac
Lovin' life, i'm sorry you're going through this. I know exactly where you're coming from when you say we plan a relapse. I firmly believe that we do, and we do it subconsciously. I have been exactly where you are, had 7 months sober, just seperated from my husband, was going to meetings, and even told everyone there that i really wanted to drink and felt like i was going to. They all tried to help, but when i look back now, no matter how bad anyone wanted to help me, i had a subconcious plan, and i was going to carry it out. It wasn't that black and white then, but it is now. I wasn't devoted to my recovery, i sort of put it on the backburner when my g'pa passed away and my husband and i split up. (all within 1 month) So this time i'm making sure that no matter what, my recovery comes first. Now i know what they mean when they say, "Without my recovery, i have nothing;" because it is so true.
...i guess i don't really know where i'm trying to go with this, but i just thought i'd share;) Take care of you, you have come so far my friend!
...i guess i don't really know where i'm trying to go with this, but i just thought i'd share;) Take care of you, you have come so far my friend!
I want to thank you all for your thoughts on this. I'll tell you what. I had my chance today, but I didn't pick up. I was at a Detroit Tiger's game and I made it through that without any beer. Then I spent the afternoon at the Downtown Hoedown, the largest outdoor concert in the world and didn't get any beer there either. I was white knuckling it though. There are beer tents all over, everyone has something. I couldn't find any pepsi because they sold out of it over the weekend and it was real tough since beer was everywhere.
But I am not going to avoid these places and events, they are what I love. I just have to learn to do it without the booze. "You lose with the booze!" I know that I have to keep my sobriety #1. My life does depend on it and it wouldn't make things any better if I picked up. I know what I said about picking up so my girlfriend would have zero respect for me and I wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. However, I do not want to use her in anyway as an excuse for relaspe. I don't want to screw it up anymore than it is. I have to let her do her thing and I have to do mine. I know that she still loves me, but I don't think she likes me anymore, I want to maintain a "friendship" with space for both of us to recover. I just pray that someday we can have what we did back and I know if I turn back to drinking we can never have a life together. I couldn't have a life alone, but I want to spent it with her too.
I know, I know... One day at a time. I could just focus on getting through today, but I like to work on a rewards based program. I am hoping that she will be the ultimate prize for this. I just hope that I haven't damaged our relationship beyond repair already.
I also walked into a porta-jon today that someone had just finished smoking pot in. I stayed in it, I haven't even smelled it in 82 days I wanted to see what would happen. A lot of questions were running through my mind when I was breathing it in. When I walked out I think I had a contact buzz, it only lasted a minute, but it was weird. I have been thinking about smoking pot, but I know that I can't do that either. I have to come to face reality, I am a bonafide drug addict and I can't pick up anything, booze, pot, or pills. I am still having these desires and I can't stop them. When I said I was alright when I am at a meeting, I mean when I am AT the meeting, when I leave they return. I think satan is twisting my mind with all these tests. I swear I think I am going to go insane. Geez. I do not want to spend the rest of my life in a glass box, I want to be normal.
"At my wits end" -Bill
But I am not going to avoid these places and events, they are what I love. I just have to learn to do it without the booze. "You lose with the booze!" I know that I have to keep my sobriety #1. My life does depend on it and it wouldn't make things any better if I picked up. I know what I said about picking up so my girlfriend would have zero respect for me and I wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. However, I do not want to use her in anyway as an excuse for relaspe. I don't want to screw it up anymore than it is. I have to let her do her thing and I have to do mine. I know that she still loves me, but I don't think she likes me anymore, I want to maintain a "friendship" with space for both of us to recover. I just pray that someday we can have what we did back and I know if I turn back to drinking we can never have a life together. I couldn't have a life alone, but I want to spent it with her too.
I know, I know... One day at a time. I could just focus on getting through today, but I like to work on a rewards based program. I am hoping that she will be the ultimate prize for this. I just hope that I haven't damaged our relationship beyond repair already.
I also walked into a porta-jon today that someone had just finished smoking pot in. I stayed in it, I haven't even smelled it in 82 days I wanted to see what would happen. A lot of questions were running through my mind when I was breathing it in. When I walked out I think I had a contact buzz, it only lasted a minute, but it was weird. I have been thinking about smoking pot, but I know that I can't do that either. I have to come to face reality, I am a bonafide drug addict and I can't pick up anything, booze, pot, or pills. I am still having these desires and I can't stop them. When I said I was alright when I am at a meeting, I mean when I am AT the meeting, when I leave they return. I think satan is twisting my mind with all these tests. I swear I think I am going to go insane. Geez. I do not want to spend the rest of my life in a glass box, I want to be normal.
"At my wits end" -Bill
Hey Lovin', you are doing so good, and it's so great that you come and share your honest thoughts and feelings here. It will get better, and just keep reminding yourself how far you have come!
Please don't take this the wrong way, but when i read your posts, i still see that the underlying motivation for you to stay sober is "her". This has to be for "you", or you are automatically setting yourself up for a disaster, because remember, the only thing you can control is "you'!
Edited to say, the reason i'm reminding you of this again, is because i did just that, i quit to make other people happy, and it didn't work for very long because I wasn't happy. This time i'm doing it for me, that way, EVERYBODY'S happy! giggle*
Keep up the great work, and keep posting!
Please don't take this the wrong way, but when i read your posts, i still see that the underlying motivation for you to stay sober is "her". This has to be for "you", or you are automatically setting yourself up for a disaster, because remember, the only thing you can control is "you'!
Edited to say, the reason i'm reminding you of this again, is because i did just that, i quit to make other people happy, and it didn't work for very long because I wasn't happy. This time i'm doing it for me, that way, EVERYBODY'S happy! giggle*
Keep up the great work, and keep posting!
Lovin..
IMHO in early sobriety I found it easier to stay away from any place with beer tents everywhere.
White knuckling it is not my idea of a good time...and is dangerous when I am in a place emotionally where I want to numb my feelings.
Sending sober positive energy....
Carolyn
IMHO in early sobriety I found it easier to stay away from any place with beer tents everywhere.
White knuckling it is not my idea of a good time...and is dangerous when I am in a place emotionally where I want to numb my feelings.
Sending sober positive energy....
Carolyn
THanks for more advise. I don't have much time right now, but I do want to say that I got sober for myself. I went to treatment on my own and fixed it for me. I wouldn't say that I am staying sober for her, but I do know that if I ever want any relationship with her I have to stay clean.
Thanks
Thanks
Dear Lovin' Life!
Don't do it!!! Stay sober! Trust me all a relapse will do is send you into such an emotional F that you will end up on a Week long Bender! Trust me!! I don't do the AA thing so I don't have quotes from the Big book. What works for me is to write things down. When I am happy, sad, meloncholly, pissed, horny, etc. Everyone emotion. Start a journal and when you feel like drinking read through your entries. Sometimes it can snap you out of it. I even read the old ones where I was drinking heavily and the next day's posts were the most depressing things I had ever read. I don't know about you but i turned into a really depressed drunk. Mostly the the typical mind F that you do to yourself when you know you have had toooo much to drink. Hope that helps at all.
P.s Sorry about your girlfriend but you cannot depend on anyone else to make you happy and stay sober. You know the routine about relationships for the first year of sobriety. I find that to be a bunch of BS somewhat but be careful not to become addicted to her.
Peace and Love
Valarie
Don't do it!!! Stay sober! Trust me all a relapse will do is send you into such an emotional F that you will end up on a Week long Bender! Trust me!! I don't do the AA thing so I don't have quotes from the Big book. What works for me is to write things down. When I am happy, sad, meloncholly, pissed, horny, etc. Everyone emotion. Start a journal and when you feel like drinking read through your entries. Sometimes it can snap you out of it. I even read the old ones where I was drinking heavily and the next day's posts were the most depressing things I had ever read. I don't know about you but i turned into a really depressed drunk. Mostly the the typical mind F that you do to yourself when you know you have had toooo much to drink. Hope that helps at all.
P.s Sorry about your girlfriend but you cannot depend on anyone else to make you happy and stay sober. You know the routine about relationships for the first year of sobriety. I find that to be a bunch of BS somewhat but be careful not to become addicted to her.
Peace and Love
Valarie
I have to say, I am feeling much better right now. And it wasn't any sponsor or AA friend that did it. It was an old friend, from back in the day (which was a wednesday). We have a lot to talk about, things will make me feel better. It is nice to know that she'll be there for me.
Still depressed about the former girlfriend, but I am not going to use over it. f*** that. I am better than that. I am stronger than that. I am a BAMF deal with it.
It is beautiful today, nice weather makes me happy. I wish I was still playing ball.
Still depressed about the former girlfriend, but I am not going to use over it. f*** that. I am better than that. I am stronger than that. I am a BAMF deal with it.
It is beautiful today, nice weather makes me happy. I wish I was still playing ball.
Great to hear you are both sober but please if you have a problem with AA say in your posts no AA answers and i for 1 won't annoy you both with any. i'll just shoot from the hip
valerie i use everything and anything to stay sober i live in a small town and pubs are a part of the community so i'm in and out of pubs just like you but i notice that you are having trouble not being able to drink around people that can in your other thread. maybe i read it all wrong no AA answer here but me.
I know principles before personalities oops AA
light and love zac
valerie i use everything and anything to stay sober i live in a small town and pubs are a part of the community so i'm in and out of pubs just like you but i notice that you are having trouble not being able to drink around people that can in your other thread. maybe i read it all wrong no AA answer here but me.
I know principles before personalities oops AA
light and love zac
I don't have any problem with AA. I attend regularly and appericiate any and all comments. I hope I didn't come across like I didn't like AA. That's not it.
