Reshie, the first time you mentioned her was only a few weeks ago and what I hear you calling love sounds strongly like obsession and loneliness. What is it you love about her? (This is a real question, not an attack.) For instance, I love my husband of 27 years because he is kind, intelligent, loyal, gentle, and we have lots to say to each other even after all this time.
So what's going on...?
Thanks Jonesy, thanks KK. Sorry for the paucity of my answers. I just don't know what to say.
Mum2= I just miss her terribly. She is the first partner I have had since I was in college(!) who wasn't/isn't a junkie. She has never so much as smoked a joint. I admire her immensely just for surviving into adulthood. she has really put me,with my books and my education and all my fancy words right in my place.
Mum2= I just miss her terribly. She is the first partner I have had since I was in college(!) who wasn't/isn't a junkie. She has never so much as smoked a joint. I admire her immensely just for surviving into adulthood. she has really put me,with my books and my education and all my fancy words right in my place.
kudos m=3,
Dearest Reshie, so glad you're back! I would really love to talk with you, if you would like someone to talk with. I am here for you if you need. Just please take care of yourself and know that there are many people here who care very much for you. Keep your chin up. Don't be lonely--we're all here and we all care.
Lots of love,
Rachel
Lots of love,
Rachel
r u rachel? will u really be there if i need someone to talk to and listen to me. u know,i'm sitting here with baked bean sauce covering all over my lips. is this the kind of friend u want? i'd push me away.
Of coursre I'm there with the baked beans sauce--yum!! :)
Anytime, Reshie, just email. :)
Anytime, Reshie, just email. :)
Resh,
Welcome back.
Now, come on Reshie. Step it up, son.
Trust me I am the biggest ummmmmm mess a person can be. However, you have a child. I am not judging you, Resh.
I do not know your lady friend. However, again Resh ya need to focus on YOUR CHILD! YOURSELF! Do ya really wanna get into a relationship, Resh when you don't even KNOW YOU?
Bake bean sauce? Man, I can't even tell ya what I used to have on my face using. Not using. It sure isn't EGG anymore.
Be bigger. Be better. Buck up. Can you get a therapist? Meanwhile personally I'd say Reshie just "do you". We say that in the States "I'm doing me". If you don't care for you FIRST ain't nobody gonna get help.
"FRIENDSHIP! SHOULD LEAVE BOTH PARTIES FEELING BETTER AFTER A VISIT" Just told my DD that. Yeah we have ups and downs. For Lords sake my dearest friend in the word a recovering heroin addict is losing her da*n house. She has grown kids and a baby grandchild depending on her. She works her a*s off. She's kind to children, animals and any poor soul on earth. She's possibly going to be on the street and still we talk. We cry. In the end though I make her laugh. She makes me smile.
It's gotta get better. Ya have to make the utmost of it, Reshie. Baked beans ain't no biggie. I know it was a joke but not. However, ya have to leave people with some hope. For you and them.
Carry on good man. Ya have it in ya.
Welcome back.
Now, come on Reshie. Step it up, son.
Trust me I am the biggest ummmmmm mess a person can be. However, you have a child. I am not judging you, Resh.
I do not know your lady friend. However, again Resh ya need to focus on YOUR CHILD! YOURSELF! Do ya really wanna get into a relationship, Resh when you don't even KNOW YOU?
Bake bean sauce? Man, I can't even tell ya what I used to have on my face using. Not using. It sure isn't EGG anymore.
Be bigger. Be better. Buck up. Can you get a therapist? Meanwhile personally I'd say Reshie just "do you". We say that in the States "I'm doing me". If you don't care for you FIRST ain't nobody gonna get help.
"FRIENDSHIP! SHOULD LEAVE BOTH PARTIES FEELING BETTER AFTER A VISIT" Just told my DD that. Yeah we have ups and downs. For Lords sake my dearest friend in the word a recovering heroin addict is losing her da*n house. She has grown kids and a baby grandchild depending on her. She works her a*s off. She's kind to children, animals and any poor soul on earth. She's possibly going to be on the street and still we talk. We cry. In the end though I make her laugh. She makes me smile.
It's gotta get better. Ya have to make the utmost of it, Reshie. Baked beans ain't no biggie. I know it was a joke but not. However, ya have to leave people with some hope. For you and them.
Carry on good man. Ya have it in ya.
Be bigger, be better buck up...
It sounds so easy dosn't it. Just buck up,there's a good lad, yah-boo-sux to ol Fritz and we'll be back in time for tea and medals.
No.That's not my England. My england is that of Brideshead revisited. A hopelessness for which there is no remedy. A decay has set in and the great old castles are just relics. Cricket on the lawn, tea by the gazebo, picknicks with a butler called Gudgem or something like that to make the moooost uuuuutterly wonnnnderful cucumber sandwiches. And a sneaky fix by the lake,hiding from all the boys and girls on michealmas meandering on the lake in their bowler hats. (I see no need to hide where I live anymore since eberyone seems to have guessed it)
It sounds so easy dosn't it. Just buck up,there's a good lad, yah-boo-sux to ol Fritz and we'll be back in time for tea and medals.
No.That's not my England. My england is that of Brideshead revisited. A hopelessness for which there is no remedy. A decay has set in and the great old castles are just relics. Cricket on the lawn, tea by the gazebo, picknicks with a butler called Gudgem or something like that to make the moooost uuuuutterly wonnnnderful cucumber sandwiches. And a sneaky fix by the lake,hiding from all the boys and girls on michealmas meandering on the lake in their bowler hats. (I see no need to hide where I live anymore since eberyone seems to have guessed it)
?????- Resh sometimes it seems like you speak in old english riddles.
Take it slow- things have a way of falling into place
jack
Take it slow- things have a way of falling into place
jack
Resh
Keep the faith mate. You seem to have lost it. Keep posting and let us know what's happening to you.
BTW bowlers are soooo middle class, toppers in town and boaters by the lake are the Brideshead Revisited I know. Lol.
A fellow Brit wishing you all the best.
J.
Keep the faith mate. You seem to have lost it. Keep posting and let us know what's happening to you.
BTW bowlers are soooo middle class, toppers in town and boaters by the lake are the Brideshead Revisited I know. Lol.
A fellow Brit wishing you all the best.
J.
Jonesy, u r most perceptive.
Jackofhartzz, I would oh I would so dearly love to but I fear I am past the point of rescue,
I neither want,expect nor do I desire any donations of sympathy.
I am the architect and engineer of my own misfortunes. I can but attempt a final flourish at resurrecting my recovery. An endeavour I place at most the slightest of chances at success.
I am not optimistic.I'm expecting an eviction notice sometime soon,today before noon I'm reliably informed.
I would say "wish me luck" but I don't believe in luck.
So there you have it.
R>
Jackofhartzz, I would oh I would so dearly love to but I fear I am past the point of rescue,
I neither want,expect nor do I desire any donations of sympathy.
I am the architect and engineer of my own misfortunes. I can but attempt a final flourish at resurrecting my recovery. An endeavour I place at most the slightest of chances at success.
I am not optimistic.I'm expecting an eviction notice sometime soon,today before noon I'm reliably informed.
I would say "wish me luck" but I don't believe in luck.
So there you have it.
R>
Hi Brynda,
A reply from you is always most welcome. I regret I am unable to provide a reply or a riposte in the same spirit with which it was given for I am not of a mirthful frame of mind. In this I am most regretful and beg your indulgence and forebearance.
yours,
R>
A reply from you is always most welcome. I regret I am unable to provide a reply or a riposte in the same spirit with which it was given for I am not of a mirthful frame of mind. In this I am most regretful and beg your indulgence and forebearance.
yours,
R>
I was looking through some pictures of my daughter this evening after we'd had our evening chat.
We have a chat every evening where she tells me all about her day,what she did in play-school,which boy pulled her pigtails and who hogged the swings and so on which ends with me performing my special "monster banishing ritual"(it involves the casting of a "spell",some chanting,the waving of a wand made with feathers,cat fur and something that looks suspiciously like cheese all stuck higgledy-piggledy to an stick).It looks like something an Apache Indian would use in a war-dance. A ritualistic sprinkling of 'fairy dust' ( mum does this bit ) and this is apparently guaranteed to rid all cupboards ,alcoves ,dark corners and drawers of all manner of fearsome ghouls,goblins,witches,vampires and monsters.This ritual upon completion heralds the onset of blissfull childhood dreams and restful slumbers soon ensue. Peace descends in living rooms and in childrens' dreams.
I have a wonderful little 3 year old girl. In all this time,it never once entered my brain how my erratic, ridiculously selfish "puppy-love-sick-tantrums" could have had enormous consequences on that child. I forgot I was a parent. I got so caught up inside my spiralling vortex of self-destructive behaviour I never stopped to think "what about Sa****n?" I think I have to re-evaluate whether or not I am
a)ready to be a father. In EVERY sense of the word
b)whether I am capable and mature enough to be able to put aside my own wants/needs/desires which must be suborn to hers.
c) actually fit to be a good father,for I don't want to just be a mediocre one. I want to be a good father,one my daughter loves to call"my daddy"the way she does now,one she is proud of,a father she actually wants.
And right now,"thou art weighed in the balance......and found wanting"
Reshie.
We have a chat every evening where she tells me all about her day,what she did in play-school,which boy pulled her pigtails and who hogged the swings and so on which ends with me performing my special "monster banishing ritual"(it involves the casting of a "spell",some chanting,the waving of a wand made with feathers,cat fur and something that looks suspiciously like cheese all stuck higgledy-piggledy to an stick).It looks like something an Apache Indian would use in a war-dance. A ritualistic sprinkling of 'fairy dust' ( mum does this bit ) and this is apparently guaranteed to rid all cupboards ,alcoves ,dark corners and drawers of all manner of fearsome ghouls,goblins,witches,vampires and monsters.This ritual upon completion heralds the onset of blissfull childhood dreams and restful slumbers soon ensue. Peace descends in living rooms and in childrens' dreams.
I have a wonderful little 3 year old girl. In all this time,it never once entered my brain how my erratic, ridiculously selfish "puppy-love-sick-tantrums" could have had enormous consequences on that child. I forgot I was a parent. I got so caught up inside my spiralling vortex of self-destructive behaviour I never stopped to think "what about Sa****n?" I think I have to re-evaluate whether or not I am
a)ready to be a father. In EVERY sense of the word
b)whether I am capable and mature enough to be able to put aside my own wants/needs/desires which must be suborn to hers.
c) actually fit to be a good father,for I don't want to just be a mediocre one. I want to be a good father,one my daughter loves to call"my daddy"the way she does now,one she is proud of,a father she actually wants.
And right now,"thou art weighed in the balance......and found wanting"
Reshie.
Love the monster banishing ritual, ours was very unimaginative, a squirt of air freshener from a red can which sufficed for monster spray, the snake spray was blue.
OK, you slipped up. You engaged in behaviors that weren't in your daughter's best interests. Most of us would say that the thing to do is to start today going forward being the best dad you can every day, just for that day.
Question. . . what will you do if you evaluate and decide you aren't fit, you aren't mature enough, you aren't ready and able to be a better-than-mediocre dad?
OK, you slipped up. You engaged in behaviors that weren't in your daughter's best interests. Most of us would say that the thing to do is to start today going forward being the best dad you can every day, just for that day.
Question. . . what will you do if you evaluate and decide you aren't fit, you aren't mature enough, you aren't ready and able to be a better-than-mediocre dad?
Hi Reshi
You have made some realy toutching remarks well for me any way.
I have never been a bad mother infact I am a great mother and many peole that know me can protest to that.
My old friends and family come to me and tell me what a great mother I am even my mother said to me she wished she could have been half the mother I am.
I have two beutiful boys that love me with all their hearts their smiles light up my life they are in a word amazing.
In the last 3 years I have messed up more than any person I know I questioned my abbility to be a mother.
I question myself weather or not I deserve to have my boys back in my life.
I have hated myself more than anything for choosing drugs over my boys so in the end the more drugs I took the more I thought of my boys the more I used and the more I used the more I thought of my boys.
All I can say to you is see what you do wrong work on that.
Parants love their kids so do the very best we can.
Regards Jadene
You have made some realy toutching remarks well for me any way.
I have never been a bad mother infact I am a great mother and many peole that know me can protest to that.
My old friends and family come to me and tell me what a great mother I am even my mother said to me she wished she could have been half the mother I am.
I have two beutiful boys that love me with all their hearts their smiles light up my life they are in a word amazing.
In the last 3 years I have messed up more than any person I know I questioned my abbility to be a mother.
I question myself weather or not I deserve to have my boys back in my life.
I have hated myself more than anything for choosing drugs over my boys so in the end the more drugs I took the more I thought of my boys the more I used and the more I used the more I thought of my boys.
All I can say to you is see what you do wrong work on that.
Parants love their kids so do the very best we can.
Regards Jadene
Thanks for all your support Jadene and not abandoning me to my deep deep abyss,it means more than u could possibly know.It's made the difference of a friend,a true friend,a friend in need.One that hasn't abandoned me when my life suddenly took a downturn. It's at times like this when u really find out who actually cares about you and are not only there when everything is hunky dory and tickety-boo because life's not like that. We all make mistakes. I am after all just a human.
you're a gem of a human Jadene,that with all of your problrms,you still find the time for me,to encourage me not to give up which I so very nearly did cos I felt that no one gave a fig leaf if I lived or died.I owe you so so much gratitude.
R>
you're a gem of a human Jadene,that with all of your problrms,you still find the time for me,to encourage me not to give up which I so very nearly did cos I felt that no one gave a fig leaf if I lived or died.I owe you so so much gratitude.
R>
mamakitty,
You have some interesting ways to 'scare those monstors away' My little girl has gottem used to the way I do it but hey,it's worth a try.
As for your question about me,the honest answer is I don't know. I'm not trying to fob you off or deflect the question. I just don;t know if I am or not. What do you think?
R>
You have some interesting ways to 'scare those monstors away' My little girl has gottem used to the way I do it but hey,it's worth a try.
As for your question about me,the honest answer is I don't know. I'm not trying to fob you off or deflect the question. I just don;t know if I am or not. What do you think?
R>
I hear you Brynda,I'll do my best.
At present I'm all at sixes and sevens and sometimes I don't even know if I'm coming or going. The nutritionist is on my case everyday. But I can only eat so much.
What did you mean by some of the things you said Bryn? Do you think I should stop seeing my little girl until I'm better? Or did u nean something else? I didn't quite get that point. Some clarification perchance?
Thanks for the support Bryn. You're one of the best.
R>
At present I'm all at sixes and sevens and sometimes I don't even know if I'm coming or going. The nutritionist is on my case everyday. But I can only eat so much.
What did you mean by some of the things you said Bryn? Do you think I should stop seeing my little girl until I'm better? Or did u nean something else? I didn't quite get that point. Some clarification perchance?
Thanks for the support Bryn. You're one of the best.
R>
Dear Reshie
My friend you are welcome.
The main thing is that you have not given up and when you are down we are here to pick you up.
Like me, I have taken strain in every way and have recieved some great addvice and support here.
And just the fact that you love your daughter so much makes me realize you are a good person.
Believe me when I say I am far from right in my life and in my mind and most of the time I am down and don't feel to great but I am trying and that is what counts. Just keep trying the best you can.
People are like tea bags you only know how strong they are when you put thim into hot water.
Hang in there my friend we are here for you
Regards Jadene
My friend you are welcome.
The main thing is that you have not given up and when you are down we are here to pick you up.
Like me, I have taken strain in every way and have recieved some great addvice and support here.
And just the fact that you love your daughter so much makes me realize you are a good person.
Believe me when I say I am far from right in my life and in my mind and most of the time I am down and don't feel to great but I am trying and that is what counts. Just keep trying the best you can.
People are like tea bags you only know how strong they are when you put thim into hot water.
Hang in there my friend we are here for you
Regards Jadene
Reshie,
What do I think? I think you're doing a lot of work around being a good dad.
I can only answer as a mom, but given what you have told us, if you were my little one's dad I would want you to continue to be a part of her life, because I'd look at the balance and see that you were a positive influence. There was, apparently, a time when her mum felt you were not a positive influence, but that changed. Your recent stuff, while a slip, doesn't seem to have changed her mum's opinion. I'd go with mum's viewpoint, as she seems to be pretty sane from what you've said.
Not sure if that was what you meant by, "What do you think?", if this seems an oblique answer.
What do I think? I think you're doing a lot of work around being a good dad.
I can only answer as a mom, but given what you have told us, if you were my little one's dad I would want you to continue to be a part of her life, because I'd look at the balance and see that you were a positive influence. There was, apparently, a time when her mum felt you were not a positive influence, but that changed. Your recent stuff, while a slip, doesn't seem to have changed her mum's opinion. I'd go with mum's viewpoint, as she seems to be pretty sane from what you've said.
Not sure if that was what you meant by, "What do you think?", if this seems an oblique answer.
