Hi All.a few scary minutes today!
I had a mammogram last thursday, and then today, got a call from the radiologist that he wanted to do a few more views, and possibly an ultrasound, because there had been a difference in the views from last year.
Oh brother, my anxiety kicked in big time. I assured them I could come back immediately, and so I did.
Well, so far, everything is ok, didn't have to have an ultrasound.
My doctor will get the report, and I'll hear from her.
This came after a weekend that I was in a real blue funk.
I was having a real pity party for myself, because my daughter never calls, and I don't know what is going on unless I question my grandkids, who really give me the impression that they don't want to be open with me.
I had originally planned to go to Ma. this month, but I feel that I would really not be welcome, and would only be in the way. I don't think I can take that kind of rejection.
I guess I'm feeling very vunerable now, for reasons I can't really put my finger on.
I have only one child, and she is now so estranged from me, probably really angry that I forced her to face rehab even though she acknowledged that she needed it, but really didn't want it. She is still on probation until december, and of course that is a real drag i'm sure. But the consequences, for her actions.
well, friends, I'm sorry I'm such a downer today, especially when my troubles are really so small compared to so many others.
Just venting a little so I don't take it out on my poor husband.LOL
rita
oops, I meant to post this on families board, sorry
rita
rita
Hi Rita, sorry you're having such a sad time. I wish there was something I could say to make it better. My daughter is only a baby, but I realise that the love you feel for a child only grows. The thought that she could abuse herself and go through the same hell as I have done is heartbreaking. As a mother you tell yourself that you should protect them from harm, and shield them from pain, but once they're grown up, you just can't. The best way forward is to do the opposite to what your maternal instinct tells you. Let them face the consequences of their actions, coz they have to reach their rock bottom before they find their way home. I understand that must hurt you every day. Don't be afraid to show her you love her. Love is the one thing that remains constant, and we all need it...
wishing you a peaceful night
diff x
wishing you a peaceful night
diff x
Awwww, Rita you vent away.
Plus you can post over here all the time cause we love ya.
I'm so sorry you're feeling down..........who wouldn't though......logistically you're far away and you worry of course..........and then Grandmom's know if the kids are being a little reserved......bottom line is they have to live with your daughter and if they talk out of turn it's her who will be on at them.
I'm so sorry, Rita.........you've been there with your daughter and the kids every single step of the way..........and you didn't FORCE anything........you've done so well and grown so much, Rita............what else can a mom do?
I hate hearing you are hurting, Ri..........wouldn't it be awesome if I could come over and watch old films with ya.........all choreographed perfectly of course.
Too many of them to name, right........we care Rita.......we so do.
Plus you can post over here all the time cause we love ya.
I'm so sorry you're feeling down..........who wouldn't though......logistically you're far away and you worry of course..........and then Grandmom's know if the kids are being a little reserved......bottom line is they have to live with your daughter and if they talk out of turn it's her who will be on at them.
I'm so sorry, Rita.........you've been there with your daughter and the kids every single step of the way..........and you didn't FORCE anything........you've done so well and grown so much, Rita............what else can a mom do?
I hate hearing you are hurting, Ri..........wouldn't it be awesome if I could come over and watch old films with ya.........all choreographed perfectly of course.
Too many of them to name, right........we care Rita.......we so do.
DearDiff, and My bryn, thank you so much for being here.
diff, I don't think I have ever posted with you before, but thanks for weighing in.
I know you have had your struggles too, and it's so wonderful when a helping hand is extended. thank you so much. I don't really know your background,but
I'm sure you have been through some hairy moments yourself
Bryn, what can I say? you have been on both sides of the struggle, first with your own problems, and now with your daughter.
I can really relate to your pain in trying to understand how your daughter can be so unfeeling, and uncaring I feel my daughter is the same, she is great when things are going her way, and ONLY her way. she is great when the money flows to her with no questions asked, and of course, everything is my fault. I was too strict, I wanted her to have a good education, I tried to "mold her" in her words, I have high standards, I like a clean house, I don't like her to look like a
"Hootchie" , I like her children to have respect for the law, and for other people's feelings. Yep, I am a real hard person to deal with, ,,,,, so taking all kinds of pills and then heroin was her way of making her "one of the people" Borrowing all kinds of money from me and my family, using terrible stories of her son being in an auto accident, and she had to get to the hospital. to asking her aunt for thousands of dollars with a made up story about her husband not having gven her any money for over a year, and she didn't want to tell me because I would worry (Ha) Meanwhile, I had sent her thousands of dollars for legal fees, and for bills, etc etc etc one crazy lie after another.
but get this folks, she is a 50 year old woman!!
sure, what a wonderful way to live, God forbid she should fit the "mold" of most people.
I guess you can see I am in a real bad place right now.
the fact that I couldn't call my daughter today and let her know that I was very apprehensive about having more xrays, because she would really not give a damn has really hit me hard.
So I turned to the friends here, because so many do give a damn
Thank you, thank you.
rita
diff, I don't think I have ever posted with you before, but thanks for weighing in.
I know you have had your struggles too, and it's so wonderful when a helping hand is extended. thank you so much. I don't really know your background,but
I'm sure you have been through some hairy moments yourself
Bryn, what can I say? you have been on both sides of the struggle, first with your own problems, and now with your daughter.
I can really relate to your pain in trying to understand how your daughter can be so unfeeling, and uncaring I feel my daughter is the same, she is great when things are going her way, and ONLY her way. she is great when the money flows to her with no questions asked, and of course, everything is my fault. I was too strict, I wanted her to have a good education, I tried to "mold her" in her words, I have high standards, I like a clean house, I don't like her to look like a
"Hootchie" , I like her children to have respect for the law, and for other people's feelings. Yep, I am a real hard person to deal with, ,,,,, so taking all kinds of pills and then heroin was her way of making her "one of the people" Borrowing all kinds of money from me and my family, using terrible stories of her son being in an auto accident, and she had to get to the hospital. to asking her aunt for thousands of dollars with a made up story about her husband not having gven her any money for over a year, and she didn't want to tell me because I would worry (Ha) Meanwhile, I had sent her thousands of dollars for legal fees, and for bills, etc etc etc one crazy lie after another.
but get this folks, she is a 50 year old woman!!
sure, what a wonderful way to live, God forbid she should fit the "mold" of most people.
I guess you can see I am in a real bad place right now.
the fact that I couldn't call my daughter today and let her know that I was very apprehensive about having more xrays, because she would really not give a damn has really hit me hard.
So I turned to the friends here, because so many do give a damn
Thank you, thank you.
rita
