Hi Sue, The worry is awful for you. I wish I could help you! I think time is at a stand still in the life of an addict. Chances are he might think that he spoke to you yesterday although you know differently. But in his mind he thinks he has plenty of time to call you before you start worrying. My daughter can't remember what day it is at times. She didn't even bother to get her child an Easter basket this year. Neither did her dad. What a washout as parents. She had a nice Easter from her grandpa and I but the parents should have done something for her. She is starting to put two and two together I can see it in her. I still haven't told her as I think why make her sad. She said her dad forgot her Xmas, her Valentines and now her Easter and then she cries. It's pitiful! But their not the ones who see this and pick up the pieces and if they did I think their too numb to feel for her. I'm like you. I wait for that call coming in too! Then what? Then it's the start of a whole other ballgame. Take care of yourself Sue. (Hugs) Mary.
Hi Mary,
I didn't think of that, you are right he probably thought he talked to me every other day. I keep getting emails that the storage unit where his measly belongs are stored that is past due. I want to pay it but there is nothing worth saving. And everything in there I bought anyway. Trying to get him to focus on reading and starting a life.
But nothing work as we all know. I know as the months go on I will wonder always what happen to him. Previous years he would surface when things got to much for him and wanted a bale out. With this woman he is with I don't think it will happen.
It just feels different this time. Like he is punishing us for not helping him when he needed it. My youngest son and I did what we could to help him find his own way. Talking to him, getting him into clinics/rehabs/a job. Everything we could think of,He was in such denial and refused to admit he couldn't control his addiction.
He was on blues and other stuff but never taking heroin as long as he did this time. Plus all the surgeries he got a freebie of pain pills. All I want is when he does OD that I can bury him. It's going to be devastating, but both me and him will be free of his addiction and life he choose for himself. I pray each day to let me sleep one night without walking up worrying what he is doing. And who he is stealing from. And maybe just maybe a small glimmer that he can turn himself around. But in my heart of hearts he won't. Just wishful thinking..
XX Sue
I didn't think of that, you are right he probably thought he talked to me every other day. I keep getting emails that the storage unit where his measly belongs are stored that is past due. I want to pay it but there is nothing worth saving. And everything in there I bought anyway. Trying to get him to focus on reading and starting a life.
But nothing work as we all know. I know as the months go on I will wonder always what happen to him. Previous years he would surface when things got to much for him and wanted a bale out. With this woman he is with I don't think it will happen.
It just feels different this time. Like he is punishing us for not helping him when he needed it. My youngest son and I did what we could to help him find his own way. Talking to him, getting him into clinics/rehabs/a job. Everything we could think of,He was in such denial and refused to admit he couldn't control his addiction.
He was on blues and other stuff but never taking heroin as long as he did this time. Plus all the surgeries he got a freebie of pain pills. All I want is when he does OD that I can bury him. It's going to be devastating, but both me and him will be free of his addiction and life he choose for himself. I pray each day to let me sleep one night without walking up worrying what he is doing. And who he is stealing from. And maybe just maybe a small glimmer that he can turn himself around. But in my heart of hearts he won't. Just wishful thinking..
XX Sue
Hi Sue, He could very well get better. No one knows enough about addicts and how drugs affect their individual brains to say they can't. Who knows maybe her and him will get their lives together. He has left where he could get the drugs and doesn't have that local drug dealer around him anymore. I remember years ago my brother told me about this guy who was a local addict that had just up and vanished and he always wondered if he'd died or what happened to him. Well anyway, so my brother was on vacation and saw this guy that looked so familar. He said hello to him and asked are you "so and so" and he said yes he was. Well the difference in him was like night and day seemingly. All squared away and looking great. He told my brother no one knew where he had moved to. He had to get away from everything and everyone to make a fresh start and try and kick the drugs. So it shows you it can be done. So while there's stories like this out there it makes you not want to give up hope. There's days when I feel I have no hope too but tomorrow comes and I find it again. I'm sure you'll hear from him yet? Like I said there is no time in their world. Thinking of you Sue. God bless, Mary.
Hi Mary,
Maybe or not. It's easier not to think. I honestly don't know how you are doing it. I wish he had a son/daughter to remind me of my son. He has gotten a girl pregnant same one a few times. But because of her using she never made it past 4 months. A blessing yes.
Did your daughter use during her pregnancy.
Just speaking to you guys and letting me express my fears and sorrows on here has help tremendously.
Remember we are here for you also Mary. Thank you for your kindness/support and prayers. Gosh knows you are fighting this fight with me also. xxx
Maybe or not. It's easier not to think. I honestly don't know how you are doing it. I wish he had a son/daughter to remind me of my son. He has gotten a girl pregnant same one a few times. But because of her using she never made it past 4 months. A blessing yes.
Did your daughter use during her pregnancy.
Just speaking to you guys and letting me express my fears and sorrows on here has help tremendously.
Remember we are here for you also Mary. Thank you for your kindness/support and prayers. Gosh knows you are fighting this fight with me also. xxx
Mary,
well he has surfaced sorta. He has a new number still working somewhere and the g/f is gone. He said he saw guys so messed up that he will do it again. HMMP do I believe him, not a chance. But he is sounding ok, gaining weight and staying warm and fed. Not more I can asked. How are you? things anybetter?
Thinking of you and Shell. xxx
Sue
well he has surfaced sorta. He has a new number still working somewhere and the g/f is gone. He said he saw guys so messed up that he will do it again. HMMP do I believe him, not a chance. But he is sounding ok, gaining weight and staying warm and fed. Not more I can asked. How are you? things anybetter?
Thinking of you and Shell. xxx
Sue
Hi Sue, This all sounds really promising! Maybe with being in amongst other people and seeing there's more to life has made him want to get clean. I do hope so for your sake also. But even putting weight on, changing his phone number, getting rid of the gf would all seem good signs to me. Don't you think? We're so used to their stories that we're frightened to let down our guard to believe them. All you can do is wait and see but at the same time hope for the best. That's what I would do. Because if he has willpower and is determined enough there's no telling what can happen. My daughter has started another job, the last one lasted 3 weeks so I'm hoping she sticks this one a bit longer. I hope it's a start at a new life for your son and my daughter. It's got to work one of these days, why not now! Your in my thoughts Sue. Let's keep our fingers crossed things are going to get better. God bless,Mary.
Sue, I've been thinking of you also. My son got released two days ago. I have mixed emotions. I was hoping for 6 months but instead he got out after 30 days. On the plus side, he's clean right now and of course, like your son, says he's done with it. We will see. Actions speak louder than words. We let him stay here until Monday. I think he has lined up a friend to stay with, at least temporarily. We know that not doing drugs is not enough. He has to learn how to actually live a normal adult life. He needs to attend meetings if he's going to stay clean. He was attending in jail but outside it's more work. It will show if he is really interested in putting in the work to stay clean though. He's on probation so if he drops dirty, they'll just lock him back up. I'm really feeling pretty good with leaving it all up to him.
I'm getting ready to go see my little Teddy next week and that is just pure joy!
I hope you are finding your little slivers of joy too! Take care.
Michelle
I'm getting ready to go see my little Teddy next week and that is just pure joy!
I hope you are finding your little slivers of joy too! Take care.
Michelle
Hi Sue and Michelle, Hope your both doing good today. That's good news about your son Michelle. I hope he gets together a plan and manages to work at staying clean. It must be nice to see him sober and be able to have a normal conversation with him. He's come a long way in the month I hope jail has scared him straight!! On a happier note...glad your going to see Teddy. I smile when I say his name as I just love his name! It's adorable! I hope you have a nice visit with your daughter and family. How does your son feel about being an uncle? Sue,how is your son doing? I hope he is doing good too and really is staying clean. Well you both take care. I think of you often and wish you well. (Hugs) Mary:-)
Hi helpless mom, I'm sorry u have been up this rollercoaster ride so many times and are doing it again. I feel for you. Along with all the other wonderful mommies out there and in this website. I just wanted to say hi to u and remind you your still a great mom. Your son knows it too. Believe me. He really does. Even though u probably don't think he does but just remember, that's not really your son. Also, don't forget how strong you are. God made mom's to be as strong as you are for a reason.! Don't forget it. I have faith in your son, you and myself. Take care. Bye . And, .I'm here for you if you need anything .
Hi Shell,
I hope so, like you I have doubts. For now he is sober, well on the phone he sounds sober. He has dumped the g/f and where he is working he said they drug test him. However he is not doing his probation. Hasn't been in weeks nor paid. So a warrant will be out soon. He said he will take care of it next winter. whatever that means. He calls and says hi, hasn't ask for nothing. Just wants to talk. I think it more to let me know he is ok and alive. That is his guilt and he appeases it by calling me. He is working and sounds like he likes what he is doing. It's not the career choice I would of wanted for him, but he has no stress, no rent and they give him money each day to buy food and supplies. The employers are giving them a place to sleep. SO he is still better off than in Jan. Also he said he broke his back again and not taking anything for it. Truth? probably not. I can't change him. I told my husband there is nothing more I can do, as long as he calls now and then to let me know he is alive that is more than I can hope for. Shell I want to wish your son best of luck. Hopefully he will put in the work and it's hard work trying to stay sober. I will keep him in my prayers that one day our children will at least be sober and have somewhat normal life. GIve Teddy big hugs it's what we live for our grandchildren!. take call all..xxx
Sue
Thanks Babylove really appreciate it. I still feel deep down I missed something or was just ignorant to see that my son was suffering. In the end it was his choice to use and not come to me. He had lots of opportunity
, I talk to him daily about school, and anything that was bothering him. I hope you are doing well yourself..xxx
I hope so, like you I have doubts. For now he is sober, well on the phone he sounds sober. He has dumped the g/f and where he is working he said they drug test him. However he is not doing his probation. Hasn't been in weeks nor paid. So a warrant will be out soon. He said he will take care of it next winter. whatever that means. He calls and says hi, hasn't ask for nothing. Just wants to talk. I think it more to let me know he is ok and alive. That is his guilt and he appeases it by calling me. He is working and sounds like he likes what he is doing. It's not the career choice I would of wanted for him, but he has no stress, no rent and they give him money each day to buy food and supplies. The employers are giving them a place to sleep. SO he is still better off than in Jan. Also he said he broke his back again and not taking anything for it. Truth? probably not. I can't change him. I told my husband there is nothing more I can do, as long as he calls now and then to let me know he is alive that is more than I can hope for. Shell I want to wish your son best of luck. Hopefully he will put in the work and it's hard work trying to stay sober. I will keep him in my prayers that one day our children will at least be sober and have somewhat normal life. GIve Teddy big hugs it's what we live for our grandchildren!. take call all..xxx
Sue
Thanks Babylove really appreciate it. I still feel deep down I missed something or was just ignorant to see that my son was suffering. In the end it was his choice to use and not come to me. He had lots of opportunity
, I talk to him daily about school, and anything that was bothering him. I hope you are doing well yourself..xxx
