Rose??? are you there.. Please read my post under " 2nd night of W/D a breeze read why" I have so many posts out there under different topics.. can we possibly reply on this one only so I know where to find you ??? Thank you I need some support..
Rose.. Yes I have missed you.. I was so addicted to the Scott Peterson trial as it unfolded.. Even though there were not any cameras in the courtroom I watched the coverage everyday I could.. hehehe. I ant wait to get my hands on the Amber Frey book myself.. Also Scott Petersons half sister has a book out " 30 reasons why Scott murdered his wife" You know It was so hard to imagine that the All American boy could be such a heartless killer..
Hey Angie
You know I was going to suggest that we post under one posting since I was looking all over for you too. I hope you are doing ok. I mean I know things are tough but you hang in there ok. I am here for you. Once again I cannot believe you flushed your pills, I am so friggin proud of you. I know I am not there, even though I don't have any hydros I would always say well when this is done I'll definetly quit and low and behold I would find a way to get them. I even went online but I seen where you had to put your doctors name and got nervous so I deleted everything, I am glad I did because I am seeing how much these things are costing YOW!!!!
I seen that book out about 30 reasons why my brother ...... but my thinking is it seems more like hey maybe I'll write a book and make some money.... I mean he is your brother couldn't she have some respect for her parents? It is his sister right? Anyway my girlfriend loved the Amber book so I can't wait to read it.
Oh darn the little guy is up for his nap damn looks like I will have to say Bye for now. I will write more to you later under this post ok. Hang in there hon, I'm here for you sounds like you got the otc stuff and alot of information on detoxifying. I actually bought a seaweed drink for detoxing the liver YUCK. I tried the loofah last night because my skin needed it anyway I loved it!!!! Especially since my hubby went out last night and came home drunk although I love him to death he is a big pain in the a** when he drinks, starts off all hee hee then flips and gets mean. Ah such is life . I will be on tonight to check on you ok.
Ro hey I miss you
You know I was going to suggest that we post under one posting since I was looking all over for you too. I hope you are doing ok. I mean I know things are tough but you hang in there ok. I am here for you. Once again I cannot believe you flushed your pills, I am so friggin proud of you. I know I am not there, even though I don't have any hydros I would always say well when this is done I'll definetly quit and low and behold I would find a way to get them. I even went online but I seen where you had to put your doctors name and got nervous so I deleted everything, I am glad I did because I am seeing how much these things are costing YOW!!!!
I seen that book out about 30 reasons why my brother ...... but my thinking is it seems more like hey maybe I'll write a book and make some money.... I mean he is your brother couldn't she have some respect for her parents? It is his sister right? Anyway my girlfriend loved the Amber book so I can't wait to read it.
Oh darn the little guy is up for his nap damn looks like I will have to say Bye for now. I will write more to you later under this post ok. Hang in there hon, I'm here for you sounds like you got the otc stuff and alot of information on detoxifying. I actually bought a seaweed drink for detoxing the liver YUCK. I tried the loofah last night because my skin needed it anyway I loved it!!!! Especially since my hubby went out last night and came home drunk although I love him to death he is a big pain in the a** when he drinks, starts off all hee hee then flips and gets mean. Ah such is life . I will be on tonight to check on you ok.
Ro hey I miss you
angie
oops I wrote to you before i read your last posting on 2nd day.... Ok so you had a relapse thats ok. you are burning your bridges and now we just need to get you to burn all the bridges. You know I am still very proud of you so hang in there. I know what you are talking about feeling like you aged 10 years.
I was watching Dr. Phil (who I actually loathe) but he was talking to the desparate housewifes who all had some problem one of them had a addiction to pills and actually started selling them to get money to buy them, anyway he told her she would age 10 years in one year if she kept this up. Now I'll admit it I am vain I have always been in good shape( used to dance ) and pride myself on my appearence, so that was one of the big factors that made me start really evaluating my pill usage. Hey if it works right.
I have posted this saying a few times but I think it fits for you "A series of failures may culminate in the best possible results", so just because you fell off the wagon, so to speak it is just one small failure get back on and do it. Maybe you should consider the Easter Plunge and tapering. What is Altivan? I don't think you want to go thru the w/d so you can see how "bad" it is and not do it again because what happens if you end up using just to rid yourself of the w/ds. Try try try thats all we can do . Again I will check in with you tonight Ok
Ro
oops I wrote to you before i read your last posting on 2nd day.... Ok so you had a relapse thats ok. you are burning your bridges and now we just need to get you to burn all the bridges. You know I am still very proud of you so hang in there. I know what you are talking about feeling like you aged 10 years.
I was watching Dr. Phil (who I actually loathe) but he was talking to the desparate housewifes who all had some problem one of them had a addiction to pills and actually started selling them to get money to buy them, anyway he told her she would age 10 years in one year if she kept this up. Now I'll admit it I am vain I have always been in good shape( used to dance ) and pride myself on my appearence, so that was one of the big factors that made me start really evaluating my pill usage. Hey if it works right.
I have posted this saying a few times but I think it fits for you "A series of failures may culminate in the best possible results", so just because you fell off the wagon, so to speak it is just one small failure get back on and do it. Maybe you should consider the Easter Plunge and tapering. What is Altivan? I don't think you want to go thru the w/d so you can see how "bad" it is and not do it again because what happens if you end up using just to rid yourself of the w/ds. Try try try thats all we can do . Again I will check in with you tonight Ok
Ro
Rose, Im so glad I found you, Like you said we dont know eachother buy hey you sound so much like me. As you said in your post, I too always took great pride in my appearance. My husband dreaded the wait when we were to go anywhere, I wanted to be perfect, so I would turn those heads. hehe.. These pills do age your looks.. If it takes the deterioration of our appearance to stop then so be it.. like you said if it works..I am doing better After I posted this morning . I did take 2 more pills but decided to get off my a.., and clean my sons room, Now he is 9 and has been soooo spoiled, he is our only one!!! So I have spent alot of the day sorting through his things, he is at my sisters for a visit with his cousins.. I finally sat down to take a break and read your post.. Oh I know all to well about husbands coming home drunk.. I once had to get a neighbor up to help me get him in the house.. Now isnt that embarassing?? When I first started to take pills so many years ago, They didnt effect my social life, My husband and I still went out for dinner dates with other couples ect. , The past yeaqr or so I have really been so down on myself, I refuse to go out , alot of the time I wont even answer our phone, I instead let the machine pick up and dont return phone calls, So my husband goes alone. When I do try to get ready to go somewhere I end up feeling unattractive and my clothes are not right or I stare in the mirror and hate what Ive become so I end up undressing and staying in.. I read a post somewhere on this board.. Another woman who was once a model wrote that her appearance deteriorated so much that makeup would not even hide what she had done to herself, she said that when she finished her make-up and took a look in the mirror she reminded herself of what a dead person looks like when they are made up in the casket.. I really related to that.. I am 32 and the pill abuse has taken its toll on my skin, Really whats attractive about sallow skin, puffy dark eyes, and pinpoint pupils, no emotion, I barely smile,, and I had always been complimented on my smile. I was born with perfect teeth. Very fortunate! Ok so it sounds like I am such a vain woman, but I also think about my health that is not obvious from the exterior. What have I done to my liver, My brain, Hey I was always very smart as well, I tutored while in college. Now I cant remember what I did a week ago!!! How sad.. Well I relapsed, but I am still in time to take the easter Plunge.. I was clean for 96 hours, I was lucky I had the Ativan prescription ( this is an antianxiety medication, it can also be addictive, However I only had a small RX for it from a while back and had read that it helps with W/D. Which it did!!!) So anyways I was clean for 96 hours , 4 days before I relapsed. I would say I eliminated most of the drug from my system, passed the most uncomfortable part of W/D. I have only been back on the pills for about 24 hours. I fell off the wagon, so Ill jump back on. i already have taken 5 pills today so I will NOT take another.. I am going to think about flushing them again, I still have Ativan if I do need to get through the W/D again.. Yes the book " 30 reasons...." is written by Scott Petersons HALF sister, she is the daughter of his mother, however she was given up as a infant, so she did not grow up with Scott, she had only reunited with her birth mother 2 years before the murder. So yes it most likely is a money maker, however I found that it may be interesting because she lived in a home that overlooked the bay where Laci's body was found, Scott had asked her to stay at her home during alot of the investigation, she noted very odd behavior. She was on Oprah and said during the show that she felt he only wanted to stay at her home to keep an eye on the bay as the police dragged the bay. She also had a teenage childcare provider that Scott would flirt with while his wife was missing. She only has theories as to how and why he murdered his wife.. Im sure I wont be able to resist reading it when it hits the bookstores. I can spend a TON of money in the bookstore.. hehehe . During the summer theres nothing Id rather do than sit in the yard swing and read a good book.. Many years ago I would sit out in the sun and bake myself, Now I opt for the shade. I take the sunless tanning route these days.. Well I write a book in my posts.. I hope to talk to you later tonight.. Angie
Oh my God are we two peas in a pod? I'm so glad you are doing better. I am not doing so great in fact I found myself looking to buy the hydros online. I have so far been unable to and God willing will not be able to. My husband and I are going on vacation at the end of April to the Mayan Riveria in Mexico. I thought it would be great to be clean but.... Hey I'm still hanging in there. You know everyone says you get your sex drive back after you quit, Well I'm still waiting (hee hee). I'm down to 3 222's and 3 somas a day but I seem to be stuck there. This is my first time trying to quit and I really want to but I keep looking desperatly for that nighttime buzz. Nothing to look forward to during the day. I never took them during the day Thank God but my whole day was good if I knew I had them waiting for me.
I know this will probably sound unsupportive but I want to be honest with you at least. I envy you that you have refills coming isn't that sick???? I quess this is not such a great day for me. Everyone thinks I am supermom and always funny and up but the truth is I am finding myself getting so depressed because I don't have anything to look forward to at night. I keep saying to myself Geez I only take two at night shouldn't I be allowed that. I find myself making all these excuses to.. I mean how many people paint a room at 8:00 at night, after cleaning everything and taking care of the kids, so what if I need a little pick me up at night. And how come I never hear of people who have liver and kidney damage due to the pills I mean come on we have some major users here and yet I have heard of nothing. I used to wish something would happen to my kidneys or liver so I would have to quit.
When I was younger I used to smoke and when I got pregnant I just quit and never picked it up again, I keep wishing that would happen now. Oh well as you can see tonight is not such a great night but hey we can't always be on top right. Thanks for hanging in there with me I really look forward to logging on to see if you have written. Hope to hear from you soon. By the way I have two boys one just turned 6 and the other is one. I love Boys, but yes mine are spoiled silly. I iron every item of their clothing down to t-shirts and I don't even iron my Hubby's, of course he is a perfectionist also and one time I did he said I didn't do it right. He even irons the clothing that comes back from the drycleaners, Geez!!!!
Talk to ya soon.
Ro
I know this will probably sound unsupportive but I want to be honest with you at least. I envy you that you have refills coming isn't that sick???? I quess this is not such a great day for me. Everyone thinks I am supermom and always funny and up but the truth is I am finding myself getting so depressed because I don't have anything to look forward to at night. I keep saying to myself Geez I only take two at night shouldn't I be allowed that. I find myself making all these excuses to.. I mean how many people paint a room at 8:00 at night, after cleaning everything and taking care of the kids, so what if I need a little pick me up at night. And how come I never hear of people who have liver and kidney damage due to the pills I mean come on we have some major users here and yet I have heard of nothing. I used to wish something would happen to my kidneys or liver so I would have to quit.
When I was younger I used to smoke and when I got pregnant I just quit and never picked it up again, I keep wishing that would happen now. Oh well as you can see tonight is not such a great night but hey we can't always be on top right. Thanks for hanging in there with me I really look forward to logging on to see if you have written. Hope to hear from you soon. By the way I have two boys one just turned 6 and the other is one. I love Boys, but yes mine are spoiled silly. I iron every item of their clothing down to t-shirts and I don't even iron my Hubby's, of course he is a perfectionist also and one time I did he said I didn't do it right. He even irons the clothing that comes back from the drycleaners, Geez!!!!
Talk to ya soon.
Ro
Hey Angie
You are going to be so dissapointed in me. I tried to order hydros online I just am having some major tough nights. I am still on 3 222's and 3 somas but I am done to 4 222's so pretty soon I will only have somas and I am stressing out pretty big. I couldn't order the hydros because I didn't give a primary physician so I hope they won't.
Anyhow how are you doing? We seem to be online at such different times. I have to go to the in-laws tonight for our Easter dinner we go to my parents tommorow. Anyplans for Easter? BESIDES THE PLUNGE!!!! I just made a oreo cheesecake I never made it before so we will see. My sister in law comes to the inlaws house every year and never brings anything. She has three boys and claims she just doesn't have time to do anything. The Nerve!!!!! She just drives me crazy!!!! Her boys are WILD!!!! Every meal is with them is unpleasent because they are always screaming at them. AH family can't live with them can't ship to Siberia (hee hee)
Well I must be going the baby needs to eat and take a nap and then I get to make mashed potatoes to bring to the inlaws FUN WOW!!!!! I will check back on tonight when I get home hope to hear from you.
Ro
You are going to be so dissapointed in me. I tried to order hydros online I just am having some major tough nights. I am still on 3 222's and 3 somas but I am done to 4 222's so pretty soon I will only have somas and I am stressing out pretty big. I couldn't order the hydros because I didn't give a primary physician so I hope they won't.
Anyhow how are you doing? We seem to be online at such different times. I have to go to the in-laws tonight for our Easter dinner we go to my parents tommorow. Anyplans for Easter? BESIDES THE PLUNGE!!!! I just made a oreo cheesecake I never made it before so we will see. My sister in law comes to the inlaws house every year and never brings anything. She has three boys and claims she just doesn't have time to do anything. The Nerve!!!!! She just drives me crazy!!!! Her boys are WILD!!!! Every meal is with them is unpleasent because they are always screaming at them. AH family can't live with them can't ship to Siberia (hee hee)
Well I must be going the baby needs to eat and take a nap and then I get to make mashed potatoes to bring to the inlaws FUN WOW!!!!! I will check back on tonight when I get home hope to hear from you.
Ro
Rose... Isnt this just so weird.. I also used to smoke .. to much. I also quit when I became pregnant, it made me so sick to even smell it.. I also wish sometimes I would get pregnant now so I would not crave the pills. When I was pregnant It was if my body rejected anything that would hurt me or the baby.. Yes I have to go to my mother in laws Tomorrow for Easter Dinner..My husbands wife is also so lazy she never brings anything, never helps with the diner dishes, he two girls are so undisciplined.. Her philosophy is " they are only kids once so let them do WHATEVER THEY WANT" Not mine.. I must say.. I was one of Six and let me tell you good discipline goes a long way.. Hey those OREO cheesecakes are the best.. Id rather eat one of those than a pie from a bakery.. hahaha.. I am a junk food junkie, I have always had this super high metabolism I never gain weight no matter what I eat.. Oh rose.. I can understand how you feel jealous that I have endless refills coming in.. The reason is because I have chronic pain, but I wish my dr wouldnt prescribe because I cant say no.. When you cant get them you are forced to STOP,, the energy it takes to find them ie. stealing from realatives, dr shopping,ER visits ... and then you only have a small amount is such a blessing.. I CANT SAY NO, I try and try and try.. I go to bed at night wishing I did not have acess to so many pills, Sometimes I go to bed at night and dont remember how many pills I took I try to dump the bottle to count because suddenly I am scared to death I may have OD on them.. It is a nightmare to have ongoing acess to these pills. It was not so long ago that I was finding creative ways to get them. My eyes lit up when I heard my husbands dad had another surgery, I would wait until I knew he was back out working and sneak over thier house in the day ( they always leave doors unlocked) and low and behold there was his pain pills barely touched, and he is a big man so he was always prescribed very high strengths.. At first I would take a few back then I could take one and feel great for half the day, then it got to the point where I stole the entire bottle each time.. Last night I ended up going to bed and breaking down crying, I ended up taking so many pills yesterday.. I told my husband I need help.. I will never quit no matter how good my intentions. He agrees but he cant control me, he has tried to help by holding them for me ect.. But I am a very strong willed woman, I basically dominate my husband, The way I treat him I dont understand why he has not divorced me yet.. I think he realizes it is not me, he has said countless times that he wants the woman he married back.. We were high school sweethearts and married when I was 19, we made our lives what it is by working together, we started out buying a small trailer in a trailer park, I can remember I used boxes for a table next to our twin bed. we both slept in a twin bed, went to school studied, worked and made a good life for ourselves.. we still drive out there where we started and laugh.. My son says OOH you lived here.. hahaha.. I was happier then than I am now is that crazy or what???? Now I have more than most and I hate my life because I am an addict. Rose just forget ordering online, I have $10,000 in credit card debt exclusively from ordering Hydrocodone online. I am going to a good rehab clinic Monday to meet with someone to help me, I dont know yet If it will end up being a Inpatient or outpatient treatment. So If I am not online for a month you will know why. My husband wnats me to do outpatient he said he would miss me to much but I will take the advice of the experts. I dont know what to expect, but I am already staffed for work through the summer and maybe that will help. I ordered delivery in today chinese for lunch, and I had a fortune that read.. " To be beautiful externally is like a glass rose, one false move and it can crack" I just thought Id share it with you.. You know I always felt I was sooo blessed, my whole family was blessed with all american good looks.. Ive destroyed my looks I look in the mirror and hate who I am, If you havent begun to neglect your looks and your friends and socail life yet, you will if you stay on the pills you will end up hating yourself.. I hope youll be on today or tomorrow .. Easter I will be gone during the day we have a 1pm dinner. But paln on getting out early. hahha
Hahaha I meant my husbands SISTER in my last post.. sounded like he has more than one wife.. had to clear that up.
Rose I also wanted to tell you , I went to Mexico on vacation 2 years ago, just my husband and I.. I wanted to warn you about something in Mexico.. Let me tell you my story.. We booked a 7 day six night vacation all inclusive, which included tours.. On one of our tours the activity was a sailboat ride across the ocean to " the Island of Women" Snorkeling , swim with the Dolphins ect.. Once on the island we we began to shop, there are all these little stands .. The mexicans always yelled out " Hey honeymooners, want to look at my stuff" They are such excellent sales men. First of all they will lie to you and tell you jewlry is authentic.. I am a spender, always buying things on impulse. I bought all this stuff and got back to states to find out most was fake.. hahahaha..AND NEVER EVER buy anything from someone on the beach .. IT WILL ALWAYS BE FAKE.. You learn alot after youve been Taken.. 2nd There are Pharmacias that is what they call the Mexican pharmacy.. The pharmacies in the tourist buisness districts are UP AND UP,, they will not offer to sell you any meds. If you ask they will say NO.. Ok so I was going around trying to buy Oxycodone.. Percodan.. Was told NO.. Then once we were on Island you had mexicans asking if you want to buy POT, You go into a pharmacia and they asked sdid I want anymeds.. Everything is over the counter there.. I paid for Oxycodone percodan.. When I opened the meds they came in the manufacturers package in spanish.. They were so old and expired, A funky color.. I took them anyways because Im an addict and became so sick.. who knows what they were .. I spent 3 days thinking I was dying.. DO NOT buy any meds from any mexican.. They WILL offer to sell you meds, because they know you cant obtain it easily in US.. but there are EVIL mexicans.. they only want money and they only make about .30 an hour ( american money) so they will try to sell you anything.. If you get caught doing anything wrong they will black mail you to pay them.. Maids have keys to your room, while my husband and I were out one day The maid had been in .. ALL MY JEWELRY WAS GONE>> I had brought everything with me.. different Jewelry for different outfits ect.. I had left it all in room IN SAFE?? well obviously someone there has key to safe they stole everything.. I reported it.. THE MEXICANS DID NOTHING I was out of luck.. DONT TAKE ANY valuables.. I had wedding ring on so thank god.. I would go back to mexico , it is beautiful.. But I am wiser now.. A dentist i worked for told me that he and his family rented a jeep .. He was pulled over told he was speeding which he wasnt.. He said they told him to pay them $200 . and he could avaid arrest.. thay made it clear to him that they would charge him with speeding. They will lie to you.. when you are outside the tourist district they will mess with you.. My advice is to stay with your groups on tours.. in the tourist areas.. DO NOT VENTURE out on your own..It is safe.. if you stay where you are supposed to be..So dont let this scare you.. I just wanted to warn you.. OK.. It is different in US.. Mexico has its own laws.. Do not get into trouble there.. research the internet for tourist warnings ect.. there are always purse snatchings ect.. I used a waist band in front of me to carry my money tell your husband NOT to carry billfold in rear pocket.. Just be safe.. and alert and you will have ALOT OF FUN>> stay with your groups for.. Thje water there is unsafe to drink.. dont even eat salad. we met a couple on one of our tours from Texas.. We ended up hanging out with them for a few days.. she ate salad and became ill.. even the ice.. ONLY bottled water and drinks.. I am a diet coke drinker.. It is labeled as Coca COLA LIGHT in mexico.. hahaha well I was trying to hurry I have to venture out to shop for more easter stuff. have 7 easter baskets to make.. so I hope this all made sense.. I dont even know if maybe youve been to mexico before.. you may know all this already.. Sorry about all the run on thoughts..
bump for Ro
ro... ayers62002@yahoo.com email me..
Hey Angie
I just wrote you a short novel and posted it on your e-mail. God Bless and write back as soon as you are able.
Ro
I just wrote you a short novel and posted it on your e-mail. God Bless and write back as soon as you are able.
Ro
