I'm so glad you decided to give your doctor a call !! You are getting stronger and mor determined with every passing day. Keep focussing on YOU, it's time to take care of OUTOF :-)
Dissapointed a bit - told him i had addiction to codiene- he said yes subutex would be the way to go - but he would have to refer me to a clinic and there was a waiting list to go in - me in tears by now - i said doctor you know the postion with my mother i cannnot go into a clinic - then he said there was day clinics - i have no car the clinic is 20 miles away - im under pressure to get this house in order in case my mother has to come home - its a bomb site and i mean a bomb site with all the work that had to be done - the reason i take the dh is to enable my the get through this kind of workloard - on top of that i may have to constantly site with my mother - he said i was to ring him in the morining and see if he could talk to addition team and see what they come up with - it was my understanding that when i told him about the addiction - he would write the script for the subutex and that would be it - now i have no tabs left and am going to have to return to a dealer to buy more in until such times as they can get this addiction team on the ball - dont know if dealer has any - so could end up going without - which is going to be a total disaster - look at the last time i tried to taper too quickly.
dont kknow what to do - thinking of changing doctor or something will wait and ring him and see what the out come is in the morning - i can hardly see this scfreen eyes closing together - may have to stayup all night to finis her room - this particular room is holding up the whole house
lol outoff - bit crabby at minute - be a lot crabbier tommorrow if i dont ge any pills - have cupbard containing some tylens so may have to reley on tehn - had nearly thrown them out before i went to docotro.
dont kknow what to do - thinking of changing doctor or something will wait and ring him and see what the out come is in the morning - i can hardly see this scfreen eyes closing together - may have to stayup all night to finis her room - this particular room is holding up the whole house
lol outoff - bit crabby at minute - be a lot crabbier tommorrow if i dont ge any pills - have cupbard containing some tylens so may have to reley on tehn - had nearly thrown them out before i went to docotro.
Listen outof, I understand you are anxious about your doctor visit and wanted things to be done RIGHT NOW. You made a wonderful first step in confiding to your MD and he IS going to help you. He did NOT turn you away so hang tough until you hear back from him. I don't see the need for you to make hasty decisions and change your doctor. Things will be alright!
Perhaps he can find a clinic that is closer or a program you can enter in your hometown; if you have to take the bus, TAKE THE BUS!
What are you bulding for your mother, outof? A CASTLE?
She needs a room with a bed, some curtains,a dresser and a lamp. Chuck out what's in the way; quit worrying about how the room looks like. It is NOT important and should be dropped to the bottom of your to-do-list.
Focus on yourself. Help your mom but stay focussed on your recovery!
ARE YA LISTENING!!
Perhaps he can find a clinic that is closer or a program you can enter in your hometown; if you have to take the bus, TAKE THE BUS!
What are you bulding for your mother, outof? A CASTLE?
She needs a room with a bed, some curtains,a dresser and a lamp. Chuck out what's in the way; quit worrying about how the room looks like. It is NOT important and should be dropped to the bottom of your to-do-list.
Focus on yourself. Help your mom but stay focussed on your recovery!
ARE YA LISTENING!!
No it aint a castle Savannagh - with the MRSA - her room has to be fumigated - buts that only one part of it - this lot had started before she went into hospital - Occupational Therapy insists i remove all her furniture from her room - to do that it turned out my daughters built in wardrobes were full of damp and had to be taken out - plus had to put new floor in so mums wardrobes going to her room - i had to build in more wardrobes to my room to put mums clothing in - both rooms had to be emptied downstairs so we could complet this work - on top of that had a new kitchen installed and had to get spark to wire it in as it was part gas and electricity + he had to put ceiling lights in so we could se wher we were going - all rooms bar daughters rooms are blocked with furniture i can even get into bathroom upstairs (which leads me back to mums room with also has a shower - which we cannot use until everything is steralised - i have been lying on the couch all week cause no beds are in the rooms etc it goes on and on - the one room i am trying to fix is my daughers = which will in turn clear mine and the upstairs bathroom - that will be that sorted - then anything else can just sit - but the house will have to be cleaned in general if mum comes home to rest if the worst comes to the worst - as over in Ireland everone comes to your home for the wake - on top of that mum left her room already having MRSA therefore room has to be fumigated - wall painted place steralised if she comes home well - if not that will be the room she will be resting in - you did ask sorry for rambling - in between doing all this i have to visit at the hospital take care of othe important things that cannot wait - if the could i would nt be worrying about them. On top of that i am hanging together by a thread and trying to kick my addiction - suffer from depression - not sleeping etc. There is noone else to help i have to do it by myself = in America or Canada your homes are much bigger - when mum moved in here all her personal belongings moved with here - hence my garage is also full - so i have nowhere to hid things that can wait to later - Attic in same condition
II have tried to think of everyway round these things + things had started before we realised mum was so sick - had we realised that we would not be in the position we are in now.
Sorry for rambling - but what i wrote above is not the half of the problems - whatever ones i can get away with waiting will - but in the mean time have to slog on - only come on board for rest - comfort and when i cannot sleep at night - need to have someone to talk to at times -
+ event if i could get a bus to day clinic the problem still stands that i many not be able to get home quick engough to be with mother if the worst happens - and i would also not get things done that need to be done round the house - hence more pressure, more depression, less sleep etc
trying to clear one thing up at a time - as much as possible - i don understand your concerns but i assure you when the house is in order outof is goign to be lying in the middle of it with feet up - or on this board chatting
lol outof
II have tried to think of everyway round these things + things had started before we realised mum was so sick - had we realised that we would not be in the position we are in now.
Sorry for rambling - but what i wrote above is not the half of the problems - whatever ones i can get away with waiting will - but in the mean time have to slog on - only come on board for rest - comfort and when i cannot sleep at night - need to have someone to talk to at times -
+ event if i could get a bus to day clinic the problem still stands that i many not be able to get home quick engough to be with mother if the worst happens - and i would also not get things done that need to be done round the house - hence more pressure, more depression, less sleep etc
trying to clear one thing up at a time - as much as possible - i don understand your concerns but i assure you when the house is in order outof is goign to be lying in the middle of it with feet up - or on this board chatting
lol outof
Just reread your post - she cant have a dresser anymore - all clotes and curtain bedlined have to be washed - and i mean she has a ton of clothes - she also has a hoist in her room and someothe funny thing that helps her walk, + a walking fram + a comode + oxygen cyinders + a machine that manufactures oxygen - all this has to be steralized oh and i forgot the chemist shop of meds and bandages that got so much they have a cupboard on their own - so now to put things that she needs in her room we also have to build in shelves near the ceiling and away from the floor + she also has about 30 boxes of incontinent pads. get my drift
To build the shelves we have to get them first - then we have to find a joiner to put them up - if it is not possible to get a joiner that will be another job i will be left to do
lol outof
To build the shelves we have to get them first - then we have to find a joiner to put them up - if it is not possible to get a joiner that will be another job i will be left to do
lol outof
Today thursday i am now going to CAT centre to get registered for the Subutex - cant wait. Also Savannagh had long talk to daughter last night and told her i was going to CAT centre but not what for - also told her i was using this site to help me. She was real pleased as she said she was worried about what i was doing as i kept jumping of the computer when she came in - said she thougt I was in the SAS or something.
She thinks that i am getting support for my alcohol addiction - i did also say to her that i get addicted to many things - she has read up on this during her course in OT . I said i was worried about granny not eating during the conversation and she said well how do you think i feel when i see you not eating. I told her that i was working on that problem too. She said that she was so glad i told her i was getting help for things as she was worried about me and that i have now put her mind at rest also. Wish i had done this earlier when all the good people on this board advised me to you yourself included - but i was a coward - anyway fellilng so good about it not - cant wait to get to clinic.
Lol outof
She thinks that i am getting support for my alcohol addiction - i did also say to her that i get addicted to many things - she has read up on this during her course in OT . I said i was worried about granny not eating during the conversation and she said well how do you think i feel when i see you not eating. I told her that i was working on that problem too. She said that she was so glad i told her i was getting help for things as she was worried about me and that i have now put her mind at rest also. Wish i had done this earlier when all the good people on this board advised me to you yourself included - but i was a coward - anyway fellilng so good about it not - cant wait to get to clinic.
Lol outof
Rosey that is great news! I am so glad you felt comfortable enough to finally speak with your daughter and get the help and support you need.
You are in my thoughts tonight as you begin a new day; a new well planned out day with you appointment at the clinis; and I definately am interested in hearing about the details upon your return.
You took the bull by the horns; you're doing it!!! Look how far you've come in just ONE week. I am so proud of you!!!
You are in my thoughts tonight as you begin a new day; a new well planned out day with you appointment at the clinis; and I definately am interested in hearing about the details upon your return.
You took the bull by the horns; you're doing it!!! Look how far you've come in just ONE week. I am so proud of you!!!
Savanah,
Have you checked in on the other board lately, they've all been worried about you.
Have you checked in on the other board lately, they've all been worried about you.
Savannagh - done it done it done it - went to CAT team today and am getting onto subutex - feel brilliant about it - thankyou so much for all your help - I know there are other bridges to cross but taking it one step at a time will woryy about them later . Again thank you thank you thank you
lol outof
lol outof
Sharon Hi! Yes, I checked in last night and again, I am sorry for my absence for having you worried. I'm ok. Thank you ever so much for your concern
Outof, tell me how it went in detail!!
Outof, tell me how it went in detail!!
Outof, that's great! Very happy for you. Takes a lot of courage. Peace, M.
Savannagh before going into detail i may have mislead you when i said talked to my daugher - i didnt exactly tell her that i was addicted to codiene - but discussed with her some things she didnt know about my alcohol addictions ie she didnt know that i had been attending AA, She didnt know that i had talked to councelers - I brought this up to ease her into the reason i was seeing a councelour i did not lie to her i told her i was seeing her about my addiction problems etc -she said she was so glad i had talked to her about it - she knew i was an addict but i had never gone into details like me attending AA and things like that - there was a long discussion and it has made her happier to know that i am seeing a councelor about my problems (no specific addiction mentioned by me) also knows i post on this board so does my son - and they are respecting my confidentiality by not trying to find this site or reading my posts. etc. I dont want them to know about this second addiction until i know i have it in the bag so to speak.
Anyway getting to the clinic part as i said doc said to go there of course i wanted to go there and then or wanted a script there and then didnt know procedures - I spoke to a councler on the phone in tears as usual and they said they had a walk in clinic on a thursday - debated with myself what to do - the need to get clean won - and i walked in told the receptionist that my doctor was refering me but hadnt got the letter out yet - she never even asked my name told me to take a seat and someone would see me in a minute. In 1 minute a councelor called Debra or Donna (trouble remembering as was so excited at time) came out and took me into a room - she had a pages of forms and asked me questions such as name dob address tel no did i come on my own free will or was i forced into it (in between times we discussed lots of things cant remember them all) asked how many using per day how long on them what other meds i was taking - asked how long on diazes - told her only for panick attacks but had been taking more in the last couple of weeks due to mothe and home probs, questions also about had you stomach probs ever used heroin, crack i.e illegal drugs the list goes on there was about 5 pages - it was really an assesment to see i think what quantity of subutex i would require to hold me I mean the even asked me had i ever had any fractures,siezures, stomach illnesses, heart problems. Explained how Subutex worked that i would be on it about 1 year or whatever and then they dropped dosages etc. Asked me how old children were, did i not have any relationships since husband died etc. I told the absolute truth to all questions - it turns out that she is an occupational therapist also (ie same thing daughte studying at uni) and i explained that i did not want my daughter to know the exact addiction i was getting help with - she said that was no probs - gave me pile of mixed leaftets along with the ones i needed to read and told me to tell my daughter they were for her to help her with her studies into mental health issues and also told me to tell my daughter that she would be willing to help her with anything she needed in her requirements to study. Said that she asked questions about where relatives worked etc as in the case of my daughter she said that if she were ever posted to Hollywell which is a mental health/detox clinic that my files would be removed from her view in reference to any of my medical conditions. stated that CAT was totally confidential and that if anyone even rang to see if i was there not matter who it was that they could not tell them (this was an example) then asked had any of my family any drug/alcohol related problems - i told them my brothers son was a herion addict - she asked if iwould mind giving his name as he might be attending the same clinic and they would make sure that he would never meet me there - he had been there that morning believe it or not.
After we went through all the forms and many discussions about me and my condition she said she realised that i was not in a good way (depressed, stressed out, physically and mentally exhausted also in high state of anxiety -) she said for safety sake with my condition she was going to get me bumped to top of list for programme - in fact said she was going to highjack the Dr Gregg (addiction specialist doctor) that evening and try and get me on next week or quicker? would contact me as soon as poss to see how quickly they could get me a script -
Said that i was doing the right thing for the right reasons - and was as far as she could make out totally honest (i gave her ways of cheking what is said out)
i was to call her at any time if i needed someone to talk to felt down etc
I practically came out of the place dancing - have lots of brouchers on stress, sleeping, what to do if someone has an overdose on drugs, Alcohol and women , Subutex etc etc so i hope i may be able to answer few questions people may need help with on the board.
I do know that this drug will hold me as they say until i am levelled of it = she said that wouldnt be feeling any withdrawal symptoms etfc but its notony the getting of it is the staying of - so will keep posting to let everyone know how this works for me and pray that if it helps me that others can get the same help
if they want to choose that particular route. It sounds too good to be true but im giving it a shot the best one i can.
Savannagh lots of love and am very grateful for you and everone else that has helped me on this site scince i started i hope that i can be of good use to anyone else crying out for help
lol outof
Anyway getting to the clinic part as i said doc said to go there of course i wanted to go there and then or wanted a script there and then didnt know procedures - I spoke to a councler on the phone in tears as usual and they said they had a walk in clinic on a thursday - debated with myself what to do - the need to get clean won - and i walked in told the receptionist that my doctor was refering me but hadnt got the letter out yet - she never even asked my name told me to take a seat and someone would see me in a minute. In 1 minute a councelor called Debra or Donna (trouble remembering as was so excited at time) came out and took me into a room - she had a pages of forms and asked me questions such as name dob address tel no did i come on my own free will or was i forced into it (in between times we discussed lots of things cant remember them all) asked how many using per day how long on them what other meds i was taking - asked how long on diazes - told her only for panick attacks but had been taking more in the last couple of weeks due to mothe and home probs, questions also about had you stomach probs ever used heroin, crack i.e illegal drugs the list goes on there was about 5 pages - it was really an assesment to see i think what quantity of subutex i would require to hold me I mean the even asked me had i ever had any fractures,siezures, stomach illnesses, heart problems. Explained how Subutex worked that i would be on it about 1 year or whatever and then they dropped dosages etc. Asked me how old children were, did i not have any relationships since husband died etc. I told the absolute truth to all questions - it turns out that she is an occupational therapist also (ie same thing daughte studying at uni) and i explained that i did not want my daughter to know the exact addiction i was getting help with - she said that was no probs - gave me pile of mixed leaftets along with the ones i needed to read and told me to tell my daughter they were for her to help her with her studies into mental health issues and also told me to tell my daughter that she would be willing to help her with anything she needed in her requirements to study. Said that she asked questions about where relatives worked etc as in the case of my daughter she said that if she were ever posted to Hollywell which is a mental health/detox clinic that my files would be removed from her view in reference to any of my medical conditions. stated that CAT was totally confidential and that if anyone even rang to see if i was there not matter who it was that they could not tell them (this was an example) then asked had any of my family any drug/alcohol related problems - i told them my brothers son was a herion addict - she asked if iwould mind giving his name as he might be attending the same clinic and they would make sure that he would never meet me there - he had been there that morning believe it or not.
After we went through all the forms and many discussions about me and my condition she said she realised that i was not in a good way (depressed, stressed out, physically and mentally exhausted also in high state of anxiety -) she said for safety sake with my condition she was going to get me bumped to top of list for programme - in fact said she was going to highjack the Dr Gregg (addiction specialist doctor) that evening and try and get me on next week or quicker? would contact me as soon as poss to see how quickly they could get me a script -
Said that i was doing the right thing for the right reasons - and was as far as she could make out totally honest (i gave her ways of cheking what is said out)
i was to call her at any time if i needed someone to talk to felt down etc
I practically came out of the place dancing - have lots of brouchers on stress, sleeping, what to do if someone has an overdose on drugs, Alcohol and women , Subutex etc etc so i hope i may be able to answer few questions people may need help with on the board.
I do know that this drug will hold me as they say until i am levelled of it = she said that wouldnt be feeling any withdrawal symptoms etfc but its notony the getting of it is the staying of - so will keep posting to let everyone know how this works for me and pray that if it helps me that others can get the same help
if they want to choose that particular route. It sounds too good to be true but im giving it a shot the best one i can.
Savannagh lots of love and am very grateful for you and everone else that has helped me on this site scince i started i hope that i can be of good use to anyone else crying out for help
lol outof
Noneforme
Thank you much for your support - its people like you that make this a great place to come to - i neve knew i would ever find a place outside of AA where i could get any thelp for the pile of problems and addictions if have.
There is no way - now way at all i would be this far on if it wasnt for all my friends on this board
lots of love outof
Thank you much for your support - its people like you that make this a great place to come to - i neve knew i would ever find a place outside of AA where i could get any thelp for the pile of problems and addictions if have.
There is no way - now way at all i would be this far on if it wasnt for all my friends on this board
lots of love outof
Wow Outof!!! this is so great! I was amazed when I checked the posts a little while ago how much had changed (for the better) with you. I can't wait to hear about the subutex and how it works for you. I have a bit over a week before I can get started so I greatly anticipate hearing how it works for you. Sorry things are so tough with your mom. Stay strong and congradulations on all your wonderful progress! Take care, Kathy
Rosey!!! What great news!!! I enjoyed reading about your day and how everything went and especially how today made you feel.
You seem very excited and greatly relieved of some stress factors in your life.
It's amazing how I see your posts changing to the positive, more and more.
Some of your issues won't be fixed when you start the ned meds but you already know that. You are well on your way and I look forward to your next positive post.
Hang in there!!
You seem very excited and greatly relieved of some stress factors in your life.
It's amazing how I see your posts changing to the positive, more and more.
Some of your issues won't be fixed when you start the ned meds but you already know that. You are well on your way and I look forward to your next positive post.
Hang in there!!
Savanagh couldnt have done it without you and everyone else - thats the gods honest truth - i might try and start a little post on subutex and detail as much about it as possible to help whoever else it may help - i need to see how i feel of the drug and remember what it was like on it. I also know i need to be extremely careful and as subutex does not necessarily mean i am clean - as it is also a controlled substance. The battle comes when the body has no drugs going into it - but i will have the support of councellors and hope all friends on this board.
keep in touch
lol outof
keep in touch
lol outof
HI SAVANA i was just wondering in my first post i told u i was addicted to tylenol 3's what i didnt tell u how many i took 11pill's a day now i take 9 a day i take 3 when i get up in the morning at 8am and another 3 at 1pm and another 3 at 5pm and it starts all over again the next day its rutine but iam down to 9 a day but that has been that way for two years and they have to last me a month befor my doctor will give me more but of course they never last me that long if i get them on a wednesday they are gone by the next week wednesday then i turn to tylenol 1's untill he gives me more and he allways gives me 60 at a time' my hausband knows nothing of this he has been through so much i cant put him through anymore' but iam trying to stop but iam scared is depression a side afect of withdrawal because i dont know if i would be strong enough to go through that again' my counseler told me i was one of the stongest people she knew because i could still force myself to get out of bed and i made my self cook for my family she said alot of people that have had it as bad as i did could not do anything not even get out of bed but i fought very hard then one day i got thoughts of suicied and i new that was selfish my poor family would go through hell and i thought about not seeing my boys graduate and not seeing them get married and not holding my first grandchild just when they needed there mother the most to show her pride and love be there with there father and i took that away from them what kind of thoughts would that leave them about there mother well thats what helped me get thouse thoughts out of my head and fast i knew i had a whole lot to live for and i was still needed in my familys future i am very bleesed i have 2 great boys who one by the way graduated last year and I WAS THERE' and a husband who stayed with me and helped me this may sound sapy to some of u but every morning in every room i went in he left me little notes by the kitchen sink' on my pillow' on the table' even taped to the bathroom mirrior' to make sure i knew how much they needed me my counsler told me i was a very lucky person and i beat it so iam so scared i might not be strong enough to go through that again so can u tell me the withdrawal simtoms are PLEASE.
Little H.
I read your post with amazement. I see you fighting a long battle with tremendous courage and determination and although you have gone from 11 pills down to 9 pills a day, you still have a ways to go before you feel somewhat 'normal' again.
I have battled the codeine addiction for going on 2 years now and I can relate to taking 3 pills here, then 3 pills there and again 3 more pills, running low long before the month is up, feeling anxious and panicky about getting more pills; lying my way through many doctors in and out of town and feeling that tremendous relief to finally come home with a script in my hand.
From my experience, and this is solely my experience , detoxing from T3's is just as tough as detoxing from other codeine based substances.
My sole addiction is based on T3's, nothing more, nothing less.
During my taper I found myself restless, questioning whether I really want to quit and why I am going through the w/d pains if I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The list of w/d symptoms seems endless and I have not experienced all of them but many uncomfortable situations leave you wondering why you continue to beat up your body.
It is suggested to take lots of hot baths but in reality that didn't work for me. Running a hot bath at 2am because my bones are sore, was really not an option with a sleeping baby in the next room.
Motrin, Advil etc hardly took the pains away. It gets frustrating, perhaps depressing at times but for that, there is medication out there. Not to say to substitute one for the other but noone needs to suffer depression.
I felt achy, moody, happy, sad, bitchy, headachy, crampy all at the same time and when ppl say it gets better, sure it will, but that hardly helps you through the moment.
Carrying the load of guilt and shame without confiding in someone, anyone, is enough to drive you up the wall.
I closing, Id like to stay in touch with you; hear about your story, your feelings and your way of recovery, I offer my e-mail to you, with that comes a great deal of caring, understanding and an open ear, always.
Savannah_36@hotmail.com
God Bless You Little H.
I read your post with amazement. I see you fighting a long battle with tremendous courage and determination and although you have gone from 11 pills down to 9 pills a day, you still have a ways to go before you feel somewhat 'normal' again.
I have battled the codeine addiction for going on 2 years now and I can relate to taking 3 pills here, then 3 pills there and again 3 more pills, running low long before the month is up, feeling anxious and panicky about getting more pills; lying my way through many doctors in and out of town and feeling that tremendous relief to finally come home with a script in my hand.
From my experience, and this is solely my experience , detoxing from T3's is just as tough as detoxing from other codeine based substances.
My sole addiction is based on T3's, nothing more, nothing less.
During my taper I found myself restless, questioning whether I really want to quit and why I am going through the w/d pains if I can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The list of w/d symptoms seems endless and I have not experienced all of them but many uncomfortable situations leave you wondering why you continue to beat up your body.
It is suggested to take lots of hot baths but in reality that didn't work for me. Running a hot bath at 2am because my bones are sore, was really not an option with a sleeping baby in the next room.
Motrin, Advil etc hardly took the pains away. It gets frustrating, perhaps depressing at times but for that, there is medication out there. Not to say to substitute one for the other but noone needs to suffer depression.
I felt achy, moody, happy, sad, bitchy, headachy, crampy all at the same time and when ppl say it gets better, sure it will, but that hardly helps you through the moment.
Carrying the load of guilt and shame without confiding in someone, anyone, is enough to drive you up the wall.
I closing, Id like to stay in touch with you; hear about your story, your feelings and your way of recovery, I offer my e-mail to you, with that comes a great deal of caring, understanding and an open ear, always.
Savannah_36@hotmail.com
God Bless You Little H.
How are you Savannagh
I think ive already told you but am getting on subutex programme - asap - many thanks for your help
anyway getting to you how are things going - feeling ok at the minute - goingto learn to get onto chat rooms when i get other thingsof my plate and would love to talk with you - you have helped me so much - and many others too
lots of love
rosy
I think ive already told you but am getting on subutex programme - asap - many thanks for your help
anyway getting to you how are things going - feeling ok at the minute - goingto learn to get onto chat rooms when i get other thingsof my plate and would love to talk with you - you have helped me so much - and many others too
lots of love
rosy
Hey Rosy, keep up that positive attitude ! You are doing really well and have taken important steps towards your recovery.Just know it's a not miracle drug and it won't take all your problems away however it WILL help you get off the codeine and that in turn will give you a clearer mind and most definately a clearer outlook on life.
I know you have a 4th of July in Ireland.....but do you celebrate it? If so, enjoy yourself !
Treassures the moments you have with your dear mother, stay strong & keep safe.
xo
I know you have a 4th of July in Ireland.....but do you celebrate it? If so, enjoy yourself !
Treassures the moments you have with your dear mother, stay strong & keep safe.
xo
