Hi everyone you will know me on this board as Cat.I am an addict, my drug of choice is perc's. I am currently taking 25-30 a day sometimes more depending on my stress levels. I also have manic depression, anxiety and panic disorders, i have just recently been diagnosed bipolar.Needless to say I am on a wack of pills.I actually live a somewhat normal life, I have an executive career that I really enjoy, but due to my addiction I feel like I am going to lose everything and I am so sad and frustrated. I have recently been charged for fraud on Dr scripts I am so scared of going to jail.
Many people on the board have been very supportive to me and thank god because I am so lonley and have know one to talk to about this mess I've got myself into.
On Sat. that just past I went to a meth clinic to find out more about it a to sign up. I am scared that my Dr who was treating my addiction by weening me will not see me again because it was his script I forged. I am really scared of feeling the w/d again and I don't know where else to turn. Sometimes I just wish I didn't exist anymore because I feel too overwelmed over everything. I am very sad and disappointed in myself.
I don't know if meth is going to be the answer or not but I don't know where else to turn, my pills are going to run out by wed. and I don't know what I am going to do.
Sincerely sad,
Cat
cat,
can you go to a detox center to get off the pills so you don't have to fight the w/d? i almost landed there myself but i wasn't taking what you are taking. detox might be a good answer. think about it. don't give up. hidden amonst all this suffering is a plan.
PM
can you go to a detox center to get off the pills so you don't have to fight the w/d? i almost landed there myself but i wasn't taking what you are taking. detox might be a good answer. think about it. don't give up. hidden amonst all this suffering is a plan.
PM
You know I am still new here and first let me say.... what I say is said is said out of concern and a sincere desire to see everyone here looking for recovery get what those us that have been around a while have....a lif without the use of mind or mood altering chemicals...happy and productive..not just counting clean days.... I dont mean to come accross as harsh or mean but really I dont understand....
There is no easier softer way.... recovery is work.... we put ourselves in the messes that we got into and it will take work and honesty and maybe some humility (by the way ...humility is not the same thing as humilitation) to get us out... and trying to get around the complications of our disease is just not recovery.... I am not saying that we must lie on the floor wyrthing in pain with chills and god know what else from w/d's, all I am saying simply is that looking for the easy way out is addicts thinking and that has got to change more than anything....
Many come here for support and direction but when given suggestions, if it is not what you what to here, you just ignore it and do it your own way and wonder why it didnt work.... well most of us have been there and we know why it didnt work.... we were just trying to save you some of the little steps to get to the work only you can do...
I am sorry but I am wondering if some of what is said means anything....
I only ask the retorical question... I wish the best for us all because we all fight the same demon just in a different form and format....
God Bless....
Teresa
There is no easier softer way.... recovery is work.... we put ourselves in the messes that we got into and it will take work and honesty and maybe some humility (by the way ...humility is not the same thing as humilitation) to get us out... and trying to get around the complications of our disease is just not recovery.... I am not saying that we must lie on the floor wyrthing in pain with chills and god know what else from w/d's, all I am saying simply is that looking for the easy way out is addicts thinking and that has got to change more than anything....
Many come here for support and direction but when given suggestions, if it is not what you what to here, you just ignore it and do it your own way and wonder why it didnt work.... well most of us have been there and we know why it didnt work.... we were just trying to save you some of the little steps to get to the work only you can do...
I am sorry but I am wondering if some of what is said means anything....
I only ask the retorical question... I wish the best for us all because we all fight the same demon just in a different form and format....
God Bless....
Teresa
you know, I just read my post again with new eyes for some reason and I took my inventory and have discovered that my own control issues were rearing their ugly head..... how and if a person works a recovery program is there business all I can and should do is respond in love and kindness and leave it with them.... I dont think my previous post did that....
Please accept my apologies for the tone as well as some of the content...
(if my sponsor were to read that she would really read my pedigree...lol) It is the regorous (sp) honesty and constant taking of our own inventory that is my working of my recovery .... I only hope I am not judged too harshly for my quick words....
With apologies...
God Bless
Teresa
Please accept my apologies for the tone as well as some of the content...
(if my sponsor were to read that she would really read my pedigree...lol) It is the regorous (sp) honesty and constant taking of our own inventory that is my working of my recovery .... I only hope I am not judged too harshly for my quick words....
With apologies...
God Bless
Teresa
yes recovery is work
and it is very hard work indeed
in taking responsibility for our lives we have created
one might become a bit overwhelmed with the extent of it all
in the overwhelm one might decide that they will continue to use
because the pain of withdrawl is simply too much
pehaps they remember such a time
or one might decide to go off meds and become stubborn and not get help
when they need it and end up dead from the effects w/d has had
and so there are detox treatment centers set up all across the land
they are there to help us get through the initial stages that are so hard
they aren't for everyone but have saved the lives of many
so we can take our lives back and live to our fullest highest truth.
love,
pm
and it is very hard work indeed
in taking responsibility for our lives we have created
one might become a bit overwhelmed with the extent of it all
in the overwhelm one might decide that they will continue to use
because the pain of withdrawl is simply too much
pehaps they remember such a time
or one might decide to go off meds and become stubborn and not get help
when they need it and end up dead from the effects w/d has had
and so there are detox treatment centers set up all across the land
they are there to help us get through the initial stages that are so hard
they aren't for everyone but have saved the lives of many
so we can take our lives back and live to our fullest highest truth.
love,
pm
Teresa & Pregmom,
Please know that i take all your words of wisdom and experience to heart and I really try to come up with a game plan. It just seems that my thoughts about recovery stress me out so much that i end up abusing agian because it's alway's in my head. I am not looking for the answer from this board only friendship and support . I don't mean to burden others with the mess I've got my self into, I know I'm the only one that can straighten this mess out.
I guess I am looking for meth as a softer way through my W/d, only because the 2 times I have gone throuh w/d (cold turkey 3days each time I have ran into problems with my heart the first time my heart rate was at 155-165 per minute and blood pres. 185/150, the second time, heart rate 200 per minute and no b/p reading because my heart rate was to high that time they injected my heart with stop/boost fluid 3x. The dr told me I am lucky i am 31and not 41 beacuse I probably would have died.
I really just need friends here that will listen to me and not judge me.I feel like I have know one and that is the worst feeling in the world.
I hope you all understand that I am not looking for a miracle here just friends that will here me out and I will be happy to do the same.
Sometimes we are all so good at giving advice but not taking it, I am one of those people.Please just understand that I am just very lonely and scared and that I am not trying to impose on anyone on this board.
The meth clinic is like my last resrt i don't know if it's the best solution, but at this point I am willing to try anything, shouls anyone have experience with meth. it would be nice to hear how w/d were with it.
thank you all so much for listening, and again I am sorry if anyone feels like I am imposing on them because that is certainly not my intention.
Sincerely, sad and sorry,
Cat
Please know that i take all your words of wisdom and experience to heart and I really try to come up with a game plan. It just seems that my thoughts about recovery stress me out so much that i end up abusing agian because it's alway's in my head. I am not looking for the answer from this board only friendship and support . I don't mean to burden others with the mess I've got my self into, I know I'm the only one that can straighten this mess out.
I guess I am looking for meth as a softer way through my W/d, only because the 2 times I have gone throuh w/d (cold turkey 3days each time I have ran into problems with my heart the first time my heart rate was at 155-165 per minute and blood pres. 185/150, the second time, heart rate 200 per minute and no b/p reading because my heart rate was to high that time they injected my heart with stop/boost fluid 3x. The dr told me I am lucky i am 31and not 41 beacuse I probably would have died.
I really just need friends here that will listen to me and not judge me.I feel like I have know one and that is the worst feeling in the world.
I hope you all understand that I am not looking for a miracle here just friends that will here me out and I will be happy to do the same.
Sometimes we are all so good at giving advice but not taking it, I am one of those people.Please just understand that I am just very lonely and scared and that I am not trying to impose on anyone on this board.
The meth clinic is like my last resrt i don't know if it's the best solution, but at this point I am willing to try anything, shouls anyone have experience with meth. it would be nice to hear how w/d were with it.
thank you all so much for listening, and again I am sorry if anyone feels like I am imposing on them because that is certainly not my intention.
Sincerely, sad and sorry,
Cat
Cat,
you are not imposing at all... it is just I want for you and the other soo much that it hurts.... I just forget sometimes that I cant do it for you...it is you that must forgive me....
having said that...you need to seek medical help not only us on this board... clearly you can not do this alone and secondly you must be upfront witht he doc's when you do get medical help....
You are in my prayers...I will be thinking about you... Find a meeting... get out of the house and make human contact if you can
God Bless....
Teresa
you are not imposing at all... it is just I want for you and the other soo much that it hurts.... I just forget sometimes that I cant do it for you...it is you that must forgive me....
having said that...you need to seek medical help not only us on this board... clearly you can not do this alone and secondly you must be upfront witht he doc's when you do get medical help....
You are in my prayers...I will be thinking about you... Find a meeting... get out of the house and make human contact if you can
God Bless....
Teresa
cat,
you are not imposing in any way at all. i support your recovery 100% and honey i don't care how you get there. please just get there and i want you to get there alive. because this ole world is waiting for you with big open arms and you are unfolding your soul. it's not easy no way and i'm sorry you are lonely. i am too sometimes.
just want you to know you are not alone. i sure hope this plan works for you cuz there's so much more out there than these drugs. please write anytime
and if noone has told you they love you today, i do. pleae keep a writing. okay?
love,
pm
you are not imposing in any way at all. i support your recovery 100% and honey i don't care how you get there. please just get there and i want you to get there alive. because this ole world is waiting for you with big open arms and you are unfolding your soul. it's not easy no way and i'm sorry you are lonely. i am too sometimes.
just want you to know you are not alone. i sure hope this plan works for you cuz there's so much more out there than these drugs. please write anytime
and if noone has told you they love you today, i do. pleae keep a writing. okay?
love,
pm
i think sometimes it's hard to get help when we need it. i know i came off a bunch of different stuff the first time and i had real problems with my bp and i would not go for help. i should have. this time i came just off oxy and my bp also was high but not like the first time. i was still just as stubborn about going in and i'm just lucky cuz it worked out in the end. with your heartrate doing that you could easily throw yourself in to a dangerous rhythm. if i were talking to you from my healthcare head i would ask you as a friend to go and get yourself monitored the first few days while you are detoxing with or without methadone. isn't that reasonable with your history? it's just that they could stop those dangerous side effects and you would be safe.
i hope you'll consider this too when you are looking at your options. i was not being a smarty by suggesting it..... i was being totally serious.
love,
pm
i hope you'll consider this too when you are looking at your options. i was not being a smarty by suggesting it..... i was being totally serious.
love,
pm
