I haven't been on here for a while but felt the need to vent. My 47 y/o addicted son is back at it again. We haven't heard from him since January when he called and needed help. My husband buckled and paid for a Uhaul for him to pull a disabled RV our son bought for $2000 and it was a piece of junk that didn't even run. He needed to get it from South Florida up to his area wherever that was as he had no home. Well-- long story short he stuck my husband for a $2800 bill at Uhaul because he didn't turn the truck back in on time and hauled an overweight RV on a dolly and blew the tires and bent the frame.We even drove over to where this RV was cause he called and said someone broke in and stripped it and stole all his stuff and we put him up in a hotel for a night. My husband vowed that was the END!
We hadn't heard from him until about April when he once again wanted help towing an RV he bought from somewhere and said he could put it on someone's property and fix it up and sell it and make money. He apparently buys junk and repairs them??? Don't know cause he lies a lot! We said NO! We said we had faith he would figure it out.
Today he texts me the same exact story. He worked hard and bought an RV and a car that are worth a lot and someone stole his keys and stuff from the RV. Said he has no food and doesn't know what to do.
Odd how this story matches all the others plus it is always on a Friday or weekend--
We texted him back and said what a bad deal Chris, but we are confident you can figure this out!
Today he texts back that someone stole his generator out of the RV now and he has lost everything, but we don't think it matters or care.
We stopped enabling him, but he never quits trying! It takes its toll on us and we now know the only way is to stop any contact with him. If we don't we will only end up worrying and beating ourselves up. It is the only way we can survive all this. Breaks our hearts, but is a necessity for our survival.
By the way for anyone wondering how long this journey has been or if you have younger sons or daughters that are addicted and you are enabling-- believe us and learn from us! Our son started all this at age 16 and it has never stopped! Why ??? Because we were the ultimate enablers and we always fixed all his messes and bailed him out. He came from a Christian family and had the best of everything ! Drugs were HIS choice over all else. Now fast forward to age 47 and things don't look good for any rehabilitation. By the way he left every rehab we put him in! 3 times! We could have gone on a round the world cruise 3 times with all the money we have invested in this man.
If you get a chance to read Lollleedee's post-- do so. Her advice is the best and spot on!
Prayers for all of you just starting this journey called "addiction and enabling parents." I could write the manual on it!!!!!!
Hugs and prayers to all--Lori
They always have a story and a plan. Usually not a good plan that has been thought out and will work without a hitch. They never tell you everything. Major things like is the vehicle registered or can it be? Do they have money to do this so it can be used or will it sit parked somewhere. Will you be paying money for nothing in the end. Why does it have to be moved ... is someone after them ... did they make someone mad ... will it need to be moved again ... does it not run or has 4 flat tires. Do they even have a good drivers license? You do one thing and it grows into 10 more things. Problems, problems, problems! Their life is always chaotic. I think it is Meth brain. Their reasoning skills are not great and their common sense is even worse. Their lives will drive you nuts over time. They sound like they know what they are doing but mostly they are dazed and confused. And they always need it done right now. I had to back off and you may have to for your sanity. We hope for some kind of stability in their lives and ours but it might not happen.
I was thinking the other day about the various stages and emotions we have been through during this journey to nowhere. There were many and they often repeated as we tried different things. Panic, fear, determination, hope, despair, sadness, pity, blame, resignation, pain, guilt, disappointment and so on ... right now I am pretty mad that my son made so many bad choices. Wouldnt listen to anyone. This is not what I expected in my later years. I wanted good things for him and yet here he is living on the street. He threw so many chances away and now I have no more to give. I will not feel guilty anymore.
I understand and know it is a hard position to be in. I wish you peace and happiness.
I was thinking the other day about the various stages and emotions we have been through during this journey to nowhere. There were many and they often repeated as we tried different things. Panic, fear, determination, hope, despair, sadness, pity, blame, resignation, pain, guilt, disappointment and so on ... right now I am pretty mad that my son made so many bad choices. Wouldnt listen to anyone. This is not what I expected in my later years. I wanted good things for him and yet here he is living on the street. He threw so many chances away and now I have no more to give. I will not feel guilty anymore.
I understand and know it is a hard position to be in. I wish you peace and happiness.
Buggin--
You are so right! Every event just leads to more and more money needed or more and more help. His stories never add up. He also said he "ran into some trouble" and couldn't register the vehicles. Well, probably were stolen or no clean titles--duh! He never thinks things thru or reasons anything out before jumping in and screwing up! We can't do it any longer and we just plain won't! Too old and too much "water over the dam" as they say.
I just hope our posts help the parents going thru this in the early stages can learn from our mistakes and stop this insanity before they end up with a son like mine in his late 40's. It took us a long time and I wish I had someone like the people on here to advise me earlier! Maybe we wouldn't have this same situation or be fearful of that phone call none of us want!!!
Lori
Lori,
keep in your thoughts that your posts are helping those parents/spouses who are just starting down this road. the pain of your experiences will help guide them in their journey of dealing with addiction.
It is never too late to stop enabling and you have done so! Stay strong and take care of yourself, you certainly deserve it.
Michael
keep in your thoughts that your posts are helping those parents/spouses who are just starting down this road. the pain of your experiences will help guide them in their journey of dealing with addiction.
It is never too late to stop enabling and you have done so! Stay strong and take care of yourself, you certainly deserve it.
Michael
Hi duchessmom.! I'm glad you are standing your grown. I'm happy that you and your husband are able to say no and stop the enabling.! I hope your son gets burnt out of living this way and gives up his life for a new life son. A clean one I mean. I wish you good luck and hope things start to look up soon for your husband and you.!
I do appreciate people sharing their stories. It has helped me greatly.
I have been burned, as well. Lied to, manipulated because I love him...I am not sure if it is addiction or a mental condition that allows him to behave this way with no/little remorse.
When he was 17, I started checking his stories. He is SO good at manipulating, that many in the family believed him over me. My own Mom actually accused me of a couple things (lies) he stoked to get money from her.
Sometimes, I even believe him. Fall for it. But, eventually, if I check things out, there is always a lie.
I have shut my heart about 75% on this, and the door to the past (Where I cry over him as a little boy) is 95% shut. I am trying to keep it shut, as it is just too, too painful--and my feelings get used against me.
The only way is toughness. Like I said, if not for them, for the rest of the family.
I have been burned, as well. Lied to, manipulated because I love him...I am not sure if it is addiction or a mental condition that allows him to behave this way with no/little remorse.
When he was 17, I started checking his stories. He is SO good at manipulating, that many in the family believed him over me. My own Mom actually accused me of a couple things (lies) he stoked to get money from her.
Sometimes, I even believe him. Fall for it. But, eventually, if I check things out, there is always a lie.
I have shut my heart about 75% on this, and the door to the past (Where I cry over him as a little boy) is 95% shut. I am trying to keep it shut, as it is just too, too painful--and my feelings get used against me.
The only way is toughness. Like I said, if not for them, for the rest of the family.
Duchess
Its been a long time and hope you remember. I was under plopez.
So sad to see you are going through the same as before. We all are.
Just wanted to say hello and see how you are doing ...
Hugs & Prayers
Its been a long time and hope you remember. I was under plopez.
So sad to see you are going through the same as before. We all are.
Just wanted to say hello and see how you are doing ...
Hugs & Prayers
plopez--
Hi there! Missed you on here and hope things are better for you! Right now my son is supposedly clean?? I haven't seen him or talked to him since February.
I just keep pluggin along and praying!
Hugs back at ya--Lori
Hi there! Missed you on here and hope things are better for you! Right now my son is supposedly clean?? I haven't seen him or talked to him since February.
I just keep pluggin along and praying!
Hugs back at ya--Lori
