I'm from the older generation (baby boomer)...Remember the 'Scared Straight' motto from years ago? Does anyone ever get scared straight anymore???
I think what I mean is usually when something bad happens it would scare us enough to change what we were doing. But I think with addiction, it's like falling into a big hole and getting lost and it's really hard to get out. It's complex and difficult.
addiction is like falling into a hole. it is difficult to get out of. the person cant find their way out of a paper bag. not even if you leave a trail of bread crumbs (they will just eat them without awareness). we have all seen how we pick them up, give them tools, set up clothes, food, job, housing. and still they cant do it. as long as they are still in the addiction cycle they cant do it. I think there are mental factors that determine how well a person functions in addiction and how easily they can get themselves out. from what I have seen w my son, he thinks he can do both. he can function up to a point, but he can not get ahead in life. wonders why over the last 5 years he still has nothing. it is bc he does not save $ from one week to the next, does not plan ahead, no preventative maintenance. my thought is that it is only when they are completely clean they can begin building a life. I am starting to see that in my son. he is acting like he wants to do things the right way. only a few weeks. hope it lasts.
scared straight: idk. in the spring my son was arrested for dui - he was not driving but had rx meds in the car. I told my counsellor at the recovery center. Her first words were GREAT! she said that is often the thing that starts to turn some of them around. they will be mandated to attend some kind of recovery programs.
I guess it has helped, my son did go to meetings every day for 90 days, went to IOP, has been going to court once a month. idk if he is scared. he does not know if they will drop the charges. he says he would rather go to jail then do probation. he has never been to jail. I know probation can be a PITA.
PS - I know from reading other posting boards there are many who are functioning in addiction - job, house, cars, paying their bills. but they eventually get to the cross road where they know they cant keep it up. some succeed and some begin to loose everything.
scared straight: idk. in the spring my son was arrested for dui - he was not driving but had rx meds in the car. I told my counsellor at the recovery center. Her first words were GREAT! she said that is often the thing that starts to turn some of them around. they will be mandated to attend some kind of recovery programs.
I guess it has helped, my son did go to meetings every day for 90 days, went to IOP, has been going to court once a month. idk if he is scared. he does not know if they will drop the charges. he says he would rather go to jail then do probation. he has never been to jail. I know probation can be a PITA.
PS - I know from reading other posting boards there are many who are functioning in addiction - job, house, cars, paying their bills. but they eventually get to the cross road where they know they cant keep it up. some succeed and some begin to loose everything.
Thank you for sharing NTF it really helps me to read others experiences so I appreciate you sharing about your son. Does anyone on the site have an adult child in recovery long term (more than a year) who has turned their life around ?
I think it takes more to scare a person these days. Our addicts also become hardened by their lifestyles. Their normal is not our normal. Today it is called rock bottom and each person has to reach their own scared place. Hopefully they recognize it or they will destroy themselves.
Think NTF came up with some good points, when they are in the cycle they cannot think straight, my son has a lot of similararites as your son, same age really think mine is trying, but there are other issues now, not sure if it is the drug use or just who he has become, had a confrontation just recently, said he needs to move out, found so much crap in his place, have not been in there in months, and really all it does is clarify what I have been thinking, but on the other hand I also was thinking he was doing ok, stupid me!, I feel better as I have told him he has to move out, but on the other hand, I know he could afford it, if he paid of all his loans, ( not massive), stop using and he could move forward! Not that simple to an addict, he's 25 does he wanna be living at home not having anything to his name when he's 30+, does anyone else feel awkward to to there addict, about issues, I am and don't like it, thanks people for reading, ps Sally Anne never heard of that saying before,,
Great points BM and SM. Whenever I have tried to have a straight forward discussion with my daughter it does seem awkward because she seems to exist in an alternate reality where the basic rules of life somehow don t apply to her??? Her sister is quite successful and has a great career and she told me she thinks her sister is jealous of her (I didn't even ask why I was just blown away) and she was dead serious....I know addiction changes brain chemistry and for my daughter it has skewed her thinking and logic. Other times she can be very appropriate IDK it's very hard to understand.
sad momma - yes I feel awkward talking to him. I say the stuff I want to say in my head over and over and sometimes I say a little bit to him. I think he says sarcastic things back bc he knows I will stop talking. maybe it is our nature not to talk about 'bad' things. after he leaves the house I yell mean stuff at him. Tonight I am in your shoes. I just don't want him taking up my time and efforts and money (on and off over the past few years between jobs) sometimes I look at some nice young man I meet somewhere and I wish he was my son... (LOL) I think my son acts differently for us, then he does around other people . something I think Buggs said... claims he has depression, social anxiety so I will feel sorry for him and give him things. Today he said his gloves aren't warm enough.. I just shrugged... I don't have any, the cupboard is bare. normal people would buy new gloves... and new boots
