It's been 2 days since I talked or texted with my daughter. The IOP/halfway house tests her urine 3 times/week. On 6.9, her opiate level was 700 and THC was 85; on 6.13 opiate was 1800 and THC was 180; but on 6.16 everything was zero. That''s impossible! THC stays in the system for about 11 weeks. So I know she used a flush kit or someone else's urine. And, net, net, she is using heroin again. I've got scientific proof.
I'm scared to death that she will not make it to see her 21st bday on 7.20. Her best friend did not. Her best friend was at our house for Easter Sunday dinner 2015, happy and looking forward to his 21st bday, which was the following Sunday. He OD'd on heroin 4 days later in his college dorm room. I don't need, want or desire deja vu.
She's in FL and I'm 1,000 miles away. I'm trying to keep myself busy with work and with social events.(I'm trying to re-focus on me.) But when there is a lull or I get down time, my mind immediately thinks of her and worries. I'm praying and praying because I know there is nothing else I can do so far away. . . and even if we were geographically closer, there is still nothing I can do but give her to God and ask Him to protect her.
That's the hard part. As a mom, I am programmed to protect, nurture, empower, fix and love unconditionally. I feel like I'm not doing my job by just praying. I feel like I should be doing SOMETHING to save my only child.
I'm not sure exactly what I need or want from you all. . .except to ask you to pray for her. That she does live to see her 21st birthday. And to pray for me, too. Thank you!
Dear hurtingmom,
I truly feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this & feeling so powerless. Whether your daughter was here or there, she still has to take charge of her life & make things right.
Our daughters are at points in their lives where the decisions they make now can make or break their futures. It's sad, terribly sad, but there is really nothing you can do but pray.
I try to keep busy, like you said, but when things are quiet for me, I get on the computer. My daughter is literally 3 miles away, but I don't want to see her. Don't get me wrong, I do...I want to know she's safe & clean. But I know I will see the hurtful person she's become & I've just about had enough of that. While I think she is 'safe', I am pretty sure she's not 'clean'.
Please just know you're not alone. We've all gone through it & continue to go through it in one form or another. I don't know what else to say but I care deeply about what you're going through, and I hope things go better very soon for you, your daughter & your family.
love & God bless,
Dee
I truly feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this & feeling so powerless. Whether your daughter was here or there, she still has to take charge of her life & make things right.
Our daughters are at points in their lives where the decisions they make now can make or break their futures. It's sad, terribly sad, but there is really nothing you can do but pray.
I try to keep busy, like you said, but when things are quiet for me, I get on the computer. My daughter is literally 3 miles away, but I don't want to see her. Don't get me wrong, I do...I want to know she's safe & clean. But I know I will see the hurtful person she's become & I've just about had enough of that. While I think she is 'safe', I am pretty sure she's not 'clean'.
Please just know you're not alone. We've all gone through it & continue to go through it in one form or another. I don't know what else to say but I care deeply about what you're going through, and I hope things go better very soon for you, your daughter & your family.
love & God bless,
Dee
