Sammy- I cannot read your posts to me without dissolving into tears. I don't know why you of all people, who I respect and admire to the end of the Earth, still has kind words to say to me and still believes in me.
I have offered support and suggestions to people on this board and all the while, with the exception of 10 days, have been using. I have truly wanted sobriety and serenity for everyone here, but have chosen not to go after it myself. What deception I have woven here.
I just wanted to check in with you, and thank you. I don't have the emotional capacity to make any decisions right now, but I do know that I can't leave this board, if everyone will still have me.
Betsy,
I am so happy to hear from you. I am sorry you are going through a difficult time in your life. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Keep posting we all need you here. Good Night, Sweet dreams. Love, Rae
Ps. Thanks for the e-mail....
I am so happy to hear from you. I am sorry you are going through a difficult time in your life. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Keep posting we all need you here. Good Night, Sweet dreams. Love, Rae
Ps. Thanks for the e-mail....
Rae, you are the sweetest. Thanks so much.
Hey Betsy,
I'm glad you are here. Please stay, you have helped so many. You will get it too when you're ready.
Love,
Liz
I'm glad you are here. Please stay, you have helped so many. You will get it too when you're ready.
Love,
Liz
liz,
what state are u in. i know lots of attorneys. and i can check around for youabout maybe gettin you an attorney who will be in your best intrest.
people with kids need there kids and i know you need them now maore than anything.
what state are u in. i know lots of attorneys. and i can check around for youabout maybe gettin you an attorney who will be in your best intrest.
people with kids need there kids and i know you need them now maore than anything.
Hey Betsy. It has taken me a few (many many) shots at it as well. Maybe inpatient is an option? That way you get some good solid time away, and your body has a chance to get the chemicals out of your system; that was so hard to fight the physical cravings....and you will have people there that can get to the bottom of why you used. You will also learn tools that will help you stay sober.
Please don't beat yourself up. I am very sure that many (if not all) people here tried many times as well; it isn't cured overnight, no matter how bad you want it. Maybe it is just time to try something different. But don't ever give up; it is possible....
AND OF COURSE WE WILL HAVE YOU. AA never slammed the door in my face...ever. The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit; not time.
Kerry
Please don't beat yourself up. I am very sure that many (if not all) people here tried many times as well; it isn't cured overnight, no matter how bad you want it. Maybe it is just time to try something different. But don't ever give up; it is possible....
AND OF COURSE WE WILL HAVE YOU. AA never slammed the door in my face...ever. The only requirement for membership is a desire to quit; not time.
Kerry
Betsy my friendship is always un-condictional ((hugs)) jackie xx
Hey Betsy,
It's taken me 14 years to get a little more than 9 months, so please don't beat yourself up. No one can talk you into being ready, of course, but you don't have to be alone to get there either. And as for deception -- well, I don't think there's a lie you could tell that I haven't told more than once, and then expanded on (!). It's the nature of the beast. It's what we do when in the grip.
From your postings, it seems like you might be ready for a new plan to get clean....like you're ready to follow through before it's too late. What has worked, or not worked, for you in the past? Are you open for suggestions and help? I would recommend e-mailing one or two persons that you trust and respect on here who have substantial clean time, like Sammy. Try to keep an open mind. Ask for help. Don't give up, no matter what..... your struggle is all our struggle. Peace, M.
It's taken me 14 years to get a little more than 9 months, so please don't beat yourself up. No one can talk you into being ready, of course, but you don't have to be alone to get there either. And as for deception -- well, I don't think there's a lie you could tell that I haven't told more than once, and then expanded on (!). It's the nature of the beast. It's what we do when in the grip.
From your postings, it seems like you might be ready for a new plan to get clean....like you're ready to follow through before it's too late. What has worked, or not worked, for you in the past? Are you open for suggestions and help? I would recommend e-mailing one or two persons that you trust and respect on here who have substantial clean time, like Sammy. Try to keep an open mind. Ask for help. Don't give up, no matter what..... your struggle is all our struggle. Peace, M.
Hiya none great post hun jackie xxxx
((((((hugs to you betsy))))))
thank You God for enabling betsy with the courage to post!
it's good to see a message from you. there was a time when i was stuck in my guilt and shame over relapse and wouldn't talk to anyone about it. that was a dark period of my life, so my words i say to you are because i have walked this way before and know what it's like.
ya know betsy - i had to put some distance between myself and the pills i abused. if the pills were there, i would use. to get clean, i had to go to a detox facility where people who knew a little more about the recovery from addiction than i did, could insure my safety. i needed tons and tons of help, betsy and that's ok. it's ok to reach out and get the help we need. when i realized this, i began my journey of healing.
barbs are extremely difficult to detox from. they can pose grave danger to our physical well-being if a person addicted to barbs does not withdraw properly. like you, i would amass a few days here and there and fall right back into the old habit of using. i would begin to feel so crummy physically that i could convince myself of anything in order to use. i didn't want to experience that crummy feeling physically and knew that if i took one pill it would be gone. only problem is when i take one pill, it's enough to trigger the obsession and compulsion in my brain to take more.
going to detox/rehab is not a death sentence. as a matter of fact, it opened the doors to new avenues for me to pursue where my recovery was concerned. they introduced me to 12 step meetings, taught me much about the disease of addiction, put me in touch with a great therapist and took care of me physically while i detoxed.
someone believed in me too, betsy when i was right where you are. they loved me until i could learn to love myself. however, for the life of me i didn't understand why, as long as i used. i didn't understand much of anything while under the influence of mood altering substances. so i'm going to ask you the same thing that was posed to me when i was waivering on the fence of active addiction and recovery - to what length will you go for your recovery? does getting some face-to-face help sound like something you want to do?
write soon, bets -
namaste'
sammy
thank You God for enabling betsy with the courage to post!
it's good to see a message from you. there was a time when i was stuck in my guilt and shame over relapse and wouldn't talk to anyone about it. that was a dark period of my life, so my words i say to you are because i have walked this way before and know what it's like.
ya know betsy - i had to put some distance between myself and the pills i abused. if the pills were there, i would use. to get clean, i had to go to a detox facility where people who knew a little more about the recovery from addiction than i did, could insure my safety. i needed tons and tons of help, betsy and that's ok. it's ok to reach out and get the help we need. when i realized this, i began my journey of healing.
barbs are extremely difficult to detox from. they can pose grave danger to our physical well-being if a person addicted to barbs does not withdraw properly. like you, i would amass a few days here and there and fall right back into the old habit of using. i would begin to feel so crummy physically that i could convince myself of anything in order to use. i didn't want to experience that crummy feeling physically and knew that if i took one pill it would be gone. only problem is when i take one pill, it's enough to trigger the obsession and compulsion in my brain to take more.
going to detox/rehab is not a death sentence. as a matter of fact, it opened the doors to new avenues for me to pursue where my recovery was concerned. they introduced me to 12 step meetings, taught me much about the disease of addiction, put me in touch with a great therapist and took care of me physically while i detoxed.
someone believed in me too, betsy when i was right where you are. they loved me until i could learn to love myself. however, for the life of me i didn't understand why, as long as i used. i didn't understand much of anything while under the influence of mood altering substances. so i'm going to ask you the same thing that was posed to me when i was waivering on the fence of active addiction and recovery - to what length will you go for your recovery? does getting some face-to-face help sound like something you want to do?
write soon, bets -
namaste'
sammy
